THE HOMESTUCK THANKSGIVING SPECIAL

by Great Pikmin Fan

Part of the "SBIG" series of intentionally poorly-written stories, the original twelfth installment, and the third and final "short story" that I am mirroring from the MSPA Forums. What starts out as Thanksgiving "fluff" quickly turns in to a story with a yandere OC-parody, giant monsters, and general inspiration from the "Sonic Zombie" series.

THE HOMESTUCK THANKSGIVING SPECIAL: NOT RELATED TO KIDS FIGHT THE TROLLS.

Beginning AN:

Good news if you are getting sick of the Homestuck section, each day, having another fic by me that's intentionally poorly written: This is the last of the three! I'm done mirroring, and I will say right now (or maybe I'll move it to the closing notes later) that the "sequel" hinted at the end of this will be on SBIGlets instead.

As explained in the beginning of the story proper, this is not a direct sequel to or even set in the same remote world as KIDS FIT THE TROLLS (and, it goes without saying, KIDS FIT THE TROLLS 2: ACT 5 VS ACT 6). You do not have to read either story before this.

Welcome to SBIG! This is a series of purposefully badly done stories that care very little with making sense or trying to add any emotional impact. Or... that's the intent. This is sort of like a bad attempt at comedy. Now, two things I try to avoid with this when comparing the installments to other fics done bad on purpose. One is making them unreadable (but this... admittedly wasn't always a major focus of mine). Two is that this isn't going to get... too disgusting. Well, it might in some stories, but it won't rely on grossout factors as an entertainment value, and even the ones that do teeter into uncomfortable territory won't be trying to really 'outdo' other fics that do this. The only thing I try to trump myself in is the plot's stupidity. Not how hard it is to read it, and not how disgusted (or infuriated for that matter) you will be by it.

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CHAPTER 1: THANKS FOR THE GIVING

Note that this is not actually part of Kids Fight the Trolls canon. It's not even in the same universe but alternate timeline or something stupid like that, no it's just a totally seperate story that happens to be in the style of KFTT and A%VA^ so I'm lumping them up together.

John had walked into the house of Rose and it was snowing because snow meant that a cute thing or two would happen. He was dressed in a fancy thanksgiving suit that was green as green is his costume color, because in Act 4 he switched colors with Jade. I don't know why.

"Hello John." Rose said to greet him, "I hope you have an idea of what's in store for this day."

"What do you think idiot?" John snarked, "This is the day we eat a lot."

Then Rose led John into the living room, and Dave and Jade were there. Also Jane, Jake, Dirk, and Roxy were there because this is an AU in case you haven't realized it yet. It would be impossible for them to play Sburb afterall when um SPOILERS will happen this story. As for how they don't get meteored into life, they were born through regular way in this world. Like humans. Or elephants.

"Oh wait, I forgot to make the food." Said Rose, "Sorry well you may have been late but you could have been later."

"Why don't we make it together?" Jade suggested, "After all, we can have more time for fun and shenanigans that way!"

"Aw, adorable." Rose said.

"HEY!" Jane chimed in, "John should stay out of this! I don't want him trying to destroy my Thanksgiving cake!"

"That's because you make a cake for every holliday of the year," John said, "And now the ones you made up."

So then they all made their way into the kitchen, except Rose who stayed out and John for obvious reasons. They also hugged and it was cute.

"John," Rose said, "I will be expecting more guests. Say hi and open the door to them."

Then John nodded as Rose walked off.

In the kitchen, Jake was doing a stupid dance when Rose glared at him.

"We need to be more serious in order for this to work. Now who has the turkey?"

Roxy was holding the turkey but she tripped and fell with it and when it landed it bumped the table and the table was holding her wine and then it tipped and fell on the turkey and it was alcoholic now and the other kids gasped.

"Wow. You are a complete dumbass Roxy!" Jade cheered.

"Wait wait wait!" Roxy tried to defend. "Maybe if we cook it, the heat will evaporate the beer!"

Meanwhile while the funny shenanigans were going on, John heard the door bell ring. He went to the door and opened it and to hide spoilers we didn't see what they looked like yet and the camera was facing John's side.

"Oh hello!" He said, "You must be the guests! Not the Jonas Brothers I hired to be in the party, but you'll do. Come right in, but I don't think Dave will like you... from what I heard about Dave and you guys..."

Back in the kitchen, the turkey was in the middle of being cooked, and the less pleasant Thanksgiving food was also finished. Also Jane was brushing Dirk's hair. But the cute ended when John let out a scream! The kids gasped and ran to the living room and what they found surprised them to death! (Not literally otherwise there wouldn't be much story.)

There were zombies! Those were the "guests!" And they were eating John, his head was off and everything! It looks like the Thanksgiving food did get there on time... but the food was John and the Thanksgiving was for the zombies, and the food wasn't on time either because John was late to the house but then again so were the zombies! And then his blood moved around (not in the real story though just for the viewers) and formed the story's REAL title... KIDS FIGHT THE ZOMBIES!

CHAPTER 2 RUNNING AWAY

"We have to get out of here!" Jake cried, "Blimey this isn't good!"

"Wait!" Shouted Roxy, "We must save John! He might not be dead yet!"

Then the zombies took off his head and Roxy said, "Nevermind he's toast."

Then Dirk cried a yell of triumph as he got out a ton of machine guns and gunned down the zombies, and shouted, "WE HAVE TO MAKE IT TO CAR!"

They ran out the house as more zombies came out from the ground and got into a car and Roxy got into the driver's seat.

"Have you been drinking though?" Rose asked.

"Hell yeah I'm always drunk."

"WELL DON'T BECAUSE THAT'S DRUNK DRIVING."

"Oh shit I forgot that was a thing."

But it was too late! Her foot had been on the gas this entire time! The seven sped off but they were going to a cliff and they all screamed as they flied off before Jade remembered something...

"EVERYONE CRAM YOURSELVES INTO THE FRONT SEAT! I REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT THIS CAR BECAUSE IT WAS WHAT I BUILT!"

So they did and Jade pushed a button and then the front seat shot out of the roof and it was ejector seats like in Green Hornet the movie. And the seat made a parachutes, and it was also like the Green Hornet because they were floating around. It was also like that scene from the Hangover Three trailer because this was Las Vegas, because I wanted to make a Vegasstuck AU.

"Lol this is scary as shit!" Roxy said.

"So Rose," Dave asked, "As the exposition girl, what the hell just happened?"

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

"TELL THAT TO THE ZOMBIES AAAAAH!" Jake cried impatiently because they were still all flying through the air, "THEY WON'T STAY HERE FOR LONG! ALSO BECAUSE YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT CTHULHU CULT, THIS MEANS THAT THE ZOMBIES REALLY ORIGINATE FROM SOMETHING LIKE GOD! BUT THE OPPOSITE! SO YOU OR GOD OR SOMETHING IS BEHIND EVERYTHING!"

"HA HA HA I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF I CAN FUCK WITH JAKE'S HEAD." Rose laughed. "AND I DID. Anyway, I researched zombies along with Jade and they are actually from a year ago. The zombies came because somebody got an STD from all the sex here and they were prisoned back in the year they were made and got successfully contained. But then they snuck out of zombie jail and now they're out here."

"How is that possible?" Jane asked. "By the way boy this is one terrible apocalypse I can't even think of a worse one. I would make a deal with the devil to get out of this."

"It was one hell of an STD."

Then because it would help with the plot they crashlanded into a window of an apartment. Thankfully since it was Vegas they had a lot of tall ones so that they don't spend too much drifting down slowly. In this case it was the pyramid thingy which was good because they have the ability to slide down in case the elevators were broken, and the stairs isn't a good option because there's too many of them. The person who owned the room is my OC Rick, who was a young man standing in his bedroom when the kids came through the window.

"Hey there I think I can help!" Rick smirked, "You see, I am your average douchebag surfer bully, and I can surf us down and away from the zombies! I also enjoy games!"

"How did you aquire knowledge of the zombies?" Rose asked.

"Because I am the son of the guy who got the STD."

And then he grabbed the surfboard and got on the front and put it to where it was just sticking out of the hole in the wall and the other seven got behind him. The girls were first because Rick wanted to be a pimp like that and Dave was in the back because he hated him. Rick smirked as he kicked off and they surfed down the side.

"Any advice on what we must do?" Rose asked, enthusiastic that the zombies will stop.

"Yes! You see, the STD was actually engineered by this bad guy who wanted to blackmail the presedent into becoming the new presedent. But it was put onto some woman who likes to do it a lot. And that woman, and my father, well they are like the parents of the zombies. But now that they're zombies I am unfortunately an orphan ironically as my parents are parents of something else Cool backstory, huh?"

Jade, who was immediately behind him by his directions, sighed. They then made it to a huge swimming pool nearby, after he surfed along the Vegas streets. And it was night, too, not just for more pretty neon but because also because the night made the zombies scarrier. Also, according to Minecraft, zombies burn on fire. So I didn't want this to happen and end the story early so they don't burn in sunlight this time.

"Wh-why did you sigh, Jade?" Rick asked desperately, "I thought you liked me?"

"Well Rick, based on what I know about you, you're kind of a douche. While we were riding down, you kept trying to hold my hand, and also you insult Dave, Jake, and Dirk for some reason. And you kept winking at me like a douche as if that will change my mind and make me like you."

Then his eye twitched, but he kept his douche smirk. "Well. This douche just surfed until we were in the middle of a pool, where it stopped. This douche is also the only one who can swim. So you're gonna have to now jump on my back. Well, the ladies can. Dave, Dirk, Jake, there's not enough room for you you fatasses-"

"Rose is fatter than the three of us combined." Dave said. "I think I don't keep track of this stuff and I was never good at biology unless it was like excavating bones stuff."

"-So you'll have to dog paddle using my surfboard to keep you floating."

And then they did as Rick told, and he continued trying to flirt with Jade.

"Oi, madam, sacre blue." He spoke in bad French. "Have I mentioned that you're eyes are as beautiful green as... grass."

"Stop it douchebag, not if we were the last humans on Earth."

His eye twitched again. "Okay! But you realize that now that zombies are out, that's a possibility!"

"The president will save us!" Shouted Roxy, but everyone laughed at her, and that's funny no matter who the president is, because according to parodies, each president is a bigger fuck-up than the last, until they die and then people think they are awesome.

But then Rick was getting mad! So he got out his strife specibus, the dynamite, and tossed it into a glass cube at the bottom of the pool which held sharks. You know, they were trained for shows. The glass exploded and the sharks came out and first all three of them swam towards Rick and the girls before he whistled a tune, said "Did you know I also train sharks?" And the sharks went after Dave, Dirk, and Jake, who were still akwardly paddling.

"YOU'RE INSANE!" Jade cried, "THE SECOND WE GET TO LAND, I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Ha! You must be unsavvy! You do know that I'm the one taking you to land! Don't piss off the guy saving your life, especially when the life-saving is the present and not the past!"

And then he rolled in the water, shaking off all of the girls. Land wasn't far from there and he climbed on it, then smirked at the drowing girls.

"IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU IN MY QUADRENTS, THEN NOBODY CAN!"

Luckily, Dirk looked at the surfboard and saw one of those pulling things you see in a lawnmower. He gasped. "THIS IS GAS POWERED!"

And he climbed to the top of the board and pulled it, then it began moving through the water like a jet-ski, and because Jake was weaker than you think he fell off while Dave managed to hang onto the back while Dirk was rocking on the board and looking cool. It was like something out of Mario and Luigi RPGs where Mario would be surfing but Luigi would have to tail along on the back. Then one of the sharks popped its head out of the water and laughed at them.

"Hang on, Dave and Jake," Dirk didn't know Jake wasn't there because that's called dramatic irony. "But I'm gonna jump the shark. Like in the Fonz."

And then he jumped over the shark and Dave gasped as the shark almost bit him but all it did was rip off his pants like in the cartoons and his boxers were showing. He blushed and held up a sign and said, "Yikes! I got Bugs Bunny'd!"

Then Dirk also saved the girls and got to land.

"WHERE'S JAKE?" Jane shouted, then they turned to the pool and saw that the other two sharks were eating Jake.

"Dead." Rose laughed at her joke.

Then the remaining six kids turned to Rick who laughed at them. Jade cried, "YOU ASSHOLE MURDERER! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"No." Angsted Dirk, "I let Jake die. It was my own neglect. I will do the job of risking my life to fight him to make up for it, as I must fight with honor."

Jane sniffed, "And John dying was my fault! If I hadn't told him to stay out of the kitchen, then when the doorbell rang there was a 7/8th chance that someone smarter was the closest one to it, and opened it, and killed the zombies instead of letting them kill them!"

Dirk drew out a sword and Rick drew out a sword too, it was diamond sword like in Minecraft, because he liked playing games. Dirk cut it in half though because it was really just a cardboard replica shaped like a Minecraft diamond sword, so Rick decided to fight using his fists instead. He punched Dirk in the gut and it hurt a lot, then they fighted into a strip club. The other five ran after them.

"Hey," Said somebody who worked at the strip club to Dirk and Rick. "Are you over eighteen?"

"Don't worry," Roxy joked even though she knew he wouldn't find it funny, but the important thing was that her friends did, and that's why she's great. "The one in the orange is gay."

Dirk was too focused to answer, but Rick flashed a psycho grin-smirk hybrid and yelled, "I MAY NOT BE OVER 18 BUT THIS BOMB PROBABLY IS!"

And then he shoved the bomb in the guy's mouth and when it exploded it was a huge explosion that caused the strip club to shake. Dave, Rose, Roxy, Jade, and Jane all ran out but Dirk and Rick were kind of fucked because they were in the center of it when it was crumbling. The debris fell on both of them and there was a huge dust storm. When the dust cleared Rick was lying down on his stomach with his eyes closed and his tongue sticking out, and Dirk was lying down on his back with a chunk of wood through his chest.

"Oh shit. I'm not gonna make it." Were Dirk's last words.

"At least he killed the douchebag." Jade said, and then the five walked out of the city.

BUT THEN RICK'S EYES OPENED, AND IT TURNS OUT THAT JUST BECAUSE THAT'S HOW DEAD PEOPLE LOOK IN THE CARTOONS, THEY MAY ALSO BE SLEEPING!

CHAPTER 3: THE DESERT.

Dave sighed. "It is a shame that Dirk's dead. Because he was a good fighter, and I am not. I am not a good fighter so I can't beat any badguys. You might as well eat me in case we have to resort to canabalism. Because I am useless."

"You're not... uh... all useless, you know." Roxy winked. "You have a big chance of being the last man on Earth now. Preeeeetty useful for... um... trying to start new life? Is there any girl you have your sights set for?"

Dave paused, then looked up to the night desert sky and smiled. A tear came from his eye as his heart raced with this answer, butterflies in his stomach and everything.

...

...

...

"Angelina Jolie."

Roxy facepalmed. "Girls, if the other men left alive are like Dave, then the human race is doomed."

"You're getting ahead of yourself." Jane said, "After all, what makes you think we are the last people? I think Vegas alone can handle them."

Then Roxy gasped, "OH HEY I FORGOT THE TURKEY!"

"Don't worry, it probably won't make much of a difference. Or the zombies could be eating it."

Then we flashback to Rose's house, and it turns out that the oven did not mix well with the vodka on the turkey! It heated up, then lit on fire, and then MADE A HUGE EXPLOSION THAT WIPED OUT ALMOST ALL OF VEGAS! And back in the desert, the five all saw the explosion. Rose chuckled.

"Well, Dave's statistically likely to be the last male alive on the planet... WHO WAS A RESIDENT OF VEGAS!"

"Are the zombies dead?" Jane asked, but then they focused back on the city and saw that there were some zombies moving from far away. "Damn! I heard of two wrongs don't make a right, but this is ridiculous bullshit!"

Rose looked more serious. "Okay we're gonna have to run the desert now. Here's some advice. One: Look out for mirages. Oh look who's that hot amazing guy - OH WAIT IT'S A MIRAGE IT'S JUST DAVE."

She laughed at him. "There wasn't even a mirage I was just joking to say that you are not hot at all."

"Do we have any destination?" Jade asked, "Because in case it takes a while, I have an emergency survival kit. It comes with one of those tents like in Futurama where just add water."

"Civilization." Rose said.

"Be more specific, you giant hinderance."

"Human-filled civilization. Oh, Two: Watch out for sand monsters. Okay that's it."

Roxy looked at a device and frowned. "Hm. According to my GPS, the cities nearby are being attacked. However, there is a heavily guarded airport that's against zombies, and luckily for us most people can't afford going there or they think they can fend off the zombies on their own or both."

Then they climbed up a cliff thing to protect themselves from zombies, and as it was getting late Jade reached into her dress and got out a kit thing that looked like one of those paint kits but had a bunch of survivor tools and a green pill thing. She put the pill on the ground, and got out a glass of water and poured it on the pill and it grew into the tent.

"We must take four-hour shifts sleeping, four of us sleep, one doesn't, because we never know." Rose said. "The zombies might climb up here."

"Do we have any food?" Dave asked.

The turkey fell, propelled by the explosion. They all smiled, but then Roxy took a bite and spat it out.

"EW IT'S SLIGHTLY OVERCOOKED!"

Then the rest of them tried and agreed, so they threw the turkey off the cliff. At least it might slow the zombies down.

Then they went to sleep, with Jade taking the first shift.

...

Dave woke up the next morning. But to his horror, ALL of the others were with him!

"OH NO!" Dave shouted, "SOMEONE FORGOT TO TAKE THEIR SHIFT TO WATCH OUT FOR ZOMBIES!"

"Aw fuck... I got too tired on..." Roxy checked her watch. "Oh, this would be the last shift before you woke up at this time, anyway."

"Hey, and this was going to be a joke before I found this out she was sleeping on the job, but let's eat Roxy first if we have to resort to canabalism!" Rose said.

Jane rolled her eyes. "Her body might make the best food she made, considering how horrible the turkey was."

Speaking of which, since there was gin on the turkey and they all took bites, they were all hungover.

"My head hurts like hell." Jade said, getting dizzy, "How much farther until we get to the airport?"

Then Roxy checked her PDA and frowned. "One mile."

"Well. I can walk that far."

Roxy frowned again. "Also WE ARE MOVING AAAAAH!"

And then Dave got brave and unzipped his tent to find out that the zombies were now carrying it. He looked at the camera and gave a Looney Tunes frown before the zombies suddenly tilted the tent so they were dumped down onto the desert sands below. They landed on their faces, and looked up to see DR DOOFENSHMIRTS FROM PHINEAS AND FERB STANDING THERE, LAUGHING AT THEM.

"I have used my new mind control device to mind control the zombies into doing what I say, but it only works on some of them because I have limited amount which is why I don't use it for good. Also, I am stealing your gear. Like your weapons."

"NOOOOO!" Jade shouted, "WE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TO BEGIN WITH!"

And also they were in stupid-looking pajamas too what the hell Doofs now they'll be laughing stalks like Dave's King of the Hill pajamas?

Then Doofensmirts ordered the zombies to hold up spears, but unfortunately because none of them had weapons they had to march in the direction the zombies were forcing them to which was... INTO THE DUNGEON OF DOOFENSHMIRTS! The zombies were walking the five through a jail chamber.

"This sucks!" Jade cried, "We still have no gear!"

"Hey," Said Raiden from MGS, "At least it could be worse!"

He was naked and tied to a thing, with a soda straw blocking his thing.

"Oh no it's like we are in prison." Angsted Dave, and Roxy angested too. "I believe we have truely lost. Oh look a soda, I've been thirsty a lot."

"NOOOOO!" Cried Raiden.

"Why not?"

"Because then I will be exposed!"

So they used censor bars on Raiden and because they were in a time of ration, they all drank it together. BUT IT WASN'T SODA, IT WAS... BEER!

Before the beer effects kicked in, Jane used the straw to lock pick her way out, and thus they were on their way to victory!

"Hey... guys?" Asked Raiden, "Are you gonna just leave me here then?"

CHAPTER 4: DRUNKEN STEALTH.

"Ohhhhh piss..." Jane said, wobbling around, "This is too much for me to concentrate. It's like the hangover, except I'm not in permanent excruciating pain. I-I-I feel... hic, I feel good."

"W-wanna see me burp the alphabet?" Roxy asked. "Okay I-I think you're too busy shocked at the thought that I could pull it off to say 'Yes!' Come on, I wanna hear it. Roxy the Alphaburb Star. Ha ha. ABCDEFGHI-BLUUUURAAAGH!" That last part was because she threw up. Everyone laughed at her.

"Oh is that disgusting!" Jade laughed. "Oh, oh God... it's like... grosser than the time my dog was licking himself... not in a place I want to say in polite-polite compan... what we were trying to do?"

"I don't know why I feel so wasted haha," Said Rose, "But I just wanna get outta here!" Then she looked around. "Who the fuck hurled?"

"OH NO!" Shouted Roxy, "I DON'T KNOW! I THINK SOMEONE'S AROUND HERE-BLLEEEEGH!" She vomited again. "No wait, I remember, that was just me."

"WE MUST SEARCH AROUND!" Said Dave "SOMEONE MIGHT REALLY BE HERE! Let's see... nothing, nothing, pipes, scary mask, loaf of bread, airplane, a guard-"

"Hey," Said Jade, "Did you say something about... bread? Shit man, I'm starving."

"More importantly stupid was the... the... THE PLANE!" Rose lead, "But yeah any food is good."

So then they grabbed the bread and went on Doofenshmirt's hidden airplane and then they flew to the airport so that they can get an airplane to leave.

At the airport they waited about an hour and ate the bread and stuff before they got onto the plane and were told by security that there are no pilots left so Rose decided to drive while the other four were stuck in the seats. BUT NOT FOUR, AS IT TURNS OUT...

"Hey thanks for leaving me!" Shouted Raiden.

Then Rose took off on the airplane, but she like the others were still drunk and thus when Rose looked at the controls they started moving around and turning colors and they morphed into a face but none of this really happened she was just drunk. Then she looked at the monitors but they were only showing black with a bad CGI image of Shrek's head shouting "DON'T CRASH YA DONKEY!" and out the window the clouds were parting and the words in yellow came out reading "THE SIMPSONS!"

Meanwhile, in the passengers, Dave looked out the window and shouted, "WOW I AM SO DRUNK THE CLOUDS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE MOVING FASTER THAN THE PLANE!"

"YOU'RE NOT HALLUCINATING THAT!" Raiden shouted, "ROSE FORGOT TO TAKE THE PLANE OFF REVERSE!"

Yes as it turns out they were flying backwards. Their plane flew to the statue of liberty where it smacked the statue's ass and she went "Ooh! Kinky! I want your number!" And then the plane flew towards Florida, where it landed on the water but it was not taken off of water plane mode and Rose couldn't see the controls how so it was sinking!

"NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A SWAMP!" Shouted the Shrek hallucinations.

Then they opened the door and the staircase came from it that led into the water.

"AW SHIT." Said Rose, "THE BEACH IS LIKE, FIVE MILES AWAY."

Then Doofensmirts came on the plane from the base! He was following them! And I'd like to say that the reason why the group wanted to use Doof's plain to get to only another plain in the form of the airplane was because Doof's was one of those small plains like from Wii Sports Resrot Island Flyover. He laughed. "NOW THAT YOU CRASHED THE BETTER PLAIN I MAY REBUILD IT SO I CAN WORK AND THEN USE IT AS A WAY TO GET AROUND FASTER AND THUS TAKEOVER THE WORLD WITH MY ZOMBIE CONTROLING POWERS!"

Then Jade threw a seat cushion from the airplain at him and he fell over, landing in the ocean and getting eaten by a dragon.

Then the survivors from Vegas and Raiden climbed onto the plane since this one worked but the monitor said that there was too much weight!

"OH NO!" Rose cried. Then Roxy vomitted some more and then everything was ok.

"Holy shit, I think you are at risk of death!" Jane cried at how Roxy managed to vomit out an entire pound's worth.

But this was a dropped plot point as they flew off anyway, into the land of Florida. Dexter Morgan was there and he said, "Be careful there are a lot of killers there I know this because I killed most of them."

Rose who was the pilot by the way nodded, then kept flying foreward. But then their plane was struct by lightning and it just kind of dropped down, it also shrunk since I think that's what lightning does. The plane landed in the middle of a mountain, and they saw a base, and in the base jumped out a shadow. It was KARKAT VANtAS!

CHAPTER 5: KARAT!

"IT WAS I WHO GENETICALLY ENGINEERED THE ZOMBIE JAIL TO BREAK DOWN!" He shouted. "ALSO, I ENGINEERED THE STD IN THE FIRST PLACE, AND INJECTED IT INTO SOME POOR OLD SHMUCK AHAHAHAHA!"

Dave was angry at him! Now that they were all sober, he dove after Karkat with his sword in hands, only to realize that he STILL didn't have weapon!

"HA YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING! BUT I CAN..."

Then he got out a needle full of heroin, and injected himself wiht it, and suddenly he started transforming! He grew scales and blue eyes and started to grow but thankfully his clothes grew too so he wouldn't be naked. He was... KARKATZILLA! Except he was colored pink to avoid copyright infrindgement! With one swipe of a hand, he knocked Jane off of the mountain that this was taking place on, and she flew off with a lot of accuracy.

"HAHA HAAAAA I JUST SHOWED THAT THINGS GOT REAL BY KILLING OFF A MAJOR CHARACTER1"

"YOU WANT A MAJOR CHARACTER," Dave said, "THEN TRY TO DIE ME!"

"Ok."

Then Karkatzilla picked up Dave, and carried him over to the city! Still in Florida.

"WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!" Rose cried.

"Why?" Asked Roxy.

"BECAUSE HE MAY BE THE KEY TO REVIVING THE HUMAN RACE BECAUSE HE SEEMS IMMUNE TO THE ZOMBIES AND ECTOBIOLOGY CAN ENSURE THAT THIS GOES TO EVERYONE! Other than that he's kind of a useless dumbass." I never said he was immune before I just wanted to use the useless dumbass joke.

"No, and there's even the entire city of Miami that can be used to look around if someone else is immune. A small crowd of zombies in Vegas does not mean that the world's all destroyed."

But I like making Roxy wrong so Karkatzilla lazered a bunch of buildings, including Dexter's house. But since Dexter was outside he wasn't killed.

"NO MY HOUSE!" dexter cried. "THAT'S IT THIS IS GOING TO BE PERSONAL! TASTE THE WRATH OF THE BAY HARBOR BUTCH-"

Then he was crushed by Karkatzilla's foot.

"HE'S UNSTOPPABLE!" Jade cried, "Lukily, the author remembers that I am into science, so maybe I can go into Karkat's lab and find something to use to make a nuclear weapon?"

"Nice try but I think a nuke is what started Godzilla in the first place." Rose snarked.

Then the three ran in, and Jade found a lot of chemicals, and then created a cool bomb with them.

"We only have two boms so we must be careful with them." Jade said. Roxy threw one of the bombs to test it out and it did indeed blow up the entire mountain b ut that caused a cavein that chased the three out.

"OK NOW WE ONLY HAVE ONE BOMB! THANKS A LOT!" Jade yelled.

"Hey, at least we know that it works." Roxy defended.

Rose was a lot more serious. "We need a way to either get up to Karkatzilla or destract him. This needs to be inside of him, since his skin is tough but we can blow them up from the inside like a Dodongo."

"GREAT!" Said Link, "I CAN'T WAIT TO BOMB SOME DODON-"

Then he was stomped on by Karkatzilla! He was already back at the lab!

"I know what to do." Jade said, she cleared her throat, looked up to him fluttering her eyes like Bugs Bonny does when he dreesses like a girl.

"Karkat I actually really like you and I think I want to kiss you."

Karkatzilla looked at the camera and put his hands to his face side. He was shocked! He lifted up Jade with his hand, she got on it.

"Please!" Jade asked. "If we get into a relationship, you'll get all the benefits! I can do a lot for you! I can mediate you, calm, you down, make you happy... you don't have to do anything in return! You don't even have to take my feelings into consideration! Look, we're destined to be together, because some of the things I do is like the cancer zodiacs!"

Karkatzilla moved his hand with Jade on it up to his face. "HMM... This sounds a little too good to be true."

Back on the ground, Rose and Roxy were looking at this with shock.

"THERE IS NO GOD IF THEY KISS." Roxy cried. "I can't believe Jade's doing this! I mean, the Godzilla transformation makes Karkat look only slightly less inhumanoid, and it only makes him slightly less gross and disgusting!"

"You just hate him because he's in the way of you/Jade." Rose said. "And I can see that that sort of hatred must be really intense since it's directed at only one person. Me with Jade? Pfft. Dave with Jade? He's too busy fawning over Lara Croft."

"It is true!" Jade said, "Come on, it will make your life better!"

"I don't want to start a relationship yet." Said Karkatzilla, while Jade was looking down his mouth when he talked to see the best oppertunity to throw the bomb. "First, I want you to become an evil queen on my side, fighting crime with me!"

"Of course! Tee hee!"

"Alright now let's kiss." And then he put his lips together and moved them towards Jade.

"Um wait! We should talk more! Like, just say five more words! Scream a lot, for a long period of time!"

Karkat stopped. "Not until we kiss."

Jade shrugged. She made out with worse.

They leaned into eachother and romantic music played, when SUDDENLY SOMEBODY CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND DIVE-KICKED KARKATZILLA BEFORE THEY COULD KISS!

"HANDS OFF MY WAIFU!" It was Rick! And he was angry! Jade was falling to the ground but she fortunately used a parachute from the hidden evil Karkat base to stop her fall. "I don't know who you are, but this story is clearly setting me up, to be with Jade."

"Are you high?" She asked him, "And a less important question, I thought you were crushed and blown up."

"Actually, the strip club crushing me did briefly stop my heart, and that would have killed me, but the explosion lifted that off of me. The explosion would have also killed me, but the strip club ruins also sheilded me from the blast, which propelled me right here by a shocking coincidence. So I guess two wrongs make a right!"

"HEY THOUGH." Karkatzilla yelled, "JADE SAID SHE WANTED TO KISS ME!"

"That was a ruse." Jade said. Rose and Roxy complained that she gave it away, to which she replied to them with, "Aw come on! He's a godzilla thing now! If I kissed him, I would have puked anyway and that would have gave him away!"

Speaking of puking but not really, Karkatzilla burped out a cell phone with a note taped to it. The note said, "Call this number 555-5555" and so Roxy did. There was a phone ringing from inside Karkatzilla's stomach for a few seconds.

"Hey it's me Dave." He said. He was still alive!

"Where are you?"

"I was inside Karkatzilla's stomach, then these dead guys he ate recently have phones. So I looked up the number in one of them, and took that as my phone and told you to contact that one if you were still here. Or anybody. Anyway, is there any way to get me out?"

"No but you gave me an idea. Hang on, let me find a store that isn't vaporized."

She rran off and Karkatzilla and Rick were still arguing.

"We're clearly meant for eachother!" Rick said, "We could both bond over our interests in Minecraft and Final Fantasy!"

"I don't like either of those things." Jade said.

"Well then I'll make you like them, because in case it isn't obvious I am a fan fiction parody and lots of fan fictions give people bullshit interests, and we could both bond over our interests in them!"

"YEAH BUT I HAVE THE FANCY STUFF." Karkatzilla said. "I THINK JADE LIKES MONEY. I CAN MAKE HER EVEN RICHER. WHAT DO YOU HAVE?"

"I live in a giant house made of old hummer parts. I drive a Hummerbot, and that drives a giant Hummer. I'm all about hummers. Where do you live in, some crappy lab?" Rick bragged.

"Actually yes. And it was destroyed but I did not get it insured because it's hard to get insurance when you're a wanted criminal. Although I wonder why Bowser uses insurance to get another Bowser's Castle each game."

Then the movie theater nearby showed a lot of scenes of desert, and Karkatzilla looked at it smacking his lips and going, "Hm, I'm thirsty." After saying this, Roxy ran out of the theater with a movie roll in her hands and a grin of her face. Her other hand was behind her back.

He looked at the ocean but then remembered that it was chlorinated, so then he looked around and tried to enter a bar but couldn't because he was too young. That left the water tower, and he broke from it and drank from it. Then he heard Roxy's voice.

"HEY GODSHITLA!" She cried.

Karkatzilla looked in her direction, and the hand behind her back was holding a hundred containers of IPICAC! Like on Family Guy. This made Karkatzilla's eyes grow a lot like in cartoons!

"Of course, that pun would make more sense if these were laxitives, but I'm trying to get Dave out of you so I chose the more pleasant path. You're welcome, Dave."

Meanwhile, inside Karkat's stomach, Dave felt a lot of rumbling. He looked and saw that the stomach acid was starting to turn red and glowing and rocklike, so he jumped on one of the many skeletons there. (Hee was standing on a bit of not acid, explaining why he wasn't acidified yet.)

Karkatzilla ran to the ocean, and vomited out there. Because he was now part monster, the vomit was lava so it looked cool to see Dave surf out of it on the skeleton. But that pissed off Rick.

"Hey! I'm the surfer!" he cried, getting out another surfboard of his own (that he stole! What a jerk! Roxy found a 100 dollar bill lying around and used that to BUY the ipicac, then asked for permission if she could modify the water tower and the movies.) and diving to the seas. By this point instead of riding on the lava Dave was riding on the water, but Rick put an end to that when he knocked him off his person-boared, and threw the "person-board into the lava to fry it. Dave could not swim so he was in the middle of being drowned by the water, which thanks to the heat of the lava was boiling (um Dave avoided being heated up at first from inside Karkatzilla because one of the dead people in him had a heat-proof perfume but it wore off in water). Thankfully the heat drove away any fish including sharks, so the only two things Dave had to worry about were drowing and getting boiled alive in this jacuzi thing.

"COULDS THIS MEAN THE END OF DAVE?" Dave shouted. But then he saw something standing on the water! The sun was making this person shadowed!

"Who are you! Jesus?"

It was Jane! And she was walking oon water!

CHAPTER 6: the demons

Jane lifted Dave up with one hand and put him on her shoulders. "I'll explain this after getting to land."

She ran with him, doing a cool flip off of a really big bubble. She did several flips in the air and soon the pair was at land with Jade, Rose, and Roxy.

"You see, I am a demon." She pointed to a tail she had, and horns.

"HOW COME I NEVER KNEW THIS! I SLEPT IN THE SAME TENT AS YOU!" Dave cried. "ROSE! ROXY! JADE! Do you know this?"

They shook their heads.

Jane pointed to a spot on her pajama shirt (remember they were waken from tents so they were still in PJs) that was a pentageram drawn in blood.

"This is new. When I was knocked off of the mountain, I remembered this TV special about how to avoid making a deal with the devil. They said to not do this exact phrase: Draw a symbol near your heart in blood, then ask the devil for help, then make a deal with him. So I did what they told me to not do, and I was transported to Hell, where the Devil made me a deal that I get to be a demon, in exchange that the person I'm trying to kill, Karkatzilla, must be dead before 24 hours, or else John, Jake, and Dirk will lose their souls. Remember when I said 'I would make a deal with the devil to get out of this?' That was foreshadowing this."

"Ok that makes sense. And it explains why you have giant bat wings too now. I thought we were just bad at noticing them. Because we were bad at being friends." Dave said. "So, what else can you do now that you're a demon?"

"Well she can GIVE ME SOME MORE POWER SO THAT I CAN TAKE OVER THIS GUY STEALING JADE FROM ME!" Rick cried, then zapped Jane with lightning! Not just any lightning HOLY LIGHTNING! He did this because he was a master of the dark arts, and was holding up a card that enabled him to do this! Then a light of cyan came from Jane and it went into Rick! Jane's wings shrunk down a lot and so did her tail and horns but they stayed there, while Jane herself collapsed on the ground and the other four gathered around.

"The demon-ness inside me will grow back but in the meantime I am heavily injured."

And then Rick laughed as the new demon stuff went inside him started transforming him! He grew a fox-tiger-looking face, a buff body with tiger fur being seen growing, then he had this snake-looking body with wheels instead of limbs that nevermind this transformation is stupid. He turned the demon energy into a sword instead and it did NOT go in him that NEVER HAPPENED.

"AW YEAH!" He shouted, "Check out this diamond sword! Well it's not really made of diamond it's just the same color as it."

Rick then used his sorcery to summon these three ball-shaped pill things, one green, one yellow, and one red. I saw this on Naruto. But first he goated Karkatzilla into attacking him.

"HEY BARNEY THE DINOSAUR!" He cried.

"BARNEY IS PURPLE YOU DUMBASS, I'M PINK!" Then using the last of his strength, Karkatzilla threw a building at him! It missed killing him because of the rips in it, but it did scare the shit out of him, and that's just what he needed as planned.

He used his sorcery telekinetic power to move the green pill over to him, and he ate it.

"You see..." And Dave, Jade, Rose, Jane, Roxy, and Karkatzilla could hear him because his voice echoed evilly. "Normally when I try to eat these the number of dark energy in it kills me, but thankfully when I'm in life threatening situations I get a lot of adrenaline, which makes it digest faster and better so that I can actually use it."

And then the building exploded! He looked Grimdark! And he used his sorceror powers that he could have done anyway before turning grimdark to manipulate the atoms around him from transforming from air to SAW BLADES! Big, gold saw blades that he tossed in the direction of the heroes, and they all dodged just in time. Except for Dave, who still sort of dodged, but got cut in the side and was bleeding a lot.

To make matters even worse Karkatzilla had just recovered and was walking right towards them when-

Then Rick held an arm out in Karkat's direction and shouted "NIGHTMARE VEINS!" And then these giant purple vine-looking things came out of his arm and wrapped around Karkatzilla's leg. Then Rick swung this around, like SuperMario64's stupid Bowser-tail move in MUGEN, except he was swinging him too high for it to reach the heroes! It did, however, reach a lot of the taller skyscrapers of the city, and as Rick swung him around in circles it wrecked the place.

"HOLY SHIT!" Roxy cried.

Jane looked at Dave's injury. It was bad.

"Hey," She said, "If I drink your blood, then it will recharge my demon powers to be full again, and when he becomes smart enough to start swinging Karkatzilla low enough to hit us I can just fly all of us above him."

So she drunk his blood and everything grew back and she used medical ninja skills to heal Dave up and she grabbed them all and flew just as Rick began swinging Karkatzilla around low but then tossed him out into the ocean shouting "SO LONG-A BOWSER!"

"AAAAARRRRGHAGGHAAAGH!" Karkatzilla screamed with his arms flailing around, then he hit the water. Like something out of a sit-com. The nightmare veins were still around his leg.

Rick was too busy laughing at Karkat going "HA! JADE'S MINE, YOU HEAR ME, MINE!" to notice that Jane was flying above him. She concentrated and then started glowing and some of the leftovers of Dave's blood turned into letters that wrapped around Rick like a rope! Rick tried to break free but couldn't.

"Don't even bother." Jane said, "This move is called bloodbound. It turns the blood into blood-looking letters that spell out gibberish... but they're as strong as titanium. Looks like this surfer just got... wiped out." She laughed because it was an 80s pun and that's the era Jane's in.

Then Dave ran up to him running on the letter-rope with his sword in hand (he borrowed this from a Star Wars cosplayer) for a finishing blow, only for Rick to laugh.

"I am scared. It seems like, if I don't eat the next pill, I will die. So that is scare enough to make me digest this pill. Funny how knowing that the pill is the only option can make it work as well. But you don't think it, you know it."

"STOP CALLING IT THE PILL." Dave shouted, "IT SOUNDS LIKE VIAGRA!"

Then he used his sorcery telekinesis to re-summon the yellow and red pills, and the yellow one flew into his mouth! More purple energy glew from him and suddenly his skin turned completely black and his hair purple and the hair formd one of those emo-looking looks and stuff.

"WELCOME TO MY SECOND TIER POWER MODE!" He said, then he broke the bloodbind... whatever it was called, and dove right at Dave! "YOU WANT TO SWORD FIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER? WELL HE'ERE'S A DIAMOND SWORD FIGHT!"

Rick was so fast that his Jane Sword broke Dave's Darth Vader sword. Rick stabbed the tip of Dave's sword and that made the whole thing explode except the handle which he knocked away on the next swing. He was about to kill Dave here, when then he felt Jade and Roxy shooting him. He looked over at them. He did not give a shit about Roxy, but Jade...

"Hm... while I was acting crazy I forgot that Jade still existed even though that's the reason why I am here. You know, since I am strong enough, screw this battle."

Jane gasped, knowing what he would do, and tossed a weird cyan thing that stuck to his leg. Then he teleported in a flash of purple, and Jade teleported too.

"What just happened?" Rose asked. Jane nodded. Dave was in the air (Rick was in the air while swinging Karkatzilla around) I guess so he fell down but Jane caught him, saving his life a second time.

"I put a tracking device on him. I can teleport all of us to where he went. I do warn you, you don't have to go with me. Wherever he teleported them, it might not be pleasant."

She grabbed onto the others, and they were teleported away.

Meanwhile, Karkatzilla's head peeked out of the ocean.

"OH HELL NO. NOBODY THROWS KARKAT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT."

Rick had teleported Jade to a beach. At least, it looked like a normal beach.

"This is one of the few beaches/land parts of a really cool ocean planet. I went here because, hey, if I kept fighting I would probably blow up an entire state or something. Best keep the carnage to a minimum, since unlike that Karkat guy I'm not trying to destroy the world. I'm just a douche OC who wants to ship himself with you. Now, will you marry me?"

"I'd rather make out with Dave. And that's saying a lot since he's kind of a dumbass."

"Ok then I have no other choise. I will kill you."

"What?"

"Well, if I can't havbe you, then nobody can."

He gave her a REALLY hard punch in the gut, that made her cough up seventy gallons of blood that got into the ocean and made it turn red like evil. It also evaporated into the air and made the SKY red, so that it actually looks like a place you would fight the final boss in. Not a stupid beach area. What kind of final boss is fought on a beach? Not Call of Duty, that's for sure.

Jade flew back a mile, but then she counterattacked by whipping out like seven different guns at once and opening fire! (She traded them with a homeless person for a sandwich she found. Same with Roxy when they were both shooting at him.) This time, she used silver bullets, and the silver was infused with light magic so that made the attack stronger than it would normally be.

Rick was getting hurt a lot, and kept going "OW OW OW!" Before he remembered his "Diamond" sword and just started cutting up the bullets mid-flight. it was around here that Jane finally got her ass over there.

"Sorry I'm late." She said, "But while we were in the realm between teleport desginations, Rose kept thinking about chickening out so I kept flying all of us back and forth."

Jade whipped out a plasma grenade launcher (Also traded.) and took the surprice on Rick by launching it in the middle of the gun shootings out everywhere. This came as a shock because it was like he was winning (cutting up bullets) but then BOOM and he was knocked backwards several feet. Just enough time for Jade to run the mile back (she's a really good runner and Rick's too lazy to get up). Jade punched him hard in the face, going "FUCK YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU!"

And the other good guys joined in, Rose, Roxy, Jane, and Dave were all gathered around him and beating him up for destroying a lot of Miami. Or another Florida city. I don't really know anymore. This did not scare him into entering his final form, but it did piss him off.

"ENOUGH!" He growled in a deep voice, then unleashed a circle of purple energy that pushed them all back! "Screw this! Dark magic... HO!"

Then lots of clouds of dark energy formed around him, and they all turned into those saw blades from before! Jade and Roxy shot them away using their guns that they got from that homeless guy I mentioned earlier, and Jane made a demon barrier that disintegrated them, but Rose and Dave didn't believe in that trading garbage and only in the power of the dollar, so they had nothing to use! All hope (for them) seemed lost until suddenly a ton of explosions came over the blades that were after them! Dave and Rose turned over to the smoke trails that they came from, and so did Jane Jade and Roxy later. What they saw surprised them!

It was the Jonas Brothers! And they were holding bazookas!

"Sorry we're a little late." Said Kevin. "You're John Egbert or one of John Egbert's friends?"

Remember when John said he was calling for a Jonas Brother performance? That was it!

"John is dead but YOU CAN LIVE ON THROUGH HIM!" Dave cried, "Now finish this douchebag off once and for all!"

Then Joe whistled and suddenly their army of tanks behind them started firing a baragge after Rick! He managed to cut up the missiles with his demon sword, but it was putting strain on him. He sweated nervously and gave that expression in slow motion that said, "THIS SHIT IS TOO TOUGH FOR MY CURRENT FORM," and then summoned the last pill. He thought about not doing this, until he saaw the brothers arming a nuke.

"You shouldn't have gone help." Rick said evilly, as he ate the final pill. "Because now you will see the true power of a final boss!"

He started getting a transformation aura, then sent a blast of energy that knocked all five of the kids way out far into the ocean's direction. He got bigger and bulkier and the Jonas Brothers were scared. Because the left half of his face melted to skull and the left arm did the same, and while he lost hair in that side the other side grew wildly all over the place and was still purple while his skin was still as black as ink. That is, black ink, since ink can sometimes be blue. The eye socket thing in the half of his face that melted away started glowing red, so that he still had two eyes, and it was like the Terminator with emo hair.

"WE NEED TO BAIL!" Nick said, and they got into their rocket ship and went back to Earth. Rick leaped off into the distance, towards the direction his energy blasted the main characters to (and yes it was the same direction I would say One Direction but I already have one band in this story we don't need two.).

The island they landed in (which was stupid since Rick should have just sent them into the ocean) was NICE and since it was far enough away from all the Jade's blood it was not red ocean or red sky. It was once again unfitting for a final boss until, shortly after the kids landed, Rick landed too and punched the ground. With his raw power this made the earth below remorgify itself and the punch caused an earthquake that made a shitload of volcanos be created from the ground. And they were making smoke, some errupting, and the smoke got into the sky and made ACID RAIN! Now THAT'S how you final boss someone!

"THIS ENDS HERE DICKWADS!" Rick shouted! But then...

"IT'S NOT OVER YET!" It was Karkatzilla! He jet-packed his way over to the other planet! "THIS REALLY IS THE FINAL BATTLE!"

THIS REALLY IS THE FINAL BATTLE!

CHAPTER SE7EN: THIS REALLY IS THE FINAL BATTLE!

"I used a GPS and fed in one of those neightmare vines that was wrapped around my leg. It led me to your place. I WILL HAVE JADE FOR ME!"

"Dude, I don't care about Jade anymore." Rick said. "She rejected me!"

Karkatzilla gasped! "THAT MEANS... I HAVE NO COMPETITION ANYMORE! JADE AND I ARE A CONFIRMED PAIRING!"

Rick laughed. "You're crazier than I. Anyway, that same thing you used to get here will also be your demise."

He stuck a hand out and the nightmare veins (remember he only took off a small chunk so that it will fit in his GPS) started glowing again and suddenly Karkatzilla fell to his knee that the veins were on the same leg of. Rick made an evil grin and spawned a bow made out of pure purple and black grimdark magic.

"ARE YOU GOING TO ARROW ME TO THE KNEE?" Karkatzilla asked. "Because that's an outdated meme!"

"No... into your heart... because you clearly stole Jade's from me and that's where you're hiding it!"

"I'M NOT INTO EITHER OF YOU NUTJOB KILLERS!" Jade cried.

Then Jane realized something! If Rick kills Karkat, then she wouldn't be doing it, and while Karkat may be dead the devil said that he'll save their souls if SHE kills him, and that's the exact kind of literal devil logic that might bite her in the ass! And thinking of that metaphor is where she got the idea... TO LITERALLY KICK HIS ASS!

She teleported behind Karkatzilla and made a giant cyan boot out of her demon energy and kicked it, timed just right so that when Rick fired, he would jump out of the way in pain and the arrow would not hit his heart but instead his Thingy. Karkat yelped as he covered his crotch.

"OW! MY NETHER!"

"Ha ha I made you make a Minecraft refeerence." Rick laughed. Then he got a look of serious! "BUT WAIT! I didn't want you to get hit in the groin! That was Jane's fault! She saved your life! Maybe you can get paired with Jane, and that may or may not free me up with Jade I don't really care anymore-"

Then Jane ended this supid debate by going really fast like mach one fast and spearing off his (Karkat) neck. His head flew foreward and landed on Rick.

"Well, that's over with." Jane said. "Captial, let's get some snacks and see if we can go back to Doofenshmirt's place and get out gear. I am sick of walking around in my PJs. And find a new house since Roxy's improper cooking skills blew up the entire city our old house was in. So... it's going to be okay!"

"IT'S NOT OVER!"

Rick made a dark explosion that blasted away Karkatzilla's head to smithers, and he floated up in the air and added, "AND IT'S NOT OKAY. Ha ha ha you think I was talking about Aradia but that's actually a Steven Universe reference."

"HEY! DON'T RUIN THAT SHOW FOR ME! I'LL KILL YOU!" Roxy shouted.

Rick stuck a hand out yet again and the nightmare veins (PS yes he can make more of them he just doesn't need to since the ones he wrapped around Kakrat can be pretty useful) started getting longer until they were around the entire headless body. Then they merged with him making him look all dark and stuff. Then Rick flew into the headless neck thingy, and the veins or vines or whatever they're called also started forming a new head but it wasn't a Godzilla head IT WAS LEVEL 3-RICK'S.

Jade tossed some of her spare guns to Dave and Rose, so that EVERYBODY finally has some permanent weapons. Then the devil appeared behind Jane.

"Hey congrats on killing the badguy man!" He said, "Um, here, as I promised, John, Dirk, and Jake are like totally saved. I'm not gonna gamble their souls in a game of poker with MF Thatherton."

He teleported away in smoke, and this gave Jane an idea! She held her hands up, and said "Souls of Jake, John, and Dirk... lend me your energy!"

Then a blue flame, a green flame, and an orange flame appeared around her. After making some hand-motions, she went "NOW FLOW IN ME AND GIVE ME THE MORE POWER I NEED TO FINISH THIS FOE!"

She absorbed the spirits and started turning gold! Then these golden circle-shield looking sphere things formed around Dave, Jade, Roxy, and Rose, and they started floating too! It was like the final showdown of Sonic Heroes!

"I am now going to stop just standing here and actually fight you!" Rick said. Or should I say... RICKZILLA? No because it's more like a mecha than a transformation even if it's not made of metal.

They all took up to the clouds, and What I'm Made of started playing in the background.

The four with guns were shooting them. And the one without, Jane, was shooting gold energy instead. Rick just laughed.

"NORMALLY YOUR ENHANCED BULLETS (yes the golden bubbles also powered their weapons) WOULD HURT ME A LOT, BUT THIS GODZZILLA BODY IS JUST ONE BIG MEAT SHIELD!"

Then the five of them all dashed closer, and it turned into a thing where Jane was pulling off a lot of Dragonball moves on him! Oh, and so were the others. Rick also did some stuff too, like swiping his tail which sent them back a few feet.

Suddenly, Jade remembered that there was still that other bomb. "HEY RICK!" She cried, "I BET WE CAN BEAT YOU1"

Rick just laughed, again. Which gave her the perfect oppertunity. She tossed the bomb into the mouth-part of his new Karkatzilla armor, which went in him and, as they predicted, blew him up from the inside out. Rick was really angry and used telekinetic to reform the dead body parts into a fist. "NOW PREPARE TO FACE THE POWER OF MY REAL POWER! ULTIMATE POWER... GOOOOO!"

He made the fist do a punch, but Jane blocked it by catching the bigass hand with her own person-sized hand.

"WHAT?" Rick shouted, "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! How can you do that?"

"Because I have friends." Then Jane broke the entire puncher just by gripping that hand together. "The two you killed... the one the zombie killed... their energy strengthens me based on their belief. You would know this if you had friends." ("BUURN" said Roxy before a chunk of hail hit her) "The bond of friendship excells whatever it is you do. Well, if you have demon powers, that is. Otherwise, yeah, you would have won."

He got angry again, cried "FINE! I DIDN'T NEED THAT ANYWAY!" and tried to reach forward, but the other four were using their weapons.

Dave shot at him with a simple pistol several times, which kept pushing him away. At a good distance to be blasted with Rose's rocket-propelled RPG grenade launcher. Jade sniped him with a rifle, and I guess that leaves Roxy with the grenades. So Rick was pushed back really far, then the five dashed in close to him, and punched him in the same order. Dave to his face, Rose to his knee, Jade to his gut, and Roxy to his groin ("That's for making fun of Steven Universe!"). And this time Jane finished it out, we could see ghostly images of John, Dirk, and Jake also punching, close enough to her that their fists made a square.

"PUNCH FOUR-FOLD!" Jane cried.

As the four fists hit him in the chest, an energy happened. A large mass of flashing light ripped through everywhere, and that made a blast that shot Rick into a volcano, with both the energy of the attack and the laval inside disintegrating him. That's over with. Then Jane and co floated to the ground, her turning back from gold to cyan, and the other kids losing their bubbles.

"And nothing of value was lost." Jade said. Everyone laughed.

Now for the epilogue after they teleported back to Earth:

Jane was still a demon. The John, Jake, and Dirk were still dead and the group funeraled. I confirm that this doesn't take place in the same universe as Kids Fight the Trolls or Act 5 Vs Act 6. Society did not die out the zombies were stopped by the guy from the Walking Dead which is funny because it's a popular thing referenced. The kids who survived all got to have Thanksgiving. By the way, Rick looked like a white pants and a white shirt his "symbol" was a golden "62" like Eddy's Brother from Ed Edd n Eddy except in gold-yellow.

BUT THEN...

There was still some remains of Karkatzilla, specifically a foot. Someone teleported over to that foot and glared.

"I swear Karkat... I will avenge whoever did this... WITH MY LIFE'S NAME AT HAND AND IN HEART!"

It was Nepeta! Just because A5VA6 won't have sequels doesn't mean that this can't!

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Closing AN:

Right now, this is basically a "direct port." I might come back and change a few things later, add this one thing I kind of removed, but honestly I'm kind of tired of changing the old markup to WordPad markup for three increasingly lengthy stories. So I'm putting this down for now.

Final Thoughts (Mostly for all three of these things I mirrored in quick succession):

What's next? Well... I will decide exactly what tomorrow. I could jump on naruto the guy with the ninja chapter 4. I could just go to SBIGlets or Total Zeksmit Plains and, for once, try to get its "at least once a year" update out quickly. Honestly, completing the MSPA Forums Trio was another major thing weighing down my to-do list (a while ago, finishing stories such as Gumball Vs Satan and The Eds' EDventure were also on that list). As the to-do list of SBIG diminishes... I become less and less sure where to go next.

Anyway, preview time:

---

Fate Chosen.

Did it have to be that way, though? A cycle of suffocation and two paths that both lead to the same outcome? Could there be a way out?

...Honestly, it might make the story a bit less interesting if there was, and definitely lore-breaking, but I'll give it something resembling a shot. I kind of promised a Binding of Isaac fic and this was the best idea I could come up with. Maybe make the setting literal and not a dying dream, that could probably help. Add a bunch of alarming, suspcious "Keys" crammed in that do not seem to take kindly to rejection. Anyway, here's one of the working titles of this thing that might just end up being a trainwreck in the making:

Friends 'Till the End.

It's probably going to be a while, though. I still have one Eden Token left!