Originally written for the Death Note Fanfiction Contest community at lj.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.
Theme: week #19 - shopping
Characters/Pairings: L, Light, Misa
Summary: In which L discovers the hidden wonders whipped cream cans.
Warnings: none, unless you disapprove of the use of inhalants.
A/N: This was born of my own recent exploits into the glorious world of nitrous oxide. This really works, by the way. Laughing gas is fun! Try this at home, kids! (Note: Don't try this at home, kids.)
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Task Force Headquarters was filled a blanket of quiet that had become the norm, disrupted only by an occasional murmur from one the investigators scattered about the main room, a rude slurping or crunching noise every now and then from the world's greatest detective as he enjoyed his sweets, and the subdued, ever-present hum of high-end computers and monitoring devices.
This stillness was abruptly shattered as Misa came prancing in, calling Light's name in a high-pitched sing-song voice and holding a small plastic bag in her hands. Matsuda appeared a few paces behind her, toting several, much heavier-looking bags and wearing a grin that belied obvious pain. "Oh, Liiii-ight… Misa bought some things for you…" the girl beamed, bouncing over to the young man's chair. Glancing over her shoulder, she offhandedly ordered "Matsu" to take the rest to her room before turning her attention back to Light.
"Listen Misa, I really don't have time for this right now," Light said, trying to focus on the computers and turning his back to her.
She grabbed his chair, swiveling him around to face her. "You're always busy. This is Misa's time." He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off. "I promise this'll only take a second. Look!" She cried, brandishing the grocery bag with enough enthusiasm for it to have contained the Holy Grail. Stepping over the chain that connected Light to L, who was perched in a chair a few feet away, Misa set the bag down on the counter and began digging through it, extracting the spoils. "See?" Bottles of chocolate, strawberry and caramel syrups were lined up before Light's monitor, along with a single can of whipped cream. For his part, Light said nothing, only stared at Misa in horror as if she'd suddenly sprouted another head and begun speaking in tongues. Misa looked confused, almost disappointed for a moment before replacing the look with her previous, radiant smile. "Oh! Don't worry! I won't be eating any of it. Misa would never dream of getting too fat for Light. But…" she murmured, her demeanor turning sultry, "She thought maybe you could think of some way to use these... She thought it might make you… less shy?"
Light gazed unblinkingly at her for a few more seconds, now looking more disdainful than anything else. "No," he simply said, turning to the computer again and starting to type, for emphasis.
Misa visibly deflated, shoulders slumping in defeat. "Aww…" she whined. "And Misa thought this would really work…" She turned to find herself face-to-face with L, who had apparently deemed the arrival of more sweets to be worthy of leaving his seat.
"Misa… As Light has shown no interest in these items, may I…?"
"Sure. Fine. Misa can't have them, anyway," she pouted, stepping behind Light's chair to gloomily watch him work. "Do whatever you want with them."
L had seized the whipped cream before the girl had finished talking, and was already on his way back to his seat. He was actually fairly interested in this new saccharine arrival. While it was a common ingredient in his sugary confections, whipped cream was always added before being served to him by Watari. He'd never had access to an entire bottle of the stuff by itself.
He climbed into his chair and settled into his usual position, tearing the tamper-proof seal and popping the lid off of the steel bottle. L briefly studied the topping container before placing the opening directly into his mouth.
Still standing behind Light, Misa caught a glimpse of the detective's actions out of the corner of her eye. Noting the way L held the can completely upright, a smirk crept across her face.
L gripped the plastic opening with his teeth, pressing it forward. But instead of receiving sweet, fluffy goodness, he was met with a gust of cold air shooting down his throat. He was a bit startled, but kept pressing the can's opening, expecting whipped cream to eventually come out. None did.
Misa was unashamedly watching L now, grinning and holding back giggles.
L ended up sucking in gas from the steel bottle until he was out of breath, and was forced to remove it and gasp for air. When he did, his head spun, suddenly heavy. He swayed from side to side for a moment, then turned to the snickering pop idol across from him. "Misa Amane," he slurred, his voice an octave lower than normal. "What did you put in this container?" She had drugged him. Misa Amane had drugged him. He was sure of it. And yet… he somehow didn't care at the moment. He stuck the can back in his mouth and sucked again—looking like some bizarre, overgrown man-child—and was elated when it finally yielded whipped cream… in a liquefied form.
He was about to complain about the lack of a "whipped" quality to the whipped cream, but while attempting to swivel towards Misa, he unexpectedly slipped from the chair and ungracefully collided with the ground.
Feeling the sudden jerk on his end of the chain, Light jumped, and was surprised to find L sprawled on the floor. "…Are you all right, Ryuuzaki?"
L clumsily pulled himself to his feet, a serene smile on his lips and a distant look in his eyes. "Why yes, I'm fine, thank you."
Light watched, disconcerted, as the detective unsteadily took his seat again. This was proving to be an odd day.
L scooted forward, resuming work as if nothing had happened. The steel can of whipped cream slowly rolled away on the tile floor, lost in his fall. He glanced at it, then back to the computer screen. "Misa-san," he said, "Is there any chance you might be grocery shopping again soon?"
Misa, whose ability to stifle her laughter for so long was a testament to her acting skills, could hold it in no longer.
Light was suddenly struck with the mental image of L making his way down the dairy aisle of a grocery store, ripping caps off of whipped cream bottles and sucking the nitrous oxide propellant out of several before being apprehended by security guards. Yes, Light assured himself. This was certainly an interesting day.