Gus and Sarah: Friends . . . or Loooverrrs?
Entry from Sarah's Journal
April 2nd, 1905
Dear Diary,
I'm sitting here by the fishing pond wondering whether or not it would be worth it to go home, but lately I've been feeling misunderstood by everything and everyone around me. Today at school I felt ill when Felicity sat next to Gus, which is completely ridiculous since there is no way I could be feeling jealous. I've always been the one to keep them together, and in my opinion the mediator of any romantic situation should never get herself emotionally involved. I am the wise advisor, and yet something about those two being together bothers me. Like perhaps I know deep inside myself that they really shouldn't be together, but if I told either of them that they'd completely disagree with me. I care about both of them though and I couldn't bear standing by and watch them make a mistake. Being here alone helps me; the sun filtering through the trees and then bouncing off the ripples in the water, the cool winds, and the birds twittering amongst each other. Here in this place nothing bad could ever happen to me, or at least that is how it's always felt to me. I need to be getting home to do my chores; Aunt Hetty will be wondering where I've been.
Gus Pike's psychological monologue
I can't stop thinking about Felicity . . . need to think about doing homework, going to work . . . she sat right next to me today . . . didn't even have to ask her to or nothing. . .I must be luckiest man alive. . .it's funny though cuz ever since we've been happy together I haven't talked to Sarah at all . . . I don't know why it bothers me . . . probably cuz I worry that Hetty notices everything I do . . . we'd always talk whenever there were problems between felicity and me . . . I wish I was holding felicity's hand right now . . . I want her in my arms right now . . . to always have her like a wife . . . that way we wouldn't have to part when we reach her house . . . to carry her off into my lighthouse and over the threshold . . . no use dwelling on things I can't have . . . there's Sarah . . . she's by herself at the fishing pond where I first met her and Felix . . . maybe I should just say hi. . .
Sarah and Gus's Dialogue
"Eh, Sarah, wha'ch yah doin' here by the fishin' pond?" Sarah flipped her head up so quickly it surprised both Sarah and Gus. She felt self conscious about her reaction, and in desperation to cover up her flushed face she quickly bent her head and flipped her golden locks in front of her face.
"I'm sorry Gus, I was in a kind of reverie."
"A reverie? What's that?" Sarah smiled, she had forgotten about Gus' lack of vocabulary. His curiosity and desire to learn though always had a wonderful way of covering it up. Sarah couldn't understand what it was about Gus being there that suddenly made her really nervous. In the past they'd always just sit together and talk about anything that was on each other's minds.
"Well, reverie is like when your in a deep thought." Gus looked at her in an inquisitive manner, as though he still wasn't sure what she meant, but that he also wanted to know what it was that affected her so. He asked if he could sit down, and Sarah wanting to appear polite said sure although her stomach had butterflies in it.
"This sure is a pretty spot, an'it MissSarah." Sarah, not knowing what to say, although she knew the answer, replied with a weak smile. Looking down at her Gus realized this was more than a normal reverie. "What's wrong Sarah?" Gus asked.
"Oh, I'm just thinking about my mother." Sarah couldn't believe she just lied to Gus about herself. She hadn't been thinking about her mother at all, but she realized then that there was no way she could tell him what was really on her mind. But what was it that she couldn't tell him? That she was completely off her rocker for deciding that Gus and Felicity were incompatible?! Gus looked into the eyes of which he knew so little at that moment, but perhaps understood more than he realized.
"I think 'bout my mother sometime too," Gus sighed with understanding. He always was aware of her being an orphan, but never did it occur to him that she experienced the same emotions. The sunlight reflected beautifully off Sarah's golden tresses; they were more then beautiful. As the stream rippled and shimmered so did her hair, and Gus decided then and there that someone should tell Sarah how attractive she was. Perhaps that would cheer her up, Gus thought.
"Sarah?" He piped up with a sweetened tone in his voice. Sarah looked at him at first wondering whether her reaction to the tone of his voice was appropriate. Not wanting to appear dumb however she replied with a quick yes. " You're very pretty. . .", suddenly they both noted a certain indescribable tension in the air. They both, though unknown to each other, wished Felicity was there. But they were often alone, and so why should it bother them at this time.
"I . . . should . . . be getting home," Sarah exclaimed suddenly pointing behind herself in the completely wrong direction. "I mean, I should be getting home but I'll be going that way." She pointed in the opposite direction. Standing up she felt a sudden rush to her head, and touched her soft white hands to her alabaster brow. What was it that? She felt ill all the sudden, and she realized she had forgotten to eat her lunch that day. Gus noticed the alteration in Sarah's appearance and thought it might be wise to walk her home as well.
"Would you like me to walk ya' home Sarah?"
"I'll be fine," Sarah breathed out as though she were exhausted. "I just need to get home and rest a little, but thanks for the offer."
"Anytime," Gus smiled at her. Gus had such a beautiful smile; it was full of such vibrancy and endearment. The creases, almost like dimples, emphasized the corners of his mouth. His eyes, a dark brown filled with so much emotion; it was almost like trying to read a book without words. All the beauty of the art was there, with just the words to be filled in. Sarah realized how little she knew of Gus and his past. How dark was it? Perhaps he had a past love he never told anyone about. Becoming conscious of the lulling silence Sarah spoke up.
"Gus, I know this is going to sound like a personal question but I was just wondering . . . well I'm trying to write a story to send into the Avonlea Chronicle. Do you have any romantic stories from your past I could use as an inspiration?" Gus' complexion turned a beautiful crimson brown, and then he cleared his throat. Attempting to not appear conscious of his physical appearance he laughed and scratched his chin as though he were about to a produce a brilliant idea.
"I should be getting home myself actually." Feeling her stomach twist into knots she regretted instantly what she had said. It was true that she was in the middle of writing a story to send into the Avonlea Chronicle, but with no intentions of course to extract from other people's lives. Knowing how gossipy Avonlea was she certainly couldn't taint other people's reputations for the sake of her dreams as an author.
"Gus, I didn't mean to delve into your personal life. I'm sorry."
"No, its not that I don't mind. Well, it just Felicity. I mean you know how she'd be."
"So you do have a past love then, or maybe someone else you experienced affection for during your life?" Suddenly feeling emotions of excitement and desire that Sarah never knew before she blushed, wondering if Gus might think her too forward.
"Yes I have." He looked away as though he was awaiting the arrival of an image, an image hovering in the forest. There he saw her, but who was she? The dark shadows of dusk played against the fields and beautiful mossy trees. Gus, mysterious as an Elfin poet wandering the highlands of Ireland.
"Who was she?"
"I can't tell you. I don't know, there are many things about me . . .,"
"I understand."
"There is someone in my dreams. I'm on a ship, and there is a girl who jumps to her death or maybe she just fell over. That parts kinda hazy. I know for sure that I must save her since no one else will. In my search for help I find there is no one on the ship but me, although I hear voices coming from all directions as though the ship itself were alive. I cry into the ocean hoping to see this girl, but the image is then lost. Then there are people on the ship; mostly old shipmates. Sometimes Hetty. None of them seem to have ever been aware that this young girl went over board, and Aunt Hetty tells me its just a romantic illusion. What do you think. Miss Sarah." How could Sarah tell Gus she had went through so many thoughts during that story, and most of them revolving around her desires for him. Looking into his piercing brown eyes she wanted to cry and laugh and then hide herself in her sorrows. She cared for Gus so deeply there was no end to the longings she felt deep in her soul. She Loved Gus! It was certain. It all made sense to her now. But as with the most glorious revelations they are not always proceeded by joy.
"Gus, that was a beautiful dream. I hope you save the girl someday in your dreams. Its funny, cuz when I think of romantic dreams I've had there is no form or face to the one I'm in love with either. The other day I dreamt that I was walking down a long narrow hallway, and it was closing in on me. The further I went the narrower it got, but I knew I had to reach the end."
"Sounds like life to me."
"Yah, I suppose so." Both Sarah and Gus laughed at the unfortunate truthfulness of his statement. Somehow in that moment a certain level of stress was lifted, and then they were just friends again for that afternoon. Gus walked Sarah home, and they talked with each other like before; relaxed, natural, but both knew something about their friendship had changed.
The Misunderstanding
Felicity stood at the window cleaning it vigorously. She did her best to appear involved in the tedious work of scrubbing a spot off the window, but such thoughts did not occupy her head. Peering through the window she saw across the way what appeared to be Gus and Sarah. Not wanting to make any unfounded allegations she persisted in studying the two figures she saw standing at the gate of Rose Cottage. There was a tall young man with brown hair and a shorter figure with golden locks. Who else could it be? Feelings of angry and betrayal brewed up inside Felicity's heart. The strange thing about all this, to Felicity, was that she had often seen Gus and Sarah talk and it never bothered her before. Somehow seeing them in a private moment, and being so close, sent shivers up Felicity's spine.
Maybe he'll come over here after saying goodbye to Sarah, but if he doesn't I know I'll cry. Felicity, you got to pull yourself together! Gus likes you, not Sarah.
Unfortunately Felicity's wishes of being visited upon by Gus went unfulfilled. She felt humiliated by the whole incident, and yet she couldn't confront either Sarah or Gus about the problem. Just the thought of lowering herself to the level of an eves dropping spy was unbearable. On the other hand she could ask a question that would reveal no previous knowledge on her part, but what?
Felicity got almost no sleep that night for thinking about Gus and Sarah, even though somewhere inside her she knew she was being completely ridiculous. How often in the past had Gus and Sarah walked home when they weren't dating. She had never felt so sick over anything in her entire life. Gus cared for her more than any other girl; this she felt and knew for certain in her heart. The restlessness within her grew until it forced her to get out of bed and start writing. She started writing a letter to Gus, pouring out everything within her onto a page. Never had she in the past written an entire letter to him on her own. It felt strangely freeing; her soul was pouring forth. All her emotions of anger, betrayal, envy, and affection turned themselves into a six paged letter. It was nearly past two in the morning when she finished, but by then she was so tired she just fell right to sleep from physical and mental exhaustion. Every bone in her body ached, and as much as the bed before had felt stiff and confining it was now equally soft and inviting.
Next morning however when reflecting back on all the thoughts she had written down she felt ashamed, and resolved forthwith to burn her letter. Gus probably didn't stop by simply because he had to go to work; he had been late in the past from visiting with Felicity for too long. Resolving not to overreact anymore she folded up her letter and stuffed it in her pocket planning on popping it into the woodstove when no one was looking. When she went down stairs, however, everyone had already gone to school and she was quite late from having slept too long. Her mother, Mrs. King, was scrubbing bowls from that morning's breakfast. Looking up Janet had a concerned look on her face that seemed to say both I knew what you were up to, but I also don't know what it means.
"Why didn't you wake me, Mother?!"
"Felicity, you may not know it but I care more about your health than your education. I kept hearing you move about last. Whatever it is, you can tell me as my daughter."
"There is nothing to tell. I simply couldn't sleep, that is all."
"Well, if that really is the case," Janet's voice trailed off as she bit her lower lip in consternation. Felicity could tell her mother wasn't falling for her pathetic cover up, but she couldn't pour out her heart right there until she had some answers, besides her own stupidity. "If there is every anything at all you want to talk to me about I'm right here," continued Janet. There was a tone in her voice that reflected previous knowledge on her part concerning Felicity. In Felicity's heart she sensed this, but in asking about this she knew it would come out making her sound paranoid.
"I'm fine really. If I don't leave soon I might miss school." Felicity always thought her mother just didn't understand how important school was. She might have her heart braking, but it wouldn't stop her from getting an education. Leaving she briskly walked all the way, not stopping for anything; regardless of the knots growing in her stomach or the horrible fantasies she saw in her head. When she got to school however she realized what an idiot she had been. Gus had saved a seat for her right next to him, and Sarah was sitting in the complete opposite corner of the room. This however had no affect on any reactions by Aunt Hetty, for as usual she had to make her typical speech on the evils of lateness.
"Felicity, I am surprised that a model student such as yourself would show up late. Lateness is not a habit I wish to have instilled in my pupils, and so you will be the one to fetch the firewood today whenever it is needed. Remember without the works of honest toil one's mind and body is not properly disciplined." Blushing Felicity could feel the body heat inside her rise, for she had never been this late. Gus was very consoling on that score and he squeezed her hand in a very reassuring way. What would she do without Gus? He was the rock that she leaned on. What did it matter that he was poor, lived in a lighthouse, and worked at the cannery. Indeed he was handsome, kind, romantic, and a perfect gentleman in all other respects. And yet no amount of holding his hand or sitting with him rid her of those nagging thoughts in the back of her mind.
At lunch however the nagging thoughts increased, as she noticed a particularly strange look that came across Gus' face as Sarah walked past them without even speaking. She had appeared unusually quiet that day. It wasn't that Sarah was known for her loquacious behavior, but rather that she was so quiet that for her it was odd. Felicity wondered if Gus noticed it too. Looking over at him she noticed that he did seem preoccupied momentarily with Sarah's reclusive manners. His eyes became pensive as they both watched Sarah amble towards to the pond at the bottom of the field. Then without her having to say or ask anything Gus turned to her.
"Does Sarah seem a little different to you lately?"
"She does she seem to like being alone."
"Maybe she misses her mother," suggested Gus.
"She hardly knew her, though, Gus. That wouldn't be very likely."
"I hardly knew my mother, and I still think about her at times."
"I still think there might be another reason for her acting the way she is. Maybe she's in love?" Saying this Felicity grabbed Gus' arm excitedly and then becoming self-conscious she withdrew her hands.
"Who would she be in love with?"
"I don't know. Maybe Arthur? I saw her with a tall browned haired boy the other day at the Gate to Rose Cottage." Gus jerked his head suddenly and looked at her, his face blushing ever so slightly. "Do you know anything about that?"
"Uhm, no. I don't think so," he blurted out looking away. All the paranoid feelings she had been experiencing before came flooding back to her. Gus had just lied to her! It was more than certain. He had blushed for he knew what she meant, and now he had the nerve to stand there and lie! She did her best to keep calm and composed, but it was becoming increasingly more and more difficult. On one hand she could accuse him of lying, but on the other hand he might be offended that someone was spying on him. Something between Felicity and Gus changed. Something changed, but there was no bitter words spoken. Somehow though the air they breathed in felt sharper, and the wind felt harsh instead of invigorating as they had often felt when they were together. If Felicity only knew however she wouldn't such cruel making assumptions concerning Gus. There was a reason why he lied, but even Gus himself wasn't aware of it.
Sarah's Diary
What's wrong with me? Why was I so rude today? I never act that way. I don't really feel like writing in my diary. I think I'll just write a story, but not the kind I show people. It'll be a fantasy just for me.
Lady Marianne
Lady Marianne was a lady of many talents and great beauty. She could entice all the young men from far and wide, but indeed there was only one young man for her. Alas for her though the dreams of love were unattainable, for he had given his love to another. Sir Gutherie was young and strong and kind, and no one knew the depths of his soul as she did. They had often been in each other's confidences about many things, and whenever he was sad she had always been there to help him carry his sorrows.
She longed to have him in her arms, and so strong was her desires that she composed the following ballad:
Gutherie my Love
Such feelings stir within me
Such thoughts I want to express
But you love another
So I lay here in distress
Please come to me my sweet
And know my heart
For it is deep and wide
And only you understand what's inside
The poem she wrote caused her to weep so that she threw it out the window. It floated upon the winds till it reached the ocean's shore where Sir Gutherie and his Lady were walking. Coming upon the poem his Lady made great sport in devising the possibilities of who wrote it. A Lady of stature she was for certain since she knew how to write; an unusual legacy even for women of this day. When Gutherie saw his name though written upon it he wondered if it might not have been written for him. Such fancies he dare not express to his beloved for fear she may be suspicious of his heart being untrue. His Lady kept it, but he soon devised a plan and retrieved the poem from her possession. He read it over and over till it had it memorized. And the poem proved to have such affects on his soul that he became quite attached to this lady. If only he knew she sat across from him at all the grand suppers and gatherings within the court, and that she sat there everyday looking at him and adoring his every movement.
Sarah couldn't continue. She was indeed quite sick with love, and nothing could cure it but the reciprocation of her affections. Going downstairs she immersed herself in her chores and homework doing her best to put her emotions at the back of her mind. Unfortunately she wasn't so lucky avoiding the notice of her sister Olivia who had come over for dinner. Olivia having recently gotten married could tell a love sick heart when she saw one.
"Sarah?"
"Yes, Olivia?"
"Are you okay? You seem a little preoccupied with something."
"I'm all right. I . . . well, it's just that I've fallen in Love," Sarah suddenly blurted out.
"With you?" asked Olivia excitedly.
"No one you know."
"A new student?"
"Sort of. He's been going for a few weeks or so now." Oh what the tortures of love will cause us to do. Sarah wanted to be truthful, but if her feelings every got out it would ruin her forever.
"Why do you like him?"
"Well he's handsome and kind and, I know it sounds kind of corny but I may have the ability to understand better than anyone else he's met. The only problem is he doesn't like me."
"I see," replied Olivia with an understanding tone.
"Please, don't tell Hetty. I couldn't live it down if she knew." Olivia squeezed her hand and smiled giving her all the assurance she needed.