A Chao's Education
By "Judge Neusy"
By "Grand Master Shoma"
We'll be blunt: We do not own these characters, but we own this fan fiction. Don't steal it.
All Chao are made up, and therefore belong to the both of us, except for Chacron.
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Note: We have a Sonic Adventure 2 game that me and Judge Neusy both play and raise Chao upon. Our two Chao in this story are:
Juki: A Hero Running Chao. Has phoenix wings, everything rabbit , and a spiraling bluish-yellow spiral. Cute Voice.
Shade: A Dark Running Chao. Has everything cheetah, and has spikes similar to Shadow. Cute Voice.
No one may use these Chao for any of their fanfics under any circumstances. They're our Chao.
( ) Means that this is the Chao's reaction when they're talking.
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One day, in the Mystic Ruins...
Sonic: I could be running around, (looks down) if I weren't babysitting my Chao!
Juki: (looks up and without a care in the world) HI! Guess what, daddy?
Sonic: What, Juki?
Juki: (?) Um, er.. (baby mumbles)
Sonic: Right...
Shadow busts through the door!
Shadow: That's IT! They're going to school!
Sonic: Um, why Shadow?
Shadow: Because my Chao can't tell the difference between an apple and an orange!!
Shade: They're both fruit! They're both nummy-nummy! And... (?) What was Shade talking about?
Sonic: Why does your Chao speak in third person perspective sometimes?
Shadow: (pouting) I don't know, your Chao does the same! Besides, I want my Shady to be smart!
Shade: Crap.
Shadow: SWEETIE! Watch your language!!
Shade: ... Shit.
Shadow: That's more like it!
Sonic: Look, I'll prove to you that our Chao don't need none of an education! (gets the attention of Chao) Juki, Shade.
Both Chao: Yeah?
Sonic: What's 2x2?
Both Chao: (?) (they stare at each other for a small bit, they stop, they look at the ceiling, look around, look behind them) (?) (!; cute Chao sound) (they leave the house)
Sonic: Where they going? (looks to see the two Chao playing in the mud) Oy-vey!
Juki: (rolls in the mud) Look at me! I'm Shade!
Shade: Oh yeah? (does the same) I'm also Shade!
Juki: Shade can't be Shade!
Shade: Tickle this, Poppin' Fresh! (pokes Juki in the stomach)
Juki: (Chao roar) AAAAHHH!!! (Juki and Shade are fighting in the mud)
Sonic: Hmm... maybe a little education wouldn't hurt.
Shadow: (confused) Why Poppin' Fresh?
They arrive at the Chao Kindergarten.
Sonic: Here we are!
Shade: I don't wanna go!
Shadow: You should have complained five minutes ago, sweetie!
Shade: (Chao thing turns to angry swirls) DON'T CALL ME SWEETIE!!
Shadow: (mutters under breath) Jackass...
Shade: (starts crying) DADDY, YOU'RE THE JACKASS!
Juki: Don't worry buddy! You got a shoulder to cry on.
Shade: (stops crying; smiles with happy fangs) I'm okay
Shadow: (thinks) Oh... My... God... I HAVE NO FATHER! (runs out crying)
Sonic: Shadow! That didn't make sense! Wait up!
Shade: I think I warped Daddy's mind.
Juki: It's such a shame to see a grown...um (?) yeah.
Shade: Sweet...
They open the door.
Omochao: (speaking in a normal college professor voice) Oh! We have two new students! Sit down, my name is Chaoculus.
Shade: Heh heh! What a faggy name!
Couple of seconds pass.
Juki: Shade, how did you get punished to the corner? Class didn't even start yet.
Shade: (mutters) Stupid teacher thinks that he's so great. He gets to put Chao in corners and make them his bitch, yadda yadda yadda, they're not feeling well the next morning.
Chaoculus: Okay, your punishment is over, you may sit down now.
Shade: Thank God! (sits next to Juki)
Juki: He's going to do attendance.
Shade: What the fuck's attendance?
Juki: Don't ask me, sly-fucka!
Chaoculus: Now, is Chacron here?
Chacron: Present.
Chaoculus: Chaocolate?
Chaocolate: Here.
Chaoculus: ChaoCold?
ChaoCold: *achoo*
Chaoculus: Chappy? Here. Chaoneusa? Here. Chaopo? Here. Chaocarlos? Here. Chao Chao? Here. Chaocules? Here. Chahogian? Here. (looks at Juki and Shade) And I didn't quite get your names.
Juki: Um, I'm Shade...
Shade: Juki.
Chaoculus: Okay, let me practice with you two now. Shade?
Shade: (!) Here! HERE!
Chaoculus: No, you are Juki.
Juki: No, I'm Juki!
Chaoculus: No, you-- You did that on purpose didn't you?
Shade: (raises hand) What's purpose?
Chaoculus: Why, do I have the feeling I'm not going to like this day? Anyway, let's start with a little Math. Now, who knows what 1+1 is? Yes, Chappy?
Shade: (interrupts Chappy) You know nothing!
Chaoculus: It's not your--
Shade: Shut up, Calculator! It's 11!
Juki: Way to go!
Shade: Thanks, Shade!
Chaoculus: Don't, encourage him, and that's WRONG!
Shade: What do you mean I'm wrong?
Chaoculus: Chappy, what's the answer?
Chappy: 2.
Shade: Wait a minute. (does some Math on his cheetah paws) Oh, 2 1s!
Chaoculus: (not impressed) ...Count to 10 for me, Shade.
Shade: (?) Are you saying that I don't know my poly-no-miles!? Where, I'll tell you now that I know my algae-bra! (starts to count) 1... 7... 1,000... 8... (?) line?
Chaoculus: 2?
Shade: No... I'm very sure that was the sixth digit...
Chaoculus: Now, what's 2+2? Yes, Chaopo?
Chaopo: It's--
Shade: (lost it for no apparent reason; starts beating up Chaopo) You STUPID MOTHER--
Juki: Shut your mouth.
Chaoneusa: Stop it! You're killing him!
Chaoculus: Stop it. STOP IT! (separates Shade and Chaopo) You okay, Chaopo?
Chaopo: (tooth missing) I think so...
Chaoculus: Go see the nurse. Shade, this isn't going to be your best for your record, especially for your first day.
Shade: Juki, I got a record.
Juki: Can I have three?
Chaoculus: (shudders) Well, let's move on to English.
Juki: At English, that I am... good, Juki.
Chaoculus: ...(?) What? Oh never mind. Shade, get over here.
Shade: What'd I do now, fucker!?
Chaoculus: (places a DUNCE hat on Shade and made him sit atop of the stool)
Shade: This hat fits nicely.
Juki: You're a dunce sitting on a stool!
Shade: (oblivious to Juki's comment) BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!
Chaoculus: That's nothing to be proud of!
Shade: It's not? (?)
Chaoculus: Moving on, now.
Juki: (starts panicking) Moving on!? ARE WE GOING TO DIE!?
Chaoculus: Dear Chaos... I feel sorry for the Chao that have to listen to both of your comments and stupidity!
Shade: Hey! Juki's not that dumb!
Juki: Yeah! That's right, man! Thanks!
Chaoculus: Never mind!! What is the subject to this sentence: The dog has fleas. (sees Juki's hand up) Yes, Juki?
Juki: (happily) Fleas!
Chaoculus: No that is incorrect. Anyone else? (sees Juki's hand up again) Yes, Juki?
Juki: The!
Chaoculus: The...
Juki: (?) ... (!) Cassette!
Chaoculus: WHAT!? No no! Let me get this straight! You are saying that the subject in 'The dog has fleas.' is in fact, the cassette!? Is this what I'm hearing?
Juki: Well, the bees would need something to listen to.
Chaoculus: (losing it; some sparks fly) IT'S FLEAS, not BEES! AND CASSETTES ARE TO WATCH, NOT-- (calms down) Okay, I don't need this. Juki, come with me.
Juki: YAY! Road Trip!
Chaoculus: IT'S NOT A-- Fine, it's a road trip.
Shade: YOU DON'T MEAN IT!!
Juki: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, DUMBSHIT!
Shade: (tackles Juki; starts rolling around the classroom causing decimation)
After school.
Sonic: Where's our Chao?
Shadow: They should've been here (talking like Adam West) ten minutes ago...
Sonic: Stop it.
Shadow: Oh, here comes our Chao with the teacher!
Chaoculus: Why don't you take a look at what THEY ARE WEARING ON THEIR HEADS! (Juki is wearing a yellow hat saying "Damn fool!" while Shade is wearing a blue hat saying "Destructive Behavior")
Juki: Heh heh! Mine's lellow!
Shade: How come he gets a lellow hat? I want a lellow hat!
Chaoculus: It's yellow!! Does the color really matter!?
Shade: Of course! Geez, for a teacher, you no smart!
Juki: You say right, Shade!
Shade: RIGHT!
Chaoculus: (vein on head; faces Sonic and Shadow) I'm afraid your Chao are gonna have to stay for a very, VERY long time! (gives Juki and Shade an evil look)
Shade: Hmm, we only have to stay for a couple of minutes!
Juki: YAY!
Chaoculus: Grrrr... (grabs both Chao; to Sonic and Shadow) I'll see you tomorrow!
Shadow: HAHAHAHA!! My Chao is more superior than your Chao!
Sonic: YOUR CHAO HAD "DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR"!
Shadow: AAAAAAWWW!
In the classroom...
Chaoculus: Now, sit down, and I'll test you.
Shade: Test us on what? Poly-noes?
Juki: No, he tests our English good...
Chaoculus: (rolls eyes) I will test you on your intelligence!
Juki: To see how intellectual we are to questions about the sciences and the world around us?
Chaoculus: How... do you, know... AAARRGH! (plops down test sheets) Here, you have one hour to complete it!
Shade: That's a lot of time!
Chaoculus: (sarcastic) Yes, lots... Juki, what are you doing?
Juki: (drew all over his test) It's a ducky!
Chaoculus: No... that's Geese.
Juki: (looks at picture) He's a Howard.
Chaoculus: (loses it) HERE'S ANOTHER TEST! DO IT! I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR! (turns around) AND I WON'T BE WORRIED IF YOU COPY OFF EACH OTHER BECAUSE I KNOW, SOMETHING WILL SCREW UP!! (leaves)
Juki: Wow, what a grouch. What's the answer to #3?
An hour later...
Chaoculus: (calm) Now, I'll mark your scantron on this machine.
Time passes...
Chaoculus: Here are your results. Shade: 15... YOUR IQ IS 15!?
Shade: Alright, I admit it! I am the (?) I forgot...
Chaoculus: Juki. hopefully you did better... Juki, you're as dumb as a post! AND YOU GOT 0!!
Juki: But I tried! I really did!
Chaoculus: And to top it off, you drew Ryo on it.
Juki: (happy-go-lucky) It's a Sakazaki type!
Chaoculus: You know what, Juki? A post is smarter than you!! In fact, if a post sensed a car was coming right at it, it would get up, and walk away...
Juki: Really?
Chaoculus: (losing it) NO!! I'M GOING FOR A SMOKE!!
Shade: Robots smoke?
Juki: He's a robot?
Outside; A while passes...
Sonic: Looks like it's time to pick up our Chao!
Shadow: (smelling the air) What smells like burning?
Sonic: WHAT THE!? (sees the entire Chao Kindergarten building on fire, with Juki and Shade standing outside staring at the fire) What happened!?
Shade: (?) Who gets to explain it?
Juki: (!) You do!
Shade: (!) YAY! (deep breath) Well, after you left us, the teacher decided to give us an IQ test and so we did and Juki got in trouble because he drew Geese and Ryo on his exam and so the teacher told us our exam marks and my IQ was 15 and Juki's 0 and so the teacher went on and on about how he was a dumb as a post, which leads to why he was talking about how posts could sense danger and walk away if it wasn't true but anyway he went out for a smoke and we didn't know why so we went to his closet and found some firecrackers and explosives, so we decided to do our own experiment to see how fast and mad he would get, so when he came back in, he started yelling and told us to get something to put it out so we got Brandy and put it all over the classroom, fire, AND teacher so he yelled "YOU DAMN IDIOTS! WHAT ARE..." we didn't hear the rest because we got out of there like logic people would do, and also he combusted into flames, so we wanted to see how much the school would burn until you came and asked us what happened, and now we are tired and want to sleep because we had too much excitement for one day.
Shadow: ... THAT'S IT! No more school for you!!
Juki: (teary-eyed) But we're stupid now... (both Chao are now crying)
Sonic: Well, um, you could be smart in other things...
Shadow: Like philosophy!
Shade: Juki, he is right. (!) Like how the world replenishes itself with people, the more stupidity will arise among the masses...
Juki: (!) And how there is no meaning to anything, we do as we like cause we like as we do!
Shade and Juki: Give us five, man!! (slap each other's hands) Ow... ow... my hand.
Shadow: (indifferent) Cute, let's go home.
Sonic: (as well indifferent) Me too, I gotta scratch my ass.
They pick up the Chao, and they go home.
The Chao kindergarten? It burned to a crisp in the sunset.
The End