Beautiful Disaster
"Everything you and I do is magic. Since the minute we met…"
The moment Derek Morgan said those words, it dawned on Penelope Garcia that she was heads over heels in love with Derek Morgan. He's always been her person. She enjoyed their flirty banter, and she knew he can volley back any mischievous lines she threw at him. She counter herself lucky she had a friend like him, but at that moment, as he stood in front of her, the truth came out of nowhere as she willed herself to not confess.
"I don't think my heart can't take any more of this…"
She couldn't tell him that she loved him, not at that moment when the words she has always uttered were no longer platonic. It wasn't fair to Derek, nor was it right. She couldn't, she would not saddle him with this newly gleaned knowledge. There was also that fear that she would lose his friendship if found out what she felt.
So she just walked him to his car and savored his embrace, and the brotherly kiss on her forehead. When he drove away, Penelope could only take a deep breath, and nodded her head. Derek was safe, his family was safe. He was happy, and that was enough for Penelope.
She walked back inside the building, mentally cataloguing her newly discovered feelings and pushing it deep inside a closet in her very own mind palace. She stuffed this nugget of knowledge, locked the closet door and Penelope was more than satisfied never to acknowledge the existence of that particular feeling.
She wasn't surprised to see JJ inside her office, a look of understanding across her face. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I am. I just think Human Resources will be disappointed they won't have any materials to use in their next harassment seminar." Penelope joked; but the punchline fell flat to her ears as she sat down next to JJ. Her friend just held her hands and the gentle look from JJ was enough for the recently hidden discovery to burst out of the carefully sealed closet
"I love Derek." Penelope confessed with a tinge of panic and worry. "I've always loved him, but it wasn't until today when he was saying good bye that I realized I just became a statistic of that awful cliché of falling in love with your best friend. I know it's not right, and I should really be ashamed that I would start thinking of Derek that way, they've been through so much and all I can think of when he was standing there saying good bye was that I love him and I don't want him to go…"
"Garcia…" JJ interrupted eyes full of understanding. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. There is nothing wrong with how you feel."
JJ's voice was soft and soothing, but still carried a firmness that made Penelope almost believe her friend.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of." JJ repeated. "It's going to be ok."
"I didn't even know until today, how could I have not known?" Penelope asked, eyes darting to the closed door in her office, afraid that someone might come in and hear her.
JJ shrugged as she gently squeezed Penelope's hands. "Sometimes, it can come as a surprise."
"I don't know what I'll do, I've always thought that he'll always be around. I don't want anyone else to leave... You're not going to leave me, are you?"
"Not anytime soon." JJ responded with a chuckle. "Are you really okay?"
"Yeah…" Penelope responded with a nod of her head. "I am… I just need to focus on our work, catch the prison breakers, especially Peter Lewis. That evil, conniving… how are we going to catch all those serial killers on the run? I mean, we are good, but can we be that good to catch all of them at the same time? They're probably creating havoc by now or trying to run to Mexico! Or…"
"Garcia, it's going to be okay, we're going to catch all of them, especially Scratch." JJ interrupted with a reassuring smile. "Additional budget has already been approved for Hotch to create a task force. We are getting temporary agents added to the BAU, and with Reid going to Paris and Derek gone, I know Hotch is trying to temporarily look for someone to fill his position. I think Rossi mentioned they might get an agent to start as early as Monday."
"Already?" Penelope asked in surprise. "Derek's probably still driving home and they're already trying to replace him? I don't care who he is, I don't like him, and I won't like him. Okay, I understand why we need someone ASAP, but I don't care, I won't like him, or her."
JJ just laughed. She knew her friend well enough that Penelope would never be able to hold a grudge against a person she doesn't really know. "No one can really replace your Chocolate Thunder, Garcia. This agent will be with us temporarily anyway."
Garcia squeezed JJ's hands in thanks. "We'll be ok. I'll be okay, Whoever this newbie be better be more than okay."
"I'm sure the new agent will be."
One week later, Penelope Garcia should have known that it would not be ok. As she scanned the different reports on her multiple screen, Penelope vowed she would not engage this temporary agent into a flirtatious banter.
"This is now my new mission statement. I will not flirt, no more flirting. Flirting and reciprocated flirting can lead down to a rabbit hole I will now avoid because… just because." Penelope muttered as she distributed the reports she received to the appropriate team.
Especially towards someone like FBI Agent Luke Alvez.
She didn't like that smirk on his face, or his laugh, or how easily he slid into the team. There were moments when she was tempted to respond to his amazingly witty conversations, so she settled with a polite nod as she maintained her distance.
Yes, he was very good at his job, Penelope admitted grudgingly. But every time he smiled at her, she felt that small flutter, the same flutter she felt when she first heard Derek Morgan call her Baby Girl.
Better to nip it in the bud because Agent Alvez was only with the BAU temporarily, and men like him friendzoned women like her, and since she has plenty of friends, she didn't need one more, especially someone who smiled at her the way he did.
Never mind the first time she saw him she thought he was attractive, or how he continued to look attractive especially when he was deep in thought, concentrating as Hotch or Rossi delivered the briefing before they went out in the field.
"Nope, definitely not going there." Penelope assured herself as she tried not to think of his laugh at something another agent said. "I am going home, practice my clarinet and I will not think of Agent Alvez because there is no reason to think of him."
Penelope tried to devoid her mind of anything Alvez related when she noticed someone standing in Derek's old office. She walked closer, and when the person turned around, Penelope couldn't think of anything to say as Luke Alvez gave her a smile.
"Rossi asked me to get something from Derek's old office, he said there's a spare laptop and some secure USBs."
"They're probably in the safe behind his desk; I think property has the keys." Penelope responded as she tried to avoid eye-to-eye contact, and tried not to acknowledge how good he looked. "Good night Agent Alvez."
Penelope walked quickly away, not wanting to have a conversation because she will now be the epitome of a complete professional; HR might even want to hire her.
"Garcia…"
Penelope stopped and turned around, her bags and jacket served as armor as she watched Luke walk closer to her.
"Thanks, and I mean for helping me set up my access and everything."
"The quicker you start the quicker you can leave… I did not mean to say that in that manner, but the quicker you can start, the quicker you can catch those prison breakers and we can all go back to normal, or as normal as we can be."
Luke just laughed, obviously not offended. "Good night Garcia. I'll see you tomorrow."
If Derek had said that to her, she'll probably say something playful with an innuendo and she knew Derek would respond in kind. But Luke was not Derek, so Garcia settled with a nod as she walked as quickly as she could to the elevator without running.
Penelope tried to move her jacket and her bags to one hand to press the elevator button when someone pressed the down button for her. She looked up in surprise at Luke who just gave her a smile that she did not like. Never mind that he had a nice smile and he was just being a considerate co-worker. "I noticed you look like you could use a hand."
Another sly innuendo crossed her mind, but Penelope settled with thanking Luke, crossing her fingers hidden beneath her jacket for the elevator to open up. As soon as the elevators door opened, Penelope walked closely inside and tried not to return the earnest smile Luke was giving her.
"Good night Agent Alvez, and thank you."
The grin Luke gave her as the elevators door closed made Penelope's heart skip a beat, and as the elevator made its descent, Penelope knew she was in trouble.
This is not going to be a Penelope/Morgan pairing fic. I thought I should just clarify it My intention is to build the Luke/Penelope relationship up.
I was listening to Kelly Clarkson's Beautiful Disaster when I wrote this, and I
The inspiration for the first chapter came from this interview.
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I've always loved their friendship, and as much I enjoy the flirty banter between them, and the sweet and touching moments, I felt that it was just friendship.
Luke on the other hand, I have very high hopes for. Seeing Penelope flustered made me giddy at the first scene in the elevator! I think Kirsten also mentioned she thinks Penelope Garcia has a little crush on Luke, so that interview was also a source of inspiration.
I also borrowed the 'mind palace' from Sherlock. It might be another show for Penelope and Reid to enjoy :D