Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evolution characters. More pointless insanity people. This was written on an overdose of cough syrup. Wheeeeeeee!!!!
Home Movies
"I am so bored," Todd sighed as he hung upside down on the couch. "Nothing to do. Nothing to do. Nothing to do. Nothing to do. Nothing to do. Nothing…"
"Toad I'm gonna play soccer with your head if you don't shut up," Lance grumbled as he sat slouched on the other side of the sofa."
"Nothing to do," Todd whistled. "Nothing to do but annoy Lance. Nothing to do but annoy Lance. Nothing to do…"
"You are cruising for a bruising you know that?" Lance's tone was threatening but he made no move towards him.
"You don't scare me anymore," Todd stuck his tongue out. "You ain't the boss of me no more. Ever since you took off to worship your little Kitty Kat, you are now the low mutant on the totem pole."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," Todd sneered.
"So who is leader now?" Lance mocked. "You?"
"Noooo!" Todd laughed. Then stopped. "Wait a minute who is our leader anyway? It ain't you or me. It's not Freddy. It sure as heck ain't Pietro that's for sure, so that only leaves…"
"WAHHHOOO!" Tabitha shouted from upstairs.
"Oh man we're worse off than I thought," Todd groaned. "Thanks a lot Lance!"
"Me?" Lance snapped. "How is this my fault?"
"If you hadn't run after your stupid X-Geek girlfriend…" Todd began.
"Don't call her stupid!" Lance snapped.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Todd snapped. "Akkk!" Lance jumped on him. Todd gave him a mighty lick with his tongue. "Take that!"
"AGGGHH!" Lance let go. "You slimed me! You slimed me!" He clawed the slime off his face then chased Todd around the room. "Come back here you lunatic!"
They ran up the steps, colliding with Fred on the way up. "Hey watch it you two!"
"Perfect!" Pietro laughed, holding up a video camera. "What a shot!"
"This will be great in the movie!" Tabitha laughed.
"Movie? What movie?" Todd groaned.
"We are going to make a movie!" Tabitha smiled and put on a beret. "I'm the director!"
"You're right Toad," Lance groaned. "She is in charge!"
"The problem is we can't decide on what kind of story to do," Tabitha sighed. "Speedy here of course wants it to be about himself and Fred wants to do a cooking show. How about you guys? Any ideas?"
"Ooh! Oooh!" Todd hopped up and down. "I got an idea! We make a monster movie! Picture it!" He started acting it out. "This monster comes and attacks the town, see and he's going raarrrrr! Rarr! And he's knocking all the buildings down! Whap! Whap! And he's stomping around wrecking stuff! And then the hero comes and he's got a ray gun! ZZZZAPPP! KAPOW! But it doesn't do any good! And the monster eats him! Gulp! And he smashes the town! K-WAAAI! And he walks off into the sunset for a happy ending!"
"The monster destroys the town and the hero?" Tabitha raised an eyebrow. "How is that a happy ending?"
"It is for the monster," Todd told her.
"Anybody else got any bright ideas?" Tabitha sighed.
"How about we play some pranks on the X-Geeks and video tape them?" Lance asked.
"Sounds interesting," Tabitha mused. "Or maybe you just want to get more shots of Kitty!"
"Why would you say that?" Lance blinked.
Pietro gave the others a look and raced upstairs. He came back down with five videotapes. "Does this answer your question?"
"Where did you find those?" Lance turned pale.
"So what is on these tapes?" Tabitha smirked. "Gentlemen?"
"Oh no!" Lance pleaded as they all whooped towards the VCR. "No, you guys don't really need to watch that! Come on guys! NO! NO! NOT THAT TAPE! Aw man!"
Lance was singing to Kitty again. However this time he was wearing a knight's outfit. "So that's what you were doing Valentine's day!" Pietro laughed.
"Shut up," Lance moaned, trying to hide his face.
"You need serious help you know that Lance?" Pietro giggled. "I mean I can't imagine anyone acting like such an idiot as you!"
"Oh really?" Lance glared. "We'll see about that!" He rummaged around through a few tapes. "Ah Ha! Here we are!" He put another tape in. "So you think I act dumb huh? Well what you think of this?"
The screen showed Pietro in his boxer shorts. "I'm too handsome!" He crooned while dancing around. "I'm too handsome for my shirt! Too handsome for my shirt! I'm so gorgeous it hurts!"
"Who taped that?!" Pietro turned bright red.
The guys whistled and pointed to Tabitha. "Hey I couldn't resist," She shrugged.
"That's sexual harassment!" Pietro snapped. "Oh why was I cursed with such abnormal beauty!"
"That ain't the only thing about you that's abnormal yo," Todd rolled his eyes. "Hey these tapes are pretty cool. What else do we got?"
"Let's try this one," Fred put another tape in. "Hey I remember this!"
Fred was waving to the camera. He was in the kitchen. Todd popped up with a chef's hat on. "Presenting Two Happy Mutants!" The TV Fred called out. They then proceeded to cook something. Well actually they were making a mess.
"That was when we did that cooking show!" Fred said. "We were supposed to make a film for Home Ec. We never did turn this in for grading you know."
"I guess that's why we failed," Todd shrugged.
"Hey what's on this tape?" Tabitha put it in. On the screen came up the Brotherhood members with Mystique and Rogue. "Hey is that Mystique?"
"Yup," Lance nodded. "Hey, I'd forgotten all about this day!"
"When was this?" Fred scratched his head. On screen they were all sitting around a decorated table. There was a cake on it. Rogue did not look too happy.
"This was when Rogue had her birthday!" Pietro spoke up. "When she was still living with us. See there she is blowing out the candles."
"There's Freddy eating the cake," Lance remarked. "With one hand."
"That was good cake," Fred nodded.
"There's Todd blowing party horns in Rogue's ear," Tabitha giggled. "Rogue chasing Todd around the house. Lance and Speedy punching each other out on the floor while Mystique is trying to open a bottle of aspirin. Why were you two fighting anyway?"
"Oh Lance and I fought a lot when I first moved in," Pietro explained. "But that ended pretty quickly once the rivalry with the X-Geeks started. Now that I think about it, this was taken a week before Rogue left for the X-Geeks."
Rogue was on screen again. She was chasing both Fred and Todd who were having a whipped cream fight. They squirted Rogue and chased her around the house. "Gee I wonder why she left?" Lance quipped.
"Hey let's see what's on this tape," Todd put in another one. "Hey look! When was this?"
It was Fred giving Duncan a major wedgie and throwing him in a trash bin. "Oh that was when I first moved into Bayville," Fred said. "About a week after the Jean incident. Lance and I were bored and I really wanted to get Jean so we decided to pick on Duncan for a bit."
"Where was I yo?" Todd pouted.
"It was at an away football game," Lance pointed out as the screen Duncan was floundering around in the garbage. "The Boss Lady had given you detention that day for sliming her desk. We made this to cheer you up. I guess we forgot to give it to you."
"Hey that's okay," Todd shrugged. "It's the thought that counts. Oh yeah! Keep smacking Duncan Freddy! Yeah! Now that's what I call entertainment!"
"You wanna see entertainment?" Pietro smiled and put in another tape. "How's this?" Now Evan was on the screen. He was skateboarding when suddenly he fell into an open dumpster. "Let's see that in slow motion shall we?" Pietro rewound it and in slow motion it was revealed that Pietro had caused him to fall in. "I could watch that all day!"
"Ah memories," Fred sighed happily.
"You guys have sure had some wild times," Tabitha said.
Suddenly there was a pounding at the door. "Now what?" Todd answered it. There before him was a skinny boy with brown hair and acne in a varsity jacket. "What are you a jock wannabe?" Todd looked at him.
"Are you Pietro Maximoff?" The boy snarled.
"Are you blind?" Todd gave him a look. "Yo Pietro! It's for you!"
"Ye-ees?" Pietro came to the door and looked at him.
"Pietro Maximoff?" The boy glared at him.
"Who wants to know?" Pietro folded his arms.
"I'm Steve Harding, Diana Pearson's boyfriend!" The scrawny little runt who made Todd look like a weightlifter made a fist.
"I didn't know she had a boyfriend," Pietro shrugged.
"Well you know now!" Steve snapped.
"Wait, you must be 'Crater-Face'," Pietro said. "I've heard of you."
"Who called me that?" Steve snapped. "Where did you hear that name?"
"From your so called girlfriend," Pietro smirked. "You're the annoying little oink that drives her crazy all the time."
"Diana is a goddess!" Steve snapped. "She was going to ask me to the dance!"
"Yeah in your dreams," Pietro smirked.
"A wonderful girl like her did not deserve to be treated as part of some harem you sick deranged weirdo!" Steve snapped.
"Well it could have been worse," Pietro smiled. "She could have ended up going with a pizza-faced zit magnet."
"I am going to teach you a lesson sir!" Steve snapped.
"What are you gonna do? Pop a pimple and hope it leaks on me?" Pietro snapped.
"You have left me no choice but to resort to fisticuffs!" Steve put up his fists. "Have at you sir!"
"How many drinks did you have before coming here?" Pietro looked at him.
"I may have had a half a beer to screw my courage to the sticking point," Steve sniffed. "But I am not drunk!"
"You should have drank the other half," Pietro looked at him. "You're gonna need it."
"Okay Pietro make this a good fight," Todd held up the camera. "And don't break this one's legs, okay?"
"What's he doing?" Steve indicated the camera.
"Oh he videotapes all my fights," Pietro quipped.
"You've done this before?" Steve's voice went even higher.
"Oh yes," Pietro smiled. "You should be happy. You're going to be my 200th victim."
"Oh," Steve turned pale. "I see."
"So let's get on with it shall we?" Pietro slapped his hands together in anticipation. "Now which side to you prefer to have a black eye on? Left or right?"
"Um …either one is okay I mean…" Steve gulped.
"Okay now I just need you to fill out these forms," Pietro grabbed some papers. "Have you had any extensive dental work?"
"N-no."
"Well you can use some. I'll give you the name of a good dentist after the fight. Heck after he's done with you you'll have better teeth than when you started with," Pietro wrote things down. "Now any allergies to any type of medication?"
"N-not that I know of."
"Good, good, Any prior medical condition that I should know about. Asthma, lung problems, that sort of thing? Because I never fight people who have Asthma. Very messy with the paper work when their insurance rings up."
"Uh no…I mean yes! Oh yes I have a slight lung disorder," Steve piped up. "One's smaller than the other. Bit of a nuisance I'm afraid."
"Oh dear," Pietro smirked. "Well I can't box you."
"Oh I understand," Steve said quickly. "Insurance stuff is such a bother. Red tape. That's perfectly all right if you can't fight me! I mean it's not your fault. Blasted red tape! Such a nuisance! Oh well but what can you do? Can't fight the insurance companies. Oh well."
"I could just give you a simple sock on the jaw. Shouldn't be too damaging." Pietro said.
"Oh wait! I just thought of something!" Steve gulped. "Did I say Diana Pearson? Goodness me I meant Diana Pearwith! Silly me! Wrong house! Happens all the time! Well I gotta go home now! Goodbye!" He took off down the street screaming. "MOMMY!" Needless to say the Brotherhood laughed themselves silly.
"Well that's another fun piece to add to our collection," Pietro snickered.
"So what do we do with this one?" Todd asked. "Sell it or private exhibition?"
"I think I'll give it to Diana as a gift," Pietro smirked. "Something tells me she might enjoy it."
"Do you really fight other jealous boyfriends?" Tabitha asked.
"Not that much," Pietro shook his head. "It's amazing how many fights blow over with a few persuasive words."
"Hey we still got plenty of room on this tape," Todd said. "So what do we do to fill it up?"
"I have an idea," Tabitha smirked.
Later that night Jean and Duncan were at a local diner having dinner. Jean was bored with Duncan's conversation. "Yes Duncan I saw that pass you threw. I was there remember?" She sighed as she looked around. Scott was on a date with Taryn and Kurt and Amanda were together at another booth. She fumed as she saw Taryn give her a smug look.
"Here's your ice cream," The waitress purred as she dumped a huge sundae in front of her.
"We didn't order…" She looked up and she saw Tabitha winking at her. "Uh oh…"
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Three sets of ice cream sundaes exploded. Taryn glared at Jean. "Nice going Jean!" She hissed. "I knew you were jealous but I didn't think you'd stoop to this!"
"Wait a minute I didn't…" She started to say.
"Then why'd the waitress say the sundae came from you?" She glared. Then she picked up a handful of stray ice cream and tossed it at her.
"Why you little…" Jean was furious and threw some back at her. Soon there was a full-blown ice cream fight going on. Jean and Taryn were throwing ice cream. Scott and Duncan were getting pelted with it as well as everyone else in the restaurant. Duncan tried to move away, but he slipped and fell flat on his behind.
"You getting all of this Speedy?" Tabitha crowed.
"Oh yes!" He cackled. "This will be a great movie!"