MORE THAN EXPECTED
A Cops & Robbers AU
She wakes with a start, her heart racing, head pounding with the after effects of wine and stress from the previous day. She's disoriented for a few minutes, panic rising in her chest, but when her eyes adjust to the dark she recognizes the mattress, the duvet, the pictures on the wall.
Castle.
Memories flood back; it had been a mundane start to the day, until Castle's phone call and learning he was in the middle of a robbery. The stress of trying to get him out safely, the panic when the explosion had left his fate in the air.
Her gaze flicks to the alarm clock as she slides out of bed; she's only slept for a couple hours, but she's thirsty, and in her mildly drunk state she'd neglected to get any water. She moves quietly down the hall, mindful of Alexis and Martha in the other two rooms, and feels her face flush at the knowing look the latter had given her when Castle had asked that she stay after dinner.
Castle wouldn't ply her with wine just to keep her at the loft, of course, but Kate had assumed that he'd needed the extra relaxation as much as she had. And the way he'd gazed at her throughout the evening, over the dinner table and later as they'd watched mindless television on the couch, had her insides fluttering even now.
A noise as she reaches the bottom step startles her, and she grabs the bannister, presses her other fist to her sternum in an attempt to slow her racing heart. A low light draws her attention to the kitchen, and she drifts that way, cautious, but not surprised when she sees the familiar silhouette of her partner.
"Couldn't sleep?"
He jumps at her voice, the refrigerator door slamming shut as he turns, plasters himself against the metal door. "Jeez, Beckett," he breathes in a quiet voice, a hand raking through his hair. "You scared me."
She gives him an embarrassed smile. "Sorry. I guess I'm not the only jumpy one tonight," she admits, reaching past him to get a glass from the cabinet. She nods to the tub of strawberries in his hand. "Midnight snack?"
He raises a brow and moves so she can reach the sink. "More like three a.m. snack." He opens the carton and offers it to her. "Care to share?"
She shrugs and plucks one out. "Why not?"
They sit at the counter in silence, sharing the fruit, and while Kate had planned on sneaking back upstairs after getting her water, she's grateful for the company right now.
The nightmare she'd woken from - where Castle hadn't been safe in the vault, and she'd entered the bank after the explosion only to find scattered body parts - had felt too real.
"Back to bed?" Castle asks when the fruit is finished, turning slightly towards her.
She takes a long drink of water as she thinks. The smart answer would be yes, that despite having the day off she should sleep off the near-bottle of wine she'd consumed. But then it hits her: the reality of how close the call had been earlier, how she'd almost lost him, and before she knows it she's shaking her head. "No, I - um - this is going to sound silly." She dips her head, face flushing with embarrassment. She usually has better control over her emotions.
Castle's hand covers hers on the counter. "Nothing you say could ever be silly," he says in earnest, the tenderness in his voice prompting her to meet his gaze. And what she sees almost knocks her off of her stool.
He's looking at her with so much honesty, so much raw emotion, his eyes dark but full of hope. He isn't hiding anything, and she can see in his gaze that he'd meant his words in the cemetery those months ago.
He loves her.
The famous, handsome author, who's dated - and occasionally married - actresses and publishers and supermodels, loves her. A broken, damaged cop, who sealed her heart off almost fifteen years ago. She'd obviously broken his own heart last summer, but despite that, he still loves her.
God, she's a fool.
She almost lost him, almost missed her chance to tell him how she feels.
No more.
"I'm sorry."
Her eyes widen at her words, and he's pretty sure that she hadn't planned to say that. He just narrows his eyes in confusion. He'd asked if she was going back to bed, and she's apologizing?
"Sorry for what?"
Kate doesn't respond right away, and he can almost see the wheels spinning as she tries to figure out her response. "For today." When he just shakes his head, still confused, she continues. "And yesterday. For every day that I've let pass without telling you." Her hand, still under his, flips, and she curls her fingers around his palm. "I'm sorry that it took me today for me to realize that vague promises and meaningful looks aren't enough."
His heart pounds harder at each word. She's...is she saying…
"I'm sorry that I couldn't say it back to you then."
It takes him a few moments to realize what she's saying. Say it to him then? She doesn't mean…
Before he can finish his thought, her hands are on his face, palms warm against his cheeks. "I love you too, Rick."
Too?
She leans towards him, eyes fluttering shut, but he pushes back and stands. He needs to separate himself from her physically so he can follow up on her choice of words.
"What do you mean by 'too?'" His mind is back at the cemetery, then the hospital the next day, the look in her eyes when she'd told him that she hadn't remembered anything about her shooting. In hindsight it's obvious to him that she had been lying, but at that moment he'd been so grateful that she'd survived, that he would have done anything for her.
Her eyes follow him as he begins to pace, and after a minute he notices them shimmering, the trail of tears along her cheeks.
Oh God.
"I wasn't ready."
He almost doesn't hear it, her words barely a whisper, but he stops in his tracks and looks at her directly. "Ready for what? Ready for me? To be loved?"
She shakes her head. "To separate you from that hangar," she admits, her voice breaking on the last word.
He's known since the day they'd met that she doesn't share her feelings with very many people. And although she's opened up more and more over the course of their relationship, she still keeps a lot of things to herself. He isn't happy with being lied to, of course, but her reason makes sense, and he pushes down his anger and replaces it with gratitude that she's sharing this with him.
"Why didn't you just say so then?" he asks after a long silence. "I would have given you all the time you needed."
Kate just shakes her head. "I know," she whispers. "I should have done so many things differently." She pushes herself from the counter and takes a cautious step towards him. "I'm sorry, Rick. For everything." Her hands reach for his, but he doesn't return her grip, his brain still processing.
"Please forgive me?"
His heart breaks. As if he couldn't forgive her. Kate Beckett has had his heart since day one.
"Oh Kate," he breathes, his fingers tightening around hers. "Of course I forgive you."
Her eyes lift to his, and the sadness and regret has disappeared, replaced by something resembling hope. "Do you still love me?"
He chokes out a laugh, his own throat tightening with emotion. "I could never stop," he confesses.
She breathes out a sigh of relief and surges into him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders, her grip tight. His mind races as it goes over what's transpired over the past few minutes, the revelation that the trauma of the day has seemed to unearth.
He doesn't care anymore that she'd lied in the hospital; the truth is out now, and no matter what happens when their emotions fade, he still has this moment, still knows that she returns his feelings.
She loves him.
She doesn't know how long they stand there, arms around each other, but she doesn't want it to end. She never wants this moment to end.
She presses her face into his neck, breathing in the lingering scent of soap, and without even thinking, she brushes her lips against his jaw. He stiffens in her arms but doesn't pull away, and it emboldens her, makes her brave. She trails her mouth along his jaw, her kisses becoming more firm as she goes.
When she nips at his pulse he stiffens, his fingers digging into her back. "Kate," he rumbles, almost growls.
She can't stop the shiver that travels down her spine at his deep, gravelly tone. She reaches up to cup his face, lifts herself to her toes so she's nose-to-nose with him. "I love you, Rick," she whispers, smirking at the way his eyes darken when she says his first name.
Her eyes flick to his slightly parted lips. She thinks about their undercover kiss often over the past several months, about the split second she'd forgotten it wasn't real. His lips had been incredibly soft, and she's overcome with the need to kiss him again, to see if they're just as soft now.
His eyes flutter shut as she leans closer. The first touch of his lips is soft, tentative, but she immediately presses harder and tightens her arms around his neck. Her mouth opens on a moan and he takes advantage, slicks his tongue against hers. He shifts, his thigh slipping between her legs, and she moans again at the pressure as she rolls her hips.
"You know," he says when they part for air, "there's something else I can do to thank you properly."
Kate blinks several times in an effort to clear the fog of arousal from her mind. "What are you talking about?" she finally asks when she can't think of anything. It sounds like he's continuing a conversation, obviously one he'd had with her, but all she can think about is his kiss.
Rick just smirks, as if he knows exactly why she's distracted. "For saving my life."
"Ah, of course. What is it?"
Rick steps away from her, but instead of leaving entirely, he takes her hand and leads her in the direction of his bedroom. "I'll show you."
She can't move.
There's pressure on her chest, pressure that only increases when she tries to shift. Her heart starts to race as she wills her eyes to open, to help her escape from this trap.
The pressure lifts, and as she wakes she feels the bed move, hears a quiet grunt behind her.
What in the hell?
She turns over to see the familiar profile lying on his back, one hand on her hip and the other under his head. He looks content, a small smile on his face. Her hand covers his and she squeezes his fingers, is grateful when he doesn't wake.
The sun is beginning to rise, the dark shades failing to completely cover the light coming through. She slides out from under the covers, glancing behind her to find him still sacked out as she retrieves her clothes from the floor. She dusts a kiss to his forehead after getting dressed, and and slips out of his room, closing the door behind her with a soft click.
She winces as she walks through the living room; they hadn't been vigorous with their lovemaking, but she had used muscles that hadn't been used for several months, so she does feel a twinge of soreness between her legs. Her mind wanders as she fills the coffee machine, and she smiles, feels her face flush as she recalls the previous few hours.
"Do I smell coffee?"
Kate turns at the familiar voice to find Martha approaching, her eyes bleary, hiding a yawn behind her hand. "I woke up early," she lies, "figured it was the least I could do after you guys let me stay the night."
Martha waves her hand in dismissal. "Oh please, my darling, it was the least we could do after you saved our lives yesterday." She slides onto a stool at the bar after accepting a mug. "You said you woke early, did you sleep well?"
Kate glances at the older woman, ignores the knowing look in her eye. Before she can answer, though, she's interrupted by the heavy pad of footsteps across the living room floor.
"I woke up and you were-" Rick's steps falter when he sees his mother, but he recovers quickly. "Making coffee," he finishes, joining Kate at the counter and grabbing a mug from the cupboard. "You're making coffee. I meant to be the first one up."
Kate smirks from behind her own mug as she takes a sip. Oh, he was up, all right, for most of the night. "Despite you always providing it, I'm perfectly capable of making coffee, Castle," she teases, resisting the urge to knock his hip with hers. They may have spent the past few hours wrapped up in each other, but they haven't established any labels, or whether one night of passion means that they're together.
Because of this, she's surprised when he brushes a kiss to her temple in response. "I know you are," he whispers against her skin.
She steps back in surprise, throws a glance at Martha, who's just staring at them with a satisfied smirk on her face.
"It's about time," she mumbles, standing, mug in hand. "I'll tell Alexis to take her time coming downstairs."
Rick turns to her when she retreats up the stairs, his face pink. "I'm sorry," he says, reaching for her hand. "I wasn't thinking. We can ask her and Alexis to keep it quiet, if you want to."
She shakes her head, squeezing his fingers. "It's fine, Rick. Besides, I have a feeling that your mother's reaction will be the same one everyone else has," she teases, lifting on her toes to press her smile to his.
He wraps his arms around her waist, lifts her up as he deepens the kiss. "You're probably right," he agrees when they part. "Now, what would you like for breakfast? Pancakes?"
"I thought you said pancakes are just an edible way of saying thank you for last night," she points out.
"Technically it would be thank you for this morning," Rick corrects her with a wink, chuckling when she rolls her eyes and steps out of his arms.
"Oh my God, is this what mornings will be like now?" Alexis pipes up, startling both of them. She crosses her arms as she shakes her head, a barely-contained smirk on her face. "You're disgusting."
"Sorry, pumpkin." Rick slides around the island and presses a kiss to the top of his daughter's head. "How can I make it up to you?"
Alexis just glances between the two of them. "Two words: actual walls. Those bookshelves are not soundproof."
-FIN-
A/N: If it seems like there's a bit missing, that's because there is. I do have a middle section, which will be posted as a separate chapter. I know it breaks up the storytelling a bit, but I didn't want to exclude those who don't like the M stuff, since so many people love fics from this episode.