Title: What Had Happened Was…
Author: Sailor Billion Dollar Princess
Characters: Just About Everyone
Contents: Language, Diva Bashing, Slash (men loving men & women loving women) & a crying Cody Rhodes
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything. I'm poor!!
****
"Well," Triple H started as he wiped the cake from his face, but licking some of the frosting around his mouth before continuing. "I never knew I would be part of a cake bombing, but everything can happen once." Only moans and groans came from his fallen co-workers as they lay around him, holding whatever part of their bodies that hurts while trying to pick themselves up from the floor or people they landed on. So much for being the only Royal Rumble without any incidents he thought
"For once, I had nothing to do with this." Michelle McCool claimed while helping Layla to her feet, only to slipped on the cake, and falling back on her butt and taking Michelle with her.
"Of course you couldn't do it. It takes too much time and effort to suck in the ring, and Lord knows you need all your energy to do that." Miz commented, laughing at his own joke, then stopped to hold his sore ribs.
"Either that or she's sucking on something of Layla." R-Truth added as he limped by.
"Really? I always thought that Michelle would have that 'something' to suck on since she's kinda manish." Said John Morrison, lying on his back with a unconscious Evan Borne on top of him.
"Screw you, Morrison!!"
"I'm sorry, I don't sleep with women so they can get to the top of the business."
"…Ouch" mumbled Kofi
"Anyway!!" Triple H chimed in, putting an end to the insults battle, but secretly he gave Morrison point on the last one. "We have to figure who rigged the cake to explode and why?"
John Cena nodded and said, "So, we're going to Conan this?"
"What the hell are you talking about, Cena? What does The Barbarian have to do with this shit!?" questioned Triple H, turning to him.
"No!! You know! Conan from Case Closed!! The anime!" Cena explained.
"Anime?! Do I look like someone that would watch that shit!?"
Cena shrugged his shoulders, then regretted with pain rushed over his shoulders. "I don't know! I thought you might…what the hell do you during your spare time?! Do you watch anything?!"
"It's none of your business!!"
"He likes to bake cookies, and plotting to take over the world by the time he's 50."
"…You got one more time, Shawn! One more Goddamn time!"
Cena shook his head in shame, then he turned his attention to the other wrestlers. "Anyway, for those you don't watch anime. Case Closed is a show about a teenage detective named Jimmy Kudo, who solves cases from murder to robberies. Anyway, he went off to spy on these thugs while he was on a 'date' with his friend, Rachel, but he got caught by the thugs and was force to take this drug…"
"I don't like this show already!" CM Punk shouted from the corner."
"No one cares, Punk!!" Cena shot back. "Anyway, this drug was supported to kill him, but it turned him into a kid instead. So, he went to this guy who's the friend of the family and told him what happened to him because the doctor didn't believe it was him at first. So, they made up this story to Rachel that Conan, who's actually Jimmy needs a place to stay because his parents is on vacation, but the doctor has too much work to do to look after him. Well, Rachel felt sorry for 'Conan', so she took him against her loser detective father's wishes. So, Conan with the help of the doctor goes around solving cases like he did before, but using Rachel's dad as a cover up since no one would listen to him as a kid." After taking a deep breath, Cena took a seat in one of the chairs.
Rey Mysterio walked up to the screen, in front of the reader and held up a sign and said, "To learn more about this show, please visit .org, and type in 'Case Closed'. There you can read about everything about the show, even the spoilers. Thank you." He took a bow, then walked off.
"I see. We're going to do shameless plugs in fan fiction now?" MVP asked
"Sure, why now?" Rey said.
"I don't know. I just figure I'll ask." MVP replied
"Hey guys," Cody Rhodes spoke up. "Have anyone seen my eyebrows?"
"What the fuck are you talking about, Rhodes?! Your eyebrows are on your head!" Big Show lashed out.
"Um, I don't think so because I can't feel them, so that's why I asked!!" Tears ran down Cody's face. "You don't have to yell at me!!" he sobbed as Ted hugged him tightly, allowing him to weep onto his bare shoulder.
"Man, Show, what's up with that?" Ted questioned him.
Guilt finally appeared on Big Show's face. "I'm sorry. When food like that gets destroyed, I get upset."
"Enough with this! Let's find out who did this crap and kill him!!" Randy Orton shouted, holding a torch in his hand.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Orton." Added on Mickie James, holding her own torch.
More torches started to pop up in people's hands as John Cena put on some glasses without lenses. "This is a job fit for Conan…Conan Cena."
"The fuck you say!!"Emerging from the shadows, Edge stepped out with a smirk on his hairy face…and cake in his beard. Everyone yelped in fear.
"How long you been there?!" Cena questioned him.
"I been here the own time." Edge told him.
"I didn't see you there."
"Actually, he was there. He was just in the shadows." Spoke up Miz.
"Really? I need to see proof." Cena said, pushing up the glasses.
"I'll show you!" Miz pointed out
A few minutes later, the whole WWE roster crammed into the small editing room, staring into the screens…while some people holding their torches in their hands. The cameras proved that Edge was in the shadows, eating the cake that exploded onto him.
"What was the point of this?" Kane spoke up.
"I don't know. Something to pass the story along." Explained Cena.
"Now, let's find the person and kill him!!" roared Orton
"Or her!!" Mickie commented, looking dead at Michelle McCool.
"Why would you think I would do something like this?" Michelle asked.
"Because you're a bitch." Melina commented.
"Plus you're ho." Eve said.
"And you a thief. Bitch stole my sub last night." Chavo added on, shaking his torch at the blonde.
"Okay! Okay! I get it! No one here likes me." Michelle said, shaking her head while Layla patted her on the shoulder.
"It's okay, love. I still love you." Layla said with a smile on her face.
"No, no. She's right. No one likes her. Read the forums." Rey said.
"I can't. She won't let me read them because she said the truth makes her sad." She explained, lowering her head in shame.
"Well, this is a sad sad day." Kane spoke up.
"Anyway, let's sit back and think about who put explosions in the cake and why?" said Edge.
"So instead of Conan," Cena said as he took off the glasses, and put on some sunglasses. "We're going to CSI Miami it."
"No! No! Stop this now!!" screamed Shawn, then he superkicked Cena in the chin.
"For once, I'll thank you, Michaels." Jericho said.
Edge took out his own sunglasses, and put it on. "It seems like this case is on the…edge." Everyone groaned at the awful pun.
****
Rey walked into the front of the reader, and bowed.
"Due to time of doing the CSI stuff, and the author is kinda lazy to type out the whole scene, we're going to fast forward this scene. So, please enjoy the views of somewhat nude pictures of me!!"
A picture of Rey wearing only an apron, licking cake batter from his finger
A picture of Rey lying in black satin sheet covered bed, sniffing a rose as a white teddy bear covered his nasty part
A picture of Rey in the shower, fog covering the bottom half of his body
A picture of Rey pulling down the front of his pants, giving the viewers a tease (yes, he shaves)
A picture of Kofi jumping up in the air, wearing a tight Speedo that's barely hid anything
"Wait! Wait! What the fuck is that?! Kofi?! Kofi?!"
"Now, Rey!!"
"No! Fuck that! What the hell is that doing in here?! This is my time to shine!"
"Your time! Dude, you been shining way too long! The author wanted me to get some shine too. She likes me. She calls me her Chocolate Sex Bear."
"…"
"I know. We're working on a new nickname as we speak."
"…I see."
Both men stood there, looking around, not sure what to say next.
"Since the warning does mentions there's slash, you know men loving men?"
"Yeah."
"Want to make out?"
"…"With a shrug, Rey moved closer to Kofi and said, "Sure."
Clothes got ripped off, and followed by moans and giggling
****
"Good Lord." Ted blushed along with the rest of the roster.
"Am I the only one getting turn on by that?" questioned Beth, fanning her other hand while holding the torch in the other.
Every woman raised their hands.
Even Cody…to only get bitch slapped by Orton, and he started to cry.
Again
"After the hard work, I think I found the asshole who tried to kill us with the 'Welcome Back, Edge' cake. No one does that with my name on it." Said Edge
"So, you know the killer?"
"Yes, Yoshi. I do."
"You speak Japanese? How did you understand me? "
"Well, to save time, we decided to have whatever you say be in English even though you're speaking Japanese. I just read the text." Edge smiled at the crowd of the wrestlers.
"So, who did it?" everyone cried out in union.
"The person that tried to kill everyone is…Vickie."
"VICKIE?!?!"
"Yes, I did it." Vickie stepped out the shadows, making everyone jumped.
"Damnit! When did you get here?" requested Evan, shaking his torch at her.
"Please, let me explain." She replied in a soft voice.
"You better hurry up. I been holding this damn torch for a good while." Orton responded
"How did you get that torch? How did any of you got torches?" Edge asked
Randy just shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe it's one of those things we're never know."
"Fair enough."
Vickie cleared her throat and folded her hands in front of her. "I was home one day, and I got the news that Edge was coming back, so I figure that I'll bake a cake. But, I never put anything to make the cake do that. I swear!" she pleaded.
"I don't know. You are a wicked woman." Michelle poked out her chest out, feeling proud that she said something smart.
"That maybe be true, but I don't make the fans suffered with my wrestling unlike someone I know. You, my dear is the Devil without talent." Everyone laughed while pointing and making their own mean comments about Michelle.
"I hate you all."
"Yeah. Yeah," Edge brushed her off. "Let's get the flashback to see what really happened with the cake."
"Yay!! Flashback!!"
Bitchslap. "Stop doing that!"
"Sorry, Raandy!! Please don't hit me again."
*Flashback*
Loud music is playing the kitchen as Vickie mixed the batter together. Meanwhile, Eddie's tiny dog (sadly, we forgot his name, so roll with it) is lying on the floor with a rubber toy. The phone rang, causing Vickie to rush over to answer it. Seeing his chance, the dog went over to the bowl, open the toy with his paws, and dumped black powder into the batter while Vickie's back is turn. Finally, he ripped off a paper towel, put on the wooden spoon, and stirred with his mouth.
Happy, the dog jumped down with his toy, and went back to his spot before Vickie returned to the bowl.
*End of Flashback*
"That dog is too smart for his own good." Vickie replied.
"That dog always had it out for me, huh?"
"To this very day."
A very confused Orton looked around him and suggested, "Kill the dog?"
"…Kill the dog!!" everyone cheered.
"No! No! I promise I'll make another cake, and this time I'll keep the dog out of the kitchen!" Vickie cried out.
Edge, with his own torch. "That dog needs to go!! He wanted to kill me!"
"He wants to kill everyone! Eddie trained it to hate people that he hated. Hell, he trained the dog to rip out Rey's crotch from a Rey plushie doll," she put a hand on a hurt Rey's shoulder. "Sorry."
"I know. It's okay." Rey commented with a huge smile. I'll get my revenge when I get to Heaven. Wait and see. Wait and see
*Heaven, Many, Many Years Later*
"You think you're funny, huh Eddie?"
"Rey, calm down! 2Pac is looking!"
The two wrestlers rolled around on the floor, biting and scratching…mainly Rey was.
*That's All*
"Maybe we shouldn't do this. I mean, it's a dog, and PETA will have our heads if we beat up the dog. Fan Fiction PETA is worse than the real PETA." Matt Hardy suggested.
"You're just saying that because you hate Edge too." Yoshi pointed it out. Everyone paused, and looked over at him. "What? Oh come on! You think Japan didn't get the news on the Internet? Bitch, please!"
"Okay, on that note we should end this fic. Anyone in agreement?" Triple H said, putting his torch away.
"Why not? There's nothing else to do or say here." Jericho replied as he took out a sword.
"What's with the sword, Chris?"
"You didn't know, Show? I'm starring in another fan fiction where I'm a vampire slayer that was in love with Stephanie McMahon, who once was a human and now queen of the vampires, but I'm falling in love with an OC who's a Mary Sue. I have to get ready now." Without another word, Jericho walked out of the room.
Vickie sighed. "I'll make the cake again."
"Close out please." Shawn commanded
The End
Triple H: How come you get to say that?
Shawn: Because I'm Shawn Motherfucking Michaels
*sound something getting kick, and a thud*
Shawn: Sorry Michelle…well, actually no I'm not sorry
Triple H: Shut up! Let's go, man! Let's go!!
*sounds of running*
*No animal were harmed during the making of this fan fiction