Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. I just enjoy playing with them a little bit.

So, another one shot. I seem to love these things lately. A rather OOC Rosalie takes the spotlight this time. It's been brewing for several weeks now, and finally demanded to be written tonight. So, after three very long hours, here it is. Enjoy!

).O.(

Guaranteed to Last at Least Two Weeks

I stared at my reflection, frowning slightly at the flaw I had yet to find. Where is it? I growled to myself. My silky soft golden hair cascaded down my back in gentle waves. My full-figured body was barely covered in a bright, eye catching red bikini, my lips were painted slightly with an iridescent gloss… My honey colored eyes glared back at me, searching for the flaw I couldn't find, but knew was there.

Where was it?

I turned and looked again at the fashion magazine lying open on my bed. The pull out poster featured a beautiful brunette wearing the exact same ensemble as me, and I glared at her. Why did she look better than me in that picture? It wasn't right. I growled softly as I stalked to the bed and roughly flipped the pages, not wanting to see the woman anymore.

I froze, staring at the page I had flipped to. Of course! I smacked my head lightly and grinned. How could I have missed it? It was so obvious.

I glanced out the window. Everyone had gone out hunting except for me. I had gone just a couple days before with Emmett, and didn't feel like going again so soon. Of course, Emmett offered to stay with me, but I could see the excitement in his eyes at the prospect of hunting with the boys, so I sent him on his way.

Now I was immensely glad that I had. I wanted to surprise him when he returned. I hurriedly grabbed today's outfit off the floor and threw it on. Then I whipped around and grabbed my keys off the dresser and was in my car within seconds. Soon I was racing down the highway to the one store in town that would have what I was looking for.

).O.(

I stopped just inside the doorway, my hands wrapped tightly around the bar of the shopping cart, and stared nervously. I had never been inside of a drugstore before, and I had no idea where to start my search.

I glanced around me, hoping to see what I was looking for right in front, but of course, no such luck. I sighed and started walking. I would just have to walk up and down each isle until I found it.

"Rosalie?" a small, shocked voice coming from behind me. I whipped around to see Bella, her chocolate eyes widened in surprise.

Inspiration hit.

I smiled at her softly, not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable around me than she already was. I knew I behaved badly toward her most of the time, and that she probably thought I hated her. Which, in a way, I did. She had everything I wanted, after all, and was giving it all up for him.

But in actuality, I really liked the girl. She was sweet, kind, and everything else that Edward had so desperately needed in his life. She was so unselfish, and that was her biggest flaw. She was giving up everything, and she was doing it happily, for him. She didn't care what she was giving up. And that was a mistake she would regret one day.

"Rosalie?" Bella's voice floated to me again, and I shook myself out of my dark thoughts enough to grin at her again.

"Hey, Bella," I said in what I hoped was a friendly voice.

"Um… What are you.. You know, up to?" She waved her hand around helplessly for a moment, then placed it back on the bar of her cart. Her face had turned pink and her eyes stared a hole into the floor.

"Well," I said, dragging the word out a little as I thought. I needed her help to find what I was looking for, but I didn't want to tell her the truth. I knew Alice would be watching her every move, and didn't want her to see what Bella was helping me with. I had to be careful.

Then inspiration hit again. This would be easy. I grinned.

"Well, Edward has a few plans for this weekend, and he needed me to pick up something for him," I said, watching her carefully.

Her eyebrows pulled together, her lips came down in a frown, and she started playing with a strand of her hair. Perfect. She was now distracted.

"What plans…?" she asked worriedly.

"Well, I promised I wouldn't tell, but I need your help finding what I'm looking for, so I'll give you a clue," I said, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Do what you will with this, Edward. "He told me to get a lot of sunscreen." I folded my arms across my chest and smiled.

Bella visibly paled, but then, to my surprise, a slow smile crossed her face. Uh oh.

"Oh," she said simply, turning away from me. "Well, that's over here." She started walking, and I followed behind her, wondering if maybe I'd gone too far. I thought she'd be upset, and maybe he'd get yelled at a little for trying to surprise her. But no, she was… happy. Very unexpected.

While I tried to think of a way out of this little mess, Bella led me around to the back of the store. She stopped suddenly, and I looked up at the shelf she was standing in front of.

My mouth dropped. Wow…

There must have been twenty or more different brands and strengths of sunscreen in front of me. Why did they need so many? How did they pick? For maybe the first time in my life, I was happy that I was a vampire. I didn't need to stress over which one of these to use.

I turned to Bella, frowning slightly at her knowing grin. She pulled a bottle off the shelf and handed it to me. "Here's the one I use."

I took it from her, glancing down at the bottle before throwing it into my cart. 50 spf. I smirked. No wonder she was so light. Then I frowned. So was I. But I was about to remedy that. I glanced at the shelf a little to my left and saw what I was looking for. Sunless Tanners.

I turned to Bella, smiling widely. "Thanks, Bella," I said as I started to walk away.

"Sure," she said, waving slightly before turning in the opposite direction. I walked down an aisle and stood for a couple minutes, then poked my head back out. She was gone.

I hurried back to the wall and stared at all the different shades of tan before me. There was no way I could decide here. Not enough time. I took down one of each bottle and threw them into the cart, then impulsively grabbed a few more bottles of Bella's sunscreen. A small trip was in order for those two, and I was feeling generous. Maybe Esme would let them use her island for a few days…

Now to get out of here.

).O.(

I stared at the bottles strewn across my bed, frowning slightly. I had separated them by shades, and was currently deciding between nude and taupe. I smiled. It was an easy choice, really. Emmett liked me nude… I grinned devilishly and picked up the three bottles sporting that particular shade.

I read the directions on the bottles, deciding to go with whichever one worked fastest. I brushed the rest of the bottles onto the floor, then sat down on the bed and opened the bottle. I rubbed a small bit of the creamy lotion onto the top of my foot. I stared down at it, very pleased with what I saw.

I glanced at the directions again. For the most accurate results, after applying to test area, allow four hours to fully set. I frowned. Four hours?

I sighed and set the bottle down. Glancing around the room, my eyes fell again to the magazine that had given me this idea. I picked it up and started flipping through the pages. I came across the pull out poster again. Soon, I would look better than her. I grinned.

Approximately twenty minutes later, I growled in frustration. The stuff looked fine. Why did I have to wait? I glared at the bottle, then looked down at my foot again. It hadn't done anything… What could it do? It was lotion.

I quickly stripped out of all my clothes, then grabbed the bottle and filled my hands. I wasn't going to wait. There was no reason to wait.

I slathered the stuff all over my body, paying special attention to Emmett's favorites. I grinned devilishly as I imagined his face when he came home tonight.

When I was done rubbing the stuff into my body, I stayed still for a few minutes to let it dry. Then I got dressed again and headed downstairs. I needed something to do to pass the time. I flipped on the television, but there was nothing good playing, so I flipped it off again. I wandered around the house for a few minutes, then decided to go work on the newest old car I had sitting in the garage.

I was soon lost in my work, forgetting about everything around me.

).O.(

"Rose?" I glanced to the side, looking out from under the edge on the car I was currently lying under, to see Emmett's dirt covered boots stepping into the garage. I smiled to myself. Wait until he saw me. He wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of me.

"Rose, are you in here?" he called, moving toward me slowly, glancing under each car as he passed it. I waited for him to find me.

"There you are!" he said suddenly. I saw his smiling face as he got down on hands and knees to see me better. "I'm home!"

"Hey!" I said brightly, smiling back at him. His smile never failed to take my breath away.

"Why don't you come out here, with me?" he said seductively. He grinned again, his eyes sparkling in the dim light of the garage.

I reached my hand out to him, and he pulled me out from under the car. Then he froze.

"Do you like it?" I purred, watching his eyes widen in surprise. Then he did something I least expected. He laughed. Loudly. I stared at him in shock. What the…?

"Oh, Rose… ha.. what did you… ha ha… what did you do to yourself?" Emmett grabbed his sides and sat down hard on the floor, his booming laugh echoing off the walls of the garage.

I stared at him another moment, then looked down at myself.

Oh. My. God.

I was orange. And not just a little bit orange. No, my whole body was a bright, carrot orange.

I gasped in horror as I heard Edward start laughing from somewhere inside the house. Oh God…

I turned back to Emmett, who was still rolling on the ground laughing. "If you don't stop laughing this instant, you will never get sex again," I threatened icily. He choked and sputtered for a moment, then stared up at me, panic clear on his face.

"Sorry, Rose," he said meekly, standing up and putting his arms around me. I sighed and leaned into him, my thoughts racing a hundred miles an hour.

"What um… what is that stuff?" Emmett asked timidly, waving one hand at my body.

I sighed again. It wasn't like I could hide forever. Everyone would see me soon enough. "It's sunless tanning lotion," I mumbled. I could hear the little sounds of surprise coming from the people in the house, and winced.

"Um, why did you…?" Emmett trailed off, obviously unsure if it was safe to continue that question. I just sighed again.

"I wanted to look beautiful for you."

Now Emmett sighed. "Rose, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. And you always will be." He smiled softly at me, melting my dead heart the way only he could. Then he grinned at me. "Even though you are orange… Hey!"

He backed away from me, his hands held up in surrender, as I went to smack him again.

"Come on," he said, grabbing me around the waist. He wagged his eyebrows at me. "Let's go upstairs."

).O.(

Twenty minutes of torture later, we were safely in our room. I went straight to the bottle, hoping it had directions on how to get this stuff off again. No such luck.

I threw the bottle back on the bed and shrugged. Really, how long could it take?

I heard Emmett laughing again, though this time he seemed to be trying to hide it from me. I turned to see what was so funny now. He was staring at the bottle that had just left my hand. In big letters across the top of the bottle, it said:

Guaranteed to last at least two weeks

).O.(

So, what did you think? Good? Bad? Review and tell me? Either way, I'd love to know your thoughts. Thanks!