Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, SquareSoft/SquareEnix and Disney do. I also don't own "Last Resort" by: Papa Roach. I only own the plot (hopefully).

(a/n): Okay, Velvet Morning is on a pause because I haven't felt like updating it ; (sorry! To those who have actually be reading it ;). So, I'm starting this one ;. Let me give some explanations about why some things are going to be slightly different. This is an AU. There! That's it.

Warnings: Self-mutilation,suicide, drug abuse, under-age drinking, NCS,rape

Rating:PG-13 – I mean, if you looked, I think the warnings tell you why it's being rated this. I'm not rating it "R" because I don't think it's really that bad.

Pairings: RikuSora, KairiSora, SoraKairi (kind of), other

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Downward Spiral

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Cut my life into pieces

I've reached my last resort

Suffocation no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

Do you even care if I die pleading?

The blade slid easily through the too-pale skin. I smiled. God, it felt so good. Little shivers ran up my spine and I almost made a noise—it felt so good. The rush… the adrenaline rush was to die for. Who needs him when I had this? It didn't matter that this rush didn't have those blue eyes, that brown hair.

No, it was okay that it didn't remind me of him.

Would it be wrong, would it be right

If I took my life tonight

Chances are that I might

Mutilation out of sight

And I'm contemplating suicide

The blood mixes with the cold, water-filled bathtub. Don't get me wrong, I was still fully clothed, I didn't want anyone seeing my body, after-all. Especially not that bastard of a father. I wouldn't find it too hard to believe if that man was some sort of necrophiliac who would only rape my body.

Hey, it wasn't like he didn't do it while I was still alive, right?

I never realized I was too spread too thin

I'll it was too late and I was empty within

Another slice.

This one was followed with a small sting, and I had a feeling I hit the vein again. I don't know how I wasn't losing consciousness. I had already gotten weak from no eat, no sleep, drugs, and all my worry.

The past year had been hell. Somehow my new habits had caused a stunt in my growth—maybe I just stopped altogether?—and now he was taller than me. I had always reveled in how I would always be bigger than him, but now I couldn't boast about my muscles or height advantage. No, he had more in everything now.

He had more in happiness, too. He had her.

This slice was deeper than the rest, and it ran over the length of the arm opposite of the other arm with the previous cuts in it. Maybe my anger had fueled this sudden cut, but who cared? I didn't.

The drugs were to make things slightly better, the drinking was too put me into a stupor of misunderstanding so that I wouldn't have to deal with the truth that he wouldn't feel the same way… the way my father had become an alcoholic and now raped me almost weekly.

Hungry, Feeding on my chaos and living in sin

Downward spiral, where do I begin

Watching them had been almost as painful as getting raped by my own father, if not worse. They would always be laughing, and he'd wrap an arm around her shoulders as she blushed lightly.

It hurt so much—to watch them together… But, he'd always seem so… so happy. I didn't want to take it away from him. I wanted him to be happy. My sadness didn't matter, did it? No, not to me… I wanted to make him happy... I wanted to make sure he'd always smile… That smile he did that would light up the room he was in.

I wanted him to stay like he was forever. That's why I was waiting to die in that bathtub. That's why I had to end my life. Because, in order for him not to be hurt by me, I had to stop existing. In order for him to smile, I had to die.

The next slice was the last, since I became too weak to hold the knife after it. I smiled as I watched the still-running water spill over the edges of the tub and onto the rug and tile beneath. I could almost imagine my father's annoyance when he had to clean it.

It all started when I lost my mother

No love for myself and no love for another

Searching to find a love upon a high level

Finding nothing questions and devils

But, now, all I could think of was that day last week, when I had been stupid enough to admit to him that I had feelings towards that were a little more than friendly. But, at least I had gotten a taste of those lips against mine, before he ran off.

He hadn't spoken to me since, and I guess it was sort of a last straw. He had been the only thing that had held me together… Without him, I finally succumb to what had been calling me…

Nothing's alright, nothing is fine

I'm running and I'm crying

The final slashes.

Sure, I had been doing this long before now, and this wasn't my first time. Far from it, actually. I had been cutting myself for months now, and the flawless skin there was now covered with little slashes. But, of course no one ever noticed them. I had been very careful with how I hid them—wearing long-sleeved shirts even in the hottest of weather.

Hey… It's getting so dark now… The funny thing is, I can hear his voice calling my name in my head. God, why is he everywhere? I guess death really is the only escape from him.

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Even now, I miss him… I wish he was here to tell me everything would be fine… Just like he had when my mom had died… Just like he had been my father started drinking… Just like he had when I would cry.

My vision blurs further, and I realize that it's hard to breathe. Heh, so I'm really dying now. I'm not scared though. I just hope I don't miss him in whatever comes after this… Everything feels numb… and my eyes close… I can almost see him smiling in my head; him being happy. But, as everything fades, I change my mind and hope I do miss him. I would never want to forget him…

I'm sorry, Sora, but…

Can't go on living this way

Nothing's alright

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(a/n): I might continue this. Review?