Summary: Many, many, years ago, they told her she wasn't strong enough to be a kuniochi. Now she knows they were right. She isn't strong mentally, nor psychically. But when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, you do what's right. Even if you think it's dying.
Characters: Tenten, Uchicha Sasuke mentions of: Maito Gai, Rock Lee, and Hyuuga Neji.
Word Count: 2,965
Disclaimer: So like one day somebody tried to punch me and I was like, "Come at me, bro!" but like I didn't want to deal with all the paperwork that comes with dropping into the crane or tiger or whatever, so I like dropped into the crab, an original pose, and tha dude was like "da fudge…?" and I was like "Dude, DUUUUDDDDEEEE…. Ever heard of originality? Like punches are so over rated…," and then I dragon-kicked him and his baby. All while smiling, of course. Smiles make everything better…even the dragon kicking of a baby.
No, I don't own Naruto. If you read the badly dramatized story above, then kudos to you. I just might love you.
Pairings: Sasuten, slight Leeten, Inoten, Sakuten, and very slight Hinaten friendship.
Warnings: Um… this is DARK-ISH. Like yeah. And INTENSE, and there's an UNAMED CHARACTER DEATH (actually, there is a name, OOPS :), and uh…LANGUAGE. Readers beware. But it's like also ROMANCE, so it's not that dark. And there's COMEDY near the end, because only I can start with a dark story and make it comical and romantic. HaHa, jk, it's not that funny.
Author's Note: So this was sitting around on my laptop for like two years, and instead of working on my school project, I was like, "Hey, why not finish this and post it?" It's terrible, so I might rewrite it, but for now I'm posting it in all of its terrible goodness. Shout out to princesshyuuga01 cause I said I would write a Sasuten, but don't worry, because this is definitely not it I'm in the process of writing you an amazing one. Heck, even that summary and stuff above the author's note is old, so don't really mind that. I was young.
~No More Heaven~
She asked them what they would've done if she had ceased to exist.
They do not answer her.
So she watches as they kill them, as she was told to do.
The memory is carried around with her until the day she dies.
The bodies were broken, mangled. Tenten couldn't help but stare in horror. The boy, the boy was hardly 5 years old. But now he was dead, at her hand. Tenten just couldn't stop crying. His mother (a beautiful woman just barely 20 years old, why she had such a life ahead of her!) lay there, her arms wrapped protectively around her son. It would have been a beautiful sight, if both their hearts hadn't been ripped out. They were the epitome of family; a family Tenten hadn't had the pleasure of enjoying. They did, and they were dead. Life's sure a bitch, yes, quite the bitch.
She doesn't quite hate them, she supposes. After all, she becomes a ninja to be like them.
Tenten tried to convince herself that this was all for the better good. Murder was for the better good. Ultimately, Tenten knew that the exercise was futile. Death was death, killing was killing, and weapons were killing machines. Tenten paid no mind, a soon-to-be-kuniochi should know that.
At the ripe age of 10, Tenten knew she would have to kill sooner or later. But sometimes, in the dark comfort of a comforter, where no one can hurt her (or hear her, let alone help her), Tenten wishes that it comes later instead of sooner.
She wishes and prays that it comes late, so late that she is ready for it, so late that it never happens.
But wishes aren't supposed to come true, are they?
Unbeknownst to her teammates, her first murder comes shortly after the academy test. They were on a routine wall patrol, but since it was a young, weak, unprepared, team of genin- Gai-sensei was with them. The ninja tried to be quiet, but Tenten had an advantage. She was paranoid, which would help her in the long run, but that didn't make her strong. The ninja was not subtle, a rose embroidered onto her pink shirt. It was straight above her heart, she knew in ways she did not know. Shakily rising before her teammates rose from their slumber (however light it was) she searches her pockets for a stray kunai. Feeling the customary sting, she swiftly pulls her kunai out, before aiming it at the embroidered rose, and letting it fly. Gai- sensei is behind her now, covering her eyes as he throws a simple shuriken after her kunai. Tenten does not see the fruit of her labor, because Gai wakes Neji and Lee up, telling them to enter the village, that here was not safe. Yet as Gai places a reassuring hand on her and Lee's backs, Tenten sneaks a peek. Rose (as Tenten aptly named her) is dead, never to see the light again. In his report, Gai claims to have killed the opposition, but Tenten knows the truth. The kunai struck; the shuriken did not. She never fully forgave him.
Tenten does not remember the exact day Gai asked her to review her choices, but it was long after the death of Rose. She remembers pain, she can still feel the distrust, and she never could shake off the hate. Hate is not a hat, you don't take it off and put it back on, it is stuck to you. Forever.
Tears were not okay. Not for Kuniochi, not for those who were strong, then again, Gai had told her she was not strong enough. He was right. He had always been right. That didn't stop her from hating him. She hated him more than she hated the ANBU that killed her family. Because in her eyes, the ANBU were doing their job, Gai was just being a deceitful bastard.
She doesn't even remember why she hates him. She just does, and she is afraid that by letting go, there'll be a hole she can't fill ever again. You can't be whole if you have holes.
…Even though Tenten was never quite whole to begin with.
Gai-sensei comes up with new words to complement her, everyday. He compares her to flowers, vibrant pretty flowers that were full of life.
But Tenten is confused as to why Gai would compare a flower to a weed.
He gets her new gifts, sharp, pricy things that are just the way she should like it. But Tenten doesn't always do things the way they are supposed to be done.
She understands Gai-sensei does this because he loves her. She knows Gai knows how much she hates him, yet he keeps trying to redeem himself. However, she does not understand why he keeps trying. There is nothing to love when it comes to her.
He had just wanted to protect her. Tenten, however, did not want protection. She wanted strength. Strength she'd only get on the dark side. But that was okay.
She fancies the idea of leaving Konoha. Leaving Konoha to become strong, because Konoha is weak. But she knows the truth, her dreams of leaving are made of fear. She fears Konoha. Because Konoha is strong where she is not.
She walks out of the gate with her head held high.
She did not plan on coming back in alive.
She leaves during turmoil, certain there will be no one following in her wake.
Because no one wants her. They never did, and now it's too late to try.
At the age of 17, Tenten becomes a missing nin. Weighing 110 pounds, and at a height of 5 feet 6 inches, she is last seen wearing maroon pants, black ninja sandals, a white, long sleeved shirt rimmed with maroon. There is a blood red rose embroidered on it.
The voices tell her that this is the right thing to do, and Tenten knows that the voices always know best. Why should that change now?
She walks away from Konoha's 'comfort', her smile growing wider with each step.
She remembers asking Sasuke why he does not hide his hatred, why he does not plan his attacks in silence, why he doesn't befriend to backstab, why he is so stupid. He never answers her. She does not tell him it is what she does. That was how they became 'friends'. By keeping secrets.
Other girls found his distance attractive, Tenten found it foolish. She scoffs at it now, as she calmly stabs a begging man. What good is begging, if he won't live long enough to enjoy her mercy?
If not by her hand, he will surely die by another's. What matter is it, pushing off the inevitable?
That is the way life is. Kill, or be killed.
When she encounters Sasuke, she does not fear. Fear is behind her, death ahead of her. Yet she does not care, but since they were 'friends' back in the day she hopes he does not make it short. She wants it to be drawn out; she wants to feel again, to live again. And if her last feeling is pain, so be it.
Sasuke resolves to bring her back. She was just a confused girl, a girl who needed to go back home.
She is confused when he doesn't kill her. She wants death. She is done with this life. She laughs when he activates the Sharingan. Illusions, are like games, her twisted mind reasons. There's no other way to go out but with a bang, right?
She knows that Gai looks for her, but she does not care. It does not matter, not anymore. After all, what good are friends and family to one who is as good as dead?
That is the last thing she remembers thinking.
When she wakes up in the Konoha wing of the hospital, she cries.
She remembers nothing, barely even her name. But when her hands catch onto a tattered shirt, a rose emblazoned on it, she says her name is Rose. They lie; they say her name is Tenten and that she got her memories locked away so that she could recover, that it was for her better good. She hates them, for lying to her. She hates them, for putting her here. And she hates them, for keeping her alive.
When Sasuke first visits her wing of the hospital, he is wary of telling her about missing the war. But he doesn't want to confuse her, so he doesn't tell her about the ninja war.
She is amazed by the littlest of things now. Sasuke raises an eyebrow as she rants on how amazing scissors are and how she wishes she could have a pair. The next visit, Sasuke smuggles in a pair of scissors for her. Just for her.
When they ask Sasuke to permanently lock her memories away, he hesitates. Can he at least let her know her real name, he asks. Can he let her keep some of her memories, the things that are near and dear to her, he pleads. Can't he just lock away her ninja memories, he questions. They say he asks too many questions. Yet they always answer yes.
Even though he doesn't want to, Sasuke locks away her memories of combat. She will never be a ninja, never again. This way is safer for her, he tells himself. It's a chance for her to start anew. A chance for her to live a normal life, but Sasuke can't shake the guilt of keeping all these memories from her.
When Tenten meets Lee again, she recognizes him. She does not know how they met, but she does know him. She remembered him as a happier person, and wishes she could understand what happened to him, to make him so sad.* The rest of the Konoha 11 visit her, telling her amazing stories about the ninja life, and about her other friend.
She does not remember Neji, and is saddened that she didn't get to meet him before he died. When she tells them this, they all fall quiet. No one told her he died, she just knew.
After they leave, Ino and Sakura cry for what's left of their friend.
During a visit between just her and Tenten, Ino cracks. She tells Tenten everything. Because of her slip up, the lock breaks. Tsunade yells at her for breaking such a wonderfully made lock, yells at her for ruining all the hard work they had put into keeping Tenten safe from herself. But they all know that if Ino hadn't cracked, either Lee or Sasuke would've.
She remembers things now.
The next time Sasuke visits; she asks him the same question she asked years ago. This time he answers. He tells her that if he did go about his revenge the same way she did, he would've ended up like her. Tenten contemplates his answer for a few minutes, before asking him whether her situation is that bad. This, he does not answer.
They never quite stopped being such good 'friends'.
She is not deterred. Her questions never go unanswered forever.
When she is discharged from the hospital, Sasuke volunteers to take care of her. The only one to object is Lee, feeling it is his burden. Sasuke doesn't step down. While they bicker, Sakura is chosen to take care of Tenten, a job she agrees to take.
The next time Sasuke sees her, he runs into her at a market. She smiles at him, says the counsel is reconsidering on whether or not she can become a ninja. He celebrates with her. Though, he does not tell her he wants her to be a civilian, for fear of her anger. Yet he does make her promise that if she becomes a ninja, to always come back to Konoha (to him) safely. She makes no promises. Sasuke didn't want them anyway.
Sakura dotes on her, yet is a fierce caretaker. She demands that Tenten meet with her therapist at least once a week. Tenten whines, claiming her therapist tries to hit on her. Sakura counters with the thought that she could humor the old therapist, being at the therapist's age, she probably wouldn't get a lot of action in the bedroom. Her statement scares Tenten so much; she gets a completely different therapist- a young, married, male one, the very next day.
Without the two parties knowing, Sakura tries to discreetly push Sasuke and Tenten together. It would've worked if Sasuke didn't get a heart attack the first time she suggested they would make cute children. Or if Tenten didn't spit out her entire cup of juice then continue on to choke on it the second time she suggests they were cute together. Sakura does try to put them together. It just isn't successful for her.
Unknowingly, Sakura kind of does succeed in pushing them together.
When Tenten complains about how annoying Sakura's matchmaking attempts are to Sasuke, he agrees. However, when Tenten goes on to say that most if not all children Sasuke fathers would turn out very beautiful, Sasuke corrects her by mentioning that beautiful children are only conceived if both their parents are attractive.
Tenten is positive he lied through his teeth.
Naruto finds every way possible to annoy and or harass Sasuke on his little 'crush' on Tenten. In turn, Sasuke finds it very amusing to remind Naruto that if Naruto does not like Hinata, then he does not have a 'crush' on Tenten.
Naruto counters by asking Hinata out. Sasuke would rather cry, than ask Tenten out. He still does, though.
When he picks her up, Sasuke actually stands and listens to Sakura's 16-minute rant (on how to be safe, come back on time, neither of you should die, you know, the normal things to say). However, when he comes back with Tenten cradled in his arms, a day late, and holding her high heels in his hands, Sakura only asks one question. "Did you guys use protection?" Sasuke is too tired to even deny fooling around with Tenten. Not that it happened.
To this day, both vehemently deny anything happened on their first date. Not that that would stop Sakura from asking.
Tenten never actually agreed to go on a second date, and neither does Sasuke bother asking.
It just happened when they both bumped into each other in the Land of Waves.
When Ino hears about this 'unauthorized' second date, she rants and raves for hours about why Tenten was even in the Land of Waves, let alone going on unsupervised dates. Sasuke doesn't last ten minutes before leaving. This just makes Ino rave louder.
When Tenten is allowed access to ninja life again, she is overjoyed. The first person she tells is Sasuke.
She runs through the streets screaming giddily. She is stopped only when an ANBU chastises her on her behavior. She picks it up shortly after his back is turned, running as hard as she can.
They celebrate together, along with the rest of the broken Konoha 11.
Even though they don't feel quite so broken, anymore.
Sometimes, when Tenten is alone, she hears the voices. They whisper to her, and ask her about what happened to her quest for power, and they ask her to follow her dreams. She asks them when did she ever dream? They do not speak to her again.
She finds it even funnier that the voices in her head refuse to answer her questions, when she would always answer theirs.
Sasuke is the first one to break the cycle.
Somewhere on their third date, he finally resolves to answer her long since forgotten question. After all, he's been finding it harder to keep secrets from her.
He simply says not anymore. Tenten gives him a look along the lines of 'what is wrong with you?' He tells her that her situation is not bad anymore, and she looks at him and nods.
In response, she asks him another question, one that's even harder to answer than her other two.
She asks him why he brought her back. Why didn't he just kill her, and be done with it? Why risk being killed himself? Was it for the bounty, or was there another reason?
This was the question many of the other ninjas in their generation had asked him. Why did he do it? What were his reasons?
It was the one question he had denied an answer to when it came to other people.
His response is to tell her that she needs to stop asking him so many questions at once.
He tells her that he did it because he couldn't think of a world without heaven.
Tenten doesn't get it until years later, after their first child is born, and in between all the tears and joy and ruckus Lee, Sakura, Hinata, Naruto, and Sasuke are making, she hears one of them say that now there is more than one heaven.
And she cries too.
She thinks back on her life, and despite all the things she has done to those around her and to herself, and how she still doesn't understand why she's called heaven, she's surprised that they still love her.
She knows she has done bad things.
Even now she wonders where Gai is, and if it is too late to forgive him and ask for his forgiveness.
She clutches her newborn closer to herself and sobs, asking everyone in the room to forgive her.
They forgive her, and tell her there's no more reason to fear.
She asks them what they would've done if she had ceased to exist.
They do not answer her.
But she knows one day they will.