"I can wear this?" The boy blinks up at the clerk, and then at his mother. A thousand emotions cross her face, but she finally settles on a smile.
"You can wear whatever you want, sweetie."
That's how it starts.
/
Children are cruel and ruthless.
His classmates tease and mock him for his choice of clothing, but he, quite frankly, doesn't care. A dark-haired girl with narrow eyes stands up for him; a blonde boy with an old-fashioned haircut helps. He thanks them for their support, but tells them their intervention isn't altogether necessary. His mother had warned him that this would happen, and he doesn't care about getting along with the others in their class, anyhow.
The two of them simply nod in agreement, and they become his constant companions in a matter of weeks. They try not to ask very many questions about his hobby, even though he's told them before that he doesn't really mind. He knows that his choices aren't exactly typical – that they border on abnormal, really – so he's prepared for any alienation he may face in coming years. Eventually, they work up the courage to be comfortable with him no matter what, and they get to the point that they can smile, laugh, and joke about the subject without fear of fists flying between them.
Mikasa cradles the boy as she grows ever taller, offering to give him her hand-me-downs. Armin shyly admits that he'd always wanted to try it too, but would never go so far as to do it everyday, and especially never at school. Their friend smiles between them, and he crosses his arms.
"No one's gonna force you. I do it because I like it and it's comfortable. If you want to, do it. Me and Mikasa'll beat the snot out of anybody that looks at you wrong!"
Armin laughs and shrugs, and happily replies, "Maybe some other time," and his friend shrugs in acknowledgement.
/
Middle school is the worst time, honestly.
The young man is growing hair in strange places, his wardrobe continually expands, and his hair is a bird's nest. People whisper about him in his face, hateful words and sneers that stick to his skin at night. Sometimes, he considers giving this hobby – no, it's always been more than that – up, but he blatantly refuses to change his habits to meet their needs.
Of all the people he's met that have disapproved of his fashion choices, Jean Kirschtein, resident bully, is the worst of them all. He pulls at his hair and whispers things like, "faggot", "homo", and "disgrace" at all given opportunities.
His temper was already short enough before the bully elbows his way into his space.
Fists fly, and Jean Kirschtein ruins his favorite sweater.
The meeting with the two of them, the counselor, their parents, and the principal is tense, to say the least. It starts off quietly enough, with both boys' parents hurriedly making excuses for their children, and forcing them to grind out apologies. But then, when the counselor starts making assumptions about both of them, they both start shouting in retaliation.
They earn in-school suspension together, complete with apology letters and silence.
The first day wasn't so bad – they both have homework to do, and they're both still pretty pissed about the fight. By the second, they have a steady truce built. They could pass notes after they finished with work, and were allowed to chat during lunch period.
Jean, unlike Mikasa and Armin, is intrusive and rude. Eren valiantly tries not to let the bully get on his nerves with all of his stupid questions.
Do you masturbate? Do you want to chop your dick off? Do you like girls? Or guys? Or both?
Not really. Absolutely not. I don't really care.
Then why do you dress up like a girl? Why wear makeup and nail polish and decorations? You're a boy, right? Do you want to be a girl?
Because I can. I like girl's clothing. Do you have some sort of problem with that? Putting on nail polish feels good sometimes, but yeah, I'm a bonafide dude. I've never wanted to be a girl. I'm comfortable like this. Isn't that enough?
I guess. It's just weird to think about it that way.
Well, start thinking.
/
After that week of suspension, Jean just sort of worms his way around. With Jean come others – Connie, Marco, Reiner, Annie, Sasha. For whatever reason, when Jean picks on him after that fight, he's a hell of a lot nicer about it. He stops asking stupid questions, so Mikasa and Armin think it's fine.
Eren doesn't really get it.
/
People stop whispering in eleventh grade. His teachers compliment his choices. He's getting taller, he learns to shave his leg hair and maintain his appearance, and he's comfortable in his own skin. A senior stops by his homeroom and looms in the doorway. He's short, and his expression is stern.
"Hey," the senior begins, arms folded across his lithe chest. "Come with me for a minute."
The youth follows for whatever reason, even though class is about to start. He's brought in front of a ragtag group – blondes and brunettes, 'males', 'females', and someone undefined. The short senior that had dragged him here introduces everyone – Erwin, Hanji, Mike, Petra, Nanaba, and himself, Levi. He says that they all have hobbies that are a little bit like his, or maybe they're not. Levi notes that he thought it might've been nice for him to know that they're around at school, even if he doesn't actively seek them out.
The youth abruptly begins to cry, sobbing his gratitude into the shorter male's shoulders.
Levi pats his back gently, and his friends see something that he doesn't in that moment.
/
Weeks after the introduction, he finds out that the senior that had dragged him off was famous for his makeup, cleanliness, and being president of the theatre club. He spends the time after this discovery in awestruck admiration, and his friends shouldn't be surprised by his announcement after winter break, but they are.
"We're dating." Mikasa drops her fork midway through lunch, Armin mouths his congratulations, and Jean chokes on his drink. For some reason, both he and Mikasa have strange looks on their faces as their old friend smiles sheepishly.
"Oh," Jean finally murmurs, glancing sideways at Mikasa. "I suppose you'll bring him to lunch soon, then?"
"His lunch period is different from ours." He replies, looking entirely too ecstatic. "I'm so happy, you guys. I mean, I never really thought the whole dating scene would be…okay. You know, since I'm like this. But I think it'd be really nice to date Levi. I want things to go well. You understand, right?"
They don't. They really, really don't.
/
He tries to hold onto his bonds with Levi's group and his own group, but he gets swept away by it all for the first few months. Not to mention, Levi's going be starting at the local college soon, so there's that. They spend as much time as he thinks is appropriate together, and then he flies back to his friends, who try to open their minds about his boyfriend.
For whatever reason, Mikasa and Jean are fidgety. Armin is the one to unfortunately deliver the news that they're sleeping together, bitterly enough.
Eren runs right back to his boyfriend's house after this announcement, equal parts furious with them and disappointed in himself for failing to notice this development between them.
Levi coaxes him to a broken rest. The next morning, he presses feather-light kisses at the hinge of his younger boyfriend's mouth, strong arms winding around his wiry frame.
/
Armin and Mikasa are sitting at the table across from him, and he tries to hold back his glare. Mikasa makes up excuses and yells that the cross-dresser doesn't have any right to tell her how to live. He laughs desperately, agreeing with her through watery eyes. She takes back her hand and tearfully apologizes for lashing at him. He holds up a hand before wiping his nose and truly glaring at her with the full weight of his anger.
"No, go ahead. Say what you wanted to say." He stands his ground with his hands on his hips. "Might as well get this over with while we're still on summer vacation."
Mikasa's lips wobble in an apology, so he snaps again, riling her on purpose. Finally, she murmurs things in a small voice. "I was the one who always helped…I wanted to protect you, but you never listen to me! I wanted…I wanted to be the one who showed you things. Who got to know you like that. I never wanted it to be…to be someone else."
"So, you're saying you like me." He brusquely notes, scowl growing ever deeper. "You had years to tell me, and now you're sorry you didn't say anything before Levi did?"
"Yes." Mikasa weeps in an ugly manner, brushing away her tears with the back of her hand and sniffling intermittently. Armin tries to ease their emotions, helping in the best way he can, but he is awed when their friend sticks out his hand and offers the girl a tissue.
"I'm sorry I didn't notice." He plops down, ignoring the way his short-shorts ride up and the way his earrings are caught in his hair. "I'm really sorry, Mikasa. You're my best friend, and I love you…just maybe not like that."
"I know." Mikasa sniffles again. "I really do. I'm frustrated with myself."
After the boys give her time to regain her composure, she tells them that she'd been sleeping with Jean to see if she could, and they both she and Jean had been broken-hearted. She isn't sure if they can date anymore, now that she's settled things. It hadn't been awful…but she didn't want to lead him on anymore, either. Besides, she notes before leaving the boys with a smile. I think he has something to come to terms with, too.
/
Jean avoids him after their break up. It's really strange.
The dark-skinned youth with amber eyes gets better coordinating his clothes, shoes, bags, and light makeup in the meantime. For the months leading up to graduation, he ponders over college and work while lounging with the blonde male and the dark-haired young woman. They were a gorgeous trio. From afar, Jean can be nothing but absolutely jealous. When the second-tallest of the group stood, wearing new shoes and a brilliant smile, the sandy-haired youth watching him knew exactly who was picking him up from school that afternoon.
/
The graduation party is a lovely affair. His mother gathers all the adults for their celebration, leaving the youths time to enjoy themselves. The boy's boyfriend is charming his way through hordes of older women, who coo over his hair and his muscles, which seem so out of place on his short stature. The green-eyed youth dating him is incredibly proud of his boyfriend's patience.
The brunette runs downstairs to meet his chatting friends with a smile. Before he can make it to the bottom step, Jean pulls him aside.
"What is it?" The shorter male scoffs restlessly. His lips are seized in a brief kiss, and Jean backs away flustered and flushed. Before he can make up an excuse for himself, the dark-haired, dark-skinned youth punches him square in the nose.
"I'm in love with you," Jean murmurs, nursing a nosebleed.
The bangles on his wrists clang as his arms fall to his side, and he scowls deeply. "Well, that's definitely the wrong way to let me know. We're not done with this, but it's a party. Come to the house tomorrow. We'll talk."
/
They sit across from each other, the youth in his summer heels, an airy skirt, and a classy blouse. His earrings are studs today, and his wrists are bare. It's a natural kind of day.
"How long."
"I dunno. Years."
He sipped at his lemonade. "You know, I thought you might've liked me once, but you were always so busy making fun of my wardrobe that I never wanted to find out."
Jean turns red, clenching his hands together tightly. "I'm sorry. I was just embarrassed. To be honest, I do it too. Y'know. Wear that kind of stuff, I mean."
Now that is a surprise. The green-eyed youth nearly chokes at the confession. "Really now. How long?"
Sheepishly, Jean smiles. "Years." He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his phone. He flicks through photos and finds one of himself, all dolled up, complete with a wig, makeup, and a lovely sense of style. "I never worked up the courage to do stuff like you did, though. You're really brave, you know. I've got the fists to stop people from making fun of me…but in the end, it all comes down to courage and moronic levels of honesty." His old friend wants to sock him one, but patiently waits. "I really do love you, you know. I just…when I see you together with him, I know what I missed out on. I really do."
"Okay." He accepts his words with a disgruntled expression. "Maybe if you hadn't been such an asshole to me, we could've worked."
Jean smirks, punching him on the barren shoulder. "Maybe. But the world doesn't run on what-ifs, and you're in love with your boyfriend."
Eren smiles tenderly. "Yeah. You're absolutely right."
/
Levi licks the back of his ear and presses his palm against his groin before smirking against his shoulder planes. "You want to?"
"Shit," Eren murmurs, red up to his hairline. "Yes, please. Absolutely."
His older boyfriend scowls at his hesitant expression. "You sure? You know I don't mind." Levi carefully looks at him. The jean skirt is running up, revealing the bulge in the lace undergarments, but he would never force him. "You can be on top if you want to be."
Eren runs his fingers through the fibers of the wig until he finds the buzz-cut of his boyfriend's natural hair. He turns around and kisses him, rutting right into Levi's hand. "It's fine." He carefully unclasps the necklace the shorter male was wearing, slowly works the earrings out of their place, and watches as Levi does the same for him. They slowly strip each other of their garments, and lie there, bare and undeniably male in body. Not like they ever forget that.
"Do you ever want to be a woman?" Levi murmurs a mood-killer, but Eren goes along with his pace, shaking his head.
"As long as you'll have me the way I am. That's all I want." Eren assures his boyfriend, squirming, adjusting, and then kissing him deeply. "You?"
Levi laughs heartily. "Sometimes. But that's something to deal with another day. Would you still love me?"
"Of course I would," Eren says wholeheartedly, tracing long fingers over that bare chest. "I'd love you with or without breasts, whether you have a dick or not. I want you to be who you want to be, and as long as you're happy, I'm happy. I don't care about that kind of thing."
Arching into the brat's touch, the older male groans. "I know you don't. I know." His head falls in the crook of the tan male's neck again. "I don't know how I got you, but I'm so thankful."
/
He has conversations with his mother from time to time, talking about his boyfriend becoming his girlfriend. The woman tells him that people will think they're lesbians, but he doesn't care. He's never cared. He's not going to change the way he dresses over this. People already thought they were lesbians when they went out together already, so what difference did it make?
Mikasa was doing better. She was starting to really move on. Armin had always been so levelheaded, and the rest of their friends from high school were supportive of him, his boyfriend, and his boyfriend's choices. Jean wasn't really over him yet, but they were really friends now, instead of constant antagonists for each other.
Levi's friends celebrated at every given opportunity, coming over with presents, smiles, and, eventually, booze. After Levi's first surgery, when Eren stood close at his side, clutching his hand for dear life, Eren truly realized that there was a place for them. There would always be alienation, hatred, and misunderstanding, but he'd had a partner to go through the struggles with him for years, and he had no intention of letting him go.
I love you, Levi had murmured, sour-faced and blank, but his hands shook with gratitude.
I love you too.
A/N: Important to me, and also self-indulgent. I really wanted to explore this concept a lot, and gender struggle is close to my heart. Thank you for reading! c: