A/N: This is my first Warriors fic ever! So if you read the first few words, gag a bit, the click off, fine by me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any of the characters mentioned. Tear.
---x---
How Can I Lose More?
I nudged the last of the two kits towards the riverbank. Over my head, the stars of Silverpelt glittered beautifully. That night would've been perfect if what was coming wouldn't have happened.
I caught my breath as a reddish brown tom pulled himself out of the water in front of me. Oakheart meowed a quiet greeting and gave my ear a quick lick; he probably sensed my sadness.
I pushed the two kits towards him, and he led them towards the stepping stones. My eyes were glued onto them until they reached the other side of the river. Only then did I say, "Take care of them!" as tears welled up in my eyes and my voice started to crack.
Oakheart just gave his tail a flick and nudged the kits into the forest.
Turning back towards the trees, I thought deeply: What had I just lost for my own ambition? I knew that it could never be undone.
---x---
I was standing on Highrock, watching as my Clan stood in shock as the dark brown tabby warrior strode into the clearing carrying the lifeless body of Redtail in his mouth. "How did this happen, Tigerclaw?" I demanded.
"He died with honor, struck down by Oakheart. I couldn't save him, but I managed to take Oakheart's life while he was still gloating over his victory," was the reply.
I felt torn. Surely I should be devastated that my deputy had been killed? But my grief for Redtail's death wasn't as strong as my grief for Oakheart's. He had been killed by one of my most reliable senior warriors.
As I shared tongues with Redtail's body for the last time, I couldn't help feeling that I should be doing the same with Oakheart's. Then I reminded myself that I had to appoint another deputy before moonhigh. I couldn't appoint Tigerclaw, not yet at least. Not when he was responsible for another loss of someone dear to me.
---x---
Once again I was standing on Highrock, but this time I was watching Tigerclaw as he finally exited the camp. You made the wrong choice, I mentally scolded myself. You knew that you could never trust him.
Ironically, I found my gaze drifting over tense pelts of Darkstripe, Longtail, and Dustpelt. Could they be trusted as well? They hadn't chosen to follow Tigerclaw out of camp, but they could've been plotting something else. That was three cats that were likely to walk the same path as Tigerclaw. StarClan knew how I didn't banish them as well.
My eyes found their way to young Fireheart. He and his friend Graystripe were probably the only trustworthy cats in the Clan. It was then that I realized that I couldn't even trust my own Clan anymore. I had lost my trust in them.
---x---
I stormed into my den and sort of threw myself onto my nest. My medicine cat was gone. Surely StarClan would have some pity after practically destroying our beloved forest.
I made a decision: StarClan were too cruel. Never again would I make a trip to the Moonstone. What cat in their right mind would want to share tongues with those heartless spirits? StarClan were the ones forcing me to say that I had lost faith in them.
But what about Oakheart? some tiny voice in my head said. Oakheart would be watching me. But why wasn't me? Had I lost my connections with him as well?
---x---
I felt as if my paws wouldn't carry me, as if I could've collapsed right then and there. I couldn't celebrate in our victory over the battle. Mistyfoot and Stonefur, my own kits, hated me. Stonefur's words rang in my ears: Leave us alone. You're no mother of ours, no matter what you say. I knew that he was speaking for both of them.
Whatever sort of life was left for me, there couldn't possibly be anything else for me to lose. I had lost too much already, and my kits' words were too much to bear.
There was no reason to live anymore.
---x---
So, how was it? You probably have truckloads of vomit after having read this, considering you actually finished it without getting bored out of your mind!
Bluestar's my favourite character, and the Erins didn't have to make her be so, I don't know, cranky? And they shouldn't have killed her the way they did!
Whatever. Express your feelings in a review! (remember that this is my first Warriors fic)
Laney