Author's Note/Disclaimer: I don't own Cave Story; it belongs to Pixel, not me.
So, I'd been kicking ideas around in my head for some time for something based on the regular ending. This is the result, which means that in this story, Curly drowned, Quote never learned his name, Booster died all that junk. I hope you find it as depressing as I do. Tee hee hee. And geez, this took a long time to get the way I wanted. Oh well.
"Subroutine: Regret"
By Skylark Starflower
Started October 4, 2006
Finished April 7, 2007
Sue was the first one home, walking in the door only moments after the school bus dropped her off. It had taken her teachers and schoolmates a while to become adjusted to the fact that she was now a mimiga, but she hadn't let it get in the way of her education.
As she put her bag and jacket away, she became aware of odd sounds coming from the living room. It didn't worry her; the little scout robot was probably just watching something to keep himself entertained. With no one else home all day, he probably got bored.
Sue's mother had asked the little robot to stay with them if he wanted, and he had accepted her offer. Sue didn't mind, he tended to be quiet and helpful, and didn't get in her way. But lately, she had noticed something a little off about him; he seemed more sombre than usual. She headed to the living room to see what the robot was up to and what she found shocked her.
The little bot sat, hunched over in a chair crying, hands covering his face as sobs wracked his slight form. He hadn't noticed Sue yet, too caught up in his own pain to really care anyway.
Despite herself, Sue walked forward and gently placed a paw on his trembling shoulder, causing him to start. He quickly tried to compose himself, ashamed to have been caught in such a fashion, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"I didn't know robots could cry," said Sue. "What's the matter?"
"I-it's no-nothing…" sniffed the little robot, a slight hitch in his voice.
"Bullshit. What's wrong?"
He blinked at her, startled by her forcefulness. He sniffled. "I…must have lost track of the time… You weren't supposed to see me like that…"
Sue liked the scout robot, she really did. He had saved her life on more than one occasion, and she respected him for that. She couldn't help it, though; there were some things he did that annoyed her. She tried to keep herself restrained as she replied. "Why not? What do you hope to accomplish by suffering alone?"
"I…just didn't want to trouble anyone with my problems…"
"What kind of problems could a robot have? Recharge their batteries once in a while, tune them up, and off they go. What cares could you possibly have?"
"When you're programmed to emulate human emotions? Lots." His tone became bitter with self-resentment. "Sometimes I wish I were just one of the mindless automatons, programmed to follow orders without thinking. Instead, they gave me a conscious. I CAN think and feel, perhaps not like a human, but a pretty good facsimile. Have you ANY idea what that's like when you've been told to kill?"
Sue didn't know what to say. She had never really considered his feelings before, had never really thought of him even having feelings. He was ahead of his time, few robots before now had achieved such sentience, but it was this same sentience that was now drawing him into a dangerous downward spiral towards depression.
"Who did you kill?"
Sue regretted the question the moment it left her mouth, but it had been the only thing she could think to say. The little robot stared at her, surprise and hurt radiating in his eyes. She was about to apologize for asking when he replied, looking down and away as he spoke, focusing on a distant point on the floor.
"Whether directly, or indirectly… Too many people… Too many friends…" His voice was barely a whisper, and he looked as though he would burst into tears again at any second. "I…miss Curly…"
Sue blinked. He had never mentioned anyone named Curly before. "Who's that?"
"She…she was another robot like me…"
It was clear he was having a difficult time talking about it, but Sue hoped it would help him if he were able to get it off his chest, so she continued with her gentle prodding. "What happened to her?"
"…She drowned. She gave me her air tank to save my life, and… I let her drown. Dammit! She saved my life and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to save hers!"
He couldn't help it, and broke down again. Sue fell silent and let him cry, placing a paw on his back just to let him know she was there for him. She found herself wishing her brother or mother would come home soon so she wouldn't have to deal with the weepy robot herself, though she did feel sorry for him. It irritated her the way he was making her sad.
The little robot managed to get himself under control again several minutes later. "I'm sorry…"
Sue snorted. "For what? There's nothing wrong about being upset over the loss of a friend…" This time, it was Sue's turn to trail off. Though she hadn't known her for long, Toroko had become her friend. While she had been in Misery's custody, the witch had told her that a robot had killed Toroko. If Misery were to be believed, Sue was almost certain that robot must have been the one that now sat before her looking so thoroughly miserable. Now she wanted to be sure. "Do you know what happened to a mimiga named Toroko?"
Though he didn't reply, the expression on the little robot's face at the mention of Toroko's name was proof enough for Sue. He couldn't meet her eyes as he pulled something out from under his scarf that had been hidden there for Sue didn't know how long. She stared in surprise at the gleaming pendant he wore around his neck. "How…how did you get that?"
He explained the events that led to his acquiring the fish shaped pendant as he tucked it back into his scarf again. "I didn't know her for long… And then… I had to kill her…" He shuddered and drew into himself. "Everyone I meet, I end up killing somehow…"
Sue didn't know what to say to that. She could have said no, that it wasn't true, but she knew from what he had told her it would be a lie. She wasn't going to lie to him, not even to cheer him up. "…You did what you had to."
It was obviously the wrong thing to say, as the little robot hunched further into himself. "Do you know how much I hate that phrase?"
Sue exploded, unable to contain her frustration any longer. "Look, I'm not a psychiatrist, and I'm not the best person in the world to go to for consolation, but think about it. What else could you have done?"
"I don't know. If I had just taken the time to think–"
"No, shut up. You didn't have time to think, did you? I can't image you would ever get much time for thinking during a war."
He looked up at her, an expression of startled realization on his face, though there was still a hint of grief to it. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but closed his mouth without speaking. Sue waited for him to get his thoughts in order, waiting to see if he would finally break the silence. She didn't have to wait for long.
"I…never really thought of it that way… I was just wandering, helping people along the way… But you're right. Maybe it wasn't as large scale as some, but it was a war." He paused for a moment, finding it difficult to continue. "But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to live with what I've done…"
Sue reached out a paw, placing it on the little robot's shoulder. "I know it doesn't. But all you can do about it now is either keep sulking like you've been doing, or you can deal with it and move on. I dunno about you, but sulking doesn't seem like much fun to me."
The little robot seemed startled at first, but he surprised Sue when he started to laugh. It was a weak giggle, but still genuine. "Yeah, you're right… I'm sure Curly and Toroko wouldn't want me to be unhappy…"
Sue fixed him with a smile. She was happy that he seemed to be cheering up, and couldn't help feeling a bit proud of herself for being able to help. "You see? I know it hurts now, and that'll never really change, but you can't let it keep you down."
He nodded, looking back down at the floor and remained silent for several moments. Sue feared he had gone back to moping when he spoke once more. "Sue?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
Sue laughed and gave him a good-natured slap on the back. "You're welcome."
It was at that moment that the two heard the front door open again, and a voice called out, "Hey, we're home!"
Sue perked up and called back. "Kazuma! Mom! You're late, what took you?" Before running off to meet them, she turned to the little robot. "You're going to be okay now?"
He nodded, a small smile crossing his face, and she took that as a good sign and ran off to meet her family. Once she was gone, however, his expression changed into a frown. Though the girl really had helped him, there was still something he was keeping from her, fearing her reaction if she found out. Though he knew his death had not been his fault, it still troubled the little robot to know that he had been the last one to see Professor Booster alive. The old man had not been related to the Sakamoto's, but Sue had still loved him as her own grandfather. When he hadn't escaped the island with them, she had decided that he had stayed behind for whatever reason, unwilling to believe he may have died. The little robot didn't want to be the one to squash her dream, nor did he want to find out how she may react to the news.
With a sigh, he composed himself and stood, heading towards the front door to join the others.
The End
