a/n This is my first time writing for Jeff/Tamzin so I hope it's alright. Feedback is greatly appreciated. :)
Title: Acceptance
Pairing: Jeff/Tamzin
Rating: K+
Summary: It doesn't take her long to realise that it's love, but takes her months to accept it – oneshot – Jeff/Tamzin
Acceptance
i
It's their lunch break and they're sitting opposite each other. They've already had a few shouts this morning – most commonplace, but one was not and it's weighing heavily on them now. A car crash. Five victims. Four survived. One didn't – her patient, the mother. Three kids and a husband left in mourning wrapped in their own personal grief, just because Tamzin couldn't save her.
Jeff's staring at his sandwich and she's poking at her salad because neither of them feel like eating, not when Death has shown his ugly face so soon in the day and so cruelly. The woman had years in front of her, children to see grow up, a retirement to live though, and husband to love and cherish until they were old and grey.
Angry, she stabs the plastic fork too viciously into the salad and it snaps, the plastic splinter and Tamzin just stares at the shards of plastic now lying next to the lettuce and tomatoes. That's why she doesn't even realise that she cut herself until Jeff asks her if she's okay.
She shakes her head because she's not okay. One moment she's angry at the world and then she's completely numb and then she's angry all over again. She's felt like this before – what paramedic hasn't felt outraged at how easily people die? She's sure Jeff has.
She stares down at her feet until she feels him sit next to her and a moment later he's holding her hand carefully between his. To start with, Tamzin doesn't understand what he's doing, but then she looks up and watches as he puts the plaster over her cut. She smiles weakly at him and he nods back, but then suddenly she cracks.
He holds her as she cries and she knows that it really shouldn't be happening, because she's got her fiancé and he's got what's-her-name, but in that moment, they need someone who understands how it feels and apart from each other there is no one.
So she lets him hold her and when she's all cried out, she thanks him and he just smiles at her.
That's when she realises.
She just pretends she hasn't.
...
ii
It's a Sunday and she's out shopping with her fiancé. They're looking for a new table for their brand new house and so far they haven't found a table that both looks nice and fits in their home. Craig stumbles upon one that he really likes but Tamzin's lagging behind, looking at the cushions, so it's only by chance she sees them and realises that they're not the only couple shopping for furniture on a Sunday afternoon.
Jeff and Samantha are here too. Sure, she knew that they were moving in together, but the actually reality of it hurts more than she'd care to admit, especially in current company.
She watches as Jeff and his girlfriend talk quietly – watches as they kiss goodbye and Samantha goes off in the other direction, watches carefully as Jeff walks up the aisle toward her. Tamzin knows that Craig must be wondering where she is.
He gets to her side and for a little while they talk about the cushions in front of them and then he's about to say something when Craig comes round the corner. Tamzin quickly introduces them, before her fiancé leads her away to view a table he quite likes.
She waves goodbye to Jeff with a strange feeling in her chest.
They never talk about it. Not even once.
...
iii
Jeff's driving the ambulance and Tamzin's in the back, trying to calm their patient down. They both know that now is critical time for him, and if they get him the hospital in one piece, he's got a good chance of survival. The man's panicking that he's going to die and no matter what she says to him, his fears cannot be allayed.
That's when Jeff steps in. Even though he's got more things on his mind – like twisting and weaving in and out of traffic – he takes the time to tell the patient how good a paramedic Tamzin is.
The man in the back laughs along when Jeff makes a joke and Tamzin can't help but smile and laugh too – not at the joke because it was rubbish, but because the patient is calm and that's a marked improvement to five minutes ago.
Then the patient turns to Tamzin and smiles, speaking softly, winking as he does so.
"You've got yourself a keeper in that one, ey?"
Tamzin is flustered for a second and instantly her gaze flicks to Jeff, sitting in the front, wondering if he heard. She doesn't know what to do, so she does the only thing she knows how to. She turns it into banter, making it harmless.
"Did you hear that, Jeff? Mark in the back here thinks we're married." Jeff replies with something just as harmless and both Tamzin and the patient find themselves laughing again, but she still feels a little uncomfortable inside.
They don't talk about it this time, either.
...
iv
It's raining and Tamzin's sad. She knows she shouldn't be here but she couldn't stay away. She knocks on the door slowly and Jeff takes his time. He frowns when he sees his frozen, drenched colleague on his doorstep. He's about to ask her why she's here, she's certain, but she gets there first.
"I'm not getting married anymore."
She doesn't give an explanation and she knows that Jeff probably wants one – seeing as her wedding was supposed to be in three days – but credit to him, he doesn't ask, he just lets her in. She's glad because she doesn't think she could answer him. It's all messed up in her head and she can't make sense of it all – except from the fact that in her time of need, she came to him. She doesn't think into that too much.
They have coffee and they talk about everything else, except why she's here.
She sleeps on the sofa because she's got nowhere to go and Jeff's kind lets her stay.
When she wakes up in the morning, they go into work and they never talk about it again.
It's becoming a bit of a habit.
...
v
She knows he's handed in his notice, but it doesn't sink in until his last day – no, not even until the very end of the very last day. He's gathering up his stuff, piling it up, walking through the past and saying goodbye. Dixie's standing next to her and both of them are sitting glumly because they don't want him to leave and yet neither of them feels like it's their place to ask him to stay.
So they just sit in silence and watch as he finishes collecting his stuff and walks his final steps out of this place. Tamzin just watches him go, unable to stop him, because she has no right to.
He's gone in a moment and then it's over. Nothing can be done now. He's gone. He's the past.
And yet she can't let him go.
So she stands up and with Dixie's watchful eyes on her, she follows him out. He's got a good head start on her so she has to run to catch up with him. She calls out his name when she gets close enough. He stops and turns back. They meet gazes. He knows, she's certain, what she wants to say, and yet the words won't form on her tongue so she can't get them out. They just stand in silence, staring at each other.
When she says in the end, she doesn't even think about. The words just tumble out of her mouth before she can stop them.
"You can't go," she says, and Jeff raises an eyebrow. "because I love you," she adds, a long, long moment later. For a second, neither of them do anything and Tamzin wonders if she actually said it out loud. She thinks that even if she did say it out loud, he'll probably just walk away anyway.
"Stay," she says again, just in case he didn't hear her the first time. They stand, completely still for what seems like an age, neither of them saying a word.
In the end, he doesn't say anything, not in that moment at least.
"Say something, you idiot," Dixie chimes in, her hands stuck in her pockets, leaning her head out of the office door, addressing Jeff.
He doesn't say anything, but she watches as he swallows.
"Okay," he says, softly. "I'll stay," he continues. He doesn't say anything else. Not then. He doesn't need to. It's just what Tamzin needs.
She might have realised it a long time ago, but it took nearly losing him for her to accept it.
She loves him.
And she has a sneaky suspicion that he loves her too. But, she thinks to herself, that's something for another day.
...