"Gabby, I want you to remember us happy, together, holding each other. You're my miracle, Gabby. You're my miracle. I love you…
Bye, Gabby."
Gabby gasped, her breath caught in her throat for a moment, and in that moment, everything changed.
One Day Later
"That's a homerun for Rizzo! The Cubbies are now ahead of the Cardinals 4-1 at the bottom of the sixth."
The voice of the Cubs' play-by-play commentator filled Matt Casey's small hospital room at Chicago Med.
Matt sat up in his bed, focused on the game and finally resting after a day full of chest x-rays, blood tests, and other procedures. Dr. Halstead assured Matt and his wife, Gabby, that he would quickly recover and return to work, despite smoke inhalation resulting from his near death experience at the factory fire.
Gabby was by his side, where she had remained since Chief Boden and Matt's best friend, Kelly Severide, had pulled Matt out of the factory fire. Kelly was still by their side as well, staying to watch the game. Everyone else from 51 had returned home for the evening after spending the day in the waiting room, nearby Matt and Mouch, who was recovering from the heart attack he suffered on the same call.
"Kelly, didn't you have tickets to this game?" Gabby asked.
He nodded in response, smiling and gesturing towards Matt.
"I was but Casey clearly had other plans. I gave the tickets to Ruzek and Atwater in exchange for beers at Molly's."
Matt reached for his phone, which was sitting on the bedside table. He held it up, pointing towards Kelly.
"Let's get tickets for one of the games against the Sox next week. I'll look for some online now," Matt said, as Kelly scooted his chair closer to the bed to look at the ticket options.
"Matt, are you sure you'll be able to go to a game next week?" Gabby asked.
She could barely think about the next hour, let alone the next day or week. She couldn't imagine Matt doing anything but recovering here in the hospital or at their apartment.
"Will said I'll be back on my feet in no time at all," Matt replied. "I already feel fine, promise."
Gabby attempted a smile, but she still felt like she was in shock after the previous day's events. Her mind was elsewhere, still stuck at the factory fire with Matt's parting words echoing in her head over and over again.
She had heard Dr. Halstead's assurance that Matt would be fine, and he certainly seemed fine, watching the Cubs and buying tickets with Kelly. Gabby couldn't stop hearing his words echoing or the voice in her head telling her that she was not fine; that everything had changed in the moment when she thought she had lost Matt, the one person she couldn't lose.
Not after Shay and the baby and Louie. Not the one person who had gotten her through losing all three of them.
Matt coughed, bringing Gabby back to reality, her eyes widening.
"I'm fine. I'm fine," he assured her. "Remember, Will said that some coughing and shortness of breath is normal."
Normal.
Is this my new normal? Gabby wondered. Worrying, flashing back, nightmares of what could have been?
And again, she attempted a smile.
One Week Later
"Welcome back, fans. Top of the ninth, Davis on the mound to close out the game."
Ramon Dawson sat on the couch at his daughter and son-in-law's apartment, watching the Cubs play their across town rivals, the White Sox. Gabby had turned in early for the night and was fast asleep, as far as he knew. Matt and Kelly were watching the game at Wrigley Field, Matt's first big outing since returning home from the hospital.
As Davis struck out the first batter, Ramon didn't even notice Gabby's footsteps, or her taking a seat on the couch beside him.
"Mija! What are you doing up?" he asked, even though he knew the answer.
Matt had returned home less than two days after the factory fire, and since then, Ramon had been the only one in the house able to sleep soundly. At first, Matt continued to have shortness of breath and coughing spells throughout the night, and Ramon knew that Gabby stayed awake worrying about her husband.
Gabby shrugged in response to her dad.
"Couldn't sleep," she said.
Ramon nodded and looked towards his daughter.
"Anything you want to talk about?" he asked.
"Nope," she said, turning her attention to the television.
"Well, the Cubbies are winning. Matt and Kelly are there for a great game," Ramon said.
They continued to watch the game, mostly in silence but for an occasional comment about the game. Ramon knew his daughter was in pain, but he had no idea how to help.
"Matt seems to be doing a lot better. Less coughing, right? Back to work soon?" he asked.
Gabby simply nodded in response.
"I know this has been hard for both of you…" Ramon continued, but Gabby interrupted.
"Dad, I don't want to…Please…I don't want to talk about this," she said.
"Mija, you need to let it out. Please," Ramon pleaded.
Gabby closed her eyes and remained silent for a few moments. When she opened her eyes again and looked towards her dad, she wasn't sure if she would be able to say the words that were swimming around in her mind. A lump had formed in her throat, and her eyes were quickly filling with tears.
She knew that her dad was right, that she needed to talk about what happened. She knew that burying her feelings wasn't going to make her feel normal again or end her insomnia and constant anxiety about Matt's return to work.
"Dad..." she began. "When Matt was in that fire, he…he called for me on the radio and…"
She stopped, pausing to wipe away a stray tear from her cheek.
"Gabby," Ramon said, "Come here, mi amor."
She waved him away, knowing that she would fall apart completely in her dad's arms.
"And he said goodbye," she said, her voice cracking as she said the word that now kept her up at night. "And dad, when he said that, it almost…it almost broke everything inside of me."
She finally let her tears fall, burying her face in her hands. Her dad gently rubbed her back, attempting to comfort her.
As she cried, she once again wondered, Is this my new normal? Will the flashbacks and sleepless nights ever end?
She lifted her head, wiped her tears, and stood up from the couch.
"I'm going to try to go to bed again," she said.
"Gabriela…" Ramon protested, wishing she would stay and talk to him.
And again, she attempted to smile.
Two Months Later
"Tomorrow night, the Chicago Cubs will have a chance to clinch the National League Central title. A win will send the Cubbies to the playoffs for the third year in a row."
The SportsCenter anchor reported on the Cubs' playoff chances while highlights from the game earlier that day played on.
Matt settled on the couch and watched the segment about his beloved Cubs. He and Gabby had just returned home after dinner at a new restaurant downtown that Otis had recommended. The dinner of crab legs and scallops had been just as delicious as Otis had promised, but the elephant in the room tainted the meal. The elephant that held Gabby's feelings about the factory fire and Matt's goodbye, the feelings that she had revealed to Matt for the first time earlier that evening.
Once they were back home, Matt quickly changed and headed for the couch and SportsCenter, while Gabby showered and prepared for bed. Matt tried to focus on the show, which had now segued to coverage of a tennis tournament, but he couldn't stop picturing the heartbroken look on Gabby's face when she had told him, "Don't ever say goodbye to me again."
Matt knew that Gabby wasn't the only one who had buried her feelings about that day for far too long. He had tried to move on as quickly as possible, not allowing himself to think about what almost happened, what he almost lost.
He thought about Ramon, who had met Matt for dinner at their favorite burger joint on a night when Gabby had plans with their friends and coworkers, Sylvie Brett and Stella Kidd. Matt and Ramon mostly discussed Chicago's sports teams and updates on Ramon's new job. But Matt recalled Ramon asking if Gabby was worrying any less about Matt return to work, only to stop himself and change the subject to Kris Bryant's batting average.
Ramon had been there at the apartment when Matt and Gabby returned home from the hospital. He was the only one there to observe their sleepless nights and noticeably bottled up feelings. Matt realized that maybe Gabby had opened up to her dad, at least admitted something to him about how she felt.
After his realization, Matt turned off the television and headed towards their bedroom. He didn't want his wife to continue burying her feelings, as she had clearly been doing until earlier that night, only rarely opening up to her dad.
In the bedroom, Gabby was wearing her robe and was towel drying her hair. Matt took a seat on their bed and looked to his wife.
"Gabby," he began, as she turned towards him. "I'm sorry…for not saying something sooner about…about what happened. About saying goodbye."
She continued to dry her hair. "Matt, we don't have to talk about this."
"But we do have to talk about it," he persisted. "I know we both have a habit of keeping our emotions all bottled up. But you're hurting, and I want you to feel like you can talk to me."
Gabby closed her eyes and shook her head.
"I don't…I don't want to bother you with it," she said. "I'm…I'm fine now."
Matt stood up and walked to his wife. He placed his left hand on her shoulder and gently lifted her chin with his other hand.
"It's okay to not be fine," he assured her. "I'm…I'm admittedly not doing too well myself. But we can't get through this without leaning on each other. That's what we always do."
Gabby leaned into her husband, burying her face in his chest. They wrapped their arms around each other, both finally acknowledging the elephant that had been following them for months.
Her face remained buried into Matt, but she moved slightly so that he could hear her words.
"Baby," she began. "I've been thinking a lot about Shay…and…and our baby…"
She stopped, tears quickly falling, and squeezed Matt a little tighter. His own eyes began to water as well. They had only spoken about the baby a few times, and the conversations had always been too painful to last more than a few minutes.
Gabby gathered herself and continued. "And Louie, too. It was…still is…impossible to live through all of those losses. And then…you."
Matt's tears were now falling, too. He knew where she was going with this, and as much as he wanted her to be open with him, he almost couldn't bear to discuss it.
She lifted her head and looked at her husband. "Matt…I can't. I can't l-lose…"
She stopped again, unable to continue.
Matt responded by fully embracing his wife, caressing the back of her head, attempting to comfort her as her tears continued to fall.
"I have an idea," he said, fighting the lump in his throat. "Why don't we walk to Chaplain Orlovsky? Together?"
Gabby nodded into Matt's embrace, knowing that the only way they would be able to get through this would be together.
"I know that one talk with the Chaplain isn't going to solve everything," Matt continued. "But one thing I do know, is that we can get through anything when we face it together."
"I love you," Gabby said, remaining in Matt's arms, a position that she would never again take for granted.
And this time, when she looked up at him, her smile was more than just an attempt.