Closing my Hope
I woke up, screaming, in the middle of the night. My heart was pounding against my chest, as the fear slowly left my body. It was only another nightmare… THE nightmare that had haunted me since he left.
Every night, I had to relive the moment in the woods. The moment when he told me that he didn't want me, and that I wasn't right for him. Every night, I asked him the same question, and every night his cold answer shattered my heart into a million pieces. "You… don't… want me?" … "No."
Every night, I would wake up, terrified. Living through this moment once was enough. I didn't need to go through it every night. And yet I did. This nightmare, this moment, would always be there, ready to shred up my being more.
I wasn't sure just how long I could last like this, living like a zombie. The only reason I got up in the morning was because of Charlie, otherwise, I'd have just given up.
Or perhaps I had already given up.
My thoughts were interrupted by a cold breeze that made me shiver even in my blankets. The window was open. I had opened it every night, hoping that he would come back. I stared at the open window, debating with myself. Finally, after maybe 10 minutes, I got up and closed it.
I never opened that window again.