Beyond the Veil
A cold, dank air emanated from the depths of the sewer corridor. It signaled that winter was coming. Cetus, being the practical industrius sort dug around in a junk pile, coming up with some black curtainry. He fashioned a curtain rod and hung them up over the opening. This was what they called "the back door." However, never needing to escape from the sewer, which unlike a New York sewer had no other inhabitants, they had never used that exit. Besides, as Ogopogo often pointed out…it was dark and scary.
"Couldn'ta found some heavier cloth than this flimsy stuff?" Kraken complained.
"Well, while rummaging around in your room I did find some pink Hello Kitty fleece. Should I use that?" Cetus asked.
"No! I'm making a pull over out of tha—I mean, why should I care? All pink and crap. Who cares?" Kraken said making a sudden dash to his room.
This was the cold, Minnesota sewer home of the not yet famous Siamese Fighting Fish. A freak lamination accident had mutated them, and the hamster who was their martial arts master. Master Winky was a Chinese hamster, which is also called the "rat-like" hamster and hails from Northern China and Lower Mongolia. Master Winky however had come from Hamster Farm Hamstery in Northern Massachusetts and was currently learning the new techniques he would pass on to his pupils from a movie called "The House of Flying Daggers."
Cetus could tell they were in for an easy lesson today as he could only hear Winky's lecherous whistles and calls of "Dance, baby, dance! Gotta rewind, bath scene!"
Someone fell through the curtains. Cetus dropped the Xbox he was making into a Linux machine in shock. It was a human! The man looked like he'd been almost dead recently, but was getting better. He had jet black hair. Kraken rushed back out of his room as he heard someone in a British accent shout something very rather R-rated.
Kraken answered the vulgarities with some stuff he had learned from the illegal MP3s he had downloaded earlier from the album "Encore." Cetus joined in with some Klingon and naughty Elvish.
"Where am I? Where is Bellatrix?" The man shouted. He pointed a stick at them threateningly. He saw a flash of pink fleece before it whipped him in the face, rendering him unconscious.
Cetus let out a whoop, "Do you know who this is?"
"Nah, but ya gotta admire his gall. He must be one tough dude though," Kraken said lifting up the man and putting him on the couch.
"It's Sirius Black! Wow! To think that all this time, a sewer in Minnesota was what was behind that veil! No wonder they feared it so! I must have trigger it!" Cetus started doing the cabbage patch and threw in some Roger Rabbit as well.
"What's going on here?" Jormungand said sternly, "Kraken, what are you doing?"
"Oh, I don't know. I thought I'd redecorate the place. A few throw pillows, an ex-prisoner of Azkaban…whadya think?"
"Can we keep him?" Ogopogo asked.
"No! We cannot," Winky immerged from the shadows with a longing look back at his tv.
The man stirred, "Then what the bloody hell am I supposed to do in this place?"
"Start spelling words without extra u's?" Ogopogo offered.
"Ugh, there is no magic in this world." Sirius whined.
"That's a really convenient contrivance on the part of this story," Cetus agreed, "However, from what I've read if we feed you up, you are quite charismatic and charming. That voice here in Scandinavian land will get you far. It's the making of many stories on adultfanfiction dot net and many Mary Sues' dream come true.
"So there's no Snape here?"
"No, but there is Hans Gruber," Master Winky replied.
"I can handle that." Sirius said reasonably.
"Come on, let's get you fixed up," Cetus said.
In a power chord electric guitar filled 80's montage, the Siamese Fighting Fish pulled a "Fish Eye for the Most Slashed Guy" and walked in slow motion back into the common room.
"Now," said Sirius in his most dashing accent as he spun around for Ogopogo to judge his look, "Now I just need to get a job."
Later that week, the four Betta and hamster eagerly turned on the local NBC news.
"Thank God we solved that problem," Master Winky said as he watched Sirius Black sitting next to Diana Pierce, "I thought we'd never get a decent news anchor after Paul left!"
The End