A/N I recently got my housemates into Castle and they are now onto series 5 and after re-watching 5x01 this idea suddenly hit me. Sorry if parts seem a little rushed but I haven't got much free time at university with all the essays and stuff I have to write. Anyway I hope you enjoy this!
Ryan was sat at his desk looking forlornly over at Beckett's desk where she, Castle and Esposito were all stood chatting and smiling. Beckett kept shooting glances his way, trying to encourage him to come over, but he would just look away and continue filling out his paperwork. The thing was, it had been three weeks since his friends had finished their suspensions and while Beckett and Castle might have wanted him to come over and chat he knew Esposito wouldn't. He sighed and shook his head, he had done the right thing in talking to Gates, and he knew he did. Beckett even told him that and Castle thanked him for what he did that day. So why did Esposito, his partner and best friend, continue to act as if he had done something so massively wrong that it was completely unforgivable?
He heard footsteps approaching and looked up not to find one of his team walking towards him, but none other than Detective Ben Copeland, his partner from narcotics. His face broke into a wide smile, the first real smile to grace his face in a few days. He stood from his chair and noticed from the corner of his eye that Beckett, Castle and even Esposito were looking in his direction.
"Hiya Copeland" he grinned, "How've you been?"
"Hi Ryan, I've been good. Can't complain, the wife's expecting again" responded Copeland, also with a grin on his face.
"That makes what now? Three kids?"
"Wow you can count!" said Copeland in a mock serious tone.
Ryan frowned, but still with a smile in his eyes. "So despite me being in homicide for seven years you've still not changed."
"I thought you liked me the way I am?" asked Copeland, "So how's things with you?"
Ryan hesitated and he noticed Copeland begin to frown, so he smiled, though it was nowhere near what it had been a minute ago. "I'm good, Jenny's been learning some more recipes from her mom so I'm getting some more great food."
Copeland frowned in confusion, "Thought you liked cooking?"
"I do" nodded Ryan, "But Jenny's mom's recipes are fantastic so I don't mind eating those whenever Jenny's offering." Ryan then spotted Castle edging his way over a foot at a time trying to be subtle, but ultimately failing. So he turned to face Castle with one eyebrow raised, "Yes Castle?"
Castle paused realizing he had been caught, then he came closer and looking from Ryan to Copeland and back to Ryan said, "I was just wondering who your friend was."
"Ah" smiled Ryan, "Well this is Detective Ben Copeland from narcotics, and he was also my partner when I worked there."
Castle smiled a greeting to Copeland and Ryan saw Esposito watching him when an emotion passed over his face too quickly for Ryan to pinpoint what it was. He could've sworn that it was some form of jealously, but he shook himself he was probably seeing things. The way Esposito had been acting the past few weeks only showed that he didn't care what Ryan did or said anymore.
"What are you doing up here then Copeland?" he asked turning from his current partner to his old partner.
"Can't I come up to visit you for no reason?" asked Copeland in a mock hurt tone.
"You haven't done that once since I've transferred to homicide so why would you start now? I only see you at the Annual Police Picnic or on the street" responded Ryan with a smile.
Copeland grinned, "You were always a sharp Detective. I came up here to speak to your Captain actually."
"Huh good luck with that!" chuckled Castle.
"So the rumours are true then about Captain 'Iron Gates'?" questioned Copeland as he cast a nervous glance over to Gates' office.
"Oh yeah!" nodded Castle.
Copeland gulped, "Well this'll be interesting."
Ryan smiled and clapped his friend on the back, "Good luck."
"Thanks" replied Copeland with a nod, "Fancy coming in as backup? She knows you and so might be less inclined to bite my head off."
"You'll be fine as you haven't done anything to annoy her. " Soothed Ryan, "but if you do, as you always tend to, just yell and I'll come in and save you. Again."
"Again?! What's that supposed to mean?" protested Copeland,
"How many times in the three years we were partners did I have to save you?" prompted Ryan with an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed.
Copeland opened his mouth to protest and then thought about it, "Alright. Fine, you have a point."
Castle who was always looking for a good story, all but leaped at Copeland when he asked, "Did Ryan have to pull you out of a lot of dangerous situations?"
"Castle!" protested Ryan, he was used to Castle badgering him for stories as he had been hanging around in the homicide bullpen for five years now. But Copeland wasn't used to an excitable Castle. He failed to notice Esposito looking at him in interest before he looked at Copeland.
"Oh yeah a bunch of times. Once, Ryan here, spotted a hidden drug dealer pointing his gun in my direction and pushed me out of the way and took a bullet to the leg" replied Copeland.
"Really?" responded Castle,
"Oh no" groaned Ryan, now he was going to have Castle on his case for the rest of his shift wanting the details.
"Well if you'll excuse me. Catch you later Ryan!" called Copeland as he walked over to Gates' office.
"See ya Copeland!" Ryan called back. He turned back to Castle to find him looking as if he was a kid in a candy store. "What?"
Castle edged a little closer and asked "So you said Copeland was your partner for three years, how long were you in narcotics?"
Ryan breathed a sigh of relief, he was worried Castle was going to pester him about getting shot in the leg. "Three years, Copeland was my first partner as a Detective. He taught me everything I know" he smiled.
"So he taught you that snitching on your partner was a good thing?" sniped Esposito, "Great teacher then."
The smile quickly dropped off Ryan's face and he looked down at his feet, hearing Beckett's hissed "Espo".
He spotted the stack of files on his desk and grabbed them with a quiet murmur, "I've gotta go and file these." He then hastily retreated to the filing room staring at his feet the whole way, ignoring Castle's calling after him.
Once the door shut behind him he looked up and leaned against the shelves. He was gripping the files so tight his knuckles had turned white. He wasn't ashamed of what he did to save Beckett and Esposito that day, but his best friend's hurtful words were beginning to really get under his skin. He didn't know how much longer he could stand to hear the sniping comments. He longed for the days when he and Esposito could joke and laugh to pass days filled with paperwork quickly. Now the days dragged on with his friend glaring daggers at his back and bringing him down with spiteful comments when Esposito actually stuck around long enough to talk to him.
He looked at his watch and noticed that he only had another twenty minutes until he could go home. So he took his time putting the files in their correct places. He would miss Copeland leaving Gates' office but he couldn't stand to sit at his desk behind Esposito's and listen to anymore of Esposito's comments that day.
Soon twenty minutes had passed in blissful quiet. So he headed out the room and back over to his desk, he spotted Beckett and Castle at her desk and Esposito at his, all of them looked as if they were getting ready to leave. Wanting to avoid an awkward ride in the elevator Ryan quickened his pace and reached his desk. He threw on his coat and grabbed his car keys out of his draw. He called out a hasty "see you tomorrow" and headed over to the elevator, missing Beckett's concerned look. Fortunately another Detective was already in it and held the door for him. He murmured his thanks and breathed a sigh of relief when the doors slid shut.
He reached the car garage and walked briskly down the line of cars until he reached his own. It was near the end of the line and quite a ways away from the door that led to the stairs and elevator. But he knew where Esposito liked to park his own car and made sure that there was a significant distance between his car and Esposito's. He got in and started his car and began to drive around the one-way system. Passing the door that led to the elevator he watched as Beckett and Esposito emerged. He turned his head pretending not to notice them as he drove past and out onto the street. It hurt that he felt the need to avoid them, but while all Esposito ever did was glare at him, he didn't want to receive any more glares than necessary from his once best friend.
The next few days passed in much the same way, until five days after Copeland's visit to Gates someone approached his desk and plonked down a piece of paper. He looked up to see Copeland smiling down at him.
"What's this?" he questioned, seeing Esposito's reflection in his computer screen turning around a little.
"A transfer" replied Copeland.
"Are you transferring to homicide? Is that why you came to talk to Gates?" asked Ryan, a little excitement creeping into his voice. It would be great to have Copeland working in the same department as him again.
"No, I talked to Gates about a case I worked a couple of weeks ago when some of your fellow homicide Detectives helped on the case" replied Copeland. "Anyway, the transfer isn't for me. It's for you."
"What?!" exclaimed Ryan in shock, gaining most of the room's attention. In his shock he failed to notice how Esposito dropped his pen in his own shock and had turned his chair to face Ryan's back more clearly.
"My partner is being promoted so there's an opening in the department and catching up with you again made me think that you've been in homicide for seven years now. So wouldn't it be nice for a change? Also you seem pretty stuck here, maybe transferring back to narcotics could get you a promotion in a year or so. As I remember you saying you weren't going to stay a Detective your whole career," explained Copeland. Seeing Ryan's dumbfounded expression he tapped the transfer, "Don't answer now just think about it." With that he turned and walked away leaving Ryan staring after him and then down at the piece of paper on his desk.
Someone dropped down on the chair beside his desk; he turned to see Castle staring at him.
"Are you going to transfer?" asked Castle in a quiet voice, telling Ryan that Castle didn't want him to go.
Seeing Ryan's hesitation to answer Beckett approached, "Ryan?" she prompted.
"I don't understand what's going on," he said softly. He slowly picked up the piece of paper and stared at it.
"If it's the promotion you want you don't have to transfer," said Castle, obviously trying to get Ryan to say he didn't want to transfer.
Ryan broke his gaze from the transfer and looked at Castle, "I'd still transfer out of homicide if I got a promotion Castle."
Castle looked at him wide eyed, "But do you want to transfer to narcotics?"
Before Ryan could answer Esposito finally spoke up, but it did nothing to comfort Ryan. "If he wants to betray his team again let him."
Ryan sucked in a breath and pushed out his chair, only just missing Esposito's and headed into the break room where he stopped and braised himself on the side. There he stood silently, blocking out all the other sounds of the bullpen, as he stood in thought. What shocked him was that he was seriously thinking about accepting that transfer. Copeland had filled out all the information for him. All he had to do was sign it.
All he had to do was sign it. That was what was running through Esposito's mind as he looked over at the transfer sat on Ryan's desk. It was that easy. All Ryan had to do was add his signature and then he'd be out of homicide and back to narcotics. As he sat there looking at Ryan who was still stood in the break room staring out at nothing. He knew. He knew Ryan was seriously considering transferring back to narcotics. Despite all the anger he felt towards Ryan, he didn't want his partner to go. They'd been partners for seven years. Was a signature all that it took to end their partnership? No it wasn't. All it took was a signature and Esposito's own spiteful words and glares at Ryan.
He didn't even know why he continued to act so horribly towards Ryan. He knew Ryan was not to blame for his or Beckett's suspensions. He knew he should have listened to Ryan. He and Beckett should not have gone off on their own. Ryan was right. So why did he continue to act like he was? Why couldn't he just let go of his anger? Beckett had been sending him enough glares to get the message without his own realization.
All Ryan had to do was sign that damn piece of paper and then he'd be gone. And Esposito would have no one else to blame but himself.
All he had to do was tell Ryan he was sorry and ask him not to transfer. But looking at Ryan now, Esposito knew he had a very good chance of loosing his partner. And that just made him angry.
Ryan startled when a gentle hand squeezed his arm, he turned to see Beckett leaning against the side looking at him in concern.
"Are you alright Ryan?" she asked, her gaze unflinching.
"It's all just a shock" he replied looking away from Beckett's gaze and instead looked through the window at the bustling bullpen.
"What do you want to do?"
That was a loaded question. What did he want to do?
"I don't know," he mumbled looking down at his hands.
"I think part of you wants to take that transfer" Beckett commented matter of factly. Ryan snapped his head up to stare at her. "You wouldn't be standing here if you didn't, and its okay if you want to Kevin. If you transfer back to narcotics it doesn't mean I will stop being your friend. I'll be sad to see you go, but if it is what you want. Then I won't stop you."
"I don't know what to do Kate. I'm torn," he confessed in a quiet voice. "A huge part of me wants to stay. But…"
"But Espo isn't making it easy for you and it's making you think if it is worth taking that transfer" finished Beckett.
He chuckled without any humour, "You know me so well. But the thing is I don't want to run away."
"It's not running away Kevin" comforted Beckett; she moved closer and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Can you really stand to continue working here for months with Espo possibly still acting the way he is?"
Ryan shook his head, not able to say his answer out loud. No he couldn't go months with the strained partnership with his best friend. But he also didn't want to leave.
Beckett looked closely at her friend's face and posture and her heart broke seeing Ryan like this. He was like her little brother and she hated to see him hurting and to make it worse it was Esposito who was hurting Ryan. "I think Copeland came at the right time with that transfer Kevin. Whatever you decide remember I'll always be your friend."
She squeezed his shoulder and then left the break room. Ryan looked out of the window again. He knew if things stayed as they were between him and Esposito for much longer, at some point something would go wrong. They would be going to bring in a suspect and something could happen and they wouldn't be watching each other's backs properly and one, or both of them, might not make it home that day.
So with this thought in mind Ryan walked out into the bullpen and went across to his desk. There he sat down and pulled the transfer closer to him and picked up a pen. He could feel the whole bullpen watching him, they all new what he was hesitating to sign over. From the corner of his eye he saw Gates subtly watching him from her office, but he didn't notice one pair of eyes watching him in worry. That pair of eyes belonged to his partner.
Esposito stared at Ryan's back. He waited with bated breath as Ryan's pen hovered over the piece of paper that could change everything. Part of him wanted to reach out and tear the pen out of Ryan's hand and beg his friend not to sign the transfer, to stay. But his stupid pride stopped him, it forced him to sit there and wait for Ryan to make his decision.
Then suddenly Ryan threw his pen down on the desk with a sigh. Esposito, however, was not celebrating just yet. For while Ryan had not signed the transfer, he also didn't rip it up, he instead placed it in one of the drawers of his desk. Telling Esposito that Ryan still might sign the transfer and leave.
He couldn't concentrate on his paperwork; his mind was fixed on the transfer in Ryan's desk. So when Beckett asked Ryan to put some files in the filling room and when Castle went to go and have lunch with Alexis he stomped over to her desk.
"What did you tell him to do?" he demanded.
Beckett looked up at him in confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"Ryan. What did you say to him? You went to talk to him in the break room and then he comes out and almost signs that damn transfer!" exclaimed Esposito throwing his hands up in the air.
Beckett leaned back in her chair and looked up at him calmly, "I told him whatever he decided I would support him." Seeing the barely concealed anger on Esposito's face, Beckett stood up and looked him straight in the eye. "To be honest Javi, part of him doesn't want to go. But he's not feeling very welcome here anymore. If things don't change, then perhaps the best thing for him to do would be to go."
"You're wrong" Esposito grounded out, trying to keep his voice from shouting.
"Then tell him that. Otherwise he'll sign that transfer and go," said Beckett quietly.
Before he could reply he saw Ryan heading back over to Beckett's desk, so he turned and went back to his own desk. Missing the fallen expression on Ryan's face and not realizing that he had just given Ryan another reason to sign the transfer.
It had been three days since Copeland had given Ryan the transfer and it was only causing more tension in Beckett's team. Castle was hoping that Ryan wouldn't sign the transfer and Beckett, while she didn't want Ryan to go, began to think perhaps Ryan would be happier back in narcotics. Esposito was angry at the idea of his partner transferring, but Ryan thought Esposito's anger was directed at him for his actions of getting him suspended. So about twice a day he would take out the transfer from his desk and spend five minutes with his pen in his hand thinking he should just sign the form.
But this day was different. A murder suspect who they wanted to arrest was also someone narcotics wanted to use to be able to arrest someone else from the gang. So a few Detectives from narcotics, including Copeland, were coming up with a plan for the bust. And so far it had been decided that Ryan and Copeland would pretend to be looking to buy some drugs so the narcotics Detectives could make their own arrest. Esposito was not happy about this; he felt Ryan was a homicide Detective so should not be put in the line of fire just so some narcotics Detectives could get their own suspect. However, Beckett commented that Ryan had agreed so her hands were tied.
So they were all getting into position, Ryan and Copeland dressed in t-shirts and jeans in the alleyway, Beckett and Castle drinking some coffee across the street and Esposito leaning against a wall next to the alley pretending to wait for someone. When the other narcotics Detectives took positions with height advantages.
Everything was going as planned until one of the narcotics Detectives tripped and knocked a loose stone down into the alley alerting the three drug dealers to their presence. All hell broke loose, gunshots were being fired and bullets were pinging of walls and fire escapes. Esposito stuck out a foot to trip a fleeing dealer and handed him to a Detective, before he turned and watched in horror as the murder suspect aimed his gun in Copeland's and Ryan's direction. Ryan saw this and shoved Copeland to the ground and before he himself could move, he was flung sideways as the bullet connected with his chest.
"Ryan!" yelled Esposito, as he ran forwards he saw Copeland crouch down beside Ryan and miraculously Ryan sat up. Seeing Copeland's confused face Ryan lifted his shirt to reveal a bulletproof vest.
Esposito stopped suddenly and watched with jealously as Ryan and Copeland shared an easy and relived laugh. Seeing that he would only make Ryan uncomfortable he turned and cuffed the murder suspect, who also almost killed his partner and his friend.
It was then that he realized that he had to shove his pride aside and make amends with Ryan. While the transfer would mean he would never work with Ryan again, almost being killed by a drug dealer would have meant Esposito never would have gotten the chance to say he was sorry. That had come so close to becoming a reality that he knew he couldn't go a day longer without apologizing to Ryan.
After finding out Ryan had been taken to hospital to ensure none of his rubs had been broken, Esposito made his way down the hospital hallway towards Ryan's room. He ran through his head what he wanted to say, but when he finally found his friend all the words left his mind to be replaced with that feeling of horror when he saw Ryan hit the ground. Not all cops were as safety conscious as Ryan; most cops wouldn't have worn a vest underneath their shirt. Ryan was lucky that he had decided to wear a vest that day, but because Esposito hadn't known this, for a few seconds Esposito had believed his friend was dead. And that had terrified him beyond belief. He was so very thankful his friend was alive, but his terror had now morphed into anger.
"What the hell were you thinking?!" he exploded as he slammed the door to Ryan's room shut.
Ryan looked up after putting his shirt back on (his ribs thankfully were not broken, just bruised). He looked at Esposito's angry face and retorted, "Doing my job."
"Your job does not involve taking risks and almost getting yourself killed!" growled Esposito.
"That's the job" shrugged Ryan, he had now reached his breaking point, and he wasn't going to take Esposito's angry comments anymore without fighting back. He was done playing nice.
Esposito gaped in shock, "You could have been killed! And you're just brushing that off? What is wrong with you!?"
Ryan frowned, his eyes flashing with anger; "I'm not just 'brushing it off' I'm alive and I saved my partner's life."
"He's not your partner!" protested Esposito; he now stood there terrified thinking that Ryan had signed the transfer after all.
"He might as well be!" thundered Ryan.
There was silence for a moment following Ryan's unusual angry outburst.
"What?" asked Esposito quietly with wide eyes.
"Oh don't stand there looking so surprised" Ryan firmly commented, "You've made your feelings quiet clear. You don't want me as your partner." He then began to walk past Esposito, and it was then that Esposito knew that if he didn't say anything he'd go back to the 12th to discover Ryan had signed the transfer. His short conversation with Beckett from three days ago sprang to mind.
"To be honest Javi, part of him doesn't want to go. But he's not feeling very welcome here anymore. If things don't change, then perhaps the best thing for him to do would be to go."
"You're wrong"
"Then tell him that. Otherwise he'll sign that transfer and go."
"No" he said, he heard Ryan stop. So he turned and faced his friend.
"What?" asked Ryan his eyes looking almost hopeful.
"You're wrong. I do want you as my partner. I'm so sorry Kevin for what I said and did. But please don't sign the transfer!" He stared wide eyed at Ryan, pleading with his eyes.
Ryan sighed and rubbed a hand across his face, "Javi…the past few weeks have shown that you don't completely trust me. You hated the decision I made. How can we continue to be partners when you don't trust the decisions I make?"
"No! I do trust you!" argued Esposito; he took a step forward with his hands outstretched as he tried to convince Ryan to stay. "I was angry at myself, and I know it doesn't make things right. But I was angry with myself for not seeing the logic in what was happening like you did. I was angry and hurt at the decisions I made, but I took it out on you. I'm so sorry Kevin, I really am."
He could see the wheels turning in Ryan's head; he could see that Ryan was about to forgive him. However, he could still see that the draw of the transfer back to narcotics was tempting for Ryan. Perhaps he would gain his friend back, but still loose him as a partner.
Ryan gave Esposito a small smile, "I forgive you. I know how you hate it when you think you're doing the right thing but someone comes along to tell you you're wrong."
Esposito shook his head, "I'm glad you forgive me, but sometimes you forgive people really quickly bro."
Ryan shrugged, his smile growing, "What's the point of holding a grudge?"
Esposito then felt the need to ask a question he knew he was going to hate himself for asking, but he had to know. One way or another. "What about Copeland?"
Ryan's smile faded and then he sighed, with one more glance at Esposito he turned out of the room. Missing the stricken look that etched itself on Esposito's face. Esposito sighed, thinking that Ryan must have signed the transfer before going on the bust. He had referred to Copeland as his partner not a minute earlier and he had caught Ryan staring at the transfer before they left the 12th before the bust. He forced his face into a neutral expression and slowly followed Ryan out of the hospital. He caught up to Ryan in the parking lot seeing Ryan with a lost expression and instantly knew what Ryan was thinking about.
"Come on I'll give you a ride back to the 12th" he commented as he walked over to their usual squad car. However, it wouldn't be theirs for much longer.
They reached the 12th and slowly climbed the main steps and headed over to the elevator in silence. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't the usual comfortable silence that they were used to. They exited at the homicide floor and there stood Copeland. Esposito offered a small smile and continued walking; he turned once to see Ryan and Copeland sharing a smile and a handshake. He shook his head sadly, he may have apologized to Ryan but it had come too late to stop Ryan from transferring. He spotted Castle and Beckett looking sadly at Ryan coming to the same conclusion that he did. He sighed again; he was the reason their team was breaking, it was all his fault.
Silently he passed his two friends and made his way to his desk where he sat down, but he swivelled his chair so he could watch as Ryan walked over. He watched as Ryan gingerly bent forward a little and out of a drawer he took out the transfer, Esposito figured he was about to hand it to Gates assuming Ryan hadn't had time to give it to her before the bust. Ryan turned to him and he offered his friend a smile, but it was a sad one.
Beckett and Castle made their way over, also offering Ryan smiles of their own. Ryan then unexpectedly held up the transfer and ripped it in half. Esposito sat gaping in shock, Castle and Beckett were also silent in shock. He got to his feet and looked at Ryan.
"I thought you were going to transfer?"
Ryan grinned, "But if I did how would any of you get anything done and solve cases?"
Castle raised a hand, "I help solve cases."
"Please" scoffed Ryan jokingly, "You come up with theories and I'm the one who digs for the information to prove you right."
Esposito laughed, "Ryan's got a point bro."
Castle just smiled in response and clapped Ryan on the shoulder showing how glad he was that Ryan wasn't leaving. When Ryan talked with Castle and Beckett, Esposito looked down at the torn transfer on Ryan's desk. The line at the bottom for signatures was empty. Ryan had never signed it.
He looked back up to find Ryan smiling at him, "You thought I signed it didn't you?"
"Yeah. Especially when I just saw you and Copeland shaking hands" admitted Esposito.
"He was just saying goodbye, as I told him before the bust that I wasn't going to transfer" replied Ryan.
"Before?" questioned Esposito in surprise.
Ryan grinned, "I figured all my hesitating meant that I didn't really want to transfer."
Esposito laughed and pulled Ryan in for a hug and clapped his friend on the shoulder, "I'm glad you're not going anywhere bro."
"Me too" smiled Ryan, his attention was then caught by Gates who was stood at her office window. She met Ryan's gaze and nodded at him with a smile, without words telling the team that she was also glad that Ryan was staying in homicide.
Esposito turned back to Ryan and said, "Come on, let's go for a drink and I'm buying."
Ryan nodded, they figured under the circumstances Gates would allow them to leave early. So they headed over to the elevator laughing and joking just as if nothing had ever happened. The sight caused Beckett to smile, she was glad everything was alright now; everything was just as it should be.
The End.