Everyone has those days- you know the ones when no matter how hard you try you can't concentrate on work. It doesn't matter if you have an insane amount or nothing whatsoever your brain just refuses to concentrate at the task at hand. So you pass your time looking out of the window and hoping that the boss doesn't need anything urgent. Today was such a day for Jennifer Jareau. The blonde federal agent wanted nothing more than to escape the confines of her office and go to a park or a small wooded area a couple of miles away. She tried to concentrate on the files scattered all over her desk- "nightmares from all across America." But nothing seemed to get her mind to focus. Instead she sat at her desk looking out the window lost in thought.
She thought about how she had imagined her life to turn out when she was in high school. JJ had always known that she didn't want to stay in her small home town and she worked really hard to get out at the first opportunity that she got. But did she imagine herself as an FBI agent? No- nothing could be further from the truth. Always aggressive in sports JJ just assumed that she would end up being a high powered executive working in some New York high rise. But one psychology course in college changed all that and now here she sat a few years later- media liaison to one of the leading teams of the FBI. Initially JJ felt that she her career had hit a dead end when she had been assigned to the BAU. This unit dealt with the country's worst criminal minds and JJ assumed that her time with the team would mainly consist of press releases and maybe an occasional press conference. Boy was she wrong- during her tenure at the BAU JJ had seen the worst of humanity and every time she thought that she had seen it all another case would come across her desk which would change her mind.
One thing that JJ was absolutely certain about was that if the BAU consisted of any other persons other than the six people that she currently worked with, she would have quit within the first month. Emily Prentiss was the newest member but had become so closely integrated with the team that JJ had to actually think back to a time when Emily wasn't there. Emily was now one of her closest friends and JJ treasured the brunette's advice and companionship. Next was David Rossi, JJ had to admit that she wasn't very happy when she heard that the seasoned profiler was being brought back to replace Gideon when he suddenly departed. She thought that the dynamic of the BAU would be ruined by the induction of another senior member but JJ had soon realized that Rossi wasn't interested in heading the unit he was there to help and give guidance wherever required. Now he was an essential member of the team. What could she say about the great Derek Morgan? The ex- cop was the crush of practically every woman who worked at the FBI in Quantico. Morgan was a smooth talker who gave one the impression that he was all good looks with no brain but JJ knew that this was not the case. Morgan was smart and with his knowledge of the streets he was able to relate to some of their un-subs in ways that the rest of them couldn't. Morgan was fiercely protective of those that he loved and JJ knew that he would be the first one she would call if she was ever in trouble. Spencer Reid was the kid of the BAU. Not only was he the youngest agent but with his genius intellect and endearing ability to speak the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times had made him one of her closest friends. Spence had come a long way since the first time that she had met him and JJ was now confident that if he continued this way Spencer Reid could one day lead the team. Then there was her best friend, confidant and often baby sitter Penelope Garcia. JJ knew that words would not be enough to describe her relationship with Garcia. Garcia was the sister that JJ never had and there was nothing, well almost nothing that JJ wouldn't tell Garcia. Garcia was the one who she first told about her pregnancy and Will's departure. Garcia was the one who came over one day and helped JJ pack all her things into boxes and move out. Garcia was the one who JJ would miss the most.
Last but not least was the leader of the team, the Unit Chief of the BAU, SSA Aaron Hotchner. What did JJ think of him? Well nothing- not one thing- because he was the one thing that JJ NEVER let herself think about. Hotch was a topic that JJ had barred her mind to think about. She convinced herself it was because she didn't really know him that much because who can really know the man who hardly ever speaks? Hotch made no effort to befriend any of the members of the team choosing instead to be the leader. The man that they would all look up to and who would protect them from the powers that be so that they could perform their duties without any pressure.
So JJ didn't think about Aaron Hotchner at all- EVER. Not even now- not even now when she was staring at the prospect of leaving them. Yes she was leaving. She had been reassigned. The counter terrorism team had heard about her and was desperate to have her join them. It made sense too- she would spend most of her time working out of Quantico and would therefore be there for her son. Especially with Will out of the picture it would be good for her to be home. Plus she convinced herself that it was not like she wouldn't ever see her friends. Garcia spent most of her time in Quantico so JJ could always pop in and see her. Maybe grab a cup of coffee together. And they would still have their girls' night out so she would see Emily. Maybe not as often as she met them now but she would meet her and the boys well she was sure that they would meet up and Rossi had told her that she could always call on him if she needed anything.
Yes JJ was sure that the change would work out for the best and she wouldn't lose her friends. Only problem was that she now had to tell the 6 most important people in her life (well the 5 most important people because Hotch didn't count) that in less than 2 weeks she would be leaving them. Initially JJ thought that she would just drop them all an email and wait for the arguments and screaming to come to her but she immediately abandoned the idea because she knew that the arguments would never end. So finally JJ decided that the best option would be to gather them around and tell them. Fast and quick- like a band aid.
Walking into the conference room that day JJ realized that facing a pack of reporters desperate for news was nothing- NOTHING- compared to walking into a room full of friends and telling them bad news. Jennifer was scared. She took a deep breath and started speaking. She saw the jaws drop as she told them about the transfer. She quickly realized that she was not going to get any support from any of her friends regarding the impending change and that there was anger. Garcia was the first to find her voice and boy did she find her voice. There were threats of Erin Strauss waking up in the morning a fugitive from the law and penniless. Prentiss offered to call in her mother's contacts and have the Strauss moved to a field office in rural Wyoming. Rossi offered to "talk" to her and Morgan helpfully volunteered to assist. Reid announced that statistically rotations to different departments increased a person's movement up the corporate ladder. The glare he earned from the rest of the group made him promptly close his mouth.
Only Hotch didn't say anything but it didn't matter to JJ because he didn't matter. But it still hurt a little bit that he didn't say anything. A "congratulations" would have been enough but it's not like he mattered so she didn't think about it. Finally when it seemed like the initial shock had worn off and the reality had hit them. JJ started to thank all of them for all their support and help during her time with them. There was a weird sensation, a weight forming in her chest as she choked out the words but she managed to get through her speech and exit the room without breaking into tears.
She ran to the nearest ladies room and shut herself in a stall. Finally she breathed, big deep gulps of air, trying to lift the weight building in her chest. When she had finally composed herself she walked out, scrubbed her face clean and returned to her office. On her way she realized that the bullpen was empty. Looks like her news had cleared the office. Good in a way because it gave her the opportunity to clean up her room and sort out her work in peace. Walking into the room that had been her refuge and sanctuary for the last 5 years she realized that many of her files were missing. She looked all over her office but the files were nowhere. Stepping back into the bullpen she looked around but there was still no sign of the elusive files. She finally made her way to Hotch's office thinking that maybe he had taken them. What she saw there had her rooted to the spot.
Hotch was standing by the window looking outside. But what shocked her was that his desk was clean. Not that it was a messy desk like hers but right now it was spotless. Not a single paper, pen or file adorned the polished wooden surface. Instead all the papers, files and stationary were strewn all over the floor. Thrown to the corners of the room- like they had been chucked aside in anger.
JJ slowly made her way to the door and slowly opening it, walked in. Hotch had yet to notice her presence and it was only after she crushed a pen under her shoe that he looked at her- jumping slightly. His face was ashen and JJ could swear that his eyes looked like they had just shed some tears. His glistening cheeks seemed to support that theory. She just stood there looking at him. Into the dark eyes that in the moonlight looked black.
She didn't know how long they just stood there looking at each other before he started to move. She saw him moving towards her but she couldn't move. He moved closer till he was standing directly in front of her. Now she was sure that there had been tears, she could clearly see traces of them on his cheeks but she couldn't understand why- it's not like she mattered. The team could and would function perfectly without her. It's not like the role of the media liaison impacted the cases or the team's work in a substantial way. But here he was standing before her making her think things that she didn't allow herself to think. Not even at night when she couldn't sleep and she liked to dream about the perfect life. He was never a part of such thoughts because he was stoic and emotionless and he didn't matter.
She must have dozed or something because the next thing she knew he had reached behind and pulled her neck forwards to join their lips. He kissed her thoroughly. Took the air straight out of her lungs and kissed her deep. His hand kept her in place as he continued to nip at her lips like he wouldn't be able to survive if he stopped. When they finally pulled away she opened her eyes. She hadn't even realized that she had closed them.
Hotch moved his hands down to encircle her waist and pulled her close. "I have spoken to Strauss and she has told me that you only need to move if you want to. Otherwise you can continue here with the BAU. However the additional perks offered will continue if you decide to stay here as well. I want you to stay JJ. Not because I think it will be better for your career- I know you will do great wherever you work. But because I cannot imagine being here without you! My days are better just knowing that I can spend part of the day with you. Your presence calms me and even though I know that I don't show it- your work is important. Not only to the team but to me personally. You ground me JJ but if you want to leave then I will not stop you. You are far too important to me for me to stop you when you want to leave. Just know that no matter what you choose I will support you and will stand by you in front of everyone."
"You don't matter." And she pulled him in for a deep kiss. It was a kiss filled with the promise of tomorrow and JJ finally conceded to herself that maybe Hotch mattered a little bit.