READ THIS FIRST PLEASE!!
THE FOLLOWING FANFICTION IS, AS THE NAME SAYS, PURELY FANMADE…THIS WAS MADE MAINLY WITH THE PURPOSE OF "FUN"
THE CONTENT IS NOT RELATED IN ANYWAYS WITH THE TWO DIFFERENT STORIES… IT'S JUST A CROSSOVER BETWEEN TWO OF MY FAV STORIES, WRITTEN BY ME AND A FRIEND ON A BORING AFTERNOON
I MUST ASK YOU NOT TO START BASHING ME JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THIS IDEA, BUT FEEL FREE TO LEAVE SOME REVIEWS WITH CONSTRUCTIVE CRTICISM AND EVEN SOME SUGGESTIONS OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN NEXT
ANYWAYS ENJOY…
Once again the Baudelaire Orphans were standing at the door of another of their new homes with Mr Poe, the keeper of their fortune standing by their side coughing constantly onto a tissue.
The orphans were having the strangest feeling that they were about to enter on a rat's nest
"Isn't your new home just charming children?" asked Mr Poe, coughing immediately to his faithful tissue
"It's… charming…" said Violet when she really wanted to say "Looks like a hurricane just passed here…"
"It's… nice…" said Klaus when he actually wanted to ask "was this a junkyard in the past?"
"Gacko?" asked Sunny, which meant something like "How did we get to London anyways?"
"Well, let's just come in already I haven't got all day…" said Mr Poe rushing to the entrance door
"Mrs Lovett's pies" it said at the slogan on top of the shop.
"Come to think of it I could use a pie right now…" commented Klaus as they entered
When they entered they saw the figure of a pale woman, cutting what looked like an onion
"AAAAGHO!" yelled Sunny which very probably meant "AAAH! A GHOST!"
"Shhh, Sunny…" whispered Violet holding her sister close to her
The ghostly woman seemed to have finally noticed them…
"Ah! A customer!" she whispers
Suddenly she heads for them while singing:
"Wait! what's your rush? what's ya hurry? You gave me such a, fright, I thought you was a ghost… Half a minute can't you sit, sit you down…"
She headed in the direction of Mr Poe, and insisted for him to sit down. He nodded but she didn't gave up
"Sit! All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks Did you come in for a pie sir?"
"Not really Ma'm! I just" he tried to say but was interrupted
"Do forgive me if my head's a little vague… What was that? But you'd think we had the plague…"
The Baudelaires glanced at each other keeping themselves quiet during the whole "act".
"What was that?" the ghostly lady kept singing "But you'd think we had the plague. From the way that people, keep avoiding! No you don't!"
And she squished a bug in a way that made them jump.
"Heaven knows I try, sir! But there's no one comes in even to inhale! Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale? Mind you I can hardly blame them! These are probably the worst pies in London… I know why nobody cares to take them! I should know! I make them! But good? No... The worst pies in London…"
And she handed a pie to Mr Poe…
"Even that's polite! The worst pies in London! If you doubt it take a bite!"
And he did. The next minute he seemed to have turned yellow, then green, and even purple and finnaly he spat the pie violently
"Oh God… Ugh…"
And she continued…
"Is that just, disgusting? You have to concede it! It's nothing but crusting! Here drink this, you'll need it. The worst pies in London..."
While Mr Poe was drinking a bit of ale, the Baudelaires were just standing there wondering why the hell they were never put in the care of a "normal" guardian.
"No denying times is hard, sir! Even harder than the worst pies in London. Only lard and nothing more, is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty? It looks like it's moulting! And tastes like...we'll pity. A woman alone...with limited wind… And the worst pies in London! Ah, sir… Times is hard… Times is hard!"
And she squished another bug in a way that made them jump, yet again.
Mr Poe was still drinking hard, trying to release his mouth from such a disgusting flavour.
"These have got to be…" he said
"… The worst pies in London! What do ya think I was making clear here?" she interrupted
"Gah…" said Sunny which probably meant something like "Duh…"
"Well then," said Mr Poe cleaning his mouth "We're looking for these children's new guardian, Mr Benjamin…"
"OOOOH, you mean Mr T?" said the woman "Why don't ya just leave them with me, I'll give them a nice juicy meatpie while I'll go call him?"
"Dagigo!" said Sunny which probably meant "No thank you, you living corpse!"
"Well then I suppose there's no harm then in leaving them here then" said Mr Poe heading out "If you need something the children have my contact, Mrs…"
"Lovett!" said the woman "Neille Lovett is the name…"
"Very well then Mrs L. So long children and if you need anything, well you know."
And he left.
"Well children…" said Mrs Lovett "Ready to meet your new guardian?"
"We suppose so…" said Violet with a strange feeling…