"Do you want my affection that bad? No, just stop. I don't need your concern or whatever you can offer because I will only like her. If you think you will win my affection just because you happen to appear when I am hurt, then you are obviously wrong," he told her. She wanted to laugh or even cry, because not once has that thought even crossed her mind.
Beginning
"You… do you like me?"
He asked her bluntly with his eyes blood red, not only because his eyes has already the shade of rubies but because he was freshly finished from crying. She wanted to deny his accusation, but she didn't think she could. But his words surprised her. Not a type of surprise from happiness, but a surprise that felt like a ten times slap in the face because he thought so low of her.
"Do you want my affection that bad? No, just stop. I don't need your concern or whatever you can offer because I will only like her. If you think you will win my affection just because you happen to appear when I am hurt, then you are obviously wrong."
Surprisingly, Mikan laughed.
Under this heavy rain, she ran to where she knew he would be. To comfort him, to say it will be okay, to say that he still has a chance to win his ex-girlfriend over, and to say that his ex-girlfriend is just confuse and doesn't know what she's doing, but they will soon get back together if he has faith in her.
And here they are, under this heavy rain, and he just accused her of doing something that hasn't even crossed her mind even if she knows she wants him badly for herself but can't because he loves someone else.
"I can't believe this. You actually think I'm that type of person, Natsume?" she asked him in disbelief. But she didn't wait for his reply.
"Yes, I like you. I love you, even. But this whole fucking time, I am content on watching you because no matter how hurt I am, no matter how much pain you cause me because you were so happy with her, I didn't make a move."
She held up her hand to stop him from interrupting.
"I like seeing you smile, seeing you happy, even if I am not your happiness. Do I sound like I'm bitter? No, I'm not. All I wanted is for you to be happy, for you to achieve the happiness you so deserve more than anyone. I want you to think that life is not always about darkness. I want you to find your light.
"And you did. With her. I was hurt, yes. I've been with you for eight long years, Natsume, but you only see me as your friend. I've been friendzoned for eight long years, and you didn't even notice. And then she came. You were captivated by her. And I knew, with one look, that she will make you happy. That you will be happy with her.
"I let you go, even if it hurts like hell giving you up without a fight. But what can I do? I want you to see happiness as soon as you can because Natsume, of all people in the world, you deserve to find yours."
She looked up at the sky, the rain is still pouring. But she paid no mind.
"And obviously, you can't find that if you were with me. And then you guys broke up. She cheated. You were hurt. I'm your friend, Natsume. For eight years. I've been with you half of my life, of course I will always be there when you're hurt, or whatever you are dealing with that you can't handle yourself."
Finally she looked at him dead in the eye, and asked.
"So all this time, I'm that low in your eyes? Wow, and I thought you at least see me as your friend, someone you can put your trust into. Obviously, I was wrong," she hugged him. She felt him as stiff as a board but she paid no mind.
This will be the last time.
"Please find your happiness. I may not be there for you anymore, but half my life, all I wanted is for you to find your happiness. I'm sorry, Natsume. And I promise, I will leave you alone if that will make you happy," she broke the hug.
She smiled, her usual smile that always shine like a sunshine. She tiptoed, closed her eyes, and kissed his forehead. It lasted for three seconds and she moved away.
"Goodbye."
[x-x]
"What!" Ruka can't believe what he heard right now. His best friend, Natsume, just told Mikan – the sweet ever loving Sakura – that she was basically a despicable girl who wins the affection of the man she loves by offering fake concern. What the hell.
"You're hurting my ears, Ruka." Natsume complained.
"It's your goddamn fault, Natsume! You told Sakura that? Have you had any idea what she's been doing after you and Luna broke up?" Ruka asked in disbelief. Natsume shook his head.
"She's been going to her house, you fucking idiot. She's been begging Luna, right at her doorstep, to get back together with you so you can be happy every single day, and you told her that she's been aiming for your vulnerable state? I can't believe you!"
Before Natsume could answer that he has no idea on what in the world Ruka was talking about, Mikan and Imai walked to their table to join their lunch.
"Hey Ruka, Natsume," Mikan greeted them, with that same stupid smile of hers.
"Sakura, are you-," she cut him off.
"I'm alright, Ruka-pyon. It's nothing to worry about. Natsume and I are good. You don't have to worry about it," she smiled at Ruka and Natsume, and started eating her cheeseburger.
Natsume was about to say something when Koko and the others came.
"Woah, what's with the atmosphere?" Koko, the forever idiot asked.
"Yeah, why is it all gloomy and spooky?" Sumire added.
"And why is Mikan-chan so quiet today? It's so rare not seeing her squabbling with Natsume-kun," Anna nodded.
Yuu, Nonoko, and Mochu didn't add any because one, they already pretty much guess who the cause of the tension were, and second, Imai Hotaru's baka-gun is out. She's out for blood.
"Shut up, idiots. Just eat." Imai ordered, and none questioned her.
Natsume watched Mikan smiled and laughed with Ruka and the others, but couldn't help but notice that she hasn't even looked at his direction once.
He wanted to smack himself, or burn himself until he turned into a large charcoal because he was such an ass for saying those stuff to Mikan. The girl who sacrificed more than what he ever did for her. He only teased her for fun, irate her for fun, anger her for fun, and hurt her without even having a single clue about it.
Of course, he had a passing thought once in a while that she might like him, but his approach yesterday was probably not the best way to express it. And what's worse, he saw her crying.
Sure, she always cries at the silliest things as possible, but her eyes yesterday told him that her tears won't be enough to express how hurt she must have been with his words. God, why was he such a fucking asshole?
He didn't mean to take out his anger at her. But she was right there. Where he was so hurt by his ex-girlfriend's actions, she was right there waiting for him, trying to cheer him up. His thoughts were all jumbled up yesterday and she happens to be the person whom he took all his anger out on.
And he regretted every second of it.
He couldn't bear to watch her last night. The rain blocked all her sniffs but he could still see that she was trying her best not to cry in front of him, but she couldn't because his words were like a dagger. And Natsume knew how much that hurt because of what his ex-girlfriend told him yesterday.
"I'm sorry, Natsume-kun. I don't like you anymore. We're done. Please stay away from me."
He forced Mikan to confess. And she was rejected right away. And because he was such a jackass, he lost a very dear friend. He lost her the moment he spoke those words. He lost the girl who can possibly the only girl in the universe who loves him for who he is, loves him despite his faults, loves him despite his past, and the girl who loves him more than anyone else.
And he shot her down.
Right after her confession.
And she still smiled at him, wishing he would find his happiness.
And he just stood there like fucking statue.
Fucking brilliant.
"Polka, come with me." He stood up so suddenly the whole group must have been so confused. Luckily, Mikan waved her hand dismissively, and excused herself.
He dragged her to the roof.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Drop the act, Mikan." She only smiled at him in return.
"I'm sor-," but she cut him off.
"Please don't say you're sorry. It's my fault for falling for you, you don't have to take responsibility for that. I told you, so many times, I only want you to be happy. And I know that it's tough so I asked my dad last night," she smiled at him once more before walking to the railings.
Natsume trailed after her.
"About what?"
"There's this scholarship, you see. My dad sent that school the pictures that I took and apparently they want me to study there. They said they will provide me all the things I need for my studies but I have you guys in here, so I stall them. Then yesterday, after I got home, I told my dad that I will go. Tomorrow," she faced him.
"You will come with me to the airport, won't you?"
"Where is it?"
"California."
"Damn it Mikan, that's America! That's too far from Japan, let alone Tokyo!" Natsume was silenced when she hugged him, again. This time it felt desperate, but her hug was too lose. As if she's slowly letting him go.
This time, he was the one who tightened the hug.
She seems surprised.
"Natsume, you know that I like photography. And they said that they'll let me study there for free. This is a golden opportunity, Natsume, I can't pass on it."
"Please, Mikan… Don't go." He pleaded. She slowly drew circular motions on his back, but she didn't answer.
Silence enveloped them, and Mikan was the one who broke it.
"I'm sorry, Natsume. But this time, I chose this for myself. I hope you'll understand that," and she broke the hug.
He didn't let her go.
"Natsume."
"Mikan, I love you."
She gasped. And felt wet tears on his shoulder. She was crying again.
"T-that's not fair, Natsume."
He slightly moved her away, but his arm was still around her waist. He kissed her forehead, her nose, her eyes, and last her lips. She smells like strawberry and her body fills right, just for him.
How could he not notice that? God, he was so stupid.
They broke away.
"Next time I see you, I will make you mine."
[x-x]
Ten Years Later [November 27, XXXX]
Monday – 8:30 pm
Tokyo, Japan
"Mikan."
"Natsume."
"I missed you."
She smiled, tiptoed, and leaned up to kiss him square in the lips.
She pulled away, he seems disappointed. She chuckled.
"I missed you, too." And before she forgets, she dragged him to the rooftop of their old school.
"What are we doing here?"
"Look up at the sky."
In there, the fireworks says:
Happy Birthday, Natsume. I love you. –Mikan
"Aren't you just the sweetest lady?"
"I love you, that's why."
"Me too. I love you, Mikan. More than anyone else."
He gently pushed her to the wall. And looked into her brown eyes.
"This time, for eternity, you are mine."
End of Story