...no I'm not dead. I just have writers' block. This was originally going to be apart of Counting The Stars but I decided to leave it on it's on. This is a challenge one-shot to fight my WB. Enjoy!
It was different being completely without her friends.
Lenalee had been alone before during the dark times of her past. As one of the only child exorcists she had been understandably isolated. Being so isolated was a breeding ground for loneliness.
...loneliness felt different now. Without Kanda she felt as if she lost a brother, and without Lavi or Allen she felt as if she lost her best friends. Before, loneliness just felt numb. She felt numb because what was the point of crying over something that was useless.
The rest of the order could pretend like three exorcists weren't missing, but Lenalee couldn't and she wouldn't.
There was too much riding on her staying strong; on her not giving up. Pretending...that was like giving up, wasn't it? No matter what, she had to keep fighting for them.
They were all missing: Allen left, Kanda went after him, and Lavi….?
God, she hoped he was alive. The Noah weren't kind, and she didn't trust them to have mercy on the Bookmen. Mercy was something they didn't understand-and if anybody knew that it was her.
She hoped Kanda found Allen, she hoped they were sticking together. Maybe, once they issued her a mission(a solo one anyway), she'd try and find them. Until then, she'd wait patiently until one of them attempted to contact her.
Lenalee sighed, her hands trembling as she poured coffee into a cup. The scientist, a new face in the order smiled up at her gratefully. Despite everything she tried to smile back.
"You're really a goddess among men, miss Lee." He praised-and Lenalee would call him dramatic if the entire science team didn't look ready to faint.
"We're all doing our best," Lenalee shook her head,"When I'm not on missions I should still do something even if I'm not Big Brother's assistant anymore."
I should be looking for Allen, was what she didn't say-but then again, who cared about what she didn't say. It was all about what was said and done. Leverrier had clearly stated that Allen was to be thought of as a Noah. He sent CROW after him.
What happened afterwards was out of her hands unless she was given the opportunity to do so.
"Even so, you take care of the department so much-especially since the assistant is so scary." They both shuddered-the new assistant was less than motherly. It made sense-she was trained especially by Central and lacked Lenalee's empathy. Not that it was a bad thing, she kept Komui in line most of the time.
Lenalee shook her head, "Let's work hard together." She nodded resolutely. The scientist nodded in agreement, patting her hip absentmindedly.
"Chief Komui could certainly use some coffee," he motioned to a still blob lying half on his desk. Lenalee giggled good naturedly bowing slightly before moving on.
She stopped at her brother's desk,experimentally poking his side to make sure he wasn't dead from exhaustion. Komui gave a faint groan and Lenalee waved his cup of coffee under his nose.
"C'mon, wake up. How are you supposed to work when you're half asleep?" When he didn't stir she leaned in, "Reever and I are getting married." She whispered and immediately back pedaled for the fallout.
Komui jumped up, a stun gun in hand as he searched wildly, "REEVER DON'T DEFILE MY DEAR BABY SIS-eh?! You tricked me…" He sat down, accepting the coffee Lenalee handed him his coffee, giggling softly. She sat beside him, observing his face carefully.
He was tired, that was obvious. Dark circles hung underneath his eyes and tired lines were forming from lack of sleep. Lenalee could see the weeks of nonstop work wearing him down, and he showed it. They'd disappear once he got a full night's rest-but that was nowhere near in the future. There was so much to be done: exorcists needed to be sent out, they had to keep track of the generals, and they had people to track down.
"How are you, little sister?" Komui asked, moving to straighten the papers that had sprawled across his desk. It was clearly a ruse to make himself look at least somewhat finished with his work.
Lenalee looked down, "As fine as everything allows I guess." She shrugged. She hated to worry Komui-even more so now that central kept him busy.
If he was worried than work slowed down. Komui was brilliant-a genius even, but he wasn't a miracle worker.
"All we can do is hope for the best right?" Komui comforted, "I can't be of more use until they stop distracting me." He smiles at her; his smile was pained, dark,"We'll find them-I promise." He held her hands in his and again said,"I promise."
Lenalee remained quiet, before nodding along, "...okay." She didn't particularly believe him, but she knew she couldn't worry him.
Lenalee refilled his coffee before she left, intending to keep Hevlaska company for a short while. It was usually Komui who would take pity on the stationary exorcist and keep her company, but the task eventually fell on Lenalee. Komui was too busy and everything was so hectic that Hevlaska was really forgotten in all the commotion.
Her efforts were thwarted halfway there, "Lenalee!" She turned, smiling in the direction of whoever called her. A group of exorcists were off to the side, huddled together and waving at her. She could easily pick out Timothy, the only child, and Klaud Nine who stood beside him. Noise Marie stood next to Tiedoll and with Tiedoll was Chaoji. Krory stood in the middle, talking enthusiastically with Chaoji.
"It seems like we haven't seen each other in forever." Lenalee laughed walking to them.
"It's because you've been off working so hard. I'm surprised that you haven't been sent off yet!" Miranda smiled, but her eyes went downcast rather quickly, "Although...I have to say it makes sense why." She looked up, looking almost regretful, "I'm sorry, I don't even know why I said that."
Lenalee felt like she should have been more upset, but she wasn't. No matter what it was the truth-there was a reason to why she was still in the Order while everybody was getting sent off.
Johnny.
Kanda.
Well...they left after Allen didn't they? Ha, she was the only person that Allen was close that that was actually within Order walls. They didn't know what happened to the Bookman, for all they knew Lavi was dead-or following the Noah. Kanda told her that he was going after Allen(took back his innocence from her own hand), and Johnny left by himself.
It'd be so easy for her to leave, wouldn't it? Track down Allen and help him just like Kanda was. If he transformed into the Fourteenth, she'd grant him his wish of killing him before he did harm. She could be doing what she truly wished to do since she and Allen said goodbye.
All she wanted was to protect him-and her family. Allen was her family, right? They all were, and she wanted to help.
"No, no." Lenalee soothed, "You're right. They are keeping me here because of that. Eventually they'll have to send me out-we've lost three exorcists, we can't afford to keep another one home on the grounds that 'I might go look for Allen'."
Which, in all honesty, was what she was going to do the moment they deployed her. She was too scared to just leave, like Kanda. She wasn't stealthy enough to disappear like Cross, and to just leave the Order was too risky.
"We wanted you to get lunch with us." Marie changed the subject wisely, "We haven't been a group in so long. It's high time for us to catch up."
Timothy looked up, all wide eyes. He looked tired, which was a given. Timothy had been deployed for a while and had just came back with Klaud. No wonder he was tired. He missed Allen sorely, Lenalee knew. He missed Allen so much that he didn't even hesitate to spit curses at Leverrier.
No matter how much Klaud scolded him, he refused to stop. She knew he also missed Kanda and Lavi. Lavi always helped him with studying and Kanda with training. She ruffled his hair lovingly.
"Will you?" Timothy pressed, "Hurry up and decide, I wanna sleep." Even as he said this, he impatiently held his arms up for her.
"Sure." Lenalee shrugged, resolving to visit Hevlaska later on in the day, "I haven't eaten yet." Following Timothy's wishes, she lifted him onto her hip.
Tiedoll looked up, "You haven't eaten much in a long while. Keeping your strength up is important." Lenalee hated how perceptive and wise Tiedoll was. For all of his over dramatic antics, he knew too much. Too wise and too observant, Tiedoll was. It would've irritated her if she wasn't too tried to be irritated,
"Yes, I know." Lenalee nodded, "I haven't had much of an appetite." She struggled to smile this time, already knowing that Tiedoll had seen through her. Her hands were shaking, and she hurriedly wrung them to get out her extra energy. Somebody grabbed her hands, Timothy, and squeezed.
And like Lenalee knew she wouldn't, she didn't eat much. Jerry tried to coax as much food into her as possible though. Lenalee had taken to eating her friends favorite foods, whether she liked them or not. She didn't really like *soba, but grimaced as she stuck chopsticks full of the noodles into her mouth. They were too salty, but she drank water right after.
She ate a few *dango and then pushed away her food, looking guilty at the bowl of *grilled meat which she had only eaten a few bites of. She hadn't ate much of any of the dishes, pushing several of them towards Timothy, whose parasitic innocence gave him ravenous hunger. The rest she gave to Krory for the same reason.
A bowl of fruit was placed in front of her, she looked up, blinking up at the culprit. Reever smiled back at her, and looking across from her table she saw the scientists sitting together. Her brother must have begged for a break despite just waking up, when she caught her brother's eye he smiled gently.
"This might be better for you to eat." Reever whispered, "You're worrying your brother by not eating much and then eating food you don't really like. You can't fool your brother, he knows how you are." Lenalee's smile dimmed, her hands shaking.
He shrugged, "Of course, smiling through the pain is nice too. We all miss them, and we'll find them. You don't have to be so strong."
He was right, she didn't have to be strong. She could just wait and go with the flow.
But for those who fought, that was too much time.
Lenalee grit her teeth, willing her hands to stop shaking-willed her eyes to stop watering.
Crying would do nothing-the best she could do was take care of everyone while they were away. If there was one thing she wouldn't let Leverrier take away from her, it was her resolve. She wouldn't let him take away the love she had for everybody-whether they were AWOL or not.
It was because she fought for them that she was able to keep going. Most people would pretend, but she couldn't. Her friends were missing.
She picked up a cherry and placed it in her mouth, stubbornly calling to Jerry for another bowl of soba. She missed Kanda terribly, after all.
Reever sighed, realizing that getting Lenalee to just take a break was futile and walked towards Komui. She didn't miss the understanding smile he sent back at her.
And sitting there, she stubbornly ate her too salty soba, another bowl of grilled meat, and a plate of dango, plus the fruit that she was eating.
She didn't care that she felt sick afterwards.
~insertlinebreak~
Lenalee liked to look out the window at night, it reminded her of when she was younger. She and Kanda used to go into each other's rooms to stare at the moon together. Kanda liked the moon she knew-the sun was too bright for him, and he liked the darker blue better as well. Then, they'd always fall asleep together.
Despite his tough demeanor, Kanda was good to cuddle with after nightmares(of course, that could come from his height which allowed him to tower over her but-that wasn't the point).
Komui used to have a heart attack because she was always asleep with Kanda and he was convinced that Kanda would defile her. The habit of staring at the night sky carried out into her teenaged night was no different.
The stars were especially bright. She once talked to Lavi about the stars and he told her about constellations. He told her the stories behind them-of course, that was about four years ago when he was keeping that mask up. Now he admitted that constellations were his least favorite thing about astronomy.
He liked black holes and supernovas and universes. He liked the theories that there was multiple universes and that they were spread apart by empty space. In each universe we're galaxies.
He liked the idea that black holes swallowed everything near it-he liked how if a star collapsed they didn't just scatter. Their density and gravitated tripled and suddenly they were sucking everything in. He liked the theories that in every galaxy there was a black hole in the center, sucking everything in slowly and that's why it stayed together. He especially liked numbers and counting-she knew he was fascinated by the numbers.
Lavi like the way numbers could climb and decrease without a problem. He liked the idea of negatives and positives how you could have a negative two and also a positive two. Math was his favorite subject(next to history) for this reason.
...hm...maybe she missed Lavi terribly as well.
Of course she missed Allen, who she said goodbye to herself. Who she hugged and begged to stay-but she understood why he left. He did what he thought was right- nobody was succeeding with him imprisoned and being tried for treason. She understood.
She just wished he could clear his name first. That way they wouldn't have to be wary of him and call him a Noah when she knew he wouldn't hurt them. He'd never hurt them-he promised her. The Order would always be his home, even if the members didn't share the same belief.
Lenalee felt her eyes water, and late at night in her bed, she felt no reason to hold them back. This night, which was coming an increasingly common thing, she turned into her pillow.
I miss them I miss them I miss them
Her sobs were only heard by the stars.
And yet, she'd act like it'd never happened the next morning.
For those who fight further, tears weren't something to be seen.
I think I like this, but I'm not sure. Haha XD. I'LL UPDATE UNDERGROUND SOON I PROMISE.