Title: Light in the Dark

Rating: PG-13

Pairing/Characters: Frank/Laurel, Laurel Castillo, Frank Delfino, Bonnie Winterbottom, Annalise Keating,

Spoilers: Canon up to 3X09, then diverges from canon.

A/N: Hey guys! So, I'm starting a new multi-chapter fic! But don't worry because I'm still hard at work on my other fic and hope to update that one soon.

I've had this one hanging around my files since around December, and I wanted to start posting it sooner rather than later. After just 40 seconds, I have a feeling this new season is going to give me a lot of inspiration, and I don't want this story that I have been working on to be overrun by the new fics I'm sure I'll be writing.

This one takes place after the night of the fire and diverges from canon, so 3B didn't happen in this fic. I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Chapter 1

She leaves. Shortly after being released from the hospital, Laurel packs up her apartment and goes, moves away to Mexico, moves so far from anyone and everything in Philly. Moves so far away from him.

Frank tries to keep her there. He almost lost her; she nearly died. And it hits him harder than anything else ever has. The pain he feels at the thought of losing her is crippling, and he knows he can never allow it to happen. It would mean the end of him.

So, Frank tries to keep her there. He shows up at her place, tells her he still loves her and needs her in his life. He asks her to just let him in, to help her through the pain of losing Wes and just be there for her and her child, in whatever capacity she needs.

Shaking his head, Frank polishes off a glass of bourbon and signals to the bartender for another. He's lost count of how many he's had.

Who is he kidding? He's a broken down wreck of a man. He tried to kill himself. And if he's honest, he still wants to. He's done too much. He's caused too much pain. It's all he's ever done. Sam pulled him out of the gutter, and Frank threw away that chance before he even hit the ground. And then he was trapped, beholden to Sam and Annalise, and he thought he'd never get out of that dark place in his mind.

But then Laurel came along, and she was a ray of light and good. So, so good. She saw past his rough, poor exterior, maybe even saw the man he was trying so hard to be. She was his second chance. She was the love that he thought could save him. No one else could. Just her. Just Laurel.

He doesn't deserve a third chance but he begs for it that night. He tells her he wants to fix it, that he'll wait until she's ready. He wants to start over, he says, just be there for her and her child, even though it's not his. He'll love it anyway as if it were his kid. She won't look him in the eye. But he pushes forward and tells her he can be the man she believed him once to be. He wants to be that man. He knows can be the man she needs if she just gives him one more chance. Just one more.

The fire in her eyes rages then. So icy blue. Hot. Dangerous. It tells him that his chances have come and gone. She may have loved him once, and she may still, but she's done.

She yells for so long. The pain is so clear, building and building until suddenly it deflates, until she seems to have nothing left.

"Someone killed Wes," she says in a voice not entirely her own. Numb. She sounds numb. "Someone we know did that. I can't—I can't be here anymore. Not when there's no one I can trust."

"You can trust me," he insists, refusing to give up so easily.

It's the one thing he knows to be true. He will always fight for her. He will always protect and love her, even if she doesn't love him back. She is still his chance at a life-changing love, even if it never happens. He's never going to stop trying to get better, trying to be good enough for her.

"You can trust me," he repeats.

She doesn't respond for several moments. Her eyes are empty. It feels as though she's looking right through him.

"Can I?" Her voice rings hollow when she finally speaks.

He realizes in that moment that although he needs her, she doesn't need him. Not anymore. Maybe she never did. She'll never trust him again, and he did that. He broke them too many times. He didn't know how to love before her. And he didn't learn quickly enough.

"Frank!" A familiar, sharp voice snaps him out of his thoughts, out of the scene replaying over and over on an endless loop. He can't get her out of his head, the dull woman who used to be vibrant, so full of light and good. She's gone. They snuffed her out. And Frank doesn't know if she'll ever ignite again.

He glances over at Bonnie, taking a few moments for his eyes to focus on her small frame. He turns away quickly. She's not who he wants to see.

"What're you doing here?" he slurs, motioning for another drink.

Bonnie intervenes, cutting him off and asking for the check instead. He knows he's not going to get a choice here.

"Laurel's gone," he tells her simply, voice rough and broken. She didn't ask but he could see the question in her eyes. Why is he here? Why is he wasted? What's going on? It's a shorthand that they developed so long ago, so naturally. Back before he ruined it all.

"You knew it would never last, Frank. From the beginning, we both knew that. She's better off somewhere else, away from this world."

Her voice is cold. Frank is used to it but he can't take it now, can't focus on how unfeeling it is, not when he's hurting this much.

"I know," he admits, voice strained as he stares down into his empty glass, "But I still hoped that maybe somehow it could work. I thought 'cause I love her… I thought maybe it could be enough. For both of us. I've never loved anyone the way I love her, and I just… I wanted it to work. I wanted to be someone better for her."

He sees Bonnie's deep frown out of the corner of his eye, knows somewhere in the fog of his brain that his words are hurting her but they're true. And he can't hide that. He can't lie about that. Not to her. Not to anyone. Laurel is different in every way. She's the big romantic love he didn't realize he longed for, and he doesn't know how to let it go. How to let her go.

He falls into bed with Bonnie that night anyway. He falls into bed with her over and over and over until he's not thinking about Laurel every second of every day, until suddenly it's a relationship—weirdly romantic and desperate and something they both need.

They have a deeper connection than he's ever realized. She knows everything and so does he, and yet, she still wants him, reaches for him, makes him feel something that's almost like the love he feels for Laurel.

It's different, though. Not quite ever going to be the love of his life, not ever going to be a passionate love. That's reserved for someone else. But maybe that's not real. Maybe what he has with Bonnie is. So, he throws himself into it, becomes a better man for her and tries to pretend that he's not clinging to the hope that, one day, Laurel will give him that third chance; that one day, he'll see her again. He's still trying. He's trying to be a better man for her. For Laurel.

"Annalise wants to see you," Bonnie tells him one day as she's walking around their bedroom getting dressed.

He's confused. There's been nothing to indicate this development. "She does?"

"Yeah, I told her what you did and that she wouldn't be out of jail if it weren't for you, that you helped lead the police to the hitman the Mahoneys hired to kill Wes. She wants to see you… Just hear her out today. Let her say what she needs to say, okay?"

It's good advice and Frank knows it. Annalise deserves to say whatever she needs, without him crying, without him putting a gun to his head. He's been better. Bonnie has helped him get through the lowest of the lows, and he feels something resembling normal now. He feels like he's actually ready to have this conversation.

"Okay," he starts, stopping to clear his throat. When he speaks again, his voice is stronger, filled with a confidence his eyes belie. "Okay. I'll be there."

"One o'clock," she tells him, walking over and kissing him softly on the lips, her hand resting on his cheek, nails scratching lightly through his beard in a way that reminds him of Laurel. "Don't be late," she warns before walking out of the bedroom, leaving for work.

xxx

Annalise lets him back in. It's nothing like it was before, at least not at first. He's very much on probation, his every move scrutinized, his every action followed. He can't do anything without explicit permission from Annalise. And he's expected to achieve the desired results on the first try. He works twice as hard, twice as long. He focuses, using all the knowledge he's gained over the past 11 years to make sure he's doing everything right.

And she requires him to see a psychiatrist weekly. He's smart enough, and not too proud, to admit that he absolutely, definitely needs that. If he's going to be the man Laurel deserves, he needs that. He used to see Sam regularly after getting out. Most of the time, it helped. He adjusted to the real world quickly, he learned fast, and for a very long time, he felt normal. He didn't have any of those thoughts that landed him in jail in the first place. Sam had helped him.

But, looking back on it, Frank realizes that Sam had used his progress, used their relationship to manipulate him. Frank would have been the first to tell you that he owed Sam everything—even more so than Annalise. And that's how Sam was able to keep him from telling Annalise about the accident that killed her baby; that's how Sam was able to hold it over him for 10 years, so that when he finally ended up with an undergrad who wouldn't be quiet and get the abortion, he could call on Frank, force him to revert back into that man he tried so hard not to be, and kill Lila.

This time it's different. It's someone that doesn't know Annalise, doesn't know anything about the past few years. And that's good for him. He's able to talk around what he's done, able to open up. He takes it seriously, so that he can be someone better.