This is for Cirdan. A great author and friend. Happy Birthday!!

Tale and Truth

Part 1: Tale of the Foams

"Much of your pain is self chosen." ~~ Khalil Gibran

This place is creepy. It's not just because this part of the beach is so deserted and remote, as if it exists outside the rest of the world. Neither it is because of the eerie shadows dancing around surreally as the moon casts her pale, mysterious light. This most inhospitable environment is not even caused by the wind blowing through some natural holes in the rocks and caves along the beach, producing some banshee-like wails that will chill the bone of the most courageous person.

No. This place is creepy because of a folktale that is passed on from generation to generation, from mouth to mouth, from bedtime story to bedtime story. A legend about an unrequited love of an angel for a man who broke her heart and eventually caused her to fade into foam. However, the legend said, her spirit refused to leave, and remained where her lover had been to steal the body of any unlucky person that stumbled across her path.

Somehow it's flattering to have your love story become a legend, but most of the time it's just irritating. Believe me. People always possess that annoying habit to twist the most tedious story to suit their hunger for dramatization. I never know any Ainu who is mad enough to steal a Second Born's body to clad herself in (as if being imprisoned in the Firstborn form isn't bad enough). I, for certain, is not this person. And the most exasperating part of all, they think it's romantic for a divine being to fall in love with a fleshly being and humble herself in fleshly form, just to find her love unrequited, so that she ends up crying her eyes out and then drowning herself in the raging sea.

Let me tell you it is stupid. Trust me, because I have been there. Loving a being lower than yourself, and then humbling yourself just to be able to connect to him is not, I repeat, is not the wisest thing to do in Eä.

Of course, I did not consider my behavior foolish during the moments when the desire to love and to be loved by him banished all rational thought from my mind. Moments when he sang about his lost Jewel and the banishment of his soul to Eternal Darkness, making my heart to bleed and sympathize with him despite of his horrible deeds. Moments when I was entranced by the beauty in his perfect features and in his eyes, eyes that beheld much beauty as well as horror, destruction as well as creation.  Or when he captured my heart without him noticing, as the unexplainable beauty of his fea and hroa sent me into all-consuming love. I did not even understood what was going on in my mind when I wished fervently that he knew I was there with him, as I sat beside him in my shapeless form, comforting him with soundless voice, wiping his tears away with my formless fingers, and mourning with him without shedding tears. I wanted to be able to feel his pain, to be able to share his burden, and to be able to feel his touch. And thus, I clad myself in a fana, following the path of my sister whom I had deemed a fool a long time ago.

It was very unpleasant, even more than I previously suspected. Body means limitations. You cannot sense as you usually do with your spiritual senses. You can only hear, see, and sense what your body allows you to. It's like being blind, dumb, and numb in the same time.  Not to mention the pain. You walk too much, work too much, your muscles will get sore and scream for rest. You step on a broken shell and your skin will be ripped, the blood spurt out, and the throbbing sensation will invade your nerves. You touch the fire with the tip of your finger, and your nerves will scream and your reflex will betray your desire to join the delightful dance of the flame.

And most of all, being clad in fana limits your freedom. You cannot fly, you cannot soar, and you can only walk clumsily on your two limbs, bearing the bone-crushing weight of your body everywhere, like a tortoise that drags its heavy house everywhere as it painfully creeps its way to the sea. No wonder that it seeks to dwell in water where it can swim freely, where the weight of its burden is lessened, if not completely gone. Just like me, throwing myself into the sea in my desperate attempt to lessen my pain a bit.

Tortoise, I chuckle. What a hilarious creature to associate yourself with.

So like a newly hatched baby tortoise, I learned to move my limbs, to feel with my senses, to communicate with my tongue and voice, and to fulfill my bodily needs.

We met several days after I decided to wear my fana. I was hiding beneath a huge rock in his favorite place, a remote beach that was usually unreachable by anyone but him. He was singing softly, and his voice broke my heart, as always. But this time, the sorrow I felt was made tangible by the presence of my flesh. My heart suddenly hurt as if a knife had been embedded in my heart. The pain was overwhelming. I could think of nothing but the pain. It burned, it sore, it hurt in every way imaginable. Holding my chest, I screamed and the world turned black.

Some time later, in the midst of darkness and my nausea, I could distinctly hear a beautiful voice was singing a song, which sounded like a lullaby.

Sleep well, my little babe…

For the stars always watch over you

And the Trees shall light your way eternally

Sleep well, my little babe.

For tomorrow is bright and full of promise...

Of candies and kisses and everything sweet…

It was his voice, I knew. For his voice was the most beautiful sound that I ever heard in my entire existence in eternity, capturing my heart with its gentle, yet undeniable power.

And now the voice sang for me, soothing me with its tenderness.

A teardrop slid down through my cheek, followed by another. And another. Soon, my face was wet from the streams flowing from my eyes. A sob escaped my throat, and suddenly, he held me and I cried freely with my face buried in his warm chest.

"Shhh…. Everything will be fine. Don't cry. Shhh….."

It took a long time before I could regain the control of my body and stop my irrational tears. All the while, he was holding me and whispering soft words of comfort.

It was the most beautiful moment in my entire existence.

(TBC)

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A lot of thanks to Finch for her excellent support as friend and beta reader.

And to Nemis for reading the ficbits and helping with the title. Go you!