/If this story gets 2 views, I SWEAR I will eat my shit.

HAH! You just got PRANKD, I love eating shit.

Now, enjoy the story./

Tracer and Lara were walking through the icy deserts of Antarctica. Tracer broke the GPS and they arrived at the western coast of the continent. They later realized that they were supposed to go to the eastern coast, so they've decided to walk across Antarctica, since they, you know, already left the boat, and made a few steps forward, it was only logical for them to go on foot.

"HOLY SHIT." Lara moaned, "I'M GONNA DIE."

"WHAT?!" Tracer got scared, "Lara, you can't die on me here! Come on, who's gonna play Super Smash Bros. with me?"

"I don't mean actual death, I'm just saying that it's so boring out here I'm gonna die from the boredom."

"Oh, then I've got a cool game. I describe a thing, and you try to guess what it is, alright?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, what is it? It's brown…"

"Shit."

"Hey, I didn't finish."

"You were going to say "brown, smelly and comes out of your ass', m I rite?"

"… how did you know?"

"I know you."

"No you fucking don't."

"Yes I do."

"Oh really? Then what's my favorite TV show?"

"Cory in the House."

"There's no way I ever told you that."

"I guessed. You like everything with black people as the leads."

":O"

"We're here, shut up for a moment."

They approached the ruins and Lara read the inscription on the door.

"It says here… Only those with pure intent may enter."

"Oh, my intentions are pure." Tracer said, "I just love BLACK people."

"What does it have to do with our mission?"

"Well, you said we were going to find the tomb of…"

"The Black King, yes, but we don't even know whether he was really black or not." Lara clarified.

"And you're telling me that now?!"

"I fucking told you, but you said some shit like 'Yyyyhhh, his name is Black King, so he must have been black, yyhhh'."

"Heey, but why do you have to offend my beliefs? You know John Paul II is my idol, how dare you make fun of him?"

"Huh? Bitch you're retarded. Anyway, my intentions are pure, because I want to save the world from whatever it is that threatens it."

AND SO THEY ENTERED AND FOUGHT ARMIES OF ZOMBIES AND THEY GOT TO THE FINAL CHAMBER.

"Okay, Tracer, I know it's not easy being mentally challenged, but whatever you do, DON'T fucking touch that goblet. We've gotta think of a plan." Lara whispered.

"You mean that thing?" Tracer ran to it and grabbed it.

"Yes, that thing." Lara replied, "… PUT THAT DOWN!11"

But it was already too late. The ceiling opened up and ancient semen started pouring into the chamber.

"ALRIGHT JUST GRAB IT AND LET'S RUN!" Lara shouted.

Lara and Tracer ran back to the entrance, and because new hordes of zombies have spawned, they had to ran past them, which wasn't easy. They barely made it to the entrance, when the giant wave of ancient semen washed them out of the ruins.

"Holy shit." Tracer said and coughed out the semen, "How the fuck did those ancient people gather this much semen?!"

"Is that really what's important right now?" Lara asked, "We've barely made it out alive. Good thing we have the goblet, at least."

"What goblet?"

And then Lara punched Tracer in the vag, causing her to ran back to the ruins in amok, swim through the literal ocean of semen inside, grab the goblet, go back and fall down due to exhaustion.

"Alright, what do we have here…" Lara picked the goblet up, "The inscriptions say that the Black King himself drank from this goblet..."

Tracer, who was still lying face-down in the snow, moaned deeply in pain.

"Tracer, don't you get it?! The same practice was common in ancient China! They also drank!"

Tracer then got up.

"Oh my God! It all makes sense now!"

"Destination – Rice Fields!"

And then Lara summoned a sky turtle, who took them to China.

To be continued…

I'm making history here. No one has ever written a Tomb Raider/Overwatch crossover before.