A Hopeless Case…? By Luke's Dragon
Disclaimer
As we all know, really big companies with lawyers and shares, and a hell of a lot of money, like Saban Entertainment and Toei Animation own Digimon, not me.
A/N
I've wanted to do a couple of fics about Blackwargreymon, (anyone else think he is just THE coolest character in the whole series, not even Matt or Gatomon can compare with him.) Anyway, I've been planning to write on for quite a while now, and since I've got more free time than I know what to do with lately this was spawned. I guess it probably takes place after the episodes about the destiny stones, and before he dies near the end of series 02. (Obviously before he dies or else he wouldn't be thinking would he?)
The timeline isn't that important but I've had some people in the past e-mailing or reviewing just to moan I've made a slight deviation from the letter of what happens in the series. This really annoys me, I like nice reviews or constructive criticism, and even flames tend to be good for a laugh, especially the badly spelt homophobic ones that seem to be an occupational hazard of ever writing a yaoi/ Shonen ai piece. But what really winds me up is people who moan at any deviations from the canon. Probably the sort of people who support Sorato, Kenyako and Takari for no other reason than it says so in the series. Not that I mind if people support these couples, but just the fact that some people cannot see past the awful 02 ending and never use any imagination. Anyway take a look at the web address,
www.fanfiction.net. See that? Fan Fiction I'm a fan, and this is fiction, so if I wanna break the canon, I will.
Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant didn't it, but it's been annoying me for quite a while now, I feel better for getting that off my chest. :)
Oh and why are all references to him and he in italic font? Mainly because it hurts Blackwargreymon to think them, there are other reasons, but I'll let you decide them for yourself.
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"Never underestimate the power of a heart that does not know its place"
What is a heart, what is love and who or what am I? Most people never concern themselves about such things so wrapped up as they are in their little lives, but they all have the answers, whereas have no answers and am alone in this world. Although he says that he has been through the same and calls it teenage angst. But I am not a teenager I've been alive, if that's the right word for it for less than a year. Already I have seen and experienced more than most will in a lifetime, and yet I still do not know who I am.
I think I know how I came to be, created from control spires through the power of dark magic so am I nothing more than this, the result of some spell? Those who created me believed that I should be little more than a mindless puppet of their desires, but that was not to be, my power means I need never follow the will of another soul. I have the strength to follow my own path…my own path I wish I knew what that was.
I once thought that my goal was sheer destruction, to slay all those who stood in my path, to prove my strength, to find a rival with strength equal to mine. Now I am not sure, maybe it was loosing a battle I hope that is the reason that now I wander alone looking for some answers, since the only other reason is him. No I cannot be influenced by some foolish emotions I have no heart, I am pure darkness, no emotions, no heart, no love I am alone and have nothing and need no one. But if that is true why do I feel as if there is a black hole inside me. A black hole, that is a good way to describe it apparently when a glorious star dies it is destroyed in a supernova, and then all that is left is a hole of absolute darkness which sucks in and destroys everything. That's me I destroy everything, although I've never been a star, and as for dying in a supernova…well I'd hate to meet the monster that could bring me down.
As I said I lost once, I though my goal was to destroy the stones of destiny, but as I was about to shatter the last one, a creature stronger than I appeared and stopped me.
The guardian of the stones said it was not my purpose to destroy them, and then he let me go, if it had been me, I would have shown no mercy. Though I suppose the good tend to be self-righteous fools who believe in giving people a second chance. A second chance? I wonder if I ever had a chance at all.
Following this I feel like I have no purpose in this world, and as I walk around, a truly 'lost soul' my mind keeps flashing back to pointless little moments. Some conversation with a weakling about a heart and love, foolish comments spoken by a creature I could have slain without a thought…but I didn't… Then memories of the time I found myself fighting to save a flower, and the question, why? Why did I slaughter a herd of creatures to protect something so small, so insignificant and useless? It has no purpose, it lives and then it dies in vain, as do all weak things, and yet I fought for it, and I cannot forget it. And then there is him, the one who haunts my dreams, to one who makes me torture myself with these questions, the one who makes me want to be more than a monster. Though I have had the opportunity to destroy him, and his allies I have not, I know I should, they are my enemies, they fight me and oppose me, and yet I cannot, perhaps because he reminds me of that flower, so small and innocent, so unlike me. Maybe it is because he alone can answer these questions hat plague my mind, or maybe it is because…no forget it emotions have no place in my heart…I have no heart for the to find refuge in, anyway I doubt he'd understand.
Sometimes I feel as if I too was born, or created or whatever just so I could die. It seems all living things have so little time. Sometimes late at night I wonder about that, whether it is worth it and I worry that by the time I find my answers it will be too late…maybe it is too late for me already. I know there are powerful forces within this world, some stronger than even me, and even if I hide like a coward my life span is limited so I would like to go down fighting. I know he thinks fighting just for it's own sake is wrong, but it is all I have ever known, sometimes I wish I had been born someone else, without all these questions, and then maybe I could have known him as more than an opponent.
If I must die I would like it to be by his hand, although I do not believe he is a fighter, they whole lot of them would rather let their pets fight for them, still I suppose not everyone is a strong as me. Am I strong? Maybe I can destroy things, but true strength the power to choose one's own destiny is denied to me, maybe I could not choose my creation, and I may have no power to influence my own life, but I will control my own death. Somehow I must find some way that my death will help him, maybe then he will know how much he has influenced my life, and how much I…no there are no words that would suit this. 'Love' I do not understand enough to use the word, and I do not think I have enough time to learn. Inside me, my own personal darkness is taking me over, but outside the sun is coming up. Strange, but that image, a new day full of hope and promise is the thing I fear most, apart from him, but then again, the two things always seem linked to me.