Sunset Lullaby

Admittedly, Merlin's life has often dived headfirst into insanity, but that did not make him impervious to shock upon entering the roof of Pendragon Enterprises and finding it fully decorated with candles as the sun begun to set. It seemed both pointless and surreal; there was no need for them at the moment, the orange light from the sun bathing it all and reflecting in the beveled glass protecting the candles. He could see that the whole floor was covered in died leaves, Orange, tangerines, goldenrod, yellow and tan mixing as a blanket under his feet.

And in the midst of it all, in a simple, roughshod white shirt and brown trousers, was Arthur, looking as if he had stepped out of time, the sun crowning him anew after a millennia. Merlin was struck anew by the miracle that he was - that he had always been - as he turned his face towards his king and saw that soft, private, smile that never failed to bring a blinding grin to his own face.

He had no idea why Arthur had decorated the roof — and sappy-ly too — but it didn't matter. Nothing ever did, but keeping him happy; that had always been his goal through the years they lived alongside each other — both in this life and in the previous one. Whatever the reason, he trusted that it would be a good one. He — finally — could trust Arthur with his life and even with his secrets; and had done it so often in the last few years that it was now as much of a second nature to him as hiding had once been.

Although they had been through much — before and after — nothing could've prepared him for Arthur's next move. It was as if the world had stopped in its hinges as Arthur went down in one knee in front of him, getting a box out of nowhere and popping it open to reveal a silver band.

As he looked between the ring he could barely see in the sunlight and the man in front of him, he saw the same soft look was still in his face as he spoke, his voice full of something Merlin couldn't define yet.

"Merlin. Will you give me the honor of being your husband?"

He knew he shouldn't be surprised at the question considering the set up, but it was impossible to avoid it.

"What?" He squeaked.

Arthur shook his head lightly, seeming amused.

"Will you marry me?"

And that was it - breaking point. He had always known that Arthur was a prat, but he had never been a jerk before.

"Haha." He replied, flatly. "Very funny."

Arthur frowned, seeming at loss with his reaction; so perfectly Arthur to be both oblivious and mocking at once. Slowly, he stood up.

"I mean it" he said, and damn drama lessons, he looked earnest while he spoke. It didn't help that it was (had always been) the words Merlin most wanted to hear from him in either life, and couldn't admit even to himself.

There was loving and there was pining, and one could not pine if they did not admit to loving more than a friend should. Unrequited love was beautiful in stories, but in real life it was nothing if not torture and he had enough suffering in his own without adding that to the pile.

But now Arthur had pushed him right out of denial and straight into the wild rage of a long-ignored passion, ready to consume all that was left of him until all else was filtered and only Arthur remained making his heart beat.

He would've forgiven Arthur many things, but it would take a while before he was ready to let go of ~this~ pain.

"We both know you don't" he answered, his voice shaking with pain. "So whatever game you're playing... Whatever scheme, scene, act, play, or how ever else you want to call it, you can stop right now. "

"There is no lie " Arthur answered, calmly, and took a step ahead. "I want to marry you."

"You can't " Merlin gasped, shaking his head.

"I can " Arthur's voice was firm, sure."I will."

Merlin automatically took a step back, his preservation instincts kicking in as he tried to breathe through the pain. He had been hurt many times in both his lives; countless, uncountable times in a life-span that had (once) spanned more than whole civilizations — but never like this. It was worse — far worse — than even losing Arthur had been; for he had known, then, that Arthur didn't want to die as much as he didn't want him to. For every moment they had lived, they had never been more at odds than now, when Arthur was getting something so sacred it had never even been put into coherent thoughts and making a game out of it.

"You can stop now" Merlin said, his voice shaking with the strength of his feelings. "You've had your fun, my friend."

That made Arthur step back, reeling as if he had been hit. It took Merlin a while to understand that he had just repeated the very first words he had said when talking to Arthur; the first time they met, centuries ago. The expression in the king's face was deeply hurt, and for the first time in more ages than he cared to count, Merlin didn't mind it one bit. There were lines that should never be crossed.

"Marry me" he said again, and his face was thunderous as he gave a long step forward, leaves crunching under his feet, and grabbed Merlin's arm with a delicacy that was entirely at odds with his countenance.

It wasn't the first time, but still Merlin wasn't ready to face the onslaught of emotion that followed it. It was nothing like in the stories — or movies — there was no order to the chaos that was being so throughly linked with someone else; the effect was always confusing. No words or images sprung naturally, just a mess of emotions that could be better described as blobs of colour than anything else. Still, Merlin could feel everything that Arthur felt — the pain, the fear, the certainty — this was worse than he thought.

He slipped out of his grasp slowly; trying to order his thoughts into coherence; trying to ignore the tiny specs of gold that lingered in Arthur's eyes. Merlin shook his head, still denying all of it, but more carefully now.

"Arthur…" he sighed, and rubbed his forehead as he searched for words. "I know it has all been… Too much… but that's not the answer."

"What" the man asked, even more confused, and even apart he could sense it faintly "on Earth are you talking about?"

"All of it" he said, with a sweeping gesture towards the city — the world — outside. "You are — we are — still adapting to all of this. Magic returning. Memories returning. World-wide revolution. Equality."

"A golden age" Arthur said, his voice alight with wonder even while whispering. "The golden age we should have had long ago."

"Yes" he agreed, trying to be careful. "Yes — and I know that a lot changed in the world; and I know how this sounds nowadays — two sides of the same coin — but it doesn't mean… It doesn't have to mean… That it's like this."

Arthur let out a soft snort, smiling at him.

"Is that what worries you? I know, Merlin. I know. It's not about destiny — or whatever dragon-spun; druid-sprouted crap you've listened for too long. Screw foresight. This is about us. It is about what we want. About what is right and damn the consequences."

That, more than anything, made him sad — because Arthur had never been one to ignore the consequences; this was so much more like Morgana.

"You're speaking nonsense."

"I've never spoke more sense in my life" he replied, his face serious. "Both lives, probably."

"Arthur — Arthur!" Merlin barked, as the man approached him with his whole body, his face tilting and going for a kiss he had no intention of giving. Raising his barriers, he used his hand to hold Arthur away through his chest; careful not to spill in him the longing and pain he was in into his friend. There was no need to confuse him further. "Listen to yourself. This… Whatever impulse led you here… I'm sorry, but… This isn't you." He took a deep breath, getting ready for the betrayal he would surely see in his face, for the disgust that would undoubtedly follow. "It is… Me, I think. I never meant to… I never even admitted… Still, it must have leaked, and I'm sorry — I'm so sorry — I never… I didn't… I don't want to feel that way about you, much less to lead you to believe it's all you but… I must have. It's the only explanation."

Surprise of all surprises, Arthur just looked at his and barked out a laugh, taking a step back.

"So you think this is all because of the…" he gestured between them, towards the barely visible but still very much true thread of magic and fate that had been connecting them since they had brought Avalon back from the mists and flooded all lay lines with magic once again; the thread that had allowed them to feel each other as both parts of one whole. He laughed again, shaking his head with the same fond exasperation that he had looked at Merlin so many times, in either existence. "Oh, Merlin… You never changed, did you? You're still an idiot."

Merlin probably should've been offended, but it was hard to when Arthur was being far more forgiven than the last time he had confessed hiding something.

"You're tire of me if I wasn't."

The other man just smiled at that, the red sunlight shining in his eyelashes.

"I would never tire of you" he said, simply, stepping closer again. "And this has nothing to do with the link."

"Of course it does" Merlin argued, but Arthur kept shaking his head and smiling. "You are still adapting — the enhanced feelings, the memories, it can't be easy, it makes it all more confusing and…"

"I've been in love with you for years" he said, simply. "Probably since day one."

"You hated me" he contradicted, but the grin never faltered.

"I didn't. I just pretended to. There was something about you — I just couldn't…"

"Yeah, and that means lots of things; probably good, emotional, nice things — but not marriage things. You were never attracted to men — in either life."

Arthur raised an eyebrow, a smirk in his face.

"I wasn't?" he wondered, still smirking. "How would you know that?"

"For god's sake… Gwen! Mithian! Elena! Vivian! Sophia! Even Morgana!" he counted his fingers as he spoke. "And let's not even get started in this life — I'm pretty sure you slept your way through every woman between the ages of twenty and fifty-three in the whole of the United Kingdom."

Arthur snorted again, nodding alongside him.

"I did. And I still wanted you — then and now."

"You never wanted me — you're as straight as they come!"

"Pretty bended then" Arthur smirked. "At least when it comes to you."

Merlin did his best to banish the images from his mind, not wanting to be sucked into that craziness.

"Ok. Ok." He held his hands up in a placating gesture. "Let's say, for the sake of the argument, that you were somewhat attracted to be — which you aren't, just so we are clear — it still isn't a good reason to jump into a marriage. That's just skipping stages. We have never even… been anything. We never kissed."

"We did too" Arthur reminded him, his face like a predator finding a prey. "Ten years ago, when we first met — first week of college."

"It was a dare" Merlin dismissed it easily; it was nothing but drunk shenanigans of teenagers who had just been let out of their parent's sights.

"Still the best kiss of my life" Arthur countered, easily. "It was like… everything became alive… Like I had been made for you; to be with you. We fit in every way — I was tingling from the tip of my hair until my toes. Don't tell me you didn't feel it."

And of course Merlin couldn't. It had been like coming home to a home he never knew he even had. He had just tried very hard to pretend it never happened, to ignore all of it because if could never be.

"It's not enough."

Arthur scoffed at that.

"Merlin, you idiot. How can it not be enough? We have lived with each other for ten years — and that is ignoring the other decade we spent together before —, we shared everything. I know you better than I know myself, and I'm pretty sure you feel the same way. We fought together, we lost together, we won… And everything in between. You lived for me, and I died in your arms — my last words and thoughts for you; my last request was for you to hold me —. You showed me who I was, and I forgave you everything and just asked you not to change and to be you, because you was all I had ever wanted and had never been able to face until it was too late. Not again — not anymore. You waited literally a thousand years for me; and I for you — that is more than enough waiting. And even after I forgot — even after we both finally died only to be born again, together... We faced the end of the world and brought it back from the ashes. We did the impossible — and we did it together, again. You are — you have always been — my best friend, my better half. And I've loved you — wanted you, pined for you — for all this time. If this is not enough, what will ever be? What do I have to do? Just tell me and I'll do it. Because I never, never, wanted anything other than you; by my side; in every way and every day. And I have wanted it all this time. How can it not be enough? "

For once, he was speechless. He could say nothing but shake his head because this, this was too much. This was tempting the fates, this was being greedy and taking more than a human should be able to have.

"Say yes" Arthur begged, taking a step closer.

"Arthur, I…"

"Say yes" he repeated, closing in the space between them, their bodies touching and Merlin would've reeled back from the intensity of the emotions that hit him like a wave if Arthur hadn't circled his body with his arm, holding him close.

"Arthur…" he said, pleading, he didn't even know what for.

"Say yes" Arthur whispered, so close that Merlin could feel his breath and his eyes fluttered close against his better judgment.

Arthur needed no proper request, and closed in the space between them, their lips touching lightly. The touch immediately caused an outburst inside Merlin; emotions warring; senses exploding, expanding and diminishing at once; thoughts disappearing in a swirl of connection that went well beyond simple magic and into the mystic and unknown. He held Arthur back without realizing he was doing so, fingers burring into the strands of hair, lips parting to allow a deeper touch. There was nothing but the two of them and the dying sunlight, as the sun set behind them, the universe disappearing as their very souls merged while their mouths crashed.

Afterward, Merlin would never be able to say if it had been a proper kiss; it would take long for him to be able to hold the onslaught of emotions long enough in order to actually feel it. Now, the only thing he knew is that he might die if they parted.

Eventually, they did part, though not much. They were both out of breath, panting into each other's faces, trying to regain some semblance of balance.

"Say yes" Arthur repeated again, and there was no denying it now.

"Yes."

The sun had set on the horizon, and now only the candles lit the roof; but Merlin could hardly notice it. For him, the sun had just risen; and no other light could ever compare.

(It was forever)