Chapter One

AdultEd

A/N

Here goes nothing. I hope you guys get something fun out of this. Reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. More chapters to come, I know this one was uber short!

6:59 A.M. Saturday morning. Double D sleeps soundly in his fair-trade organic cotton sheets. He rests in the same, curled up fetal-like position as he does every single night, his black cap pulled over his eyes, so as not to let the sunlight disturb him. It's quiet in the cul-de-sac. Without warning, his door is nearly crushed off its hinges, as a tall, broad-shouldered individual lumbers across the bedroom.

"RISE AND SHINE DOUBLE D!" Ed roars happily

Alarmed, Double D shoots up 3 feet in the air, grasping for some sort of cohesion. With a crazed expression, he quivers back beneath the covers. Realizing it was his friend causing the commotion, his heart went from a clamor to a steady rattle

"Hello Ed?! Good morning c-can I help you with something??"

"Y'know what they say, Double D, the earlier the bird is, the worm gets the cupcake!" Ed giggled. Double D blinked in confusion, it was still too early.

"Pardon?" Ed leapt onto Double D's bed, in the thrash, he managed to rip the sheets from all four angles of the bed, into a messy heap at his ankles. Ed smiled vacantly. Double D twitched.

"A cupcake for YOU!" Ed reached out to present Double D a homemade vanilla cupcake, though it more or less looked like a cupcake; rather a growth of baked egg and sugar with mysterious lime-green icing smeared on top. Double D was at ease, and felt a smile warming up his face.

"How thoughtful of you, Ed. But what's the occasion, might I ask?" Double D gingerly plucked the mysterious pastry from Ed's mud-caked fingers with his thumb and index, and placed it on his nightstand, noting the bits of what seamed to be fuzz and other curious items embedded in the treat. Double D reached for his anxiety medication

Ed gasped. "It's your birthday, mister! Double D you can't forget your own birthday, you'll stay the same age forever and ever!" Ed said, with genuine alarm in his voice. Double D's smile returned, and he popped two anxiety pills.

"Good thing I have you, Ed." Double D laughed, and Ed ambushed him in a massive bear hug.

"Ohhhh Double D! You're a big man now! 18, just like the rest of us! Now me n' Eddy n' you can go and bet on horses to run, and buy lotto tickets, and go to strip clubs--"

"Did somebody say strip clubs?!" Interrupted Eddy as he appeared from the doorway, looking unusually alert for this hour.

"Eddy! You're up so early!" Double D cried, trembling from all the attention. Eddy shrugged and crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe.

"It's your birthday, Einstein, we all have to make sacrifices sometime."

"Awe, thank y-" Double D began

"Don't thank me, that was your birthday present. Anyway, I heard we were going to a strip club?"

"Oh, goodness, I couldn't. They're so full of bacteria, and questionable women, and the food, Eddy, You must be joking." Double D said, cringing

Eddy winked, "They're not that questionable once you explore," Double D grimaced, mortified. Eddy laughed. "Cut me a break, Double D. If you don't want to go to a strip club, will you at least go to a club?"

Double D contemplated the evening for a moment, then sighed, realizing there was no use to argue with Eddy once he was set on something. He forced himself to nod.

"YAAAAAAAY!" Ed exploded from his catatonic gaze.

"Get your ass up, and lets get ready to party!"