It all started in 8th grade, I started maturing and apparently people didn't like that. Just because my boobs went from and A-cup to a C-cup and my butt got bigger causing curves and a "hot body", doesn't mean that I have changed as a person. I still read books, consuming what they have to offer like my favorite candy. I still binge watch tv shows that "only nerdy people watch" as my brother would say. His names Caleb and he is 19 now, he's in college playing football, calling us every so often to check up and only coming home for holidays. He seemed to not like that I was changing either, so he avoided me a lot to. The only reason he did though was because he said I "hit on his friends all the time and it made him uncomfortable." My parents talked to me though and they became my only friends for the next years. It's been a little over 2 years since the changing started happening, and those two years haven't been the best. I've gotten bullied a lot and my self esteem has gotten to a all time low. The worst people are my two old best friends, Kathy and Alisha. They all ways are commenting on my outfit saying that it's to revealing and I should be ashamed of who I have become. I could wear sweats and a sweatshirt with no makeup and my hair in the messiest bun you have ever seen and they will still comment on it saying that it's to revealing and that I shouldn't try so hard.
It's a week before my junior year, and I am starting to get panic attacks again. My mom said I could stay home and do online school, but I refused because then they win and I can't have that. When I told her that she gave me a small sad smile and nodded. I have everything ready for my first day/week and now I'm just waiting till it's actually here. My mom owns a coffee shop right by the school and our new house so I have my plan for the first day at least. I have learned to deal with most of the bullying because it's basically the same exact thing every day, but some I just can't handle. I moved here from a small town in Oregon, and I have a feeling this year is going to suck. It's either going to be as bad as years past or even worse, if that's even possible.
Its a new year at a new school. I got up at 6:45 this morning, dreading the day to come. I took a shower last night so I just french braided my slightly damp blonde hair. I'm not pretty at all, I may be "hot" but I'll never be pretty. I put on a pair of high waisted acid washed jean shorts that cover a lot more than most shorts, a old t-shirt which I hope will hide my boobs, and a pair of old worn black converse, which match perfectly with my black t-shirt. I put on a very minimal amount of makeup. Mascara, concealer, powder, a light pink blush to put color back on my face, and a clear sparkly lipgloss that has been my go to lipgloss since I was twelve. I go downstairs to grab a triple chocolate chip muffin. My house isn't giant but it's still way to big for three people. I live with both my parents, and are very thankful for that. It was torture with Caleb around treating me like a child who didn't know any better. They helped me thorough it all, and in all honesty, they are my only friends. After I finish my muffin I go back to my bathroom that is connected to my room, I brush my teeth and look in the mirror one last time.
"you've got this Tris, don't let them win."I nearly whisper to myself.
I go back to my bed and grab my sweatshirt, my backpack, my phone, and some earbuds.
I walk to the little coffee shop that my mom owns and sit down in the corner away from everyone else and take my book out of my bag. My mom comes over and kisses me on the cheek and gives me some tea. English breakfast with milk and two sugars, just the way I like it and she knows it. I smile at her and nod as my thank you while taking a sip of the tea.
"Are you nervous?" She asks
"Well weren't you, on you first day at a new school?" I reply quietly
"No, I was terrified." She simply states, matching my tone.
I take a few drinks of my tea to try and pass this giant lump in my throat, and hope the warmth will calm the knot in my stomach. I look at the clock noticing it's only 7:15 and smile slightly, putting on my baggy sweatshirt knowing it will hide my boobs better than anything else. I get into my book for a while sipping my tea here and there but get pulled out of my trance by my mom who's tapping my shoulder lightly.
"Sweetness, it's time to go, you don't want to be late on your first day!"
I grunt knowing she is right and I look up at the clock. 7:45. School starts at 8:00 and it's only a five minute walk, so I take my time packing up my things. About ready to leave, I put my earbuds in listening to music. I walk over to the counter and see me mom talking to a customer while making a coffee that I assume is the girls. I walk behind the counter, clean out my mug, and go to hug my mom. She hugs back tightly whispering in my hair so only I can hear, "Be brave Beatrice." I pull back knowing she means it with all she is. I just smile as I turn around and start heading towards the school, getting more and more nervousness with each step I take.
The high school I'm going to go to, isn't like any other schools, and I'm trying to decide if it's that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's called divergence high. It's split into these weird things called factions, which I barley understand. What I know is their names and what they stand for. There is amity who stand for peace, abnegation who stand for selflessness, candor who stand for truth, erudite who stand for knowledge, and dauntless who stand for bravery. I got put into dauntless because my mom has always said I am one of the bravest people she knows, I never believed her till now, and I want to prove her right.
I walk into the school pulling out my ear buds and stopping my music. I head to the office immediately to get my schedule and try to avoid any eye contact with any body one the way there. I make it quickly and the lady looks up and smiles at me. I felt a ping of joy in my chest and gave a slight smile back. It's been a long time I've been smiled at by some one other than my own parents.
"What's your name honey?" She asks, the smile still on her face.
"Beatrice Prior." I respond quietly. She nods and puts her head down to find my schedule. She finds it quite quickly and hands it to me.
"Have a good day sweetie." She says as I start walking out the door. I quickly turn around and say thank you. I take a look at my schedule for my locker number. 246. I walk to it and open it up, taking only two tries. I look at my schedule to look at my classes for the first time
Period 1: Science- Ms. Matthews
Period 2: math- Ms. Matthews
Period 3: art- Mrs. Wu
Period 4: gym- Eric
Period 5: lunch
Period 6: AP language- Mr. Kang
Period 7: language arts- Ms. Reyes
Period 8: social studies- Ms. Reyes
I get my stuff for both math and science since there on the opposite side of the school and in the same class room. As I start walking I notice a group of people talking and laughing.
"Uri when are you going to stop saying pansycake." One guy asks
"Oh Zekey boo, never, that's the point!" The one, apparently Uri, says. I keep walking hoping I won't get noticed.
"Dude, four, hello? You there? What are you staring at?" Asks another boy from the group. I look over to the guy they called four to see what he was staring at, and I am shocked that it's me. I switch my eyes to the floor and walk faster, hoping to get away to my class as soon as possible.
I make it with one minute to spare. I look up at the projector to see my name on a desk with Four's. Shit! I get seated next to the one who looks at me like I am something to eat. Guess I didn't do a very good job at hiding everything I guess. I got to my desk and sit down pulling out my pencil. He comes in almost late and sits down right in time next to me. I try to not look him in the eyes, but I just can't resist. I look up him and he has the bluest eyes you have ever seen. They look like the night sky in summer when the stars shine so bright and you can't help but stare at them for as long as possible. I pull out of my trance when the bell rings and notice that I've been staring. I blush a light shade of pink and look forward.
"Hello class! My name is Ms. Matthews. It seems as if we have a new face here in the room. Would you like to introduce your self?" I slowly stand up and look around the room
"Umm hi my name is Beatrice Prior, but I would like it if you call me Tris. I moved here from Oregon." I sit back down quietly, and know my cheeks look like tomatoes.
"Ok class we are learning about..." I stopped listening and just started thinking about things. Things like Four's eyes and how I could get lost in them forever.
"Ms. Prior would you please answer the question for me?" I look up at the board, 'true or false? Subatomic partials are found inside atoms' easy.
"The answer is true." I respond, which earns me a smile and a nod from the teacher. She goes back to her teaching and I just sit there thinking again.
"Hey do you have a pencil I could borrow?" Four whisper asks me. I am taken back and look at him.
"We don't need a pencil for this class, we aren't taking notes." I whisper back
"I know but we will in the next class or tomorrow." He says back
"Fine here." I hand him mine and take out another for myself.
"Thanks." He responds, not sounding thankful. I just give a little nod and go back to my daydreaming
My classes pass, and now it's time for gym. I really liked art, but math and science weren't my favorite, to slow. I got the locker room and get dressed down. I walk out to the gym and notice right away this school is different. There are targets set up in a long line and a table of three knifes for each target.
"Hello students! Today we are learning how to throw knifes! It won't be to hard but it make take a few tries to get it! So watch me as I throw. My legs are positioned one before the other and I'm slightly turned towards the corner of the room except for my head and my arm are towards the target. I hold onto the blade of the knife and then I throw it!" He shows us how he does it and it hits dead center on his first try. I know I will do great at this because this is what me and my dad would always do for fun. If we weren't talking about books we were either shooting guns, throwing knifes, or wrestling. So when Eric says go for it, I am one of the first ones up to the targets. I get up there and hold the knife in my hand, twisting it around. I haven't held one in a while so it feels good to hold one again. I get into my position and throw the knife, aiming for the center of the heart like Eric told us to. I throw it and it hits just a few millimeters away from the center. I get ready to throw again when I realize everyone else stopped throwing. I stop and look around, only to find people staring at me I just blush and turn away quickly, not used to the good attention. I continue throwing till I here Eric yell at someone.
"Go pick up your knifes Al!" He yells at a boy with a slightly bigger build and puppy dog eyes.
"But I don't want to get hit with a knife." He replies reluctantly
"Go stand in front of the target. Flinch and get detention for the rest of the week, or don't flinch and I let this one slide." Al nods and scurries over the the target standing right in front if it. He gulps and closes his eyes. Eric is about to throw the first knife before I yell.
"STOP!" I yell. Eric just looks at me with a testing look.
"If your so brave why don't you switch places with him." He states while giving me a evil smirk. I could see he has something going on in his mind. I just smirk knowing that I can't back down now and slowly walk over to the target. Al gives me a small sad smile and says 'thanks' as he passes me. I stand in front of the target and look around the room, noticing for the first time Four, and the rest of his gang are here in this class. I smirk knowing they are watching me. This is when I have to show them I am brave.
I stand in front of the target and stare Eric down. He throws the first knife slightly to the left of my head, I don't flinch. He throws the second knife right above my head, I still don't flinch. He is about to throw the third knife and I see he has a plan. He throws the third knife and it slices the top of my ear, I still don't flinch.
"Oh look you cut my ear, what would you like me to do, cry? Well that's not gunna happen."
"Hey watch what you say, I could still give you detention as long as I would like!" He responds trying to scare me. It's not really working either.
The rest of the class we have free period. I continue throwing because I love it and it reminds me of my dad. The 7 minute bell rings and I go back to the locker room to change back to my normal clothes. I go over to the mirror to reapply my lipgloss when a girl comes over to the mirror. She looks familiar but I don't know from where. Oh my god! She is in the gang thing and was at my moms coffee shop this morning!
"What's your name girl?" She asks. I'm shocked for a second before I reply.
"I'm Tris." I state simply.
"Well Tris you've got some major balls standing up to Eric like that."
"He was being rude and knifes don't scare me. Me and my dad used to throw knifes together for a long time and he always would throw them around me. He never hit me so I'm not scared. I have no reason to be scared." I know I probably said to much but it's nice to talk to someone for once who isn't one of my parents.
"That's so cool! Oh shit so rude of me!" She turns to face me and places her hand out to shake mine. "I'm Christina, nice to meet you!" I take her hand, shake it, and give her a small smile. "Wanna sit with me and my friends at lunch?" She asks.
"I would love to!" I respond quickly. She laughs slightly at turns back to the mirror to put her deep plum lipstick.
Lunch time was always the worst time of the day for me at my old school. That's when most of the bullying became bad. I enter he cafeteria with Christina and get in the lunch like immediately with her. The silence is getting sorta awkward so I decide to say something.
"What'd you get?" I ask hoping she knows what I'm talking about.
"What? What do you mean?" Well I guess she doesn't.
"This morning you were at my moms coffee shop, what'd you get?
"That's your moms coffee shop! Oh I just got a mocha frap."
"How was it?"
"It was fucking amaze balls!" She almost yells
"Oh wow! Ok!" I respond laughing. We get our food and sit back at the table with her friends. I look around and I noticed Four isn't sitting yet. Christina must've noticed too because she asks one of the guys where he is.
"Shit how would I know! I haven't seen him since after gym in the locker room!" One who I think is Zekey boo, as Uri said.
"Ok well then guys meet Tris, she's new here from, where are you from?" Christina says
"She's from Oregon." A deep voice says, I look up and behind me to see Four standing there. "Here's your pencil back. I found another one."
"Keep it I have to many anyways." He just shrugs and sits down at an empty seat across from me.
"Anyyywayyyyysss! Tris meet Uriah and his girlfriend Marlene, Zeke and his girlfriend Shauna. Uriah and Zeke are brothers. Here's Will, my boyfriend! Then there is Lynn and Al, who say they aren't dating but everyone knows they either are or are about to." At that both Al and Lynn's cheeks get really pink. I just wave to every one hoping they won't ask one question, but with my luck they do.
"Why'd you move here from Oregon?" Uriah asks. Shit.
"My mom started her own business down here," not a complete lie."my dad can just switch locations whenever he wants to for his job, and I didn't want to live there any more, neither did my parents." I respond hoping that will be enough to stop the questions, it wasn't.
"Why didn't you want to live there anymore! I herd it's one of the prettiest states!" Will asks this time
"It was but also one of the rainiest, I think at least. But the reason I wanted to go had nothing to do with that, and I don't really want to talk about it." I say. Finally I realize I'm crossing my arms right under my boobs and it makes them look bigger than I want them to. I quickly uncross them and puff out my sweatshirt again so I look normal. That earned stares from almost every one. I smile and quickly look down to eat my food. The rest of lunch passes uneventful, except a few stares from Four. But I know he just wants me for my body like everyone else.
The rest of the day passes by with no homework thank god, but I just can't seem to get a certain shade of blue out of my head. I know I've seen it somewhere, I just can't put my finger on where. I spend the whole walk to the coffee shop to try and figure it all out. When I get to the shop, I make myself some tea and walk over to the chair in front of the little fireplace in the corner. Once I sit down it hits me. That certain blue is the color of a blue eyed boy I met today. Four. He really is something different. I can't do anything about it though because 1) he looks at me like I'm a piece of food and he is starving, and 2) he is gunna be like all those other boys who throw themselves at me. I don't like that, and never will.
After about and hour or two I decide to walk home, I get up and get ready to leave, I look down for a second and start walking when I run into someone.
"Shit! Sorry I didn't mean to! Wait, Four?" I look at him while puffing up my sweatshirt. He raises his eyebrows.
"That's my name don't wear it out." He says lamely with a smirk on his face.
"Yeah yeah, so what are you doing here?"
"Actually I was hoping to find you."