Feel Bad

I should be out in that driveway stopping you. Tears should be running down my cheeks. I don't know why I'm not falling apart like I usually do. The thought of loosing you isn't killing me.

Nat stood there in shock. Rosalina had just left the studio and he had done nothing to stop her. He went back inside to talk to the band. Cooper put his arm around Nat and said "Are you ok Nat? If you need anything let us know ok."

Nat sighed and said "I'm fine Coop. This is just hard to accept that she really quit."

Alex said "Nat do you want to talk?"

Nat put his arm around Alex and said "no Alex I'm ok. Let's end things for today guys. I don't think we're going to be getting much work done today."

After Nat left Tomas said "did you notice that he's not sad at all about her leaving at all? Nat acted like he didn't care all about her."

I could let myself be angry over wasted time. I could be sad about just throwing love away. I almost wish my heart was breaking but I can't lie. All I want to do is turn the page. Bitter and alone it's time to move on.

Later that night Nat was sitting on his bed crying. He was angry and upset with himself for throwing love away. He heard Alex knocking on the bedroom door and said "Alex go away. I need to be alone right now."

Alex said "Nat please talk to me. I want to help you."

Nat let Alex in and sadly said "I wish my heart was breaking but it's not Alex. Part of me wants to hold on to her and tell her I love her but another part is saying its time to move on. I don't see the point of being angry or upset about this when she's the one who left."

Alex sighed and said "You feel bad because you love her so much. Nat it's ok to cry. I'm here for you bro."

Nat hugged Alex and cried until he didn't think he had anymore tears. After he'd calmed down he said "Thanks Alex I needed that. Now we have a big day tomorrow."

I feel bad that I can stand here strong cold as stone. Seems so wrong I can't explain it. Maybe it's just that I've cried so much that I'm tired and numb. Oh baby I hate it. I feel bad that I don't feel bad.

In the morning Nat felt better until Rosalina called. Her ring tone was a knife in his heart. He picked up and sadly said "Rosalina what do you want?"

Rosalina said "Are you ok Nat? I know I really hurt you."

Nat coldly said "I'm fine Rosalina. Is there anything else you need?"

Rosalina said in a voice cut off by a sob "Nat I'm so sorry. I never meant for things to go that far. I love you."

Nat snapped "You don't love me! You made out with Michel twice after you swore it would never happen again!"

Rosalina sobbed and said "Nat you never used to say things like that to me. Why are you being so cold?"

Nat sighed and bitterly said "You don't understand Rosalina! I spent last night falling apart and crying. I'm tired of it and hate feeling useless. It's easier to not feel anything. I managed to convince myself that you meant nothing to me. The band is going to find a new bass player and she'll stick with us forever."

Rosalina hung up and cried until she fell asleep. She knew that she had screwed up but she didn't think it would have been that bad. When she woke up she pulled out a pen and wrote a song "You're an angel. My heart was sitting safe in your hands. Now I jumped off the edge and feel cut like something hurt me deep. You tell me you love me but talk is cheap. Show me what's inside your heart that would be a perfect start. My heart strayed from the path now it's tasted your wrath. All it wants to do is come back. I know what I did was wrong. I want to hear your song that says our love is still strong."

Rosalina put the song in a box a long with a note. She wrapped up the box and sent it to Nat's house. When Nat received the box two days later he dropped to his knees and cried. The band heard him crying and came running. Tomas said "Nat what is the matter? Is E.T hurt?"

Nat wiped the tears from his eyes and showed Tomas the note. After the rest of the band had seen it Alex said "Nat Rosalina said that there's a song she wrote for you in the box a long with some pictures."

Nat sighed and said "Yeah I can't believe she wrote that."

Cooper said "Nat calm down. It's ok to admit that you're hurt. We've found a new bass player. Her name is Christina. She's a great bass player and she wants to meet you."

Nat sniffed and said "Alright just give me a second. I'll be right down. Maybe this will help me finally help me forget Rosalina."

Nat went downstairs and saw a girl talking to Qaasim, Cooper, and, Alex. He walked over to her and said "Hey I'm Nat Wolf welcome to the Naked Brother's band."

Christina said "Hey Nat I'm Christina. Thanks for letting me in the band. I know this must be really hard for you."

Nat smiled and said "calm down Christina I'm feeling better. Cooper should we run over some music?"

Cooper said "Yeah Christina needs to learn the music. What song do you want to practice?"

Nat said "It's up to Christina. Christina what song do you want to play? It's your first day so it should be your choice."

Christina said "My favorite song is eventually."

Nat sighed and said "then we'll play it. I want you to feel comfortable with us."

Christina said "I've dreamed about this my whole life."

Cooper said "dreams always come true if you believe. Don't you agree Nat?"

Nat laughed and said "yeah things always work out if you hold on. Come here Christina and I'll teach you the bridge. The rest of the song is really easy to pick up but the bridge is really hard."

Christina slowly went over to Nat and smiled at him. Then she sat down on his lap. Nat said gently "Sit on the floor please. I'm not trying to be rude it's just my girlfriend used to do that. I recently broke up with her and I'm still confused about what I want."

Christina scooted of Nat's lap and said "Nat I'm so sorry."

Nat sighed and said "Don't think about that. Focus on the music Rosalina – I mean Christina. If you don't pay attention to the music you'll have a hard time playing."

Christina asked "whose Rosalina? Was she your girlfriend?"

Nat sighed and said "Yeah she was and I loved her with all my heart. Let's just rehearse guys."

Christina tried playing eventually but she kept missing chords. Nat finally stopped playing and said "what's the matter Christina?"

Christina looked at her feet and said sadly "You say you loved her but you don't feel bad about ending the relationship. What kind of guy does that? I'm sorry but I have to go."

Nat took Christina's hand and said "Don't cry Christina. Look I never meant to hurt you. Rosalina and I just had a rough past when we were dating. It was best for both of us. I hate it that I don't feel bad about breaking up with her. However I did it and it's over with."

Christina couldn't hold back her tears anymore. She ran outside crying hard into her hands. Cooper said "Nat what did you say to her?"

Nat sighed and said "I don't know Coop. Rosalina never got this upset over something like this."

Cooper said "Just go talk to her please. We have to practice so we need a bass player."

Nat sighed and said "alright Coop I'll try."

Nat went outside and said "Are you ok Christina? I'm sorry if anything I said upset you."

Christina sniffled and said "Nat it's nothing that you did. I just never thought that you and Rosalina were that close. If two people who love each other that much can't make it then how can I even have a chance?"

Nat said "What are you getting at?"

Christina stood up and said "Nothing Nat I just –oh never mind you wouldn't understand."

Nat spoke gently and said "Hey you can tell me. It's ok I'm not going to freak out. I've had people say very weird things to me."

Christina sobbed "I'm upset because I'm in love with you. There I said it! Are you happy now Nat! I just made myself look completely stupid and now you'll probably never speak to me again!"

Nat put his arm around Christina and said "That's not what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that you're a very smart and beautiful young woman who just needs to have a little faith in herself. I think that in time I could love you to."

Christina wiped her eyes and said "Thanks Nat I needed that. Let's go rehearse. We have a concert in a few weeks we want to sure we're ready."