Only A Check-Up, by potionsmaster
Rating: T because Shepard says 'fuck', thinly cloaked innuendo
A/N: John and I have similar views on certain things. This is one of them.
Summary: Shepard needs blood work. Kaidan's a vampire, according to Shepard...has the hair and everything. Takes place post Wish You Were Here, after Feros.
Shepard sat on the exam table in a thin little gown, kicking his legs impatiently. It was time for physicals again on the SR1 and Dr Chakwas was adamant that all the crew who had been on the ground on Feros needed updated blood work. She was concerned about possible anomalies due to the Thorian and the spores. No matter the complaints, there was no way anybody could worm their way out of it. Kaidan was helping with blood work and patient charts. Shepard knew he was the field medic and the surgical assistant if needed, but he wasn't sure how he felt about the lieutenant jabbing him with needles.
"All you need is a cape, LT. You already got the coif going on. You look damn good for being undead, though."
He glanced forlornly at the door, wishing he could escape. Dr Chakwas was sitting at her desk, going over the previous patient's results and probably acting as an unofficial guard dog against escaping patients.
"I vant to suck your blahdt," Kaidan replied in an overdone accent, gathering his supplies on a tray.
"I can think of a few other things for you to suck," Shepard grumbled, "Like an egg."
"Really, Commander?" Kaidan gave him a 'look', exasperated.
"Sorry...I didn't mean it," he replied, then dropped his voice conspiratorially. "Though I can think of a couple of places that would appreciate that treatment from you."
"You are incorrigible."
The lieutenant put on a bright blue pair of sterile vinyl gloves and snapped them on his wrists playfully. Shepard swallowed hard at the noise, feeling his pulse start to race.
"Is this were I turn my head and cough?"
Kaidan gave him a mock dirty look. "You wish..." he chuckled quietly.
"And you know it."
"That's a bit impersonal for my tastes, though. Which arm?"
The commander reluctantly held out his left, fist tightly clenched. His eyes went comically large when he caught sight of the glass tubes for blood collection. Shepard focused on Kaidan's face and tried to control his breathing; the biotic thought he looked like he was about to faint. He had as many issues with getting blood drawn as he did with water on his face. Blood was supposed to stay on the inside as much as possible. He was thoroughly convinced he could feel it draining away whenever he had a sample pulled.
For Kaidan's part, he couldn't believe how shaky the commander was acting about such a simple procedure. Shepard's extended arm had a well-concealed tremor. He rubbed a hand reassuringly up and down it a few times, then tied the rubber band around Shepard's bicep. He swiped his elbow with an alcohol swab.
"Oh, fuck me...don't tell me when you're about to stick to me, huh? The foreplay's getting tedious."
Dr Chakwas looked up at that, blinking. Kaidan was doing a bad job of covering his laugh with a cough.
"You're terrible! Relax your arm a bit...it'll hurt less and be over quicker."
She peered at the two men. Shepard was practically hyperventilating and focused on the lieutenant's face like it was the most important thing in the world. He gripped the edge of the exam table with his other hand, knuckles turning white.
Kaidan shot a glance at Dr Chakwas by her desk, then whispered, "If you weren't such a hardass about no frat regs, I might be able to actually do something about your last statement in a much more fun manner." Shepard held back a gasp as the needle bit into his skin. The lieutenant gave him a sympathetic look as he attached the vacuum tube to the catheter, then returned his attention to Shepard's elbow. Rich, red liquid splashed against the glass. He received a thin smile in return. The commander was deliberately avoiding looking at his arm.
"You know me; I always have to make things more difficult. What about after a nice dinner out on the town?" he asked breathlessly, "Would that be personal enough for you?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow, still focusing on the tube and needle.
"Watch it, Jo-uh, Shep. I'll take three more cc's just because you're being an ass. I'm sure I can find some more tests to run."
Dr Chakwas furrowed her brow at that; she teased Kaidan occasionally when he came to med bay because she had heard from a few people that the commander and the lieutenant had an unusually close relationship, but she'd never put too much stock in it. Until now.
"You wouldn't!"
"Try me, you big baby..." Kaidan looked up at Shepard with a teasing grin, brown eyes meeting frightened blue. He pulled the needle and pressed a cotton ball firmly over Shepard's elbow. The commander's face still looked a little peaked. At least he wasn't going to faint.
"Here...hold it tight for another 30 seconds; you don't want it to bruise. I gotta put your sample in the hemodex machine."
Shepard covered Kaidan's hand with his own on his elbow and gave him a small smile in return. The lieutenant felt a familiar warmth spread throughout his body at the gentle touch. He found himself lingering under the comfortable weight of it, wishing for the untold millionth time that Shepard would bend on the no fraternizing regs. He didn't know how they both had stood it this long. Kaidan knew what Shepard's answer would be; he could hear it in the back of his head: "Lots of cold showers. Lots..."
He gave a small sigh, trying to convey the affection he felt towards the commander with his eyes. Shepard blinked slowly, worry lines smoothing out of his forehead. Kaidan gazed at him, memorizing the soft look. The commander seemed almost shy as he rubbed his thumb over the biotic's gloved hand.
Dr Chakwas cleared her throat as she started walking towards them. Kaidan pulled his hand away reluctantly, feeling Shepard's fingers slide over the powdery finish of the glove. He picked up the vial of blood with a sigh.
"I'm going to give Garrus his results. So far everybody's has come back normal. I trust you'll page me on the overhead comm if you need me?"
"Yes, ma'am. Nothing I can't handle."
"Good to hear, Lieutenant. Now if you gentleman would excuse me," she said, handing him the commander's chart with the hint of a smirk on her face. He quirked an eyebrow at her retreating form.
"Sometimes she makes me wonder..." Kaidan trailed off, popping the sample into the hemodex. The machine started to whir as it spun down the blood. Shepard cocked his head to the side.
"What do you mean?"
The hemodex machine made a series of beeps and clicks as it ran the sample. Kaidan leaned against the exam table next to Shepard and crossed his arms, wanting to close the gap between them. The commander restlessly shifted his weight on the table
"For the past few months, practically every time I've been in here she asks why you're not here with me. And then just now she had a weird look on her face, like she knew something we didn't."
"Hmm," Shepard pursed his lips, "She's sharp enough to put it together if she wants to."
Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek, thinking.
"Probably. I think we've been pretty discreet. Besides, if anybody actually digs for anything, we haven't done anything that would constitute as fraternizing. Let 'em look."
"Careful what you wish for, LT...that might actually happen, depending on if someone truly does want to investigate. I'd rather we didn't give them a reason to; I'm not that anxious to find out."
Kaidan scoffed. He noted the worry lines were creeping back into the commander's forehead. The hemodex machine spit out the results, papers shooting across the desktop. He collected them and attached them to Shepard's chart on the clipboard, glancing through them.
"...everything looks solid, Commander. Have any health-related questions for me?"
Shepard held out his punctured elbow with a small pout.
"Kiss the boo-boo? And I think I deserve a band-aid."
Kaidan shook his head as he applied the adhesive bandage. He gave a furtive glance to the door.
"Tu as fait ce qu'il faut, Jean. Je suis fier de toi."[1]
He gently pressed his lips to the band-aid, not taking his eyes off Shepard's. The commander's ears flushed with pleasure. He was getting better at deciphering French; he recognized his name at the very least, and the words for 'I' and 'you'. Small victories.
"Still don't know what you said, but I can guess. One question, though."
"Oh?"
"No Blasto for the band-aids? I'll have to talk to Pressly about that."
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," Kaidan chuckled, stripping the blue gloves and tossing them in the trash. Shepard never ceased to surprise him. He wouldn't have it any other way.
A/N: D'awwww. This wouldn't leave me alone until it got written down. This is threewhiskeylunch's fault. So now you get it. Yay!
Glossary:
[1] You did good, John. I'm proud of you.