Title: Against Better Reason (Previously Too Afraid To Love)

Rating: M

Pairings: Kurt/Blaine

Chapter Warnings: Hints of abuse, homophobia

A/N: Well, here it is. Chapter 1 of the revamped version of "Too Afraid To Love". I changed the title too, because I've been listening to Darren's Homework EP and Going Nowhere is definitely my favourite. Speaking of, I want to apologise for not getting this chapter out sooner! I've been seriously ill, so much so that I was signed off work for five weeks and actually ended up handing in my notice. As well as this, I managed to score a ticket to Darren's acoustic London show on April 20th (yes, in TWO FREAKING DAYS?!). So I've been busy arranging transport and accommodation there and such, as well as applying for my master's degree for September. Long story short, I'm sorry for sucking with keeping you updated but here is the first chapter! I hope you enjoy, and thank you for your ongoing support and patience. It's appreciated!

Chapter 1: A New Beginning

"When you feel like criticizing anyone just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

"Easy, Momma! That's The Great Gatsby."

Blaine's mom clapped in glee when he got it right, immediately flipping to another page in her notebook. Blaine watched her closely as she did this, his heart swelling. His love for his mother was strong – anyone else may get bored doing the same thing over and over, but he knew activities like this helped his mom. At least, that's what her doctor said.

Truthfully, Blaine didn't quite know what was wrong with her. His father had never given him a clear answer, had always shut the conversation down whenever Blaine asked. All he knew was that his mom wasn't well and if he had to let her read the same quotes for him to guess over and over to help her? Then so be it.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you," his mom said in her soft voice, quiet from general lack of use. Lyra Anderson never really spoke unless it was to Blaine and even then, it was mainly when she was reading quotes for him to guess. More often than not, she didn't need words to communicate with her youngest son.

"That's I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, by Maya Angelou, Mom!" Again, Lyra clapped and flipped to another. They continued like this for some time – it was a Saturday and that meant Blaine had returned home from Dalton Academy to spend time with his mother. It was still September and school had only been open for three weeks but Blaine still religiously went home every weekend. Because his mom needed him. She was left alone for five days a week with the monster that was his father, and Blaine couldn't let her be alone for more than that. So at every opportunity, he went home to spend his weekends with her.

The two only stopped reading their quotes when Blaine heard his father calling for him. He got to his feet before he even thought about it, kissing the top of his mother's head. Michael Anderson was not a patient man and Blaine knew making him wait would only get him into trouble. So Blaine hurried down the stairs, stopping just outside of his father's study and knocked once before entering.

"Finally. Sit down, I have some news." As soon as Blaine was seated in the chair in front of the desk, Michael spoke again, leaning forwards. "You are no longer going to be attending Dalton Academy. This week was your final week at the school and I have arrange for all of your belongings to be returned from Westerville to here."

"Wait, what?" Blaine blurted. "I'm… Why am I not attending Dalton anymore? I thought you wanted me to go there because you said it's a good school, and you wanted both Cooper and I to have the same education you did? I'm at the top of my class, I'm in as many clubs and societies as I can be. I like it at Dalton, I have friends there."

"Yes, Blaine but that was before," Michael snapped, sitting up straighter. "Before you came out with this ridiculous idea that you've decided to be gay, before you started hanging around with that blonde faggot, before you insisted on singing those stupid show tunes. I will not have any son of mine turn out to be a fairy." Blaine swallowed hard, knowing better than to say anything. The last time he did, he was beaten. Michael seemed satisfied with his silence and continued. "You will be attending McKinley High School, here in Lima. You will come home after school immediately every day unless you start to attend a club I approve of. You are to take care of your mother. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Blaine said in a timid voice, not quite looking at his father. Clearly this was the wrong thing to say because at the single word, his father flipped, throwing his belongings off the desk and getting to his feet.

"How many times do I have to tell you, stupid boy? He spat at his son, undoing his belt as he did so. "It's yes sir! I let the first one slide due to the shock but it's clear you are just an arrogant little brat, Blaine!"

"N-No! No, sir, I didn't mean-"

"I don't want to hear it," said Michael, cutting over his son's words and finally removing his belt. "You know how much I hate bad manners. Now get up, turn around and get ready. Unless you want me to strike your face and let you start your new school with welts across your cheeks?"

With tears in his eyes, Blaine did as he was told. He didn't hesitate as he removed his shirt and turned his back on his father. Michael said nothing, nor did he react to the tears and whimpers that left his son as the leather struck across the skin, new wounds on top of old ones and fresh skin. But Blaine said nothing, knowing it would be much worse if he did.

oooooooooooooooooooo

Reputation was a funny thing. It was often the first thing known about a person and the thing that followed them around, no matter what. There were both good and bad reputations and for Kurt Hummel? Oh, his was definitely bad. But he was the kind of person who fuelled the rumours about himself because he wanted to see just how far they could go. Kurt adored the attention but he didn't let anyone get close to him and his reputation was one of being both mysterious and dangerous. Just how he liked it.

While the rumours were amusing, high school itself was not. If anything, it was a complete drag and Kurt couldn't wait for the moment where he could get out of Lima and go somewhere better. Maybe Los Angeles, or New York. Somewhere that wasn't here. But that would take time – he still had his senior year to get through, after all. And that was going to be anything but fun, because Lima was still the same old boring town with the same boring people and nothing ever changed. And just like every morning before his first period, Kurt was in the school parking lot, leaning against his truck and puffing away on a cigarette.

"When did you get a tattoo?"

The voice annoyed him and Kurt's immediate response was to roll his eyes. There was a time where Kurt was friends with the source of the voice, where the two had actually gotten along. But that was a long time ago, almost in a different lifetime. And they certainly weren't friends now

"When I decided to use my fake ID to go and get one, Berry," Kurt replied in a bored voice, eyebrow raised at Rachel. She looked so out of place here, surrounded by people similar to Kurt, those who didn't care with their leather jackets, piercings and studs. And there was Rachel in an animal sweater and knee high socks. "And if you talk to me again, I'll tattoo your forehead. Fuck off."

Rachel opened her mouth to reply but clearly thought the better of it as she hurried off, head down. Kurt watched her go without a care before letting his eyes wander across the parking lot. But then something caught his eye. It was a flashy car, not the kind you'd usually see in Lima, least of all in a public school and it definitely looked expensive. Kurt almost wanted to hop in his truck and follow it, to see where the owner lived and work out if it was worth stealing anything from him. But then Kurt focused his attention on the driver – an older man, about the same age as his father, by the looks of him, yelling. Flecks of spit flew out of his mouth and Kurt looked at who was in the passenger seat; a boy he didn't recognise, head bowed low and refusing to look up at the other man in the car. Even from here, Kurt could see how scared he was and raised an eyebrow, wondering to himself why he didn't fight back.

Kurt wanted to help, which was unlike him. He didn't care if someone was being yelled at, why would he? But then a nasty voice in the back of his mind told him he was just like this kid once. Before he stuck up for himself, Kurt was that kid, scared to fight back and defend himself against someone tormenting him. He'd just let it happen due to his fear. God, he hated that voice in his head sometimes, the flicker of the old Kurt Hummel. It was an unwelcome memory of who he used to be.

But now was not the time to dwell. Kurt threw his cigarette onto the ground, stamping it out with his boot and turned his back on the stranger in the expensive car, heading back into the school building without glancing back.

oooooooooooooooooooo

The idea of going to a new school was terrifying to Blaine. He had been at Dalton since his freshman year and it was all he really knew. Not only that, but his father had waited for the school year to already start before dropping the bombshell that Blaine would be leaving Dalton. It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but for Blaine it was. Knowing he would be starting McKinley three weeks after everyone else made him even more nervous. If he had started when the school year had, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But no, Blaine was behind by three weeks and that terrified him.

After a somewhat strange meeting with the school's Principal, Blaine was sent to the school's guidance counsellor, Miss Pillsbury. She seemed nice, but just piled leaflets onto Blaine's lap and told him her door was always open. For some reason, this made him even more nervous – wasn't she supposed to be helping him? But regardless, Blaine thanked her and with that, he was sent in the direction of his first class. He was already twenty minutes later his teacher would understand, right? He was new, after all.

Unfortunately for Blaine, his teacher did not understand why he was late and insisted on lecturing him about the importance of punctuality for a full five minutes before letting him sit down. Blaine chose a seat at the back, noticing it was empty except for one person. Blaine's face was bright red and he kept his head low as he sat, hands shaking a little as he tried to catch up on what he'd already missed.

For the most part, the lesson was uneventful. He noticed the other boy on his row watching him though, but Blaine avoided his gaze. He looked mean, that was for sure, and the last thing Blaine wanted was to make an enemy on the first day. He saw the boy again during his second class and avoided him again. No one seemed to pay Blaine any attention and he sat on his own in class, too nervous to talk to anyone. He felt lonelier than he ever had in his life. He missed Dalton, he missed the Warblers and he missed his friends.

Already, Blaine hated McKinley.