Author's Notes: So this story was inspired by Pirate Monkey's Mary Sue Comic. If any of you have read it, you know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't heard of it,google it, man. Anyway, this story's kinda short, but I tohught it was kinda funny.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter Universe belongs to the great JKRowling. I don't think Fudgie-Num-Nums are a real snack food, but just incase, I don't own them either. All I own is this bottle of flavored water that had unlimited access to my mouth. Jealous? I thought so.

To Sue or Not To Sue?

Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl names Ember Maiden. She had black eyes and blonde hair with red streaks, so that it looked as if her head were actually on fire. She had lovely teeth and a small nose and small hands and a body that, despite not working out or never eating anything but Fudgie-Num-Nums was absolutely perfect.

Ember Maiden (suspenseful pause) was coming to Hogwarts.

At her Sorting Ceremony, (which really was hers because she was a new student but going to be a seventh year and even though this had never been heard of in the history of Hogwarts it was sure as hell happening now!) she got into Gryffindor before Professor McGonagall even got the Hat near her. She walked perfectly over and sat in the only available seat, next to a boy who quietly introduced himself as Neville Longbottom. She thought he was adorable and sweet.

She held his hand and fed him mashed taters when the feast began. She conjured up food the other people didn't get from the kitchens, food from other countries.

Speaking of other countries, I forgot to mention, Ember was from America. She was from Alaska as a matter of fact.

Anyways, Neville finally found his courage, which was installed in his mother's bubblegum wrappers and aided by Mary Su- I mean, Ember Maiden's kindness.

He went out and caught up to Harry Potter and Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, who were out having spectacular adventures, put them all somewhere safe and thwarted Lord Voldemort himself.

He came back to the feast a little out of breath, but all in all not worse for wear.

"Oh, Neville!" cried Ember throatily. "Neville, I knew you could do it!"

"Aw, you're just saying that," muttered Neville, diverting his eyes and scuffing the floor with his shoe in a thoroughly "Aw, shucks, ma'am" manner.

"No," she purred, cuddling up against his shoulder, "I'm psychic seven different ways. I knew you could do it."

Harry Potter and his friends who don't seem to need an introduction…ever…came back to school looking rather confused. All those angsty teenage conversations with their consciences seemed silly now..

Ember dropped Neville like a dead rat on fire and flew to Harry's side.

Ron jumped out of surprise. Hermione said, "Not another one…" and walked away thoroughly clutching Ron's hand to show that he was hers.

"Psst!" she said to Ginny while sitting down at their usual places. "New girl's got her hands on Harry." Ginny's looked very angry.

"Where?" said a deep demonic voice from the Ginny/Harry shippers. Ginny coughed. "I mean, where?" she said in her normal voice.

Ron looked at the camera meaningfully and thought, "Women."

Hermione pointed at Ember and Harry and Ginny sat back down. "Oh it's one of those. He can handle that himself," she said, and returned to her pie.

Over there, Harry tried to catch Ginny's eyes, to ask for a little help, but Ginny was laughing into her pies.

Harry put his hands on the girl's shoulders, meaning to tell her off, but a strange feeling came over him and he kissed her. Right then and there. No fireworks went off like when he'd kissed Ginny, so he wiped his mouth and walked back to his table.

Ember melted.

The End……or is it? Ooh, uncertainty…

A/N: And whatever you do, DON'T REVIEW! (I didn't mean it darlings! REVIEWing is now a healthy source of calcium!)