Greed's haircut
It was a quiet day, not a cloud in the sky as a black minivan parked in front of the peaceful barbershop of Resembool, the dark door slid open and out stepped our green haired friend, Envy, followed by the maniac midget, Wrath.
Lust, Sloth, Gluttony, were forcefully pulling out of the evil van the poor shark man, Greed, strapped in a straitjacket, desperately trying to escape the clutches of his captors.
"NO, NO, they will kill me",Greed yelled braking the peaceful tranquillity.
"You can't die, moron", Lust retorted pulling the struggling fish person toward the door of the barbershop.
"Hmm…what a strange place, I've never seen a shop like this before", Envy said, starring at the imposing building.
"Ooh…look at the spinning candy cane", Wrath said, stupidly starring at the barber pole attached to the side of the shop, he suddenly lunged at the pole, grabbed it, ripped it off the wall, and shoved it down his throat.
Envy finally noticed what the crazy brat had done and ran over to him, "Wrath you idgit, that's not a candy cane", he said as he pulled out the pole sticking out of his mouth.
"Hey I was eating that, palmtree"; Wrath wined as Envy pulled him into the shop.
"Stupid head, just be quiet", Envy angrily said as he inspected the store, people sitting in the waiting chairs turned their head's as they saw the Homunculi walking in.
"They will steal my soul" Greed spastically scrammed.
"You have no soul Greed", Lust yelled at the emotionally scarred Homunculus.
Envy walked over to one of the barber stations and looked in awe at the variety of scissors, razors, buzzers and other shiny utensils, "Hmm again…Sharp object's, shady grumpy people, Greed screaming in horror, I think I like this place", Envy said happily.
Wrath was crawling on the ground sniffing the hair clipping on the floor, "Envy why don't you cut your hair" Wrath questioned him?
"My beautiful flowing green hair is to perfect to cut", Envy smugly to him.
"Your right Envy it makes you look like a big talking walking pineapple" Wrath joked.
Envy Froze and slowly turned his head all the way around his body till it was aligned with his back, a creepy cracked across his ghoulish face, "What did you say", he demonically whispered, scaring the crap out of the little brat.
"I KILL YOU", he yelled as he lunged at Wrath.
"GAH", Wrath screamed as he dodged Envy's maniacal rage, Lust quickly noticed what the crazy palmtree-like homunculus was doing.
"Envy, you can tear Wrath's limbs off later, just sit down and be quiet", She yelled at Envy, who was strangling the brat.
"Fine", Envy grumbled as he carelessly dropped him he first on the marble floor.
Two ladies watching the whole fiasco were shocked, one quietly whispered something into the others ear, suddenly Envy's ears perked up, "super eavesdropping powers activate", he said.
Quickly he popped up behind them, "you weren't saying anything bad about little 'young', not old me, were you", he said to them in a forced demonic smile.
"No, uh, sir", one of them gulped!
"GOOD", he evilly said as he walked away from the shell-shocked ladies.
Inside a dark room, Greed was strapped to a chair struggling to free himself from his hairy prison when all of a sudden a shadowy figure appeared in front of him, "hello Greed are you ready for your haircut", the figure who happened to be the barber said.
"NO KEEP AWAY, GAH", he screamed as the "psycho" music started playing, and the barber held up his shiny scissors.
"NOOOOOO", Greed shrieked!
Envy who was standing outside the rooms door listening laughed maniacally "Oh, this is so great " he chuckled!
Envy finally noticed Wrath wasn't with lust and was eyeing a blow dryer near the far corner of the store, "Wrath, what are you doing", Envy asked?
"Nothing, just looking at this thing", Wrath said not taking his eyes off the drying machine.
"Why are you hypnotized by that, that, 'thing' ", Envy quietly said.
"I have no idea what it is but me likey", Wrath stupidly replied to the Green-haired one.
"I wonder what it is", Envy said as he grabbed the device and held it up to his face to get a closer look at it.
Wrath suddenly noticed a big red button that said "on", on it, "oooooh, button, must press", Wrath said in a trance-like voice, as if the button called out for him to press it, and guess what,
He pressed it.
All of a sudden the dryer came to life and spewed fire into Envy's green locks, and his hair caught on fire, "GAH, MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR", Envy screamed flailing his arms and running around franticly like a banshee all around the shop.
"Oops…" Wrath said.
Envy's flaming-du started swaying and flinging itself everywhere making everything (including people) catch on fire!
"Shit, Envy what the hell is going on", yelled Lust who was seeing this horrific event!
"GAH, GET ME SOME WATER TO PUT THIS OUT WRATH", Envy screamed to the stupid demon.
"Okey-doky", he moronically replied, and just like that he ran outside of the inferno and searched for some water, he quickly spied a red bucket of some-sort near one of the cars in the lot.
"Buckets hold water, right", he said as he grabbed the bucket and ran as fast as his little bare feet could carry him back to the blazing shop.
"Envy here's the water", Wrath yelled.
Lust saw the bucket he was carrying and saw the dreaded words printed on the side of it.
GAS
Lust loudly screamed "Wrath don't it's…"
Wrath didn't hear her and flung the liquid at Envy's blazing hair, unfortunately Envy heard it and yelled, "GAHHHHHHHH"!
Suddenly he woke up in a warm white bed, his hair was still intact, he slowly smiled "Thank god, it was just a dream", and he sighed loudly.
Suddenly a doctor popped up in front of him, "oh my god, you're still alive, it's a miracle" he yelled spastically!
"Wha…Where am I", Envy yelled sitting up and looking at his surroundings, he was in a hospital and was hooked up to a heart- monitor.
Across the room were severely burnt people (probably from the accident) all in beds and glaring angrily at him including Lust, Greed and everyone else except Wrath who was instead smiling a great big demonic smile.
Envy turned on his side to see the hallway, there were many nurses pushing wheeled tables with covered people rolling toward The Morgue, "I hope that wasn't us", Envy thought.
The doctor started talking again "you are lucky man…women…whatever you are", he said as Envy's face turned burning red.
"As I was saying", he continued, "you died on the operating table three times but came back every time and your hair and skin regenerated rapidly", he said in shock.
"Homunculus, duh", Envy said to him.
"Whatever, anyway theirs good news and bad news", the doctor grimly said.
"What's the good news?" Envy said.
"The good news is that you and your friends made a full recovery", he replied.
"That's good", Envy tiredly said.
"The bad news is that your insurance won't pay for this", the doctor quickly said.
Suddenly Envy flat-lined, Wrath hopped out of his bed and ran over to Envy's body, "Hey Envy that was fun, can we go back sometime", he said, "Envy", he repeated, he prodded his body.
"Envy, you-who, Envy, earth to Envy come in", Wrath continued as the burning sun of the horrid day started to set in the distance, and so ends Wrath and Envy's trip to the barbers.
(Oh ya I forgot to mention that Envy came back to life and strangled Wrath to death 4 times)
THE END