Disclaimer: I do not own Son Goku. I do not own anything here. Kazuya Minekura does. I do not own the Guide Idea. I DO however own the comedy :D.
GOKU: The Owner's Guide and Manuel
Congratulations valued customer (insert name here). You have just purchased model number 30982738958371236578 of the SON GOKU unit in our Saiyuki Catalog in section B. This is your Owner's Guide and Manuel that should address all basic information, needs, warnings, and modes about GOKU unit number 30982738958371236578 .
Basic Information: The GOKU unit standard data
Name: GOKU unit of our Saiyuki catalog section B.
The Type (what to expect): Strong, Confident, Cheerful, Hungry, Loud
Manufacturing Date (year/month,/day: hour/minute/second/milliseconds):
2009/8/30: 6/29/32/58
Manufacturing Company: Scattered Scream © co. Commercials and catalog provided by Just A Marionette© productions.
Weight (customized by customer for customer convenience): Anorexic Skinny Average Mildly Obese Obese Morbidly Obese
Height (customized by customer for customer convenience): Grain of Rice Garbanzo Bean Squirt Bottle Up-to-your-hip Average Taller-than-a-door House Roof Space Shuttle
Equip List: GOKU's Fashion sense
(Quantity: 1) Golden Head Diadem. Looks like a hard headband.
(Quantity: 1) Nyoibou staff. Capable or extending and sometimes extends with chains giving it a nun-chuck like effect.
(Quantity: 1) Shirt. Sleeve extends to elbow and cuffs are unbuttoned. Is white. Has an extra red/mahogany fold over on the chest and tucked into pants. Has a symbol.
(Quantity: 1) Orange Cape. Attached by the neck with protruding Tooth like things from each shoulder.
(Quantity: 2) Belts. 1 is worn over as a sash starting from the right shoulder to the left waist. Another is worn as a normal belt.
(Quantity: 2) Wrist Sweat Bands. Basically Cloth folded over and over with a red band to hold it together.
(Quantity: 2) Jeans. 1 is a white skinny Jean. The other is a blue jean, shredded and ending at the knees.
(Quantity: 2 or 1 pair) Shoes. Brown. Gold band, maybe shackle like thing to hold the top up.
The Box: Removing The GOKU Unit
This process is important because after not being fed since shipping to wherever the hell you live, the GOKU unit is unpredictable and might have different effects than programmed. Upon getting your GOKU unit, shake the box it comes in. If you hear a thud thud thud, then your GOKU unit was not stolen and sold at a garage sale as some kind of xxx doll or housework slave to some couch potato. Carefully set the box on level ground and remove the lid and peek inside. If your eyes aren't poked with 2 fingers within the first few second, look until you see a sleeping or weakly groaning body (probably from lack of food). You may close the lid (this is important to let the GOKU unit get itself out or it will be too weak to attack any of our million YOKAI units and thus will make the unit too dependable) and proceed to do the following: scream "OH NO! I HAVE TOO MUCH FOOD IN MY FRIDGE! HOW WILL I EVER GET RID OF IT?!". This will get the starving units attention. In a short moment, You will here a "NYOIBOU!" and then see a rod burst the lid to bits and your GOKU unit will head straight to either your fridge or you and begin begging for scraps. Once he gets the meals, he will warm up quickly to you. Note: Do NOT lie about any food in your fridge. The GOKU unit will be pissed at you for a while. If your GOKU unit is not breathing or groaning or begging for food upon opening the box, feel his pulse. Chances are the unit won't have one by then and is dead (in which case you can return it for another unit or trash it and get another model from any section in our Saiyuki catalog).
Programming: For Situations or just activity
Hyperactive (default)
Hungry Rampage
Immature child
Comeback
Brotherly Rivalry
Admiration
Seiten Taisei (locked)
Hyperactive (default):
This setting is the default of the GOKU unit. The GOKU unit is most cheerful and active. He likes to run around, train (meaning punch any plushies you have) and hanging out with you or your other models in the Saiyuki catalog.
Hungry Rampage:
Your GOKU unit will be hungriest in this setting. It will begin destroying everything in sight, run over little children and animals and destroy any building in hopes there is food there. This is a mode where you probably would want to introduce him to an All You Can Eat Electronic Buffet where you can eat everything in sight, as fast as you can and it replenishes in milliseconds. If not, I suggest you hide in your Air raid bunker and hope the military doesn't beat the shit out of your (expensive) beloved unit.
Immature Child:
Upon waking up, being really tired or having a day when he just feels too needy, you GOKU unit will ask you for everything in sight. If your not rich, your most likely going to say no to something and then your GOKU unit will proceed to acting like a spoiled brat with the works: throwing tantrums, stomping his foot, crying in chibi form, trying to seduce you with no shirt into giving it to him (very rare and only applicable in immature child when he really really really really wants something bad enough). Try getting your HAKKAI unit to get him back to his old self with wise teachings and a calm voice or the SANZO unit to beat the shit out of him with his mighty fan or paper.
Comeback:
This setting is usually activated when your GOKU unit is called a monkey, chimp, etc. and he begins to give comebacks. Usually only happens with the GOJYO unit. Be prepared for nonstop "Pervy Cockroach!" comebacks all night.
Brotherly Rivalry:
Only happens when around the GOJYO unit. The GOKU and GOJYO units will normally fight with one another to compete on who's the best.
Admiration:
This setting is basically when the GOKU unit has these rare moments where he's shut up and just watches the other SANZO PARTY units. In a nutshell, it's just the GOKU unit is feeling a lot of respect and cares to watch how the SANZO, HAKKAI (and sometimes GOJYO unit even though he won't admit it) do things around.
Seiten Taisei (locked):
This mode is highly dangerous. When the GOKU unit gets into his Seiten Taisei setting, he will kill and take pleasure in it more like a game (with the maniacal laughing and all). Keep AWAY children and pets. Why? Because we feel sorry for the poor guy who's got to clean that shit up.
Interaction: Other Units for you
SANZO PARTY-
SANZO unit: The GOKU unit looks at the SANZO unit like a father. Be prepared for lots of yelling and avoid the bullet holes that come along with it if you happen to hear "SHUT THE HELL UP OR I'LL KLL ALL YOU BASTARDS!"
HAKKAI unit: the GOKU unit will often find comfort will the HAKKAI unit and see him as a brother. The HAKKAI unit tends to look after every unit in the party like a dotting mother. The GOKU unit and the HAKKAI unit work well together.
GOJYO unit: the GOKU unit will often engage in either the comeback setting or brotherly rivalry setting when ever this unit is around or introduced. You'll be hearing lots of yelling.
YOUKAI units: These are models of demon's that never seem to leave the party alone. We highly recommend these when your GOKU unit is in the default hyperactive setting and feels like a bit of exercise.
Any other unit of different model types: Just watch the fun. You'll find out soon enough.
F.A.Q: The Complaints of Whiny Ass Customers who won't leave us the hell alone
Q: My GOKU has found my hidden stash of crack and now he's sneaking off in gangs and drug busts so my other SANZO party units are getting on my case. What should I do?
A: Get a clue and go to rehab? The GOKU unit is not designed for any narcotic consumption so it can have adverse affects. It's possible it slipped into one of the Mystery settings that our manufacturers are still working on improvement.
Q: I found my GOKU unit's Journal and in it were professions of love to my SANZO unit. Help?
A: Reading your GOKU's journal isn't very respectful of the unit's privacy but in this case it helped you spot something. We have recently learned that there is a hidden Yaoi setting in 1 of the Mystery settings. If you find that you like this feature you can just let your GOKU unit continue as is. If not, you qualify for a new GOKU unit.
Q: My GOKU unit chugged down on some anti- freeze because he said he thought it was green Kool- Aid and now he's face down on the table? Should I do CPR? What does this mean?
A: Next time you get a GOKU unit, teach him never to drink or eat anything green, yellow or yellowish green. Next, look at the clock and call it, he's dead.
Q: My GOKU PWND my GOJYO unit in Mario and now my GOJYO just PWND him into my carpet…
A: Get your GOJYO replaced. He's Overly Aggressive.
Q: My neighbors Kougaiji and Yaone units are trying to seduce my GOKU unit my stalking him.
A: Get a LIRIN unit on candy and sick it on them. She not only looks like a guard mutt (with her muzzle and crap) but she acts like one too.