The Winds of Change

Oct 1861, the last days of the Pony Express

Lou sticks her head in the Marshals office, "Good morning Teaspoon" she says.

"Well good morning darlin" he calls back "How are you this fine morning?"

"I'm fine. Teaspoon you seen Jimmy?" Teaspoon looked up at his female rider, former rider; she had to quit riding when she married Kid. Lately she'd spent her time split between helping Rachael around the station and helping Buck with the horses. She dressed like a boy until she stopped riding for the express, that's how she got the job, but she had kept it by being one of the best riders and horsemen they had. Now she usually wears more ladylike clothes and even though today she was wearing pants they weren't hiding her more feminine qualities. The dark brown riding pants hugged her hips and thighs and were tucked into her knee high riding boots and she wore a simple Ivory blouse and dark brown leather gloves. She was a beautiful young women Teaspoon thought and he wondered how she kept her secret for so long.

"You need him for something?" He knows how close she and Jimmy are, that was one of the problems tween her and Kid when they were sparkin'.

"No, nothin' special" Lou says walking in; pushing her hat off her head and letting it hang down her back she sits down across from the marshal's desk. "I just know he and Rosemary are thinking about heading out soon, for good you know and I just need…Want…to say goodbye."

Teaspoon nods his understanding. Everyone has been so heated up over the war and picking sides, it's been real hard on everyone but he has been watching Lou lately and it seems harder on her. She's stuck in the middle, between North and South, between each of her brothers, even she and Kid, though married, are on different sides. She cried hard last week, hugging Cody close, begging him to be careful, as he left to scout for the army, he would have left sooner but he needed to let his shoulder heal after getting shot trying to save Noah. Cody took Noah's death harder than anyone, Noah was a free black man, proud, strong, and well-educated and when he joined the express he had gotten close to all of them, but he had died in Cody's arms. Teaspoon knew from experience that wasn't something you got over quickly.

"Sweetheart, I think I saw him and Rosemary riding out a little while ago" Lou's eye got even bigger than they already were as she thought he might have left without saying goodbye. "But they didn't look like they were going far, they were headed towards Millers pond" Teaspoon added. "Thanks Teaspoon" Lou kissed the cheek of the man she thought of as a father and ran out.

"Rosemary I know you're in a hurry to leave but let me say my goodbyes the way I need to. I promise we can head out this afternoon." Jimmy says to Rosemary. It is a beautiful autumn day and if Jimmy had his way they wouldn't spend it arguing by the pond, he reached to take Rosemary in his arms. She isn't his first choice, but she is willing and cares about him and they share the abolitionist values of her late husband, Isaiah Burke and his dead father. And he knows that Rosemary's first choice will always be the cause. They understand each other and for now that works. But Rosemary wants to leave Rock Creek she wants to get back to Kansas to help reorganize the Vigilance Committee, it had splintered and fallen apart after Isaiah had died.

"It's just that I don't know what to say to Kid and Teaspoon. We are on opposite sides of this thing. I know you're right, we ain't real family, but they are family to me and I don't want to leave with bad blood 'tween us." Rosemary sighed and started to respond when they heard the sound of a rider approaching.

Jimmy turns quickly at the sound, pulls Rosemary close and puts his hand on his Pearl handled Navy Colt.

Lou rides up, slows Lightning to a trot, then stops a few feet from Jimmy and Rosemary, as Jimmy relaxes and moves his hand away from his gun.

No one says anything at first, tension has been high between the riders and Rosemary & Jimmy since Noah's death. Lou doesn't hold Rosemary responsible for what happened but Kid and Cody do and they had been giving her a hard time since it happened making Jimmy choose sides, he chose Rosemary. But Lou knew that finding fault weren't going to bring back the man she thought of as a brother, the man whose lose she feels every time she sees the abolitionist women on Jimmy's arm, but she also knew Noah made a choice to follow Rosemary and it was his bravery, his stupid commitment to what's right, his idea of right and wrong, that's what got him killed. You can't change a man's ideals; his 'right and wrong' she knows that now and knows it will probably be the down fall of the other men she loves.

Without bothering to dismount Lou looks at the woman with her arm around Jimmy's waist and Lou with great effort pushes away the raising jealousy she has no right to feel. "Rosemary can I have a few minutes alone with Jimmy?"

Rosemary has always wondered about their relationship, Jimmy had told her that they were friends, that Lou was like a sister to all the riders, except for Kid, but looking into Lou's eye she doesn't see a sister wanting to say goodbye to her brother.

"Of course Lou…." Rosemary says and starts to mount her horse.

Jimmy looks at Rosemary but walks towards Lou, "Lou, I'm sure we will be back soon, we maybe just passing through but it ain't like we aren't ever gonna see each other again, it aint goodbye forever." Jimmy's smile fades as he looks at Lou's serious expression, taking in her appearance, at the dark circles under her eyes, was she thinner? He hadn't seen much of her lately, he and Rosemary had been in Kansas for a while and well Lou was busy being married.

"I might not be here when you come back; Kid wants to leave, to go…" Lou shrugs.

"To Virginia?" Jimmy asks.

Lou nods and turns to Rosemary "I just want to say goodbye to my best friend."

Rosemary smiles softly "Of course Lou" Lou sees a deeper understanding in her eyes and smiles back. "Thank you Rosemary, take care."

"You too Lou, Jimmy I'll see you back at the hotel" Rosemary turns her horse and rides towards town.

Jimmy nods to Rosemary, watches her ride away and turns back looking up at Lou still sitting on her horse. Their eyes meet and Jimmy sees tears shimmering in them, Lou swings her leg over the saddle as Jimmy reaches up and she slides off into his arms.

Lou buries her face in his chest as Jimmy holds her close; he breathes deep taking her in her scent. If Kid takes her to Virginia there is a chance he may never see her again. The thought scares him; Lou has always been a calm comfort and strength for him, his North Star.

"Jimmy, Look up" Lou said during one of their last rides together, you see that bright star, off to the left, that's the North Star, ancient travelers used that star to find their way home. Think of me when you see that star Jimmy and I will think of you. It will remind us both of the home we have here."

Just a few moments ago he knew he could ride away with Rosemary because Lou would be here. Even if she was with Kid at least he could picture her here, safe, happy and surrounded by family. That gave him comfort, but holding her now he was afraid. Afraid for her and afraid he wouldn't be able to let go.

"I couldn't let you leave without saying goodbye" Lou whispers into his chest.

Jimmy pushed her gently away, just far enough to see her face and he softly wipes away the lone tear rolling down her cheek. "When does Kid want to leave?" Are you really going with him, into a war zone?"

Lou felt Jimmy's hands trembling against her ribs; he was still holding her, he hadn't let her go. Even though he'd given her away at her wedding he hadn't really let her go. She looked up at him and softly touched his cheek "Soon, he wants to leave soon and I ain't made my mind up yet" Lou pushes herself away; She knew telling him goodbye would be hard but she wasn't prepared for this rock in her stomach, the catch in her voice and the empty feeling in her chest.

"I don't want to go, not at all, but he says he's going and that's it and he just expects me to go." Lou sighs. "We been talking about it a lot and yesterday, well, it was just this big fight. I didn't come here to talk about Kid" Lou smiled at him and turned to walk towards the pond "What are your plans, you and Rosemary?" She asks as she squats by the pond, pushes up her sleeves and splashing the cool water on her face washes away the salt left behind by the tears she has shed all morning. Jimmy joins her by the water "Headed to Celinda and Nathans for a while, they need help with the movement there and then probably on to Leavenworth, that's where Isaiah's people are."

Lou reaches over, puts her hand on Jimmy's knee "Promise me you'll be careful, I don't think I could stand it if somethin' happened to you" and echoing Jimmy's earlier thoughts "I need to be able to think of you, safe and happy" Jimmy took her hand in his and gentle stroked the tiny hand with his thumb and noticed bruises on her forearm, he gently runs his hand over the bruises and sees more on her other arm. Jimmy's eyes get dark "Sorry to hear you and Kid been fightin" he says softly through his teeth, trying not to jump to conclusions as he felt his temper flare. Lou, still looking at the water didn't want to draw Jimmy into the problems she and Kid were having, she'd done enough of that and it wasn't fair, she just said "It's not important we'll be fine."

Jimmy stands, still holding Lou's hands he pulls her up with him and as gently as he can so he doesn't spook her he asks "Where'd the bruises come from Lou?" Looking deep into her eyes "Tell me", he said.

Lou smiled and looked away, pushing her sleeves back down and heading back to the horses. "Oh that. That was an accident. I was trying to saddle that new horse the one Buck is trying to break and he got spooked and I got tangled in the reins. I was distracted, just not paying attention I guess."

Jimmy frowned, Something wasn't right, he thought to himself, was it the tone of her voice, the look in her eyes or the fact that her 'accident' sounds like what his mother would say after his father had beat her. Jimmy shook his head, Kid couldn't do that wouldn't do that, for all his controlling ways, his possessiveness and temper, Kid could never hurt Lou. Jimmy had to believe that.

Quickly changing the subject, "Jimmy I'm going to miss you more than I can tell you but you need to go Rosemary is waitin'" Lou took lightning's reins but before mounting she turns and pulls Jimmy into one last embrace "Ride Safe Jimmy" Lou whispers, her breath soft on his ear "Remember 'it doesn't matter what others think, it matters what you think" She had said those same words to him when they were taking Elias to Fort Kearney. Lou looked up into Jimmy's eyes "You're a better man than you give yourself credit for and I know you're a good man Jimmy" she tries to pull away her tears falling freely now.

But Jimmy holds her face in his hands, kisses her forehead and looks deeply into her eyes still wondering about the bruises, something just didn't seem right "Lou if you ever need me, you ride out and find me. Kansas, California, Hell Mexico if you need to, it don't matter where, you come find me. I'll always….. care about you Lou" he couldn't say it, couldn't tell her, he had no right. Lou watched the tear roll down Jimmy's face and said so softly he almost didn't hear her "Oh Jimmy" she pulled him down, as she step on her tip toes and kissed him gently on his lips "I love you Jimmy Hickock" she turned, mounted quickly and rode away.

Rosemary, having ridden just far enough away that they probably wouldn't see her, stopped and turned in the saddle; As she looked back she saw Lou slide off her horse and into Jimmy's arms and she watched as he held Lou close, his hand softly stroking her hair. Not a brother saying good bye to a sister.

...

Jimmy was headed back into town and saw Buck at the corral watching the new horse. Jimmy dismounted and stood next to him. "You leaving soon Jimmy?" Buck asked without looking at him.

"Yea sometime today, probably won't be back for a long while." Jimmy continued looking at the horse thinking about Lou's accident. Jimmy smiled "That horse is a beauty, wish I could stay and help you break him." Buck looked at him and laughed "I know that's not true" Jimmy laughed as Buck continued "Anyway he's gonna be a tough one, don't think even Ike could have handled him easily, so far all he is ready for is the bridle and blanket." Jimmy turned towards Buck "So you ain't even tried to saddle him yet?"

"No, why" Buck asked looking at the unusual expression on Jimmy's face.

Jimmy looked back out at the horse "You need to do something for me Buck, for Lou too. You need to keep an eye on her." Buck raised his eyebrows, and proceeded slowly "Jimmy she's married now, she has Kid to look after her and besides if she heard you thinking she couldn't take care of herself she'd probably take a stick to you. My brother you need to ride away, clean." Buck knew about Jimmy's feeling for Lou, but she was married now. She had made her choice.

"It ain't that Buck, I'm leaving, too many reasons not ta stay, but Buck I'm telling you your sister needs you, she and Kid have been fighting and he wants to take her to Virginia, soon" Jimmy turned to fully look at Buck. "I saw bruises on her arms today Buck…." Buck put his hand up and interrupted "I'm sure it was nothing, Kid would never hurt her."

"Buck, she told me the bruises came from trying to saddle that horse" Jimmy said harshly nodding towards the corral "and now you tell me he ain't ready, Lou knows horses better than most of us. I know I can't stay. It'd cause her more trouble. But If it ain't Kid, it's something else. She's hiding something."

Buck grew solemn as he took in all that Jimmy said; he put his hand on Jimmy's shoulder "I will do what I can to protect my sister. You can count on it."

I realize Buck seems to sound a lot like Henry Standing Bear (reading too much Craig Johnson I guess….nahhh ) and well…in the words of our darlin' Lou when she discovers wine 'I like it'.