Chapter 1

And I Thought Gray Was The Only Stripper

It started when Cana got a very interesting new card game as a reward. The game was called Cards Against Humanity, and the guild was in for some big changes.

The only thing that was different about that evening was how quiet the hall was. There were only eleven people there: Mirajane was behind the bar, Gajeel was watching Levy read, slightly pouting because the small mage wasn't paying attention to him, Juvia was spying on Grey, as he was fighting with Natsu. Lucy was trying to break them up. Erza was upstairs with a special friend, and Laxus was talking to the newest recruit, an Air Dragon Slayer by the name of Kendra.

Cana flung open the doors, frustrated as hell. She hadn't been able to drink a single drop on her entire way, all because of her unwanted guest. Bacchus! Even in her mind the name tasted bitter.

Their first encounter happened at the Grand Magic Games, when he managed to actually out drink her. They'd hung out a couple times since then, but this was too much.

He'd helped her out on her last job, which was appreciated, but then he wouldn't leave her alone. She couldn't ditch him, no matter how hard she tried, and when she asked him why he was following her, he said that he had business with their master, meaning that she was stuck with him, and he stole all her alcohol.

She'd been flying sober for the last two days and she was ready to kill someone, preferably a bun wearing asshole. "Mira," she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Get me my usual, and tell the master the jackass from Quatro Puppies is here." Cana settled into her usual spot on a table and began chugging her favorite liquid. Ahhh, I'm alive.

The last time she'd been sober was during the S-class trial, and that was just because she was depressed.

Cana had been resubmerging her sorrows when her new mortal enemy sat down next to her. "What the hell are you doing? I thought you had to talk to the master," she growled.

Bacchus reached up and stole the barrel out of her hands. "Apparently," he slurred. "The old man's out for the night, so the sexy little bar keep sent me your way. You're supposed to let me crash at your place for the night."

"WHAT!? MIRA!"

The silver haired devil simply smiled. "Well, Natsu will probably end up at Lucy's, so they're out. Erza, Juvia, Levy, and Kendra all live at Fairy Hills. Gray's house is basically a freezer, and there's no way I'd send him with Gajeel or Laxus. That leaves you."

Knowing that she would never win an argument with the crazy woman, Cana chose a better route, she stole back her drink from her new roommate.

"Ohh, what's this?" the asshole in question asked. "Oho, I've heard of this game. Hey, Mirajane! You should round everybody up and make them play with us."

"What game is it? Oh, Cards Against Humanity," Cana saw the wheels begin to turn in the young woman's mind. The great matchmaker has come out to play.

In no time, everyone was gathered, even Laxus and Kendra. Erza's mysterious guest turned out to be Jallal. Gajeel only came because Levy wanted him to. Natsu dragged Lucy and Gray, so of course, Juvia had to follow. Cana moved off the table and started shuffling the white cards.

"What're we playin'?" questioned the coal haired Dragon Slayer.

Bacchus responded before she got a chance to, "Strip Cards Against Humanity."

"Strip!" most of the woman cried.

The men eyed certain women and a knowing gleam entered their eyes.

"Of course," Mirajane said with a smile. "And remember, if you don't play, it'll make me very upset."

No one wanted that. The girls grumbled and moaned, but sat down anyway. Erza was the only one who wanted to play, but she was also the only one in any sort of decent relationship.

"Okay, so here're the rules," Bacchus slurred. "One person will be the judge and draw a black card. Everyone will have to draw seven white cards, and when a black card is drawn, everyone except the judge will put down the card they think is the best choice, depending on the person. The judge will also choose one card to be the loser, the loser will have to remove one article of clothing. The winner will be the last person wearing any clothes. Once you've lost all your clothes, you're out, unless your willing to start handing out IOU's or kisses, judges choice. Also, you can trade in two black cards if you get picked for last, instead of removing something. I'll be the first judge and it'll go clockwise from there."

Everybody grabbed their cards, and Bacchus drew the first black card. It read, "What's a girl's best friend?"

A few giggles and chuckles sounded from the group. Hands slapped against the table as people threw their cards down and grabbed another. "Is that all of them?" When everybody nodded, he swept up all the cards.

He read through them all once, roaring with laughter. "Okay, we have; anal beads, my vagina, menstrual rage, waking up half naked in a Denny's parking lot, assless chaps, hot people, Count Chocula, natural male enhancement, tentacle porn, gloryholes, or lactation. Hmm." The drunk thought it over as people laughed, more from Natsu's questions the the cards themselves. "I'm going to go with my vagina."

Everyone was a little shocked when they found out that it was Levy's card, but the humor returned Gajeel started arguing when his card, Count Chocula, was picked as the loser. All eyes were on Levy as he stripped out of his shirt. Her mouth opened in a silent gasp as the tanned muscle was exposed, her face red.

She cleared her throat, "Well, I guess I'm up."

The hilarity continued for hours. Lucy was the first to leave, Natsu trailing not long after. She had been to embarrassed to strip passed her bra and panties, so she quit and chose to go home. Natsu kept bugging her as they walked back to her place.

Next out was Gray, mainly because he'd taken off most of his clothes without realizing it. Unlike his predecessors, he chose to stay and watch the rest of the game. His eyes followed a certain bluenette, watching her as she usually watched him. She was blushing almost as frequently as Levy, but she had far fewer clothes.

Once again, she came in last, unfortunately, she had to choose between her bra and panties. Juvia was about to remove her bra when Bacchus made a crude comment. Gray felt something in him snap. What the hell? She's mine!

Cana took care of Bacchus for him, while he lifted the water mage over his shoulder. He ignored the catcalls and Juvia was enjoying herself too much to complain.

Mirajane collected the discarded clothes and the game continued. With the exception being Levy, who was currently just down her shoes, socks, and headband, everyone was down to their underwear. Erza was just in panties, the girls hanging free. The only one who seemed to care was Jallal, who kept pinching the bridge of his nose to keep it from bleeding.

Gajeel kept glaring at the bluenette next to him. How does she keep winning? She's the most innocent one here.

She ended up losing the next round. Her face was redder than a tomato as she revealed her underwear. FUCK! I never woulda figured shrimp for the type.

It was a matching set, black lace that was playing peek-a-boo. The panties, if you could call them that, were basically non-existent. It's a fucking thong, not just a thong, but one with strings for straps and back.

"Damn, girl," Bacchus whistled. "Who'da thought a cute little thing like you would be wearin' something like that under your clothes."

The Iron Dragon Slayer held back a growl, but barely.

Jellal and Erza were the next two out, and everyone got the feeling that the pair would end up breaking a couple of rules that night, mainly the no boys rule at Fairy Hills. Good for her, Kendra thought. She glanced at the man to her right.

Laxus is so fucking hot, it's not fair. She looked down at her chest. I need a new bra, I wonder where Levy got her's.

Gajeel lost the next hand, but he chose to give two black cards in lue of his boxers. Laxus was the next judge. His card read, "Why am I sticky?"

Kendra's face grew flushed as she thought, I don't know, but I hope it has something to do with chocolate sauce and a love making marathon. Checking her cards, she held in her grown. She didn't have anything that would work for that prompt, and she knew she was about to be showing the girls.

Her hands shook as she placed her card on the pile. He read all the options out and picked "My humps," which earned Levy another card. And of course, the loser was her "Sweet, sweet vengeance." She couldn't seem to get her fingers to work. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get her bra off.

"Do you need some help?" the object of her desire whispered in her ear.

Unable to find her voice, Kendra simply nodded. She'd never even been on a date, and now a man was running a hand up her spine. He pushed her hair over her shoulder, his hand tracing the phoenix on her shoulder. Her breath was coming in soft pants, then she heard, "Fuck it."

The next thing she knew, she was being cradled in a pair of strong arms as he transported them away.

Cana glance at the clock. "Damn, look at the time. C'mon puppy, it's time we headed back to my place." She dragged the half naked man up, waved goodbye to Mira, and began the long walk home. The real fun started not long after they walked through the door.

Mira looked to the remaining two. She had watched the pair the whole night, well she'd watched all of her favorite couples, and she knew that all they needed was a little push. "Hey Levy," she called out. "I'm headed out. Would you please lock up? And Gajeel, I'm counting on you to get her home safe." With a quick wave of her hand, she left.

Levy glanced at the man to her left. His red eyes bore into her, lighting her on fire, and sending a flood to her panties. "W-w-well, I-i guess we should get going."

She moved to get up, but a strong arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her back down. Her mouth opened, but the way he was looking at her made her shut it.

"Shrimp," he growled. "You need to go lock those doors, then you will come back here and sit down. We need to talk."

"A-about what?"

"This," then his lips met hers, and she felt herself melt under his caresses.