HELLO MY PEOPLES!! This is, of course, Skittles31. I know, GASP! SHOCK! WHAAAT?! But it's true. I'm back. -wiggle eyebrows with a smirk-.

So, if you go to my profile page, you will realize that I have 5 other stories, one of them being an attempted oneshot. It failed dismally at being a oneshot. Really. It should be ashamed of itself, in all actuality. After this, I will promptly go and scold it.

BUT I AM TRYING TO REDEEM MYSELF!! I realized a while back that for some strange reason, all of my stories come out to be more than one chappy long, and I am sure that this time, I will succeed in keeping it one chapter. MWAHAHAHAHA!! HEHEHEHEHEHE...hehe....he...cough...mushroom.

SO, in honor of Valentine's Day- because honestly, I am a rather large, twelve foot tall fluff monster dipped twice in chocolate, once in evil, and quadrice in insanity, then smushed into a five foot two (maybe) body-, I have made this fanfic. It is different than my other fanfics, in that it is not all on the topic of Max and Fang. In fact, I thought to myself a few days ago while I was taking off my shoes (all of my majot story/ chapter ideas seem to come to me when I am doing something involving my shoes, it seems...) that it would be really cool to something more Nudge- based (seeing as I could be her if I grew wings and got taller and developed air sacs) and in third person. So, this was the result, and I hope that you like it!

Disclaimer: I said I was like NUDGE!! Not James Patterson!! Cheese and rice, what is wrong with you guys?

And now, ON WITH THE STORY!!

The Flock was always close- knit. And no, I did not come here just to state the obvious. We all know that they watch each other's backs as closely as macaroni covers cheese. They have to, with the type of lives that they have. But for some reason, when Valentine's Day rolled around the corner, something completely blindsided the Flock, coming from waaaaay out of left field. And not a single one of them was prepared for it…

The Harper School for the Brilliant of Mind was pretty much synonymous with death for certain Flock members (coughMaxcough). Understandable, seeing as they had grown up in cages under an organization that had the almost the same name. And for the past few days, it (it being the intense hatred of the School that seemed to emanate from Ma- certain Flock member's bodies) had only gotten worse, seeing as an explosion of sorts had gone off inside the school.

Everything. Was. Pink. (And this was another reason added to Max's list of "problems with second hell".)

The school's walls were covered in reds and pinks and whites. There were frilly cut- out paper hearts everywhere, and multi-colored streamers with sayings like "I love you" and "Please be my Valentine?" were draped all over the walls. On top of that, everything was sparkly. It looked as if a glitter bomb had been dropped in the school. The fumes from the hundreds of cans of glitter spray were giving some of the kids who weren't high off of "Valentine's Day love energy" headaches (once again, Max), and no one could even look through the air in front of them anymore without seeing the little airborne pieces of shiny metallic paper. Almost everyone had the same giddy smile plastered on their face, looking almost like they were all high off of laughing gas, and one of the crazy French teachers (who could have easily been diagnosed as insane before the arrival of V-Day) was decked out in a heart- shaped abomination (which Max point blank refused to call clothing). She was skipping around, flinging heart-shaped confetti all over the place, and her short, dark, bushy hair had little bits of red ribbon woven into it.

This was Valentine's Day at the Harper School.

This was the reason why Max had to be dragged from Anne's mansion/ house to school with the help of three out of the other five bird children, putting up enough of a fight to have probably taken out several full-grown armed men.

That was the reason why Fang was smirking a little earlier than usual this morning. This was the reason why Nudge was almost giddy with joy and was threatened to be put on a leash to keep her from jumping so much. This was the reason why Angel had gone out and convinced Anne to buy fake wings ("Why?" Max had shouted when she heard. "We already have wings!" Needless to say, no one listened to her on that subject.) so that she could wear them to school.

It was that wonderfully mushy time of year again that wasn't Christmas. And Max hated it enough to fully cover several lonely old spinsters. So, in true Max fashion, she rebelled. Because there was not a snowball's chance in hell that she was about to wear pink.

In Fang's mind, he was waiting to see how long it took Max to blow up. Yes, Fang was developing a case of schadenfreude when it came to Max at Valentine's Day. Walking to homeroom with her (the only person who had taken the one day the school got out of uniform and broken the unofficial rule by wearing no red, pink, or white, but black and blue) and watching her attempt not to kill Iggy for humming the "Valentine" song under his breath was (to Fang, at least) Max at her best. And so, as he watched Max's hands slowly curl into fists every time a person said anything that had to do with Valentine's Day, he decided that he was just going to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Leaving a fuming Max in front of her Biology class, Fang walked away with Iggy. All Iggy did was laugh, and it was another one of those times that Fang wondered if Iggy was really blind, or if he just had uncannily good senses so that he could have guessed what Max was going to do next. (Honestly, Fang felt a little bad for the teacher, who had nearly wet himself from the intensity of Max's glare. But not that bad.)

Three periods came and went, and then the lunchtime came. Fang packed up his stuff, and went outside to meet the rest of the Flock. He grinned at the thought of how high- strung Max would be, gaining him a few strange looks in the hallway. He quickly fixed his mask back into place, and leaned against the tree where he knew everyone was supposed to meet.

Surprisingly enough, Nudge was the first one to arrive after him. Usually she would be the last one there, always talking to someone while walking up to their tree. (Nudge and Angel had settled into the school the best out of the rest of them.)

But here was his younger sister, sprinting across the campus like some kind of maniac, and managing to make it there before Max did. Was this what Valentine's Day did to people?

"NICK!!" Nudge yelled, gaining a few head turns in the process. Fang noticed that some of them lingered longer than he would have liked. She finally stopped in front of him, and smiled up at him, shoving some frilly piece of paper in his face. "Look!"

Blinking once to show his confusion, because Nudge never said that little in a sentence ever, Fang tried to focus on the writing on the piece of paper. "What is it?"

Nudge was still full- blown grinning (rather scarily) up at him. She sat down at the base of the tree, and Fang followed suit. She pushed some of her hair out of her face and seemed to get even happier as she said, "I got a Valentine!"

Fang blinked twice again, the information still not quite settling in. "What?"

And then the Nudge channel was back on. "So I went to my locker before school because I needed my books, you know? And as soon as I had opened my locker door, this piece of paper fell out! Someone slipped me a secret Valentine! And it's really cute too! Read it!"

Once again, Nudge shoved the piece of paper at a shocked Fang. This time, he took the paper from her and actually read it, the amount of pink on the card nearly killing his eyes.

Flowers in the spring time,

Aren't as sweet as you.

Sunny days don't hold a candle

To your smile, it's true.

I really, really like you

But can't tell you since I'm shy,

So will you please accept this gift,

My secret Valentine?

Fang had barely finished the end of the card when Nudge had snatched it back from him and hugged it to her chest. "Isn't it the best?! I don't know who wrote it, because no one that I know has this nice handwriting. But I got my first Valentine! And then in homeroom, I got two more cards, one from Toby and the other from Joseph! It was so awesome! And then one of the girls in my class got serenaded when the chorus people came around to sing to everyone who had gotten a telegram, so I forgot it about those two for a while. But then in math class, they came to sing to me!! I was so happy, and then they said that it was from Skyler in computer. And I really didn't realize that I was that popular in my grade. But yeah, that's what I wanted to tell you and everyone else once they got here. But…um, Fang? Why are you glaring at the grass? It might shrivel up and die."

After he had started hearing the names of the guys that she had gotten these Valentine's cards and songs from, Fang had gotten to looking like Max had this morning after they had dragged her kicking and screaming from Anne's. He was nearly boiling with anger. How dare these wieners try to woo his little sister without his permission! If they wanted Nudge, they would have to get through him, Iggy, Iggy's bombs, and Max first. But first, he would have to get Max and Iggy on board. But he was sure that after he explained the situation to them both, they would willingly join him in his plot to rid the world of wienies trying to steal his sister's innocence.

Nudge, who had seen that Fang's face had gone into that blank stare that meant "I'm thinking really hard about something. Bother me at risk of your own arm being sawed off without any numbing drugs", decided to start eating her lunch, leaving Fang alone to think about whatever it was that almost mute, dark bird teenagers think about. At the arrival of everyone else, she launched back into her Valentine's Day ranting, which caused Max to nearly explode as she tried to contain the anger that was still there since this morning, and had actually grown. Fang sat in silence the rest of the lunch period, which no one found too unusual, since Fang was "the silent Flock member" without question. After everyone else but Max had left, he pulled her over, partially to save himself from the rant that was going to come out of her mouth after she heard the chorus singers who had just walked across the lawn and were opening their mouths to sing, and partially to start step one of his plot to rid the world of "Sister's- Innocence- Stealing Wienies".

He managed to successfully divert her attention from V-Day with four words. "We have a problem."

And it was those four words that had caused the giant mass movement to "protect Nudge at all costs". Four words which could not lead to any happy possible ending in any possible situation.

Those four words led Fang and Max to spy on Nudge's date as they went to the movies a few days later.

Max had finally gotten out of her "I hate Valentine's Day" whatever- the- heck- that- had- been- a- few- days- ago, as Fang had so eloquently described it, and had returned to her regular, defiant, overly sarcastic self, as opposed to the strange, angry, overly cynical Max that had taken up residence at Anne's for V-Day. And of course, once regular Max heard about one of her Flock chicks getting ready to leave the nest for the first time, she was completely on board. (Her exact words were, "Like hell I'm letting some pervert try to assault my little motor mouth! Why are we still here?!")

So here they were, watching some strange movie about talking/ singing chipmunks and girl chipmunks. Well, actually, that was a lie. Nudge and Wiener Skyler might have been watching the movie, but Max and Fang had been watching the Wiener's every move like hawks. A strangely accurate analogy, actually….

But anyway, back to the overprotective parent figures.

While the three boy chipmunks had tried to get out of going to school by hiding in the toilet, Fang and Max's raptor vision had seen Wienie make the first attempt at "assaulting" Nudge. He tried fake yawning, and in the process almost made it to getting his arm around Nudge's shoulders.

He probably could have made it too, had a jelly bean not suddenly been shot at his neck so hard that it felt like a bullet sting.

"Nice aim, Fnicky boy."

"Hn."

Yes, our favorite parental couple was shooting jelly beans to make sure that any attempts at anything not deemed as "right" in their eyes were immediately squashed. Because there is absolutely nothing that they would not do to protect their Flock. Even if it got down to shooting sugary bean- shaped candies through straws at people.

Wienie looked around to see if he could find the person who had shot the jelly bean at him. Max and Fang were crafty and ducked down. It also helped that they had both worn black to be "stealthy".

When Wienie finally turned back around, they popped back up to see that Nudge had leaned over onto his shoulder. Max was appalled ("Doesn't she know that he could be trying to kill her at the end of tonight? Or he could be an Eraser!" "Max, that's unlikely. Have you seen the kid?"), and immediately fired in succession two jelly beans straight at the back of Nudge's head.

Nudge immediately shot straight up, looking around to see if there was anyone suspicious trying to kill her. Max leaned back in her chair, satisfied with herself. Fang gave a small smirk, and they both continued to watch the younger couple a few seats in front of them.

And then Wienie tried something else, and Fang nearly leapt over the three rows of seats to kill him. Wienie had said something to Nudge during one of the laugh lines, so Max and Fang missed the conversation. Although they both almost had a heart attack when Wienie pulled her over to his shoulder again and started to stroke her hair. Max had to actually hold Fang back with every ounce of her mutant strength. ("He's touching her. He's stroking her hair." "But murder is still illegal!") After Max made sure that Fang didn't lose control of his temper, Fang somehow managed to correctly angle himself so that he was able to squirt some of his Coke into Wienie's hair. Max followed up with a game to see how many pieces of popcorn she could get to stay on his head. (The highest number was 37.)

After Nudge happened to look up during one sequence where the lead boy chipmunk pulled a motorcycle chase after a limo, she looked deeply confused, and they both got up and walked out of the movie after exchanging a few words. Fang and Max immediately followed them out, and the usher who was standing by the door gave them strange looks as he saw what they were both wearing.

After cleaning up Nudge's "date", the younger pair went into a Johnny Rockets, where Max nearly killed Wienie. ("What?! He thinks she's not good enough for a classy restaurant?! I'll rip out his intestines through his nose!") Fang had to intervene to make sure that no blood was shed. ("Max, there are no fancy restaurants that have actual edible food in this area. And you know how Nudge likes to eat." "…Oh.")

The fully winged pair watched from outside in the bushes as the two on the date sat down (thankfully across from each other, for Max and Fang's sake) and ate their food. They were laughing and talking, although Nudge was talking a bit more than Wienie was (as expected). Fang and Max even relaxed a little bit. Just enough that they weren't thinking of busting in through the doors and carrying Nudge out after leaving the little pervert lying on the floor with a concussion.

They finished eating, and immediately Fang and Max were back fully on guard. They watched them as they finally realized what time it was and Wienie took Nudge's hand, ("He's defiling her." "Fang, she is washing her hands as soon as she walks into the house.") and they talked the rest of the way back to Anne's, completely oblivious to the two ninja angels lurking behind them.

They reached the doorway of the house, and Fang and Max waited tensely for Wienie to leave. Instead, Wienie murmured a few words, and Nudge full out grinned. She nodded, and then stood up on her tip-toes and kissed him on the cheek. With one final beam, Nudge opened the door and left Wienie on the steps, still staring into the distance blankly. Max had to fight the urge to deck him. ("She needs to go brush her teeth and wash her mouth." "Agreed.")

Flying back up through Fang's open window, they both kicked off their shoes and settled down, Fang logging onto his laptop and Max reading through some of the documents stolen from the Institute, pausing only when Iggy opened the door. He pinpointed where they both were, then shook his head at both of them. "That was just sad."

"Shut up, Iggy," Max said, sliding fully onto the floor and staring up at Fang's ceiling.

Iggy was silent for a few seconds, and then asked, "So, Max, when you and Fang are on your first date, does that mean that I can watch to make sure that Fang's not secretly a closet pervert?"

Three books were thrown at Iggy to get him to leave, and then when it had been quiet for a while, a box of chocolate cookies was thrown at Max. She looked at Fang for a second wonderingly, and he said, without looking away from his laptop, "Good job. Now we have to scare away the rest of them."

Max nodded in agreement, opening the pack and taking a bite of a cookie immediately. Then, almost so low she didn't hear it, Fang said, "Happy Post-Valentine's Day, too."

With all of her intense hatred of the actual holiday and anything to do with it, Max couldn't help but smile when she heard Fang's comment. And suddenly, the cookie tasted a little better than before.

I am so proud of myself, you have no idea. Please review!! Or I will send my Latin teacher after you. And you do not know how scary he is.... I once wrote out my entire will because of him. If you want to read it, some time later today at hours when the other side of the world is not busy partying in the daytime I will put it onto my (already uber long) profile. It is, according to one of the three people who I sent it to, "A work of art". She also suggested that I give it to my Latin teacher, but I told her that that was not going to happen, as he would probably find it not as amusing and try to resurrect me from the dead to kill me again.

REVIEW!!

Peace, love, and:

Dr. D (my evil latin teacher): I used to love Mr. Burke, until last night.

-muffled laughter- Moe: Maya, hold it in.

Me: I sense a line from a soap opera coming on...

a.k.a. Skittles31