In honor of Valentine's Day. This does not take place in the "Some With Arrows, Some With Traps" universe.
A word of warning: this fic contains adult themes and is intended for mature audiences.
I do not own or claim to own CSI: Miami characters. This is fanmade and I make absolutely no profit off of this. I do this for my own amusement.
***
Same Day, Different Planets
Chapter One: Last Minute
Rick pulled his car into the parking lot. He had already picked up everything else he needed for that night; everything he needed to make it something Horatio would never forget. Shaking his head he looked up at the store sign; in all honesty, this was the last place he wanted to be. The problem was that he couldn't think of any other place that would sell what this place had. If there was some sort of high-end department store like Harrods in Miami, he would have gone there; but there isn't, so he didn't, and here he is. He took a deep breath, knowing that if it wasn't Valentine's Day, he wouldn't be here.
"I can't believe I'm going to a Bed Bath & Beyond," he grumbled as he got out of his car, "Horatio, you're lucky I love you".
He had already been to the florist and bought a dozen roses and three boxes of rose petals; one for the bathroom, one for the bedroom, and one for the stairs and hallway. A box of chocolate Swiss truffles was bought from the gourmet candy store. Dinner was prepared last night and stored in the refrigerator. But despite his searching, Rick was still down new red silk sheets, bubble bath, and massage oil.
"Oh God," he grumbled as he walked through the automatic doors, "I better not run into anyone here".
He quickly grabbed a shopping basket, mostly out of habit. He uses them in grocery stores to keep himself from buying too much. But here he was afraid he would die of embarrassment if anyone from Horatio's team saw him. And although the odds were slim to none that that would happen, he was still nervous enough to dart into the nearest aisle.
He made a beeline towards the closest product, the silk sheets. His jaw nearly hit the floor when he read the $370 price tag. Well… Valentine's Day wasn't invented so people could be thrifty. Although it was a shame to buy sheets that expensive when he knew they would only use them once. Before the night was out it would probably already be stained beyond all recognition. Sounds like another trip to the dry cleaners… with another huge tip to remain anonymous.
With a little whimper, Rick dropped the sheets into the basket. He looked around for a sign to point him to bath supplies, hoping that he would be able to find it without asking an employee. After about five minutes of stabs in the dark he was able to find a bubble bath that wasn't overly feminine… if that is at all possible. He could only guess at the scent, his sense of smell already oversaturated with the vanilla based bubble baths he tested before he picked up a good one.
Sighing, he tossed the bottle into his basket on top of the sheets. He looked up at the signs again, figuring that massage oil would be near the lotions. No way in hell was he going to ask for help finding this. Although people would most likely think that he was getting it for his girlfriend… he didn't want to risk them asking any questions.
After about twenty minutes of searching (five of which he spent picking up extra candles for the bathroom), he had to admit defeat. After another ten minutes of looking for a male employee, he had to admit defeat again. He nervously approached the first attendant who didn't look completely self-absorbed.
"Excuse me, ma'm?"
"Yes, sir? How can I help you?"
"I was wondering if you carry any… erm," Rick leaned in slightly and muttered, "massage oil?"
She nodded in understanding, "down the center aisle where all the red and pink hearts are. We moved it from its usual location for the holiday. Sorry about any inconvenience. I think I saw it in one of the center displays there".
Rick smiled and bowed his head slightly, "Thank you".
He quickly re-traced his steps towards the aisle, mentally kicking himself for not checking there sooner. But there it was, on the display that it was promised to be. Now he could just grab it and get out.
His eyes scanned over the large display, almost six feet tall, before finally deciding on a decently sized bottle on the end with the word "ROMANCE" written on it in big red letters. Unable to keep himself from smirking, Rick reached up for the bottle… at the same time as another patron on the other side of the display.
Rick quickly drew back his hand as a blush filled his cheeks. "Oh, I'm sorry, I-"
"-Stetler?"
Rick's jaw dropped as Ryan Wolfe stepped out from the other side of the display. Their eyes met, their minds simultaneously trying to process exactly what was happening.
"So," Ryan said slowly, not really wanting to talk but knowing that small talk had to be made, "buying… massage oil?"
"…Yeah"
"For your girlfriend?"
"It's… Valentine's Day…"
"Yeah…" Ryan scratched at his temple before continuing, "So… what's her name?"
"Whose name?"
"Your girlfriend?"
"Oh her name. Hora…safina," Rick bit his tongue for almost completely exposing both himself and Horatio.
"'Joresefina'?"
"Yeah… she's… Chilean".
"Oh".
"So… what's yours' name?"
"My what's name?"
"Your girlfriend's".
"Eric… a".
"Erica?"
"…yeah".
"Interesting".
The two men stood there nodding for a moment, each taking a bottle off the shelf. They stood there staring at each other for a few moments
"This never happened".
"Agreed".
***
Horatio pulled his car into the parking lot. He had already picked up everything else he needed for that night; everything he needed to make it something Rick would never forget. Shaking his head he looked up at the store sign; in all honesty, this was the last place he wanted to be. The problem was that he couldn't think of any other place that would sell what this place had. If there was some sort of high-end department store like Harrods in Miami, he would have gone there; but there isn't, so he didn't, and here he is. He took a deep breath, knowing that if it wasn't Valentine's Day, he wouldn't be here.
"I can't believe I'm going to Oxys Adult Fantasies," he grumbled as he got out of his car, "Rick, you're lucky I love you".
He quickly adjusted his Yankees baseball cap and bifocals, knowing that he is nearly unrecognizable in them. The last thing he needed was anyone recognizing him in this place. Rick was the one who always ran out for lube; he, unlike Horatio, didn't appear on the news every other week. In all honesty, the redhead didn't even know what to expect from the store. He figured that he'd just buy whatever perked his interest. And on the off chance that everything perked his interest, he had a few hundred dollars in cash in his wallet.
He pushed open the door, happy to see that the window on it was tinted and happy to hear that it didn't have a chime. A man with beady eyes, a cheap Hawaiian shirt that was left partway open, and a crop of slicked back hair approached Horatio.
"Greetings, sir," he said with a slight hiss, "how may we pervert you?"
"Erm…"
"MATT! For the third time today- stop scaring customers!"
A short woman with black hair and a rather large chest stepped out from behind a lingerie rack. She wore a black t-shirt with the word "OXY'S" printed across it. She had on black pants with a set of keys hanging at her belt.
The man turned to her, "C'mon Tress, this is our best day. We can afford to lose a few".
"Nobody can afford to lose any business in this economy and you know it," she growled, putting her hands on her hips, "now get back into your uniform and do your job".
"Wow, you're being a real bitch today".
"I'm as much of a bitch I was yesterday, you're just being a moron right now".
"I just wanna have some fun".
"You can have fun later, right now we gotta keep things running smoothly or else we'd be trying to kill each other by the third shift we attempt to clock in".
Matt stopped to smile, "and how do we keep things running smoothly?"
"Lots and lots of lube," she sighed as she watched her coworker indulge himself in a self-satisfactory chuckle, "Now get back to your post".
"Bitch, bitch, bitch," he groaned with a roll of his eyes as he started walking towards the back room Tress just came out of, "You're just upset because you forgot to get a boyfriend again this year".
"So did you".
"Touché".
Horatio looked back at the entryway as Matt disappeared into the back rooms. Tress turned her attention to the customer and sighed sadly.
"I'm sorry about him. It's my fault really. I've been feeding him Mountain Dew since eight this morning. He's a little hyped up right now".
Horatio smiled weakly, perhaps this wouldn't be as bad as he thought it would be, "it's okay".
"So, do you have anything specific you're looking for, or would you rather just browse around?"
Horatio ducked his head and blushed, "I'd rather just browse for now, thank you".
She nodded, "no problem. I'll just be right behind that counter if you need anything".
Horatio mouthed the words "thank you" as he began to wander into the store.
At first he just saw the usual; bras, lingerie, ticklers, nothing too fancy or shocking. There were some handcuffs, but the white fur ones Rick bought a while back worked fine; they also looked like they were of higher quality. It took a couple rows before something caught his eye.
It took a good two seconds of staring before Horatio figured out what he was looking at. It was a large silicone ring with a vibrator motor attached to it. On the shelf next to that was a black leather strap, about a half of an inch thick with a buckle on it. Attached to it were two snap button straps which looped around a rubber ring, about the size of the silicone one.
He picked them both up.
The next row was lined with whips and paddles. He cringed. Sure, he had a restraint kink; he and Rick had even dabbled in some discipline. He had never been bold enough to get into anything too heavy, but the concept made him curious enough to want to try it.
He picked up a small whip.
Horatio wandered down the aisles, feeling more and more like a kid in a candy store. The sensation frightened him as much as it intrigued him, a strange humor overpowering both and pressing him to keep looking around. As much as it might make him blush, his sense of curiosity was being fully indulged.
The more he walked through the store, the more he got to wondering why he didn't already have a drawer full of this stuff at home. He checked his watch. He had better get home soon before Rick gets back from running his errands. A final sweep through the store might just cover everything he needed.
He picked up a butt plug, some anal beads, metal claw finger extensions, two black silk scarves, a black leather dog collar, and a feather teaser.
Okay. I'm having too much fun. I gotta get home.
He made his way back to the register when something caught his eye. It was a man's 'sexy costume', but that wasn't caught his attention. It was custom for this shop. A pair of flattering dark blue silk boxers with the MD-PD badge embroidered into it. It came with a collar of the same color, a hat, and a pair of handcuffs. A smirk crossed Horatio's lips. This was far too good to pass up, despite the hefty price tag.
He threw that on top of the pile in the basket he ended up having to use.
Tress flashed him a smile as he approached her register. A blush creeped up Horatio's neck when the noticed that he was buying quite a bit more than the other patrons. He popped his collar and tried to hide a little.
"Don't worry about them," she whispered as she began scanning the items, "they come in every week to buy one item at a time. You're buying less than they have and are saving gas".
He couldn't help but to smirk at that as she finished scanning in the rest of the items. "Would that be all?"
"Ye- oh wait. No".
Horatio grabbed a bottle of lube from the impulse buy display on the counter; mentally kicking himself for nearly forgetting what he came in for in the first place.
She rang it up. "That would be $325.50".
Horatio nodded, pulling out his wallet and a few crisp hundreds.
"Everyone's afraid to use their credit cards," she muttered, rummaging around for change in the cash register.
Horatio gave a shy shrug as she handed him his change. She waved Matt over to bag the items as she dug around for something under the counter.
"Here," she smiled, tossing a red thing and a purple thing into the brown paper bag, "we're giving these out free today with a purchase".
"What are they?"
"Candy condoms, fun to suck on".
She couldn't help but to smile as she watched the redhead blush. He picked up his bag and headed for the door, managing to literally run into someone on the way out.
"Oh. I'm sorry," Horatio stuttered, quickly picking up his bag, which fell to the floor.
"No it's my fault, I should have watched where I was goin- H?"
It took Horatio a full second to register what was happening. It was like his brain was trying to protect him from the fact that he was caught walking out of a sex shop with a large brown paper bag by one of his team. But he had to accept reality eventually.
"Eric?" he felt the blush creep up the back of his neck, "what are you doing here?"
"Same as you," the Cuban responded, shifting his weight a little bit from side to side, "some last minute Valentine's Day shopping".
"You have a girlfriend".
"Yeah, and so do you, I take it. What's the lucky lady's name?"
"Rick…arda," Horatio mentally kicked himself for almost giving himself away.
"Ricarda?" Eric nodded, letting the name sink in, "pretty name".
"And what about yours?"
"My what?"
"Your girlfriend, Eric. What's her name?"
"Ryan…a"
"Rihanna?"
"…yeah".
"Interesting".
The two men stared at each other for a few seconds.
"This never happened".
"Agreed".