She remembers the seventh grade. Images of subway rides, white horses, and hands being raised to ask her on a date flash through her mind. She recalls that all these thoughts once made her feel warm, like she was being hugged by the sun. Now all she feels is a bitter, cold, numbness that consumes her.
He was hers. He was hers. He was hers. At least that's what she thought. She wonders when he stopped being completely hers. Was he ever hers to begin with? Or was she sharing the boy since that fateful day on the subway with her best friend, the blonde beauty, the girl who so obviously trumps her pretty brunette self.
She tries to be patient. She understands that all of them are going through feelings and emotions without being completely sure of what it all means. But the longer he waits, the more she slips into a frozen state of being, unable to breathe, unable to move, unable to feel.
She tries sealing her heart to prepare for his sorrys and sad eyes as he tells her that he wants Maya. After all, they did seem like such a couple on the bay window when she was covered in purple paint and he was elated that he made a decision. She waits and waits and waits for Lucas' goodbye speech to their romantic relationship, but it never comes. She wishes he would just rip the bandage off and let her move on. She needed to know it was over. It would hurt less at this point.
Riley isn't particularly excited about the ski lodge trip, and not just because of the horror stories she's heard from her father about those "evil" places. She just doesn't want to be around everyone while pretending she's the same smiley Riley. But maybe she can end this ridiculous triangle once and for all. Maybe if she stepped back and let Lucas and Maya figure things out, she could finally start healing.
The brunette is chatting with Smackle and Farkle excitingly until she trips over her own two feet. She reaches out to hold on to something to prevent her from falling, but realizes too late that she's pulling a boy down with her. They land on the floor with a thud and he's on top of her. She looks into his piercing blue eyes and her face heats up.
He smirks at her, "You make quite the introduction."
Riley can feel her cheeks getting even warmer and lets him pick her off the floor, "Hi."
The boy looks her up and down and smiles kindly, his blue eyes boring into her brown ones and making her experience all sorts of wonderful feelings, "Hey."
Riley giggles, "Hi," she says again, unable to stop the butterflies in her stomach from buzzing.
"Hey," a harsh voice belonging to Lucas breaks the spell and she suddenly remembers where she is. The Texan must be upset because Riley has kept all her friends waiting. She bites her lip and glances at Lucas who is crossing his arms with anger splashed on his face. Then she looks at the other boy who is still smiling at her.
She sticks out her hand, "I'm Riley."
His smile gets impossibly larger and he shakes her hand, "Nice to meet you Riley. My name is Evan."
She notices little shocks all over her body as they touch. She hasn't felt this way since before Texas, before the campfire, before the triangle.
Evan lets go of her hand and her heart slightly drops, but he's smiling at her and she's so mesmerized that the butterflies fly back.
"You wanna hang out? I don't really have any friends around here." One hand flies to the back of neck and Riley can tell that the poor boy is nervous. She's giddy that she did that, she made him nervous.
She's about to say yes and then a familiar voice rings in her ears, "Riley, don't you think it would be better to hang out with us instead of a guy you just met?"
She looks back at Lucas standing next to Maya. She can take herself out of the equation and let them feel whatever they feel. And maybe, just maybe, she'll get to hang out with a cute boy of her own for the trip.
She shakes her head at the boy, "I'll still hang out with guys later, but Evan needs a friend right now. You understand, right Lucas?"
"Yeah, you understand, right Lucas?" Evan chimes in.
Lucas grits his teeth, but nods yes to the brunette.
Riley smiles brightly at Evan and signals him to lead the way to their next adventure. The last thing she hears is Lucas saying something about kicking a tree. She shrugs to herself, it must be a snowboarding trick.
Her and Evan spend hours together. For quite some time he tried to teach her how to ski, but after realizing there was no hope of helping the klutzy brunette master the sport, they go inside and simply talk to each other.
She learns that he's from New Jersey, but that he's always wanted to travel, especially to Spain to practice Spanish, a language he's been taking since the sixth grade. He talks about his little sister like she's the most important person in the universe and Riley can't help but internally squeal at how cute it is. He tells her he wants to study law to fight for people that have no one to fight for them and Riley's swooning.
It's so easy to be with him. She can feel herself turning back into Riley Matthews, the real Riley Matthews. The girl with hopes and dreams and who believed. It reminds her of libraries and Knicks rants and popcorn and chocolate.
Evan stares at her, grinning as he speaks, "Enough about me, tell me about you."
She chews on her bottom lip, scared that this boy will no longer want to hang out with her after discovering her dorky personality. But his kind blue eyes ease her worries and she's talking before she even realizes words are spilling out of her mouth.
She tells him her stories. Stories about her friends, family, and mostly about her. He listens closely and his grin grows as each second passes.
"How can you be so adorable?"
She giggles at him. How could he be so amazing? No boy has ever been so sweet to her. Not even Charlie. Not even Lucas. It's nice to have one person as hers. She doesn't mind sharing her parents, her uncles, and even her boyfriend with Maya, but sometimes she just wants one person who likes her more than anyone else, someone that likes her more than her best friend.
It's different from Charlie. With Charlie she wanted to feel something, everything would have been solved if she had felt something for him, but she didn't. With Evan she definitely feels everything, though not as intense as her feelings for Lucas, it allows her to hope. She might never see Evan again after this trip, but these feelings, these thoughts she has of him remind her that she can make it without Lucas Friar, that when he chooses Maya, she'll be disappointed, but she'll live.
She starts to respond to the boy sitting next to her until she feels a soft hand on her shoulder, "Riles? Wanna hang out now?" Maya says.
She turns slightly and sees the rest of her friends staring at her. She feels so strange under Lucas' intense gaze.
Evan takes notice of the situation and smiles at the beautiful girl, "Go. We'll catch up later."
She thanks him and is ready to leave with Maya until she feels his strong hand pull her into his arms. He's hugging her. In front of all her friends and she's sure she's redder than a stop light, "Catch ya later city girl."
When he lets go and she walks to her friends she doesn't notice that a heavenly sigh spills out of her mouth or that Lucas is clenching his fists, turning his knuckles white.
"What were you doing with him?" The green-eyed boy all but shouts at her.
Riley snaps out of her daze looks at him confused, "We were just talking Lucas."
"Riley I don't want you alone with that boy."
She squints her eyes, "And why not?"
"I just don't think you should Riley. You should spend time with us. Your friends. Not that guy."
"Since when do you decide who I spend my time with Lucas?" Her voice is harsh and calculated. How dare he try to control her.
"Since I've been your friend. Can't you see he doesn't have good intentions?"
She steps closer to the boy, rage rushing through her veins, "So a boy can't possibly want to be my friend without having some ulterior motive?"
Lucas nods, "Exactly. How can you be so stupid to not realize that he's going to hurt you?"
Her head pounds. She wants to scream at him. Before she has the chance to she hears Zay say "woah" and it takes her back to the first day of high school in that hole. She was tired of sharing, waiting, and being too much for him. She was tired of him.
"That's rich coming from you," She lets out a bitter laugh and lets her eyes flick up to meet his. He does nothing to hide the irritation in his green orbs. "Considering you're the only person that's ever broken me."
Maya steps in between the two of them, "Guys calm down, this isn't us."
Lucas can't look her in the eyes anymore and Riley forces her face to shown no emotion. She spins on her heel and walks away without giving a second thought. She can hear Maya and Farkle calling her name but she doesn't care. She needs to leave, to get away from it all, to get away from Lucas.
She sits by herself on the sofa for hours. A part of her is happy that none of her friends have found her yet and she's just thinking, thinking, thinking of everything that's going wrong. She doesn't understand why Lucas would be angry with her. All she did was talk to a boy. Why does it matter what she does, shouldn't he be focused on Maya?
Riley's thoughts are interrupted by a newly comforting voice, "City girl, we meet again. Is this seat taken?"
The corners of her lips turn upwards and she gestures to the seat next to her.
"So...wanna tell me what's going on with you and Lucas, because you're cute, no doubt, but I wouldn't want to go after an already taken girl."
"There's nothing going on," she mutters.
Evan rolls his eyes, "Riley, come on. He looked like he wanted to kill me just for being in the same room as you. There's definitely something."
This time Riley rolls her eyes, "You're misinterpreting things, he's going to be with my friend Maya."
Evan shrugs, "I respectfully disagree with your absurd conclusion, he's crazy about you."
Riley's world stops for a moment. She doesn't care anymore. Even if Lucas wanted her, he wanted Maya too, and Riley didn't want that. She doesn't want to keep living in this never-ending cycle of evening things up and losing herself. She wants him to let go. She wants to feel alive. She wants to find love again. It didn't matter anymore. He was too late.
She looks up at the new and interesting boy in front of her, "Maybe he is. But I'm done being crazy about him."