Bella and Edward: 20 Years Later
"Bella were leaving." His face was unbearable to look at. His golden eyes like a glass mirror. I could see through them but I couldn't see any pain in them, no sadness, no nothing. Only truth, and the truth in his voice was unbearable. Even in a dream…a dream about a painful memory.
I started to toss and turn; I knew what line was coming next. His face flashed across my face as the next part come out of my mouth, the painful truth that I knew was coming.
"When you say we…" I mumbled as I saw his hard face stare at me as he spoke, cutting me off mid sentence.
"I mean my family and myself." He said. His beautiful pale face hard as a rock, as cold as ice. I shivered as I remembered what came next. I just stood there and let him say hurtful things without a fight.
Cold sweat poured down my face. I tossed and turned some more as I started to mumble his name. I hated what was coming next. The truth was just too much to bear, even in a memory.
"I'm no good for you Bella." That was bull right there and I should've told him off. I should've started shouting, but I didn't. The reality didn't sink in until he said goodbye.
My mumbling become louder as the dream went on. The tossing became worse and the nightmare seemed so real that I thought I had gone back in time.
"Bella I don't want you to come with me." He said, his voice didn't tremble, his face showed no remorse or regret for what he just said. To be quite honest…he looked just like a vampire, or a Greek god frozen from shock. And I stood there like an idiot. But who could blame me, the love of my life just broke my heart with those nine little words. He didn't want me? After all those times that he told me he loved me, he didn't want me. It took me a few minutes to accept that.
"You…don't…want…me?" I asked hoping he would say that he did want me. I was hoping he would tell me why he was lying to me. And all of my hopes were crashed when he answered me.
"No." His answer was flat, cold and heartless. I started to cry in my sleep as I mumbled his name. His topaz gold eyes stared into my face and it felt like he was sucking the soul out of me. He was sucking the very life out of me with his words. His bronze hair seemed darker than usual. The dark purple bruises made his face seem harder than usual.
I was to the point of screaming now; I've had this nightmare too many times since the day he left. "Don't. Don't do this." I yelled. I didn't worry about waking anyone up because I had moved out of Charlie's house years ago. I wish I could wake up, I hated this nightmare. I wanted it to stop. I didn't want to remember it anymore.
"You're no good for me Bella." His statement was flat, cold, and truthful. I always knew I was never enough for him, but him saying it out loud made the truth ten times worse.
I started to tremble as my dream continued. I wanted it to stop. I wanted this endless pain to go away. I wanted my life back…I wanted my heart, my soul to return to my body. But it never did. It left with him that painful day in the woods. I gave him my whole heart and even after twenty years, I never really got it back.
"And I'll make you a promise in return he said. " I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I never existed." (New Moon Pg 71)
I screamed at the top of my lungs and shot up like a rocket out of my bed. The hole in my chest started to throb as the dream ended. I wrapped my arms around my chest and started panting. It was just a dream…just a dream. But that was the problem; it wasn't a dream at all. It was reality. Edward had left me twenty years ago. And I guess I never fully recovered from it. The hurt was still there, I could feel it in my chest whenever I thought about him or any of the others. I couldn't even say their names. The pain was that bad. I got up and walked over to my coffee machine in the kitchen. The window over the sink had the best view in the house, or at least that was my opinion. I bought a little cottage next to First Beach a few years ago. Jacob helped me get it, it was an anniversary present. I moved to La Push when I was nineteen and I only go to Forks to make Charlie's dinner and lunch, otherwise I try to stay away from everything that remind me of him. I walked over to my iHome dock that was next to the window and searched for one of my favorite bands. Lately I had been listening to Skillet, Evanescence, and Nickelback. Those were the only bands that comforted me after my nightmares. I don't know why but somehow the lyrics matched my dreams. Kind of weird but in a comforting way. Whenever I played one of the bands after my nightmare, thinking about what I'd dreamt didn't hurt as bad. I would sing along to the songs and be deep in thought about why I had been thinking about that memory or why I was feeling this way after twenty years. I found the song I was looking for. It was called My Immortal by Evanescence. I hit play and leaned against the fridge as my mind started to wonder.
I'm
so tired of being here These wounds won't seem to heal
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And
if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause
your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me
alone
This pain is just too
real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I walked over to the dock and hit stop after that first verse. I didn't want to listen to it anymore. The truth in the lyrics was just like the truth in his voice that day. Cold and unbearable. I let the tears run down my face as I sang the first verse again. I needed to get him out of my system problem is I didn't know how. How could there be a world where he didn't exists…it was just not possible, at least for me it was. He was probably with his new girlfriend talking about how pathetic I was because I'm human.
"Why…why did you leave me Edward…what did I do wrong?" I sobbed as the first verse and his face replayed themselves over and over again in my head.