Walking in the Rain

Pairing: Jate
Rating: PG
A/N: I hope you guys like this... haha, I'm not sure it really turned out the way I hoped it would, but.. read and let me know. I actually wrote this for a ficathon.

"I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no one knows I'm crying." –Unknown

Jack closes his eyes as he leans against the tree. I'm sorry I kissed you. Was she really? He wants the answer to be no, but history tells him that whatever he wants usually leads to the opposite.

He wanted his dad to spend time with him when he was young, and it didn't happen. He wanted his parents to get along, and that was a rarity. He wanted his marriage to work, and it didn't.

He doesn't remember a time when everything went right. For Christ's sake, he's stranded on an island. He remembers watching Cast Away, with Tom Hanks, and thinking what an adventure it'd be. He scoffs. Some adventure this is. At least Tom Hanks had a volley ball. He doesn't know where he and Kate stand.

The sound of Kate's voice brings Jack out of his trance. He straightens and tries to silence his breathing.

"Easy. Easy there. Good boy." Jack frowns. He isn't sure whom she's talking to.

"Jack, I can hear you. You can come out." Kate smiles, even though Jack can't see it. She glances to her right and blinks twice. It's still there. The horse is still eating the mango and making her hand sticky with mango juice.

Nevertheless, Kate wouldn't be surprised if she was seeing things. Everyone seemed to be seeing people and things from their pasts. It would be just her luck for Wayne to show up.

"I wasn't..." Jack trails off. He's never been a great liar. Sure, he can slip one by here and there, but people close to him have always known when he is lying. And Kate knows him better than most.

"Hiding? Yeah, I know. You've told me." Kate holds her breath as Jack moves away from the tree, into her line of sight.

"Holy crap," Jack says. He blinks a few times, but it's still there. He doesn't know anything about horses, but Kate seems to be at ease.

"You see it?" Jack chuckles and nods.

"Yeah, Kate. I see it. It's kinda hard to miss. Wanna tell me what's going on?" Kate shrugs and points to the horse.

"I just found him, walking around in the jungle. I… I had horses as a kid," she says, her voice catching slightly. Kate makes slow circles with her fingertips on the horse's neck as she speaks.

Jack feels the faint trace of smile on his face as he watches Kate. She looks happier than she has been for awhile, and shamefully, he knows part of that has been his fault. Before the crash, he would have blamed his parents for not knowing how to handle this, but now, he knows the fault is only his own.

"I rode every day. We didn't really have much money, so I had to work and help out. I didn't have time to have many friends, but I always had my horses." Briefly, she closes her eyes, remembering Bailey, the horse she raised and trained. She doesn't have many good memories of her childhood, but Bailey is one of them.

Jack watches her carefully. Tears roll down her cheeks slowly, and he feels helpless. Physical injuries can be dealt with. They can be cleaned or bandaged or iced. Emotional injuries, though, those are the worst. He doesn't know how to help her deal with her past, and he's not sure either of them wants to go there. After all, his past isn't on the top of his list of things to tell her.

"The closest I ever came to a horse as a kid was reading Black Beauty. That, and watching 'Mr. Ed'," Jack interjects, smiling lightly. He sees the pain in Kate's eyes though, and he touches her shoulder gently.

Kate sighs as she feels Jack reach out to her. She's never been used to letting her guard down; it only ends in people, herself included, getting hurt. She almost laughs as she thinks about it. They're on an island. It shouldn't be able to get much worse.
She knows it can, but this time, she lets herself believe that it won't. It won't get worse because she has Jack. He's not perfect, but neither is she. In that odd sort of situation that Kate never believed in, she and Jack complete each other.

Kate almost laughs as she realizes what just went through her head. She has always been independent, and she's not about to admit that someone else completes her. Still… the concept is nice. Not that she'll ever tell Jack about it.

"The real thing is so much better. Come here." Kate pulls him closer and hands him the remaining mango. "Put your hand flat, and then…" She giggles as the horse lips Jack's fingers. "Careful. I'm not sure I could sew you up again if you lose a finger."

Jack feels Kate tremble as she takes his hand and makes him put his fingers flat and close together. He wants to tell her everything will be okay, but he doesn't know that.

The horse eats the mango and then begins tasting the greenery at their feet. Kate gives it a final pat and then reaches her hand toward Jack.

"Walk with me, Jack." He nods and takes her hand in his own. Rain begins to sprinkle, and Jack moves to shelter Kate, but she turns her face up toward it.

"I used to love the rain because if I was crying, no one would know," she whispers. "But I want you to know. I want you to know when I'm crying and when I'm happy. I want you to know when I feel alive and when I feel like scum. I want you to know that you make everything feel better." She pauses and turns to face Jack.

"I want you to know that I'm not sorry either."

And for once, things are on Jack Shephard's side.