A/N: Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, for I am sadly not J.K. Rowling. It is a sad fact of life. Only about two are actually made up, the first years brought into the class, and aside from that, everyone is Rowling's.
This going to be a chapter story centered around each month of Seamus' seventh year up until and including May (which is when the battle took place in case you didn't know). This chapter's probably one of the smallest ones because I'm going with the idea that the first month is pretty tame, because things will start picking up in the next months to come. There may be part one and part two in some chapters of a month if there's a lot to put in, or maybe not, I have no idea yet. I'm also putting out a call for a beta reader possibly, as I feel like I want this to be decently well-written and I'd like to have someone to look over it for me. If you are interested, (doesn't matter if you're a beta yourself) please message me.
Normally, the return to Hogwarts was full of relief and lots of hugs and people greeting each other after months apart. There was always plenty of joy to go around, often couples would greet each other with a kiss or a whisper of welcome and greeting. This time, it was all completely different.
The train ride was very quiet, they were all alert and uptight. The tight feeling in Seamus' chest wasn't just because of the tension, it was because of something else. September had never before been such a dreaded month. He could tell the others were upset over something too, but it was the first time in 7 years that he was completely silent all the way to the school. Even his first year-which had been terrifying in it's own way-was louder than this, but he'd had Dean back then and every year after.
At the thought of that name, he shrank back into his seat in the corner of the train a little further. Dean wasn't here. Seamus felt the same awful feeling of yearning and heartbreak he'd felt since August when Dean had informed him he was going on the run. Now he was stuck going to Hogwarts by himself with two people he didn't really know in the same compartment as him and a whole lot of fear and doubt building up inside his mind. The memory of that day when Seamus had found out he was going to be alone was instantly back in his mind, even though it was rather unwelcome.
"Seamus...I know you've heard about the whole Muggleborn Registration thing." Dean was sitting in front of him on the floor of the Finnigan's living room. He gave a shrug.
"Yeah, and 'm not pleased with it anymore than yer are, I bet." That whole mess hadn't really crossed his mind since the word got out that it was becoming an actual thing. He hadn't allowed it to, because of Dean.
"Shay...I'm leaving."
His head snapped up to stare into the dark brown eyes which were a little glassed over. Clearly it wasn't something Dean wanted to do. Heck, maybe he had been forced to by his parents, who didn't want him in trouble. The thought that first hit him as Dean sat there in the rather uncomfortable silence that followed was "Maybe he's lying-" but that had been dashed to pieces by the sincerity in Dean Thomas's eyes.
"But why-how-could ya…" He didn't complete the sentence, his throat was tightened up by a sudden lump that appeared there.
"I'm sorry, Shay. I...I understand that you want me there, but I can't risk it, you know that," he was apologizing, which just seemed wrong, "so I have to. It's for my family. And you."
He grabbed Dean's hand, shaking his head, "No, yer not apologizing to me for something you can't help. I get it. It's just…"
"I know, Seamus. After what happened last year…" There was a new ache in Dean's voice. Seamus felt the same ache in his heart. It had taken so many years for him to get up the courage and once he had and once Dean was fully aware and informed him that he felt the same way, it was an awful feeling to have it completely ruined by war.
"Y-yeah." He drew in a shaky breath, nodding without any further words.
"Promise me you'll be there in the end, whatever the end is, Shay. I have to have you there because I have no idea what I'll be facing out there all by my lonesome." Dean was gripping his hand tightly now, their fingers were laced together.
"I'll be there, mate." Seamus stared at him. The amount of emotional torture his mind was going through right now was almost unbelievable, it hurt too much to know he was about to go through a year without Dean.
"Good. I knew you would." It was the dark boy's turn to nod.
There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes more. Seamus found himself worrying about all of the things that could happen to Dean on the road. Sure, Dean was probably worrying about what would happen to him at Hogwarts, but he tried not to give that too much thought. Before he could say anything else, Dean squeezed his hand again, and pulled him into a hug. Perhaps it wasn't what either wanted; they both wanted more, Seamus knew it, but it seemed to fit the mood. He practically pushed Dean over as he leaned his head face down on the taller boy's shoulder, gulping for air as the tears finally caught up with him.
Minutes of just sitting there, in an embrace, with Dean rubbing his hand up and down his back, and he began to feel a little better. They could stay like that forever and Seamus would be perfectly fine with it.
But they didn't, and Dean left almost instantly, leaving him to sit there with a few last, straggling tears making their way down his freckled face.
He fell asleep once he'd reviewed the memory for the millionth time, head resting on the window, lightly dozing. The two other students across from him were just some third years who had been sitting there when he'd come along, looking for a quiet place to sit. The others of his year were scattered about the train, Seamus had passed by Neville at some point who was sitting with someone but he hadn't checked to see who it was. The train was definitely more empty now. There had been commotion earlier with someone coming on and looking for Harry Potter, but they had informed the Death Eater that Harry Potter and his friends were nowhere to be seen.
Once the train stopped at the station, he lugged himself and his bags off and into the quiet crowd. Everyone was mostly muttering to their friends and stuff, obviously a little more than just scared of what they might see here. It wasn't Hagrid who assisted with the first years this year, it was in fact Professor McGonagall, who was stern and rigid looking but who also appeared to be in a mild sort of distress. Seamus caught her watching him when he passed by to go to the horse-drawn carriages with sympathy etched across her face.
It was a quiet little ride to the school. He once again sat with people he didn't know, his head bowed down on his hands so he didn't have to help with the amount of scared glances everyone in the wagon was throwing around.
Even Hogwarts seemed darker. They entered in a mob of whispers and shuffling feet. The Great Hall was the shocking part of it all. The tables were there as usual, at least a few of the teachers were there at the staff table, but the sky above them was gray and moody. Seamus wasn't the only one staring at the Headmaster seat when they all had sat down and were finally in place. Snape was sitting in it. He seemed to be quite at home in it too, which only made Seamus feel more angry. There were two others sitting on either side of Snape who looked absolutely sinister.
From some whispers he caught on that these were the Carrow twins, dedicated assistants of You-Know-Who and perfectly evil ones too. They had looks of triumph on their twisted faces; he had noted quite quickly how ugly they really were. The other teachers looked very uncomfortable and perhaps even angry, as Professor McGonagall was looking very furiously at Snape in the chair.
Seamus felt his own blood boil at the thought that people like the Carrows were the reason Dean had to go running. Maybe the students of Hogwarts could do more. Maybe he could be against them with everything he had in him, because obviously, that was the type of year everyone was about to have. A horrible, awful, cruel year full of pain and misery. Rebellion would sweeten things up a little bit.
The beginning of the year speech was more of a lecture from Snape in his drawling voice. Seamus listened to the words feeling rather dumbfounded and bewildered. There were things about behaving one's self and getting along with everyone and so forth. When he introduced the Carrow siblings, there was only weak applause, for most of them weren't excited at all. Seamus felt his body grow cold at the looks the siblings gave them all. They were sort of funny looking if they hadn't been horrifying at the same time.
The food was the normal amount even though after all this, Seamus had expected it to be some sort of gruel or something, but it was the usual amazing amount of food. Yet the Great Hall lacked its usual conversation and laughter. To him, it felt as though the entire school-yes even the Slytherins-had become deadly scared when they'd walked in to find Hogwarts upside down and backwards.
His previous suspicions of it being horrible were right. The first night had been awful, and now it was the first day of classes. He hadn't talked to anyone at all, not even Neville in their very quiet dorm last night. The posters he'd always put up didn't go up like normal. Seamus was feeling too awful to be bothered with something that seemed so silly in times like these.
It seemed that while most of the teachers had stuck with what they taught, the Carrow twins had just taken what they felt they needed impose most upon the students. Alecto was doing all of the Muggle Studies classes-inwardly Seamus had felt a pain go through him when he discovered that, he only took that for Dean and now he was concerned about what that woman was going to try and teach. Amycus had taken over for DADA but something told Seamus that it wasn't going to be a normal class with any sort of defense.
As he trudged up the steps toward the classroom where Defense Against the Dark Arts was being held, he felt like each step was weighing him down. For some reason, he was terrified. He shouldn't be so scared. Compared to Dean, he wasn't in any trouble-not yet.
Amycus took the first few minutes of class to analyze them all with a sneer. He picked out a few he recognized from families, and since this was a class with Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, there weren't many to choose from. Seamus sat next to Neville, who gave him a weak smile when he'd sat down. Currently Amycus was analyzing Neville thoroughly, and Seamus felt awful for the other boy.
"You're a Longbottom, eh?" Amycus sounded very pleased about that and Seamus felt a shiver go down his spine as he watched Neville give a silent nod to the man. "Ya watch your back, or you'll end up like your parents if I got anything to do with you."
Seamus felt anger building up inside of him again, no one had any right to treat someone like that even if it was a Death Eater. It was wrong, all of this was wrong.
"What's your name?" Amycus barked at him, he hadn't realized the squat man was standing in front of him at all.
"Seamus." He said it without a stutter, but he felt a bit anxious as he looked the man in the eye.
"An Irishman, hm?" Amycus leered at him, but he said nothing else. The short man looked a little disappointed, like he'd wanted Seamus to play with it, but he wasn't going to get that pleasure.
It was an absolute nightmare, that first day, even if it was spent listening to Amycus analyze each and every student, and letting out a horrible laugh here and there. There wasn't a lesson taught or anything, but for some reason Seamus figured he'd have to get used to not learning anything and simply sitting in abject terror.
"You're really pushing some buttons here and there, Seamus." Neville sounded more concerned than Seamus felt. He'd flopped onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling feeling desperate. They were two weeks into the term now and it had only gotten worse as time went on.
People had pointed at him occasionally, whispering about how he wasn't with Dean for once, that Dean was gone, some even had gone to the extreme of saying Seamus had fought and killed him but most people turned down that theory. Seamus himself almost wished that was the case other than what Dean was actually doing and where he was, but it couldn't be helped. He was feeling the effects of separation already.
Neville was referring to the fact that already he'd spoken out at least five times in both classes where the Carrows were in and gotten warnings. It wasn't as though Neville wasn't doing the same but he hadn't done it nearly as much. Seamus had to do it because the things Alecto was saying during Muggle Studies were ridiculous and all lies, he knew it. She demanded on saying that Muggles were nothing more than dirt, and Muggleborns-although she didn't use that word for them-were "stealers" and "wrong" for being able to do any magic at all. It had been enough for him to nearly blow up in her face, but he'd been restrained by Neville multiple times now.
Amycus was worse, but Seamus hadn't spoken up as much just yet. It wasn't actually Defense Against the Dark Arts anymore. Most just called it "The Dark Arts" because at the moment, the "teacher" was trying to get them to learn how to properly use the Cruciatus Curse on little things like spiders, but many figured it was going to be an actual human eventually. Seamus was one of these, he didn't think Amycus could just stick with simple little bugs. It would get worse.
"I got to speak for me beliefs somehow, Neville." He took his time replying, and by now Neville might have been in the bathroom.
"Yeah, but risking getting detention with the Carrows…" Neville gave an audible shudder from where he was standing.
It was evening, they had returned from dinner and many students were hanging out in the common room. Seamus had come up to escape from the crowd but Neville had followed him, saying being social would do him some good for once. He couldn't refuse but he also couldn't bring himself to face his fellow Gryffindors who all knew what his problem was. Neville had just convinced him he needed to go back down before he'd brought up all the trouble Seamus had been getting into for the past few weeks.
"Well 'm gonna start somewhere." He pulled himself off his bed and walked out of the room, ignoring whatever Neville called out after him.
The common room was exceptionally quiet once more. It had been that way for a while, everyone was sort of adjusted to it by now. Without some of the usual people running about, it was a little less familiar.
Pavarti waved him over before he was even able to sit down, and he made his way over to her, looking her rather expectantly once he arrived.
"I was wondering if you wanted to sit here." She motioned to where the chair across from the chairs she and Lavender were sitting in, and he gave a small nod, throwing himself into the chair. He curled up, ignoring the two girls looking at him with that same sympathy he had seen on so many other people's faces over the past few weeks.
It felt like because he didn't have his best friend-who unknowingly to everyone else was more than that, at least he was pretty sure it was unknown-with him, he either got sympathy or hatred. Most of the time it was a flash of sympathy or an apologetic tone from those who felt bad for him. Seamus wasn't even sure he wanted them to feel bad for him, he'd rather they just stay out of his feelings; but people weren't very good at that.
Neither of the girls tried to talk to him. He wasn't sure if he was letting them know somehow through his body motions that he didn't want attention or if they just had better sense than a lot of students. Maybe it was both.
Something was definitely being passed around the common room that night. He could hear it in the way some people talked, with their uncertainty and worry clinging to their voices. The younger years appeared to be participating in some of the whispers from the older ones and even vice versa. It was a little odd; but perhaps something had happened. In all honesty Seamus wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was.
He'd heard the whispers up and down the Gryffindor table at dinner that night due to his past words to Alecto, which had comprised of a lot of hatred. At Hogwarts, anything that happened was spread around. People had giving him a clap on the back when they walked by, congratulating him on what he had achieved. The only thing Seamus was pretty sure he'd achieved was certain death by at least one of the Carrows but he didn't really mind.
Eventually whatever it was died down and people started leaving for bed. There hadn't been any early tests, a little surprising but so many of the teachers had sort of faded into shells of what they had been that it was nearly impossible to take notes. Professor Flitwick now only stood on his table and was always sort of absentmindedly drifting off into space during lessons, Professor McGonagall appeared weaker in her words and her movements. Everyone was being pushed into a corner. Seamus felt like he'd entered that corner ages ago, and now everyone else was just catching up to him.
"This week, I'll be having you all try your new skill on an actual human!" It was said in a cackle that made Seamus shiver at its intended tone. Amycus strode up to the front of the room motioned to someone at the back of the room. The whole group of students grew absolutely silent as two first years, one a boy and one a girl, marched to the front of the room in a tiny line with both of their heads down.
Seamus felt his blood boil again. It had been doing that a lot lately, and usually in the two classes he hated the most. Whatever these first years had done, it surely didn't deserve something like torture. There were others all around him who clearly felt the same. Small murmurs of protest were heard from a few of the surrounding students.
"I have brought some students who have earned themselves a nice detention for your entertainment. They will be our test subjects to see who can do the worst on them." Amycus was sneering again, and at the word entertainment, Seamus felt himself stiffen. "Now who would like to go first?"
Not a single person raised their hand. Amycus raised one of his dirty old eyebrows, eyes moving all around the room. Seamus closed his eyes, wishing to become invisible. There was no way he would hurt first years with an Unforgivable Curse. The very thought was making his blood run cold. What would Dean say if he could see them all now? Would he have to go along with the teacher or would he understand the feeling Seamus had of utter horror and hatred at the thought of what they might do to these two? Seamus had a feeling Dean would have understood.
"Not a single person? You won't be very strong yet, you're only three weeks in after all. It's never too early to start handing out punishments." Amycus was growling now, skulking around each desk, eyeing every student.
When he stopped at theirs, Seamus saw Neville flinch and he had to force himself to shut his eyes again. Amycus let out a small chuckle. He could tell neither of them wanted to be part of this. Seamus was pleading inside his mind for forgiveness from whoever worked the world up there, because he wasn't sure he would survive this.
"Ah, Longbottom and Finnigan," the "professor" paused, "take your spots up front and get in line with your student."
Shaking his head, Seamus continued to keep his eyes closed. No way. No way in hell was he going to get up there and do that. There were whispers from around again: people were probably betting on which one of them wouldn't do it and which one would. Seamus had a feeling Neville was refusing as well because he didn't hear the other boy stand up.
The Death Eater gave a sigh, "Get yourselves up there, boys, or I'll do it for you."
A sudden large amount of pain hit him as his head was pushed into the desk by the man beside him. The hand was hot and heavy and awful feeling, and it kept pressing on the back of his head and sort of moving it back and forth until he was sure he had a cut across his forehead. Neville had let out a gasp with the rest of the class, but Seamus was hoping he didn't do anything stupid like stand up. Once his head was finally released from the death grip, he looked up through the blood that was seeping down his nose and eyes at Amycus in anger.
There wasn't enough words to describe what he was feeling right now. The people who thought like this man were forcing Dean to go run for his life and they would stop at nothing to kill him. Amycus wasn't aware of this whole relationship with Dean but Seamus made a promise to himself in that moment that this man would suffer for being part of what had destroyed everything in his life in one piece of paper and a few words.
"Get up, Finnigan." Amycus was more threatening now. He kept his eyes open, staring long and hard at the squat man in front of him while the blood continued dripping down his face. "I'll use the curse on you yourself if you both don't get up."
Seamus heard a rustle of robes as Neville stood up, but when he glanced at the other boy, he could tell he was nervous because he was trembling. Any sort of whispers had stopped as everyone watched in amazement as Seamus continued to sit there, he refused to get up and do anything.
"Good boy, Longbottom. Choose your victim and go to him now. You on the other hand will be getting a detention with me if you don't stand up this instant, Finnigan." Detention probably included the Cruciatus Curse but Seamus was really starting to not care. Three weeks in and he was already done with all of this.
Carrow eventually had to lift him up by his collar and stand him up, being that Seamus wasn't taller than he and therefore was easier to lift. Seamus pulled his collar down furiously as he glared at the man and began walking to the front of the room, head down as he tried wiping away some of the blood. It had stopped eventually, but it was still dried on there. Neville looked at him in sorrow as he reached the other student, the boy, and stood in front of him. There was no shame in having been picked up by the collar for Seamus, he instead was glad he had finally stood up to Amycus in such a dangerous position because clearly there was no way of surviving if you didn't.
He would remember the cry of pain that emitted first from the boy's mouth as the curse took its hold on him. Seamus hated it, he hated this, and he could feel tears coming to his eyes as he held his wand out, continuing the torture. Amycus was watching them both. Seamus stopped after only one minute, and continued to shake his head. He couldn't do this. He wasn't going to watch these two suffer because he was doing a completely illegal curse on an 11 year old who had entered Hogwarts with hopes and dreams.
Hopes and dreams of a life that was full of magical fantasies. Seamus remembered it pretty decently and wished it didn't have to be like this for so many students this year. The magic that Hogwarts had always had was dead. It no longer had a joyous feeling to it. All had been lost when the Death Eaters had come.
Neville was actually crying, with full tears going down his face. He had given up around the same time Seamus had, and he was trying to wipe it away before Amycus could see it, Seamus could see him out of the corner of his eye. The Death Eater stalked forward with a hideous frown on his face. Seamus found himself begging to that unnamed thing again that there would be nothing painful in what Amycus Carrow said to Neville because bloody hell, Neville didn't deserve that.
"Is it too painful for the little boy to see what destroyed his mum and dad?" A fake, mocking tone came out of Amycus. Seamus bared his teeth, letting out a low growl. "Get over that one real fast Longbottom or I'll have you in detention tonight."
That was the worst class he'd ever been to. When they'd left it, Seamus found himself surrounded by Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs alike, telling him that it was going to be okay because he hadn't done it out of choice and foolish things. Neville appeared to have attracted his own crowd as well. It was only slightly relieving to hear these things, but deep down he couldn't forgive himself. If he ever told Dean about it, would he be forgiven? Just thinking about that caused him to nearly double over in his tracks. The pain over Dean was still real for him, and the few left walking with him noticed.
"If you need anything, Seamus, we're open to help." It was Luna Lovegood, who had apparently appeared out of nowhere and gotten the whole story down in two minutes. He gave a slight nod, but it wasn't like they could do anything.
He trudged to his next class in low spirits, and if Professor McGonagall noticed, she didn't say anything.
There was something simple in the way that life worked. It was as if it just slid back and forth between good and bad things, but there was never an in between because if one got close to that, they'd slide right back to either end. Seamus was stuck in the bad end, he'd decided. Philosophy wasn't his thing but he had plenty of time to think of things like that during breaks and at night while he listened to Neville snore, which he was busy doing right at that moment.
He was sleeping in Dean's bed that night as well, since it was the weekend. On weekends, he liked to sleep in it and pretend that it still had something of what Dean smelled like on it. If Neville noticed, he never said anything about it.
A new threat was hanging over Seamus' head now, known as detention with the Carrows. The story of the Cruciatus Curse went around the school in a day and he had heard about it nonstop for days on end. Everyone seemed to be in pity of him and Neville. Even the teachers-aside from Snape and the Carrows-sent them worried looks for days. But after that it had turned into something completely different. Seamus had decided he was going to stand up against what Amycus wanted them to do the very next class. No humans were involved, but he refused to practice the curse on his classmates. He also refused to listen and pay attention to Alecto in Muggle Studies.
She spoke of such nonsense that it hurt his head and his heart to think about it. Muggles were scum, Muggleborns were still dirty thieves, and Wizards with any ounce of pure-blood in them were sacred. Not a single person in that class argued against what she said any more than Seamus did. He just didn't let it be known until she'd finally come to the end of what she was calling "Lesson One: How Muggles Are Not To Be Trusted" and plainly said that any half-blood or pure-blood was not to ever acquaint one's self with a Muggleborn wizard or witch for fear of them stealing not just one's magic, but their heart as well. During this time, Seamus had stood up and stared at her until she paid attention to him.
"Yes, Seamus?" She looked at him with a scowl, her eyes staring holes into his head.
"Since when did ya have a heart to worry about being stolen?" He had shot it back, loudly and in utter frustration.
There had been silence from Alecto and the other students had taken the time to gape at him, open mouthed. To have said anything of the sort to this woman was outrageous. Considering it was also against society's rules to talk against one's teacher or boss, this was a step out of line that not a single person had seen coming except maybe Neville. Seamus continued to stare at her, he didn't care that every eye was on him.
"Finnigan, you'll have detention in a week* at 6 o'clock, be ready to report to my office by then." This was all the ugly little woman said and then had ignored him after that, which forced him to sit down again and lean his head against his hand, ignoring all that everyone was saying.
Now as he lay against Dean's pillow, he began to feel the despair coming on. It happened every time he slept here. He hated crying especially when Neville had the potential of waking up and hearing him but after the lesson in Dark Arts, neither of them minded the other showing some sort of what might otherwise be considered unmanly emotion in front of the other. Neville had never really cared, truly, if Seamus was honest with himself. But he was so used to others being in the room that it was hard to shake off the sort of "tough teenage boy" act and just let loose. That was, until he got onto Dean's bed and spent at least an hour crying.
As he went through with the "ritual" tonight, he considered what was to come. If detentions were really as many said, things were looking down.
Every rumor about detention with the Carrows was probably true. It seemed they liked Unforgivable Curses past the point of an obsession and since so few people had managed to get detentions so far, very little was known aside from that. Some had far worse ideas about punishments, but he paid no mind to those. The rest of the day he'd been stared at, but the students were more in awe at him standing up against Alecto than anything else. As far as the entire school was concerned, Seamus Finnigan was the first one of them to stand up against the Carrows and get his way with them.
*the detention will take place in October, that is why it isn't in this chapter.