The Chronicles of God
By: Timothy Daniels
No one owns these characters; they are basic religious figures. All I did was preview them the way I see them. Umm… I ask that if your religious please don't read this because you'll probably find this insulting. If you have a free mind like me then enjoy them you'll laugh for sure. This is written in my own style it s a kind of play but not so much, deal with it. After you read this you should leave a review, I love to know how my story is and I cant tell in tell I hear your words so leave a review. Oh, don't copy this story or you'll be killed.
Scene I
(The Angel walks in to a round room seeing God sitting in a throne looking very depressed. The angle walks to him with concern, God looks at her with a bored look.)
God: What is it Angel?
Angle: Well I was actually getting back to my duties. When I saw you and…
God: And what?
Angle: Well, do you need my help?
God: Hmm… define help?
Angle: (pushing hand firmly to her face, she gives a annoyed look, while God smiles on.)
Do you need help with a problem, preferably work problem?
God: Ok perhaps I do. (Grabs the golden goblet next to him and gives a slight sigh) All day I sit here doing stuff for these humans. I give them Aids, Global Warming, Africa, and Bob Barker! You'd think they would be happy. I want to take a vacation some where far away where I can relax a bit; I work myself to the bones I don't have.
Angle: (eyes grow big) I don't think that's very wise.
God: (Looking frustrated) WHY NOT! IM GOD! I CAN DO WHAT I PLEASE!
Angle: Well, last time it lead to the Medieval Ages, do you really thinks it's wise, it could be the end of the world the next time, you know?
God: (staring at the ceiling un-aware of what was just said) Umm… Yeah right so where shall I go?
Angle: (staring blankly for a moment, face gets red) DO YOU EVER LISTEN!
God: fine I'll get a back up God for me, you know a sort of substitute.
Angle: Whatever you're god.
God: Dam straight, now what about Zeus?
Angle: He raped a pink swan!
God: Point taken. Uh… George Bush
Angle: Do you want the world to end!
God: You are right, it's too soon to do that. How about, OH I GOT IT! HITLER!
Angle: He's evil and dead it will never work, besides your son is Jewish.
God: I have a son… Where?
Angle: Remember… Jesus… ring a bell
God: I remember his mom (laughs sarcastically)
Angle: Forget it, give another option.
God: OOH, MICHAEL JACKSON! HE'S PERFECT!
Angle: Oh, merciful lord why?
God: (Yelling in an idiotic yet happy scream) I'M LORD!
Angle: (getting un-patient) so… Michael Jackson?
God: Yes go fetch him for me Angel, we must talk.
(Angel leaves the room abruptly, and god sits back in his throne, grabs his goblet, and a huge smile grows across his face. That Afternoon, Angel appears with Michael Jackson beside her, they enter god's room where they find him in a shiny gold Speedo)
God: Just getting ready (looks up at Michael Jackson)
Michael Jackson: (giggles girlishly, and burst out into song) THRILLER! THRILLER NIGHT! GOD IS WEARING A SPEDO, AND IT MAKES ME WANNA HUMP HIM!
God: (Let's out a girlishly screech) Michael, you are the back up god for a week err century or so. (Grabs Michael Jackson by the arm and directs him to the throne.) Here you are have a nice time. (Runs back into his room and shuts the door behind him.) Wow that guy is creepier in person.
Angle: You hired him not me. Anyway I was looking for possible vacation spots and how about Pluto?
God: Too far of a trip, any others?
Angle: Umm, how about Mercury, herd it's a nice place, never cold, nice view of the sun.
God: Far too hot, do you want me to die, Oh I cant I'm god, oh well.
Angle: Okay? How About Mars?
God: Allergic to red.
Angle: Saturn?
God: Rings make my kidney explode!
Angle: AHH, NOTHING WORKS WITH YOU! How about Earth?
God: Well, I would say yes except that's the place im trying to get away from and also I got with chick, Mary? Yeah they're still talking about it.
Angle: (her face begins to get really red and suddenly lets out a loud scream of anger, runs out of the room grabs Michael Jackson and throws him off the cliff. Michael Jackson giggles his whole way down to earth singing Thriller.)
God: Geese, was that necessary? Now I can't go anywhere!
Angle: Exactly, your gonna stay right here and do nothing! (Storms out of the room)
God: (Sits back into his chair and sighs)
(As boredom fills the room, god slowly falls asleep humming the Coconut Song and the room goes dark)
Scene II
(The sun rises slowly and God's eyes barley peak open finding Angle cleaning up messes around his office, God stretches and stands slowly Walk over to Angle and taps her on the shoulder.)
Angle: hmm… Oh, hi and how are you this morning?
God: IM AS HORNEY AS AN ELK!
Angle: Oh, here we go again another chapter written in my never-ending book.
God: You have a book?
Angle: (shrugs, slaps herself and continues cleaning)
God: Get it? Elk horns. Horney, do you get it?
Angle: Wow, you never stop do you.
God: Oh, I kill myself sometimes!
Angle: (Turns a bit looking at god.) That is a bit ironic that you say that considering you commit suicide every 5 minutes. (Starts to clean again.)
God: (cuts of his own thumb, falls over, and dies)
Angle: Once again, you cease to amaze me.)
God: (comes back to life) IM AS HORNEY AS A FISH!
Angle: What?
(At this time Zeus the god of lightning and power burst through gods floor with a look of stupidity among his face)
Zeus: Did someone say fish?
Angle: Great as if One idiot wasn't enough! (throwing her arms up in the air and starts to sweep the floor with anger)
Zeus: Honestly, did someone say fish? I could use some sex right now.
God: Where's the swam you were dating a couple weeks ago?
Zeus: Eh, she's a hore! She was seeing other swans!
God: Uh, how about that girl you met on earth?
Zeus: After she had my child Hercules she filed a restraining order.
God: No kidden? I can't see why.
Zeus: tell me about it, now where's this fish? Is it hot?
God: Oh… The fish was just a joke, sorry.
Zeus: Eh, dam it I guess ill get a hooker, or Michael Jackson.
God: THREE SOME!
(Randomly God and Zeus grab hands and run of the edge of the cliff, they are not seen in tell morning of the next day)
SCENE III
(God walks into his office after a long night with Zeus and Michael Jackson, and runs over to Angle who was working on paper work)
God: Ok, I have a joke to tell you!
Angle: Please just kill me or something I cant take any more head aces!
God: Knock, Knock!
Angle: ugh, who's there?
God: GOD!
Angle God whom?
God: (Randomly a look of anger goes across his face) DON'T SAY MY NAME IN VAIN! GOD DAM IT!
Angle: Sorry, wait you just said your name in vain!
God: I…. No…
Angle: admit it I got you!
God: I'm God so there fore by saying god I am by far referring to my self not another higher power and considering I'm that higher power it cannot be in vain there fore my argument is truly superior and that means, I am innocent!
Angle: Umm… I cant… What?
God: I WIN! IN YOUR FACE GOD!
Angle: You are god? And you said your name in vain again!
God: Sex hair?
Angle: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!
God: MAN BOOBS!
Angle: Oh my god, will you stop already this is a T rated script we cant be adding stuff like that!
God: Hey you said my name in vain again!
Angle: (storms out of the room in rage)
(God stares blankly at the ceiling for 4 hours and randomly starts spelling Mississippi. Suddenly someone enters the room.)
Scene IV
(Angle walked into God's office to find him spelling Mississippi and starring at the ceiling)
Angle: Do you know how amazed I am, as stupid as you are the world is still not at its end.
God: Yah, I get that a lot. Look what I invented thou!
Angle: You invented something?
God: Yeah, just watch! (Claps his hand twice every light in the world goes off causing a world wide black out) WEE! Yes, I'm so smart! This is possibly the most amazing thing I've done since I made Einstein!
Angle: How can you do that everyone thinks it's the apocalypse!
God: An apocalypse of happiness!
Angle: People are starting to sacrifice for the gods! It's a blood bath!
God: Those are sacrifices and blood baths of happiness!
Angle: Oh, Now demons from the under world are attacking the citizens!
God: Those are Demons of happiness!
Angle: Hey, is that Zeus?
God: Zeus of happiness?
Angle: God do something before it's too late!
God: Umm… do something? Ok Ill do the hokey pokey, that's something! (begins dancing)
(No matter how hard angel tries she cant redo the process and the world explodes in a sudden bang)
Angle: NO, 4.6 billion years of process ruined!
God: BIG BANG! Hmm… Looks like I need to create Earth 2!
Angle; (filled with rage) I QUIT! YOU'RE A HORRIBLE STUPID DOUCH BAG!
God: Hey look my 5 minutes are up, SUICIDE TIME!
(Night falls and the curtains close as a new world starts to form, and god will start a second rein)
This is the end of my script I decided that it couldn't much further than this. Although you should leave comments on it because I like hearing what you have to say and if I get enough people saying I like it I probably will do a sequel. But beside that I kind of made a joke out of suicide and in real life it's not funny so I mentioning this because I don't want anyone to take it of a joke. Anyway I hope you enjoy this and thanks for your views and comments!