"I can't believe Mario is cheating on me!" cried out Peach, tears running down her face.
Sitting across from the pink-clad princess were Zelda, Caeda, and Fiora, all with bored looks on their faces. They had been sitting there, conversing with each other and minding their own business when Peach came running towards them crying. They really didn't want to deal with her right not, but she didn't leave them any choice.
'Why us?' thought the three women.
"How could he do this to me and with that Pauline woman of all people?!" exclaimed Peach. Noticing the looks on her companions' faces, she gave them a narrowed look. "You know, you three could be a little more sympathetic towards me situation."
Zelda let out an annoyed sigh. "Peach, it's hard to be sympathetic when you kind of deserved this."
"Wh-What?"
"Zelda is right, Peach," said Caeda. "Did you really expect Mario to stick around when you turned down his marriage proposal…after he rescued you from Bowser for the umpteenth time? I'm starting to think you get captured on purpose for the attention."
"W-Well…I…"
Fiora spoke up next with a hiss. "Not only that, but can you really blame Mario for going to Pauline when you constantly flirt with other men…like my Shulk!"
"Or my Marth!"
"Or my Link!"
Peach flinched back as she received harsh glares from the three women. Why were they so mad at her? It's not her fault that Link, Marth, and Shulk were so attractive! Besides, they should be helping her with her problem, not ganging up on her!
"Are you still going to help me with this?" asked Peach, a hopeful look in her eyes.
"Oh for the love of Nayru," replied Zelda, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.
"Peach, this is between you and Mario," stated Fiora. "We don't need to get involved and we don't want to."
Peach gave off a pout. "Fine! I'll deal with Pauline myself!"
The angry blonde stomped away in a huff, leaving behind the other three women. The three were quiet until Caeda spoke up.
"Do you think we should be worried?"
"No," replied Zelda, shaking her head. "Pauline is able to take care of herself. She is the mayor of New Donk City for a reason after all."
"What about Peach? You know she'll do something stupid…again," said Fiora with a frown.
"…As you said earlier, Fiora, this is her problem and if she does anything stupid, that'll be her own fault," added the Hylian princess.
It was at that moment that Peach came running back and passed them with Pauline right on her heels.
"That's right, you hussy! You better run after what you did to Mario!" exclaimed Pauline. In her hand was a clump of blonde hair.
Zelda, Caeda, and Fiora all had blank looks as they watched the brunette chase after the blonde. They really shouldn't have been surprised by this outcome.
FIN
-:-
I've wanted to write something like this for a very long time. Peach is probably my least favorite Nintendo character of all time. She's just so damn useless. I also love the fact that Sakurai pretty much made her into a whore.
Through official SSB4 screenshots that Sakurai himself had posted, Peach has flirted with both Marth and Link and in the game itself there's a screenshot you can unlock where she's flirting with Shulk…in front of Zelda and Palutena. Considering Link, Marth, and Shulk already have girlfriends (wife in Marth's case), while Peach is supposed to be with Mario, we can conclude that Peach is a whore.
At least Mario has Pauline again, especially since Pauline's song in Odyssey hints that she still has feelings for Mario.