Author's note: This was just an idea that came to me and I wanted to write it down. I don't really know if it is any good, but I missed the characters and wanted to write about them again.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, I just like them a great deal.
Severus didn't want to come to these meetings. He knew that Molly only insisted on Order meetings, despite the Battle of Hogwarts having come and gone, to check in with everyone- even him. It had only been two weeks since the war ended and, after his miraculous and mysterious recovery, Severus was constantly being bothered by one Order member or another; most often a Weasley.
After Harry had revealed Severus's past during the battle, and Dumbledore's portrait finally spoke and defended the spy, everyone felt guilty for doubting Severus. Severus didn't want their apologies; he played his part. He had hoped to avoid the aftermath, but while he as recovering in Hospital Wing, he couldn't escape his visitors.
He had been developing an antidote for Nagini's venom for quite some time, though it was a month away from being completed when the Battle of Hogwarts commenced. Severus wanted to be prepared; not necessarily because he wanted to keep going after the war was over, but he needed to see it through, see Lord Voldemort, finally defeated for good. Until that last moment, that last breath, Severus had to keep fighting.
Unfortunately, the other antidotes Severus had on hand were no match for Nagini's venom and he had passed out for the last hours of the battle. He remembered someone muttering in his ear, forcing him to drink a potion, but it was all a blur. Then he woke up a few days later, Madame Pomfrey fretting over him as if the last twenty years hadn't happened and she was tending to a nasty wound inflicted by a Marauder.
To this day, he still didn't know who saved him, and how. Madame Pomfrey simply said there was no trace of venom in his system. And now he was here, surrounded by those who hated him mere weeks ago, and the Boy-Who-Lived watching him with admiration and curiosity. And now that they knew he wasn't a threat, that he had had a heart, a soul, all along, not even his coldest stare could frighten them away.
After the initial greeting at Grimmauld Place, and before the obnoxiously large dinner Molly would undoubtedly serve, Severus went to the library for some peace. Only one person was ever in there anymore, and now she was the antithesis of the annoyance she once was.
At first, Severus found Hermione Granger's silence quite nice, calming. After the initial mourning period, when everyone else seemed to get ten times louder to make up for the people that were no longer there, Hermione just stayed silent. He barely noticed her presence at his first visit back- the dreaded reunion of the Order- at Grimmauld Place until he had sought solitude in the library. He was relieved she wasn't asking him questions, thanking him as her friends had.
But, during his second visit, Severus started to become concerned. It wasn't that she was just quiet, more reserved; she was just silent. Her eyes barely met anyone else's, she tried to fake smiles, but they were quite obvious. Once when Harry was hovering about him, Severus asked in passing about what happened to Miss Granger. Harry just shrugged, sadly, and said he supposed she just needed time.
Severus tried to accept that and move on, but he found it difficult. Of all of the outcomes of the war, he always thought Hermione Granger's curious mind and endless questions would be a constant. Before, she always had a question about the world. Now, it seemed she knew the answers, and she regretted asking in the first place.
"Miss Granger?" He asked, as he had every other time he saw her in the library. This time, there wasn't even a flinch, a flicker of recognition of his presence. She was frozen, staring at the wall. Severus swooped further into the room, approaching the arm chair she sat in. "Hermione?" He called tentatively.
Severus didn't want to care, but he couldn't let it go. He kneeled down by the chair and faced Hermione. Her eyes didn't even register the change in vision; she just kept her vacant stare. Severus recognized the look. It was a look he quite often had to wear while reporting to the Dark Lord. But in her eyes… it ran so much deeper.
Leaving the library, Severus spotted Harry and pulled him aside, "Potter. Miss Granger, how long has she been in the library?"
Harry furrowed his brow, "Not long, maybe a few hours?"
"A few hours?" Severus repeated.
Harry smirked, "You know that's not long for, Hermione, sir. What's wrong?"
"She's occluding." Severus said quietly. He didn't necessarily want to be talking with Potter, but he figured someone needed to know before he tried to enter her mind.
"What?" Harry was shocked. "Why would she be… her thoughts are safe. No one is trying to infiltrate her mind."
Severus explained, "It's not just external. She's occluding herself. I've only heard of it a few times. When someone can no long handle their own thoughts, and they are skilled enough at occluding, they could essentially occlude their entire mind, separate it from their physical being. Hermione… she's trapped in that insufferable mind of hers."
"What can we do?" Harry asked quickly.
Severus nearly rolled his eyes, "You never had the skills for occlumency or legilimency, Potter. I'll see what I can do. But if she's already been like this for hours… it might be difficult."
Harry nodded solemnly as Severus opened the door to the library. "Make sure we're not bothered, I need to concentrate. It may take some time… I'll let you know if I make any progress." With that, he closed the door.
He moved a chair to face hers and sat down across from her, "Granger…" he started, whispering just loud enough for her to hear, "I don't know if you can hear this, I don't really know if you know what's happening. You've occluded yourself, and trapped yourself in your own head. I need to enter your mind to try to find you." He paused, "I apologize for intruding, there's not another way. Just… try not to block me out."
Severus looked deeply into those vacant eyes and felt the familiarly unfamiliar sensation of being in someone else's mind. This time, though, there were no surface memories, no sense of her consciousness brushing his own. Instead, there was just a dark chamber, loud and echoing with indiscernible whispers. Severus sifted around, trying to find any trace of the know-it-all he remembered. He moved around her mind, through the dark chambers that seemed eerily familiar, though he wasn't sure what they resembled.
Eventually, Severus found in the darkest corner of her mind an hourglass. Severus reached for it, as if it was a memory he was trying to obtain. It was difficult to move, as if the hourglass was a magnet, strongly attracted to the shadows. Severus allowed his own thought to echo into her mind, bouncing around the chamber walls.
"Hermione, I just want to help you. Let go of whatever it is that's keeping you here." A cry echoed around him, and the whispers grew louder. Severus took the chance to reach for the hourglass again, and he succeeded. He figured Hermione had tried to compartmentalize her thoughts, and ended up confining them all into the hourglass. He forced the hourglass open, his own consciousness trying to sort out hers, and the sand started rushing out. Severus began to see flashes of memories around him and quickly retreated from her mind, back into the library.
He sat back in his chair, taking in his surroundings then quickly looking to Hermione. Her eyes were no longer vacant, but pained, as every memory came flooding back to her. She collapsed in on herself, curling into the chair. Severus placed a steadying hand on her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Hermione. I know it hurts… but you were trapped… I needed to get you out of there."
Hermione looked up at the sound of his voice, her teary eyes meeting his. She wiped them with the sleeve of her shirt then nodded. "I- I unders-stand, sir. I'm s-sorry for the inconvenience."
It did not go unnoticed by Severus that, despite all that had happened, she still called him sir. His hand slid down her arm to cover her shaking hand. "It's no inconvenience. I'm just glad I found you."
Once the shaking stopped and Hermione was able to steady her breathing, Severus removed his hand and sat back in his seat. He didn't want to pry, but he couldn't stop himself from asking, "Miss- Hermione, what happened?"
Hermione's eyes were closed, and she held her head in her hands."So tired, sir," she mumbled, "I couldn't keep going."
"Was it the battle?" He asked. He knew of her time on the run, her stay at Malfoy Manor, the torture she went through. She had every right to be tired. But Severus couldn't imagine Hermione ever being so… defeated.
Hermione shook her head. "After… then during…. then after…" Severus was going to question her again when she started shaking with sobs. When his hand returned to hers, she weakly pulled on his arm, moving him closer to her.
Severus figured she was delirious, too exhausted to know who was there with her. But he couldn't deny her comfort, though he wasn't sure why. Before he could question it, Severus transfigured her armchair into a sofa and sat next to her, allowing her head to fall against his chest. It was only moments before she calmed, drifting to sleep. It seemed he wouldn't be leaving any time soon.
Severus used his wand to open the door. Harry must have been watching, as moments later he rushed in. "How is she?" he asked before even processing the sight of Hermione, asleep and lying against Snape.
"She's back, but she's exhausted. Did something happen to her during the battle?"
Harry thought back, "No, I don't think so. I remember she disappeared for a while after the battle, while we were all in the Great Hall with…" those who didn't survive, he didn't need to say, "… She was gone for about an hour. I figured she had just needed some time away. But… come to think of it, she did look worse after that. But we were all so worn by that point that... Do you think something happened?"
Severus sighed, "I can't imagine why she would be in this state otherwise."
Harry looked sadly at Hermione, whispering a silent apology that he hadn't seen her suffering.
"I'll stay with her for now…" Severus said. He couldn't help but smirk, "Tell Molly I do regret not being there at the dinner table."
Harry surprised him by laughing, "Oh, I'm sure she'll bring you a plate."
…
It was hours until Hermione awoke, instantly aware if her surroundings; she was in the library, on a sofa that had not been there previously… and she was leaning on a very real, very awake Severus Snape who was looking at her.
"You're up," he stated.
"Yes," she rasped out, her voice weak. She sat up slowly, and leaned back against the sofa. "I'm sorry I… how did I get here?"
"You were trapped in your mind. I got you out. You passed out." Severus explained.
Hermione's head pounded. She remembered coming to the library… then remembering… then occluding… then… "Oh," she said simply.
"Yes," Severus sighed. "And for your own sake will you please tell me why you thought it would be a good idea to occlude in the first place? What happened, Hermione?"
Hermione sighed, closing her eyes. She had been dreading this conversation. She knew she would have to have it eventually, but she wasn't looking forward to reliving it again. She took a breath and began.
"It started after the battle. When we were in the Great Hall, I remembered, well, you, and I found Madame Pomfrey and asked her if they had found your body. She told me that you were alive, recovering, no trace of poison left in you. I was surprised to say the least, I had seen the attack. I had seen your last breath… you hadn't had an antidote then.
"I went up to your office. It was still open from when Harry reviewed your memories in the pensieve. I was curious," Hermione let out an unamused laugh, she wasn't as curious anymore, "I found the potion in your back room, the make-shift lab you had set up. But… I read your notes, and it was a month from being completed."
As Severus listened, he couldn't help his shock. Out of all of the things that could have made Hermione fall apart, why did it involve him?
Hermione continued, "I looked at the ingredients list. And that's when I remembered," Hermione's voice started to shake, "Wh-when Ron and I went to the Chamber of Secrets, I noticed an… odd aroma in the air. It smelled quite strongly of asphodel."
Severus sucked in a breath; that was the final ingredient that was to be added in his antidote.
"Things started to fall into place in my head. I fished my time turner out of my bag, the one I used my third year. And I swear, as soon as I looked up, Dumbledore's portrait was smiling knowingly at me. And then I knew that I had to go back in time, save you. It wasn't interfering because it was already done, you were already saved, you had that antidote in your system despite it still needing another month to brew. So, I went back, taking the potion and your notes with me, and opened the Chamber in the way I had seen Ron open it mere hours ago. I realized that the Chamber was my only choice, not just because I had noticed it earlier, but that was the only place I knew was safe, where I wouldn't interact with anyone during that month. In there, I found a place out of sight, a place that was covered, so that in a month's time Ron and the other me wouldn't see me. I turned the time turner and then I got to work."
Hermione paused, but not long enough to let Severus speak, "It wasn't bad, brewing the potion. And I had my bag with me, so I had food and a sleeping bag. But the Chamber… it was quite dreadful. Even with the basilisk dead, there was magic there, magic that didn't want me, a mudblood, to be there. It tried to get me to leave, I felt like I was going insane, the nightmares… I barely slept that month…" Hermione shook her head, "But, I kept busy with the potion and when I wasn't brewing, I grieved the losses that hadn't happened yet. I dreaded reliving the battle, knowing I couldn't save anyone else; they were already dead."
Hermione didn't want to review the time in the Chamber in more detail than she had to, "Eventually the day of the battle came, and the potion was complete. I bottled a flask of it and kept the rest of the potion under a stasis charm. It's still in my bag if you'd wish to see it." That was the first time she addressed Severus during her story, though she didn't meet his eyes. "I left the Chamber after the other me destroyed the horcrux; I knew there wouldn't have been a way to exit before that."
"I stayed by the shrieking shack, waiting… finally I heard Harry, Ron and I leave. I ran in as quickly as I could and administered the potion. After that, I just had to hide, wait it out." Hermione's eyes teared up again. "I figured I'd go to your office, once Harry, Ron, and I left there wouldn't have been much reason for anyone else to go up there. On my way, I saw it all again, the chaos that the battle had brought…"
"I was wrong, about your office," Hermione said plainly, "Before she went to the Forbidden Forest, Bellatrix went to your office. She apparently wasn't aware Voldemort had already killed you, as it were. She was so angry, I don't know why, maybe she was just out for blood. I tried to hide, but she noticed me too quickly. I thought she would kill me, but I also knew that she wanted me there, to see Harry defeated. Instead, she tortured me, as she had in the manor. Crucioed me until I was just close enough to losing my mind, but not quite, so that I'd know what happened. Of course, she didn't know that I knew Harry would defeat Voldemort. I suppose that was a bit of comfort…"
"I was just so tired, though. It took me hours until I was able to stand up, throw myself under the desk before I walked in and found the potion. I stayed there for a bit, until the tremors went away, then I went back to the Great Hall, back to Harry and Ron, as if the last month hadn't happened."
Hermione shrugged sadly, "That's it. I don't regret it," she looked at Severus for the first time. She couldn't read his expression, "I'd do it again, to save you. It's just hard, knowing I let all those other people die. And since then I just haven't been able to pick myself back up, to fully shake off Bellatrix's curse, or the nightmares from the Chamber. I just... I feel as though I haven't been able to wake up."
They sat in silence for quite a while after that, Hermione staring at the floor and Severus staring at Hermione. Slowly, Severus moved back to sit next to her on the sofa. He hesitantly took her hand in his and lightly squeezed it. "Thank you, Hermione. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. So sorry..." He murmured. "If there's anything I could do for you, dreamless sleep, perhaps, or a potion for the aftereffects of the Cruciatus…"
Hermione squeezed his hand back, her eyes closed again, "It's alright. I think… I think finally talking about it, acknowledging it, may have helped."
"Regardless," Severus said, "let me know. Not just because I now owe you for saving my life, but because, well, I've been worried. And quite frankly seeing you so out of character has been jarring."
Hermione smiled faintly, "I'm sure it was a nice break from the insufferable know-it-all."
"Perhaps," Severus smirked, "But, absence makes the heart grow fonder."He was half-joking, half-serious.
Hermione let out a small laugh and leaned back against the couch, her head tilting slightly to rest against his shoulder.
Yes, he thought, fonder, indeed. He silently promised to himself and the woman beside him that he would make the most of the second chance she had given him, and to repay the favor and save her right back.