While still on vacation I came up with this little thing. Based on my own negative thoughts perhaps... Other updates will come after next week Thursday! Since that's when I return.
Hope you'll like this ^^
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The sour taste of once sweet memories lingers in your throat as you look back. You try to heave it up, cough it out, but the more you think of it, the worse the taste gets. Reminiscing is not always a good thing. It's not always as pleasant as some make it out to be.
The thought of him makes you feel sick. Some time ago he was an addiction. Something you couldn't imagine ever letting go and now you try your hardest to forget, but you're never able to. Perhaps the loving moments should outweigh the bad ones, but all that stays are those. All you ever think of is those bad moments. The ones that hurt the most, that went coursing through your body and left you aching at night in bed. Tears ran down your face as you fought of all the pain.
And now you're here. Everything that had happened is in the past, long forgotten by most. Perhaps even by him. You try to move on, get on with your life and make the best of it. Seeing other people seems like an option again, but every trial run turns out badly. Nothing makes your heart race anymore the way he could.
It's been years now and you still know the taste of them on your tongue, the feel of their body against yours, hear how they could murmur your name in those long lost evenings.
Now you brush your long blond hair to the side and put it up in a ponytail, because you know he preferred it down. You dress nicely, telling yourself you deserve it to look good. Not for him, but for you.
Your head tells you you're ready to love again, to cling to someone as you did before, but your heart won't let you. Fear stops you.
Never will you forget the time where you loved him. How it made your heart swell. How your thoughts only revolved around him. How desperate you became and held in too tight when you felt him slipping away. It had been a toxic love, poisoning you slowly but deliberately and yet you still wish to love like that again. Not out loud, you would never speak the words. You will not give him the satisfaction.
Ready to leave you think of him one last time. Let the sour taste slide down your throat and settle in your stomach. As the door closes behind you, you let all those thoughts go and focus on the here and now. Another trial date never hurt anyone.
Reminiscing is not always a good thing and perhaps one day you will stop thinking about it. But not today. Today will not go well again, but at least you tried.
Characters © Masashi Kishimoto
Let me know what you think!