Lenny and the Grape Escape

"Hey Homer, I got this great new game! It's called, 'Grape escape', and it's where you have these little clay grapes and you get to squish 'em, you gotta play, let's have some fun!" squealed Lenny. He was so excited that he forgot that Grape escape wasn't exactly new.

"Clay grapes? That's pretty darn weird," said Carl. "I don't know, do you think it would make a mess?"

"Well Lenny, maybe we will play Grape escape, but I thought of an even better game. It is called, 'Eat a donut with some beer', and it's where you eat a donut with some beer," said Homer.

"Sigh" said Lenny.

So then they all went to Moe's, and Moe was all like "Yeah, whaddaya want…?"

"We'll have 3 beers and 3 donuts!" ordered Homer.

Moe said, "Get your own donuts, this place doesn't have any… but you can have all the beer ya want"

Then Barney came and he was all like "OH MY GOD IS THAT GRAPE ESCAPE?? Dude, Lenny, you HAVE to let me play with you!"

Lenny replied: "You want to play Grape escape? THAT IS SO COOL!" And with that, they began to play.

Moe noticed the grape escaping, and shouted: "HEY! You're getting purple clay on my floor! Seriously, I just mopped that! Augh, they're too busy having fun to listen to me."

Homer said, "Hey, Grape escape annoys Moe! Can I play?"

"Sure Homer, there's always room for one more!!" yelled Lenny.

When Moe heard this, he picked up a pan and repeatedly banged it against his head.

Carl, noticing the pan at a tavern, asked, "Hey Moe, what's the pan for?"

Moe replied "It's for banging against my head when I'm exasperated. That's basically its only use."

The barflies all sat around the board and squished each other's grapes, squish-squish-squish-kablooey, Until Moe shouted "I've had ENOUGH of these grapes and mallets and clay all over the floor!"

So he picked up his shotgun and said, "You'd better take it home or you're all bread!"

Lenny noted, "Don't you mean we're toast?"

Moe replied, "Naw, I haven't got a toaster. But I'll make a sandwich outta you, so take it home before I shoot!"

So they took it home.

Then when Moe was sure they were all gone, he picked up the clay, molded it into a perfect self-portrait, and said, "I'm going to name you Moe Jr."

The next day, Lenny said, "Let's use Grape escape to prank Mr. Burns and his assistant!"

Carl said, "How would that work? It's just a game with purple clay."

Lenny responded, "That purple clay is the key to our prank!"

Mr. Burns found that his desk was covered in purple coins. "SMITHERS! What is the meaning of this?"

Smithers began to blush, thinking, "Oh no! He found my sketch! I'll be fired for sure!!"

"Honestly Smithers, keep your arts and crafts to yourself!"

"I'm sorry sir! I didn't mean to let that happen! I am SO sorry…"

"What's with the coins?"

"I- what? Coins?"

"Yes, all these purple coins! I do not need these coins, so why…?"

Smithers tried to take them off the table and found that he could not due to the use of super glue. "You see, sir, I cannot remove the coins."

"Dammit. Call in that one guy, the fat guy, err, what was his name…?"

"Homer Simpson, sir?"

"Right, him. Call him in, and let him know he is in huge trouble."

The intercom was low quality so it clicked, sounding something like this: "Kkkjh, would H-kkh-er Simps-kkhjh-n report kjh Mr. Burkjh's office imme-kkhj-diat-khhk-y?"

Lenny heard this and said, "We really oughta get a new intercom."

After about fifteen minutes of no response, Mr. Burns sizzled, "Oohh, that ignorant boob! He doesn't even recognize his own name! Drag him in by force, Smithers?"

"That wouldn't work, sir. He would most likely just turn around and walk away again. Besides, he's too heavy for me to carry by myself, and I wouldn't want for you to break your back again."

"Then get him in here somehow! He needs to come and fix this!"

"Yes sir" said Smithers and he went down to Homer's office. "We're uh, um, having a, err, hm, a … a DONUT PARTY! Yes, a donut party, uh, and you're missing it. Come on up to Mr. Burns's office, and you can have all the donuts you want."

Homer responded: "Mmm… Donut party…" and started foaming at the mouth. Then he ran up to Mr. Burns's office and said: "Hey, where's the donuts?"

Smithers chuckled a little and said, "I was OBVIOUSLY lying. There are no donuts."

"Instead, I have a task for you," said Mr. Burns, "You need to take away the purple coins. And you can't take a break or I won't pay you at all for tomorrow's work."

"Mr. Burns, you're so mean!" Homer wailed. So he grabbed a scissors and started snipping off the purple coins.

Then Mr. Burns decided, "Smithers, I want my tea. And I want a lemon in it this time."

"Yes sir" said Smithers. Saying that he wanted a lemon in his tea reminded Smithers of something he read earlier that day. Reading the text over again in his mind, he started giggling.

Soon the giggles turned to snickers as he started imagining one of the characters as Mr. Burns, and another as himself. Then Homer said, "You know what? These coins look really suspicious. I think it's all Lenny and Carl's fault! Those guys are being such…"

What Homer said next made Smithers laugh even harder, even though he was extremely offended on their behalf. Mr. Burns called, "Smithers! Settle down! You'll spill the tea all over you!"

"I'm sorry, sir…" replied Smithers while his laughter died down. Then he handed Mr. Burns the tea, and Mr. Burns said, "That's a good, bubbly tea! What did you do, put a rainbow in it? This is the gayest tea I've ever drunk!"

"Wha-WHAT?" said Smithers.

"You know, so bright and happy… You of all people should think that it's a good thing."

"Oh… Oh, right…" said Smithers. His pounding heart calmed down, and he started laughing again.

Later that day, Lenny and Carl were sitting at the bar and drinking beer and waiting for Homer. "Hey, you guys, where's Homer? I only make a profit when Homer's around. He's the only guy who pays for beer around here anyway!" Realizing his words, he said, "Those beers ain't free either."

"We don't care, really. Say, what is that on your shelf between the Duff and the Duff Lite?"

"Oh, this? This is Moe Jr. He's a mini-me. Ain't he adorable?"

"Uhh…" said Lenny while trying to be diplomatic (and failing), "Well, he looks exactly like you!"

Moe looked sheepish and said, "Okay, yeah, he's not really adorable, but he's the best I could do. He's a bitty buddy for when I get lonely at home."

Barney belched and everyone except Moe laughed. "Hey, what was so funny about that? It's a fart joke. Nobody likes those things anyway."

Barney shouted, "Hey! Are you dissing Family Guy? I love that show!"

"Yes, I am dissing Family Guy and I don't know why anyone would like it. It's just fart jokes."

Barney belched again, in Moe's face, and it was the stinkiest belch that had ever formed inside anyone's stomach. Moe said "Augh!!" Then he looked up at the sky and shouted, "HEY! You, with the computer and the sick mind! Yeah, you- ENOUGH with the fart jokes!"

We interrupt this story with an important news flash! Local bartender Moe Szyslak was caught breaking the fourth wall in the bar where he works. We ask an innocent bystander on his opinion of the situation.

"Down with the fourth wall! HOO-HA!!"

Very interesting. We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late!" shouted Homer as he walked into the bar. "I was working late taking all the purple coins off of Mr. Burns's desk."

"Wait, YOU had to do that?" asked an astonished Lenny.

"Yeah, I did. What's so amazing about that? I mean, they didn't want them, and I always get in trouble…"

"I TRIED to tell you it was a bad idea, Lenny" said Carl. Lenny gave a nervous chuckle.

"Ah, yeah, heh-heh, um. I was just- I-I was just playing a joke on Mr. Burns. I didn't see this coming, I thought I would stump them… heh-heh, hm?"

"Well, at least you learned a lesson about playing pranks," said Homer, and the three of them engaged in a group hug.

"Happy ending, sappy ending, happy-dappy sappy ending!" sang Barney. (For those of you reading out loud, sing to the tune of the Meow Mix song.)

The end.