AN: Oooookay. So this is Hellsing-based in a reeeeal round-about way. I will explain.
The character of Rip Van Winkle is based on Kaspar, from the opera Der Freischutz, which is why she's always singing "Here In This Vale of Tears" (it's sort of his big song). Now, in the opera, Kaspar has sold his soul to the devil and is going to have to pay up in just a few days. He convinces Max, his friend, to cast magic bullets and use them in a shooting contest. These magic bullets are evil, so the devil will take Max's soul instead of Kaspar's. Bad gets worse, worse gets weird, devil gets Kaspar. In a modern musical adaptation of Der Freischutz, the character of Kaspar is cut out for brevity's sake. Instead, the devil himself convinces Max to exchange his soul for the bullets.
SO.
Rip Van Winkle becomes Kaspar, Kaspar becomes the devil, and we are left with a DELIGHTFULLY ambiguous connection between our beloved Hellsing and this charming little ditty. Feel free to wtf all over me. Thank you.
It seems that you're a little bit uncertain in your skin,
You wanna go a-huntin' with the bigger, badder men,
But you're a shitty shot, they said, and they won't let you in.
Well, I'm real sympathetic, boy, that shit should be a sin,
So...
Why don't you look at what I'm sellin'? Everything must go!
The very latest imports from the country down below.
I've got sins you never dreamed of, I've got things you shouldn't know,
I've got blasphemies, a dozen, in a tidy little row!
Hey now, don't you turn around, 'cause I know just what you need--
And it happens that I'll part with them, hey, practically for free!
They're a wonder of the world, the like of which you've never seen,
You can have these magic bullets for a tiny little fee.
They can shoot the gloomy clouds out of a gray midwinter sky,
They can shoot a fleein' pheasant 'fore he even starts to fly.
They can find that special spot that makes a livin' creature die.
C'mon, my boy, I know you wanna give these girls a try.
It's a mighty bitchin' bargain, don't mind sayin', and it's true!
For a little more than nothin' these could quick belong to you,
And I'll tell you, here's the only thing you're gonna have to do--
Just sign right here, my funny friend--no need to read it through!
You'll be losin' somethin' useless, that's all it's got to say,
'Cause the way you're headed now you don't need it anyway.
And when it sees what you'll get up to, why, I really doubt it'd stay...
Thanks for doin' business, boy. You're sure to find your prey.
Now nobody can tell me that there's one damn thing I stole.
Oh, I'm an honest devil, ain't no loaded dice I roll,
But I never fail in gettin' things I set to be my goal.
You give him what he thinks he wants--he'll sign away his soul.